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remember that wall slam? done for an art challenge on reddit. Prompt was 'against the wall' but I couldn't decide who of them was going to be against the wall so I did both haha

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VAVOOM!

Get them wet and staring into each other's eyes, all right. I will personally see to it. >:)

find me everywhere

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Good Omens 2 + Text Posts

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Tumblr is currently serving me an ad for "Voda, the LGBTQ mental health app" offering "daily meditations, self-care and AI advice" and as a therapist I am begging you not to download an app where an AI tries to help you with your mental health. Please do not. They tried to have an AI chatbot counsel eating disorder patients and it told them to diet. That shit is not safe. Do not talk to an AI about your mental health please. You don't need to talk to a professional but talk to a PERSON.

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I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

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TOM HIDDLESTON MCM COMIC CON (2021)

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That Ben Affleck was Adele all this time has left me amazed. Truly his greatest role.

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in the rain again... 🌧 🌿

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i’m so upset

I just realized that the reason ghosts say Boo! is because it’s a latin verb

they’re literally saying ‘I alarm/I am alarming/I do alarm!!

I can’t

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i wholeheartedly believe i deserve fangs

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I will be removing myself from situations

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No one warned you how often you’d be saying “righty tighty, lefty loosey.” In your head as an adult.

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Alternatives To Sleeping in Coffins

An Illustrated Guide For Vampires

1. Privacy Tent

2. Antique Chinese Wedding Bed

3. Victorian Box Bed

4. Canopy Bed

5. Full Body Wearable Blanket + Novelty Halloween Mask of Choice

6. Hyperrealistic Black Bear Sleeping Bag (with built in ‘Do Not Disturb’ feature)

7. Tinfoil Bodysuit (For maximized UV protection)

8. Blackout Curtains You Fucking Vampiric Dumbass

in conclusion why in fuck’s name are you sleeping in coffins to begin with you utter shitmuppets

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Jenny Slate, Stage Fright (2019)

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Sometimes I hyperfocus so hard on something, I forget I’m a person until someone interacts with me. I feel like some wild animal seeing a human being for the first time. I’m like “oh yeah I’m supposed to speak and stuff”