iam-dead-inside

[iam-dead-inside]

Oh my fucking god shut up please

One day I swear to everyone that I'm gonna make him pay for everything he did to us

Or everything he did to me !

Everything that he is proud of

[iam-dead-inside]

I just had a conversation with a boy

For context I was walking home with my little sister (just picked her up from school) when we crossed paths with this two young boys, I saw them earlier when I was stopping at my house to leave some bags there

So I crossed paths with them for a second time and one of the boys said " hello ma'am" (I am 18 it hurts but that's okay 😭)

So I look at him and go "hello" (I'm being polite)

He says " are you a part of the LGBT ?"

Wtf is that kind of question??

So I looked at him and say " why ?"

" well... you have a rainbow bag "

Yes, indeed I have a rainbow Ikea bag that I was carrying earlier

"and having a rainbow bag makes me a part of the LGBT community?" I asked the boy

" I don't know" he said looking at his shoes

"that's what I thought" I say walking away knowing full well I kept that because I am in the LGBT community

[iam-dead-inside]

Ugh

I already said that I hated my dad, but it's far worse than what I thought It was

He has this attitude every time he speaks, it's insufferable

Like please ?? I get what you're saying, but stop saying it so aggressively?? Like I did nothing wrong ?

[iam-dead-inside]

My friends are not gonna be friends anymore

And I have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to do

I mean, I don't have a preference, I want to stay with everyone, but I have a feeling that it's not gonna be possible

I truly love them all, why can't we just be happy ?

[iam-dead-inside]

He is disgusting

Truly disgusting

Everything about him feels wrong

I can't say what precisely

But I hate him with all my soul

Sometimes I wish for him to be dead

[iam-dead-inside]

Today I hurt my dad's feelings

It felt good

[iam-dead-inside]

I just love when people are calling me by my nickname

Please yes I'm Cam, that's me

A friend of mine just called me "my Cam" ! (My Cam) And she's done that for awhile ! I just realized it today ,! I love it, please everyone do that too

[iam-dead-inside]

GUYS I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM

okay so I have a boyfriend right now, and I love him. That's not the problem...

I have a really good friend, we're gonna call her "Agatha" (not her real name)

Agatha is a really dear friend to me, I met her at the end of last year (in school year), and we grown pretty close in the last year spend together

I have to say that I am not the best love partner that anyone can have, because I focus on the bad sides and tell them alot

In that case, in my friends group, no one really likes my boyfriend, even when I tell them that he is not as bad as I tell he is

And every fucking one in my friends group wants to see me dump my boyfriend for Agatha !

I understand, like we have a great connection and all, but no ! I love my boyfriend with all my heart !

I like Agatha a lot, but she's just a friend ! So I often joke about it, but I fear that she's gonna interpret it like she have a chance with me

I don't want her to be disappointed

Last month was my birthday, and as I was planning my weekend with my boyfriend, Agatha called me and told me to drop everything because the weekend I was planning couldn't happen

I was kinda shocked because no one knew that I was planning a weekend (except my dad, I'm eighteen but everytime I go out of the house he knows it)

AND THAT FREAKING MOTHERFUCKER HAD MY DAD PHONE NUMBER !

She planned to take me somewhere for my eighteen birthday, and when I'm writing this I still don't know where the fuck am I going !

So yeah, I don't know what to do

[iam-dead-inside]

I still dont have money to go to therapy so here I am

I have a patchwork family, which means I have 6 siblings, I dont see everyone everyday. Usually at home, there is : me, four of my siblings (all younger than me), my dad and my step-mom.

For context, sometimes my dad asks me if I prefer to eat with just him and my step-mother or if I want to eat early with the children.

This time when he asked me, I told him that I wasn't that much hungry right now, so I would eat with them.

The children ate, then they go to bed.

I am now in the living room with my dad and step mom, when my dad tells me to do my own food, because in the end he wants to eat JUST with my step mom.

In a house full or people, I ate alone.

I hated it

Why was I the one to eat alone ??

I mean, sometimes I like to eat alone, but when i am alone ! Not when people can eat with me.

I dont know what really happened last night

[iam-dead-inside]

I don't have the money to go to therapy, so here I am

I have a problem, I am an older sister (not the oldest) and i have a problem with one of my lil' sister.

The thing is : she sings

...

I need to had a bit of context

She sings, it's good for her age (she's something like 12), but I hate it.

Truly she's not that bad, but since that my dad put just a tiny amount of confidence in her, she just became insufferable.

She sings all the time, ALL THE TIME !

And everyone is like " oh you sing so well"

"She's so good at this"

"Next year she's gonna practice with a singing teacher"

If you think about it like that, it's not that bad. But the worst is to come.

During my four year of college (French high school (12-15 y/o)) I did the choral of the school. I was singing, and I was good at it.

For my last year we did a show, I was really proud of it because for the first time of my life I had a solo.

Guess who came

No one. None of my family had bother to came to my finale.

So now every time I heard her sing, I am pissed. Because I look back 3 years ago when I was on stage, looking at the two empty seats I had reserved for my parents.

I dont know if I have the right to be angry at her, but here I am.