ichtios

[ichtios]

never been to US, but from what I see on the Internet I'm beginning to imagine Walmart as some kind of public psychiatric ward, but with no treatment.

[ichtios]

Thank you @noncensitive and everyone who got me to 500 reblogs!

Poland

[ichtios]

Poland

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Poland

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wow some of them are really scary, are u guys ok

Well let me see...

When I was little, I was extremely afraid of pregnancy (at that age I though that it is going to happen to me bc I'm female, I didn't consider that I will have a choice). To the point that when I tried to read some very popular book series for youngsters, I gave it up because there was someone pregnant and it scared me. (I went back to this series when I grow up and read all of it). I remeber just sitting in the corner of my room, being scared to death by the thought of pregnancy and especially labor.

this one I might already mention on my blog, but I'm not sure. I used to have pronounciation defect, on "r" (you know, we have hard "r" in Polish, different than in English), for over 20 years of my life. Countless times tried to change it, never was able to say "r" correctly, not even once. It was my huge complex, I was made fun of sometimes. I was instantly "healed" (not healed but i don't know better word for it) while I was praying in tongues one random day alone in my room, during 2014. I speak correctly since then, and I became kind of public speaker (on YT) which i would never do with that issue.

Now when i live on the countryside, everytime I see a stork, i say out loud "BOOOCIUUUŚ!!!!", just to myself, because I love them, and I can't help it. (Stork in Polish is bocian, but diminutive is bociuś or bociek.)

@tzarina-alexandra @gatheringmoss @redwoodmagpie @emmmiiiiiii @theabyssiniancat

hey guys, if you get tagged in this share 3 random facts about yourself that people may not guess, then tag the last 10 people in your notifs

1: I'm terrified of yellow flowers

2: My favorite band is The Linda Lindas

3: I'm in a band with someone tagged here (stay guessing >:3)

@demonshauntme2 @sasgaycumfilledcondom @warden-draws-sometimes @megarattdrawsstuff @draxolot @cheeseboi101010 @nyxisclown @gothweirdo1 @harumichan12 @jocie-questions-reality

[ichtios]

17.07.2025

saw him after over 10 months of his absence. He arrived to Warsaw at the beginning of July. He texted me that day, that he is in Warsaw and "if I want to meet" then let him know but "he knows it's complicated so he won't impose himself".

No sign whatsoever that HE actually wants to see me. And then he just went silent for days. No contact.

After 10 months of missing him everyday it hit me hard. I knew he rejected me but there was still that part of me that was holding on to hope no matter how hard I tried to kill it. And that part of me got slapped so hard. I'd never had such a huge headache from crying like I had that day.

I met him today but it was my initiative. I drove to Warsaw and went to the park where I supposed he is going to be in the morning, as usually. I did it because people were telling me that he is probably afraid to see me, and actually wants to, but is afraid that I'm mad at him etc.

He behaved just as always like these 10 months never happened. Teasing me, chattering with his silly jokes, telling me what birds and insects he saw recently.

He also show me his new tatoo - it's a crow and he said that it is my crow - I was known for a long period of time for feeding crows and they recognized me, and came to me when I appeared in the park and there was this one particulary bold that even ate from my hand sometimes.

I don't know what it is suppose to mean, why he would tatoo my crow (quite huge tatoo btw), and does it mean anything anyway. Probably not.

Seeing him was (and especially anticipating it, because I had no idea what to expect) was the most stressful thing since the house-fire, literally. I felt miserable and his good mood was so annoying. Like ok I'm glad you're happy, I'm just going thru emotional hell for over a year now and I don't see end to it. And you are the reason.

I know I should convince myself that I don't matter to him but it is so hard to do. I just don't know how. There is still that part of me believing the old him, that was convincing me so many times how important and close I am to him and how he cares. And no matter how much I tell myself that he doesn't want me, I still fail to fully convince myself.

But I have to. I have to face the fact that I'm just left on my own 100%.

I tried to talk about depression with my mom last week, but she said she can't relate and immediately changed subject. And she is literally the only person that I have in-real-life contact, and she knows how isolated I am. So yeah, on my own 100%.

[ichtios]

in my case it was rather: i give so much shit about you but i'm leaving you alone anyway

men will really be like i don’t give a shit about you but i’m never leaving you alone

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people don't you understand grammar? It must be the meaning "i don't think i'm allowed". I generally don't think I am allowed.

If the person was talking about that particular event of killing spider, they would continue in the past tense: "i smashed it i didn't think. I'm allowed to kill."

everytime i kill a bug in my house i think of nikki giovanni’s “allowables”

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so comfy. Lili loves it too, I think

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please tell me that spending ungodly amount of money on new loungewear, because I didn't like my old set, because it reminded me of going through covid (I bought it in 2022 soon before getting sick) and though it has "Good vibes" words on it it doesn't actually have good vibes for me, is like really really valid and reasonable.

these new sets are so comfy and beautiful... :') but also the guilt :(

(the old one was cheap, from Tezenis)

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and today is one year since the worst heartbreak in my life.

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girl is just trying to accept herself through prolonged PMS and shit (and procrastinating on really urgent work), you know how much I hate selfies, but lets face it (literally).

also i should wear this color more, because it is the color of my eyes and it enhances them, but I just have one peace of clothing like that.

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doggoe from my kitchen window

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walking through the beautiful fallow

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I was driving home from my last art therapy meeting yesterday after 9pm, and I couldn't get home because there was mist above the meadows and it looked so magical that I stopped many times to take photos.

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I'm curious - you guys from other countries, how do you perceive Poland? Stereotypes, your personal perception, whatever. No matter if you've been here or not. And what vibe (sorry I can't find better word) I give off as a Pole, (and as a person in general if you will)?

Be honest, it can be positive or negative or neutral, I won't get offended xD I'm just curious of what other people think, of other points of view and perceptions.

[ichtios]

four months after fire I'm finally finishing all the small renovation tasks that were left after general huge renovation done by workmen.

Before and after photos: