idiot-offspring

[idiot-offspring]

[idiot-offspring]

i wish you’d read all the stupid little poems i wrote about you.

i’ll keep trying to sigh it out of me.

[idiot-offspring]

i love the mess i am, in a way

i’ve been a bird in a concrete cage

a cage i tried to accept

i can fly now that i’ve cut the poisons from my mind

all the anchors i tried to hold on to were made of soft wood

they rotted in the salty bayou

the one i hated already

i have the ability to read the future

but i’m addicted to the pain

in this country, there are about 19,500

cities villages towns

a new one every 6 months

for the next, maybe 50 years?

i’d still have 19,400 places to fly away to

[idiot-offspring]

[idiot-offspring]

i hope i am known for my kindness and love

[idiot-offspring]

you’re my silver lining

i’m choking on the words

sparkling eyes and a smile that glows

i stare at your face while you talk, working on memorizing all the colors and lines

your war eyes and crooked teeth

like a hard candy melting in my mouth

i want to savor the flavor for as long as i can

[idiot-offspring]

[idiot-offspring]

i took a sweaty nap in the grey “my iron lung” pullover i’ve had since i was 15. you’re back in the city but it felt like you were so far away today. we go too long without seeing each other and i feel so frustrated. you’re not a real person in my mind after a week without you. i don’t know how to tell you that. i’ve been feeling pretty weird, it’s probably the weed and my diet; i just want you to hold me. you held me in my dream the other night. i’m probably overthinking things. i feel like shit anyway. i listened to pool by porches on repeat all day today. i listened to it at least twice in the green light of my room before my sweaty nap. i want to run away so bad, my soul aches to be alone in the mountains. i hope i can love you more than the feeling of being 2 miles deep in the woods by myself. i want to share the beauty of life with you. i miss you so fucking much all the time, i hate it.

[idiot-offspring]

[idiot-offspring]

[idiot-offspring]

i open the windows to my cabin and immediately the noise i’ve been fighting to keep out jumps in, as if it had been waiting this whole time for enough room to stick its head in. but i don’t push it out. i sort of entertain it. get out. get out. get out. i don’t know how to evict it. i make plans to skip town, but i won’t tape up the boxes or buy the bus tickets. frozen in a place i hate. the noise taints me, or maybe it only highlights my filth; maybe that’s why i hate it. the noise yanks the cavities out of my mouth and holds them out in its palm for me to get a good look at the rot that hides in me.

[idiot-offspring]

[idiot-offspring]

lamotrigine 200mg cut on the back of an unquiet mind: a memoir of moods and madness. (2025)

[idiot-offspring]

it’s so hard not to tell him i love him when i hang up the phone