iamsubsubisme

[iamsubsubisme]

i don’t know how to use this

(the only person i’m aware of that follows me is my girlfriend which is awks cos i suppose it’s the only semi anonymous outlet i have and she’s gonna see it all)

Anyway, I had a chat with some friends about back to college ish and what we’re wearing and blah blah and it was just hella sad because it made me realise that I haven’t bought myself clothes just because i wanted something new to look cute in, in literally like year! Unless it was for a performance or something, but nothing actually for me that I can remember. I feel like i look like shit in everything so what’s the point in buying new clothes to add to the depressing collection?

It’s my birthday in a couple months and i’m going to see one of my favourite artists perform and i’m gonna spend the day with some of the people i’m closest too, and all i want is to not be distracted by all the negative thoughts that circle round and around in my head all day. I really just want to enjoy the fact that i’m turning 18 and that there are people that care about me to celebrate that with me. I want to feel good, and be genuinely happy and 100% present.

In my head, I have to lose weight to do all of those things, so far all i’ve been doing is bingeing weight loss videos and reading blogs on weight loss tips and all that regular stuff. I haven’t done anything to change my diet as of yet, this summer really it’s only gotten worse. I know i’ll have to go on the scales to give myself a push because i won’t be happy with what i see. But i might drive myself insane like always. I really really really don’t want to starve myself this time, I hate doing that to my mind the first few days, when it’s really hard and all tears (until it gets okay and i feel like a champ) I know that everything about it is negative, and although i see results i also see side effects and I have to work really are this year because I want to be successful and I don’t want this to be another quick fix so that I can relapse after the relapse, gosh it’s a lot. It’s just so hard to have self control when everything around you is junk and you’re a depressed teenager with body dysmorphia and weight issues that were projected onto you from a shockingly young age by your unstable mother😬

That’s another thing, my parents are lunatics- and like actual screw me ups like completely hence the anxiety depression and eating disorders. I don’t think getting into it is going to help me because i always get into it. That’s the thing about being in a relationship, at first they wanna know and it’s light when you tell em, but now i think i’m burdening my girlfriend. Relationships where one partner treats the other like a therapist always die out, just facts. And the last thing I want is to lose the best person in my life. I doubt she’ll leave me because i know she loves me a lot, but it’ll definitely put a strain on our relationship- i think it already has a little bit.

Gosh, happiness is so hard. I just want to be happy - all round.

Sometimes i wonder if getting to know God will help, I’m supposed to anyway. Part of me wants to, (omg i just heard snoring noises and looked under my bed and it’s really my cat <3) anyway part of me wants to because he used to be in my life a lot but first of all that’s a wholeeeee thing that i just feel so out of touch with now and i can’t be bothered to think of a second of all.

I’m not bothered to write more now x

[iamsubsubisme]

and againnn

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

[iamsubsubisme]

Whooo chile

[iamsubsubisme]

[iamsubsubisme]

asdfghjt

[iamsubsubisme]

i’ll av dat 

this is the money dog, repost in the next 24 hours and money will come your way!!

[iamsubsubisme]

I want to be in nothing but a shirt and panties as you to pat your lap, looking me in the eyes as I straddle you and your hands come to rest on my hips. I want you to slowly kiss me and leave dark hickies on my neck, making me whine when you pull away. I want you to tease my breasts and slowly, gently, barely run your fingertips over my pussy through my panties. I want you to get me so worked up that I start begging and pleading for you to please fuck me, please touch me, please anything, please. Then I want you to have me slowly grind against your thigh, working me up until you pin me down and eat me out until I’m shaking and begging to cum for you.

[iamsubsubisme]

sub is me. i am sub

What’s your personal favorite form of casual dominance? Both in the bedroom and out of it

That chin grab to make her look at me, in both situations, and just eye contact in general. A lot of people underestimate how much dominance it radiates to be able to hold eye contact until the other person feels uneasy. Also getting into people’s personal space, it’s a good way to show anyone not to fuck with you and a great way to make your sub horny instantly.

[iamsubsubisme]

i think you’ll only be happy when my hands are tied

and my feet are shackled

and i can’t run

when the flames in my eyes are dull

and i’m well fed

with nothing to hunger for

when you’ve got my broken wings in your bag

you smile at me with cold blood and snake eyes

ready to wrap yourself around me

drink the light in my eyes

swallow me whole

[iamsubsubisme]

I’m in the mood for a sloppy make out session you know the one where you’re running your fingers through her hair and she slowly makes her way into your lap. Trying her best not to break this kiss. You put your hands on her ass squeezing it as she moans into your mouth. You pull away and start kissing her neck. Her moans get louder and her hips start moving. She’s pulling your hair making you let out a moan. Your hands are on her hips guiding her and she continues to grind back and forth. She’s a mess, her face is flustered and she’s whining, begging you to fuck her. You know??