if-cooks-could-kill-blog
if-cooks-could-kill-blog
I'm Feeling Stabby!
142 posts
Keehee! Welcome to my blog! My name's Peri. That's P for pulverize, E for eviscerate, R for ruin, and I for impale! Nice to meetcha! This is a closed blog associated with FERP. That means no interacting with indie blogs, but you can still send me asks!
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
"Sorry, milord, but that idea sounds dumb and bad. Like, in a really big way."
Am I A Hero? (Peri & Xander)
“Lord Xander, who’s this princess chick we’re fighting for now? I never saw her anywhere around Nohr. Do you know her?” 
@nohrparagon
3 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Send me ‘Sorry’ and my muse will fill out a formal apology form for yours
stupidinboxstuff:
Template Here
honestly this seems great
4K notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Am I A Hero? (Peri & Xander)
“Lord Xander, who’s this princess chick we’re fighting for now? I never saw her anywhere around Nohr. Do you know her?” 
@nohrparagon
3 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
“Keehee! So formal~” Peri bounced up to meet him. “I am Peri, Queen of Nohr.” She sized King Libra up. “Nice costume. It makes ya real easy to stab, though. You might wanna watch out for that.”
Peri’s previous husband had been killed in such a way. With the king of Nohr mysteriously assassinated, the people were panicked. This royal marriage, a pact across worlds, would forge an alliance to alleviate the peoples’ fears.
Plegian Nights
@if-cooks-could-kill asked: 👑 (The Reign of the Blood Queen begins!)
Libra, newly draped in the gauzy clothing of office and rather uncomfortable with the heaviness of the black crown (and the sheer clothing and the gold accents and, well…pretty much everything about this), was fidgeting nervously with the opaque fabric draped around his waist. He was to meet his betrothed, today. Plegia and this other country (the name of which had already slipped his mind in his distaste for the costume he’d been forced into) had made a pact, with a marriage to seal the deal.
He almost wished for Chrom, who was at least raised to be royalty. Chrom would know what to do, here. So all Libra could do was fidget nervously, as his closest advisory hissed at him to cut it out, while they waited. At least, he thought, the advisors had learned very quickly that their new king could not be touched. 
Oh, there was the foreign procession. 
“Welcome to Plegia, I am King Libra.” He said, with the bow that had been drilled into him since he’d been crowned. The warm sun on his back the only upside to the sheer shirt that had been insisted on.
5 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Ice Sculpture (Open)
Peri liked sharp things. They were her favorite things. And finding new ways to use sharp things made for a great hobby. Today, she learned you could chip ice into little statues. And that sounded really cool.
So here she was, just outside Castle Krakenburg, taking whacks at a big chunk of ice.
2 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Peri grabbed her pan. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, Xander doesn’t really hafta get up this early. All he does is swing his sword around on the rooftop. Seems like an awful waste of energy when you’re not even swinging it at anybody. But if that’s what milord wants to do, I can’t stop him.”
Peri cracked an egg.
Echo in the Night;
if-cooks-could-kill:
“Yup!” Peri didn’t even notice her tone. “Lord Xander gets up real early to train, and you can’t train on an empty stomach!” She grabbed some eggs from the icebox.
She set down the eggs and began to look for her frying pan. “Sometimes I arrange milord’s food into a smiley face to get a laugh outta him. I think he needs it.”
She cracked a smile at the thought of that, but shuffled a bit to wash the glass she had drunk so she could begin to leave. Watching as the cook seemed to look for something, her eyes were adjusted enough to the dark to notice the frying pan in the corner.
“I think it’s over there,” Selena said tiredly, jerking her neck in it’s direction. That last part made her pause, though. “Really? I understand that both Lord Xander and Lady Camilla have numerous duties to attend to, but…” She shakes her head. “I’m not one to judge.”
8 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Killing Time (Open)
Peri sat on cobblestone stairs, twisting her sword into the little cracks in the mortar. It was a slow day. No bad guys to fight, no feasts to prepare, no nothing. If she didn’t find something to do soon, it would kill her. ...Or maybe someone else.
If anyone had a good suggestion, Peri would certainly take a stab at it.
1 note · View note
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
“Yup!” Peri didn’t even notice her tone. “Lord Xander gets up real early to train, and you can’t train on an empty stomach!” She grabbed some eggs from the icebox.
She set down the eggs and began to look for her frying pan. “Sometimes I arrange milord’s food into a smiley face to get a laugh outta him. I think he needs it.”
Echo in the Night;
if-cooks-could-kill:
Peri stepped into the room.
“Oh! Hey, Selena. You’re up early.” Peri took her apron from its rack and tied it on. “Did you come to help me? Keehee!”
She started the fire. “…Is everything okay?”
If Selena had pissed off Naga somehow, she was currently wondering just exactly how she could repent.
She really didn’t want to deal with… Her, right now. Not like this.
“…No, I was just having a… Late night snack,” She mumbles. “Do you normally get up this early to cook?”
8 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Peri stepped into the room.
“Oh! Hey, Selena. You’re up early.” Peri took her apron from its rack and tied it on. “Did you come to help me? Keehee!”
She started the fire. “...Is everything okay?”
Echo in the Night;
Selena woke up screaming, quickly hurrying to clamp a hand over her mouth. She’d soundproofed the walls of her quarters currently, but she’d heard enough whispers of hearing sounds of ‘death itself’ to know that her efforts to cover up the terrors she faced nightly still weren’t completely hidden as she’d have liked it to be.
Pulling herself up into a sitting position, Selena braced herself on her knees, while she caught her breath. Calming herself down was always the hardest part, aside from waking herself up out of the nightmares themselves. It had become a routine, now, to silently creep out of the bed at night, and head down to the kitchens to distract herself with a snack, usually opting to grab the last pitchers of milk from the morning before.
Padding in sheepskin slippers to the store room, Selena was about to pick up a pitcher off of the magically cooled shelf, when she heard footsteps coming from behind her. She did not want to deal with this right now, especially if it was a visitor. How could she explain being up at (judging by the stars) 3 in the morning, in a nightgown and probably looking like a frightened deer? Opting to stay silent for now, she waited to see if the figure would reveal itself.
8 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Want a random starter?
Send a symbol or @ to random generate one…
☕ Coffee Shop!AU
 🎥 Actor!AU 🎭 Broadway!AU 📓 High School!AU
 🗞 Journalist!AU
 📚 Library!AU 🔮 Fantasy!AU
 🔫 Serial Killer vs. Detective!AU
 👻 Dead/Ghost!AU (someone’s dead.)
 🛡 Military!AU
 🐠 Mermaid!AU
 👫 Mindswap!AU
 ☀ Summer Camp!AU
 ⛸ Ice Skating!AU
 🎡 Amusement Park!AU
 🚗 Road Trip!AU
 😇 Angels and Demons!AU
 🎸 Rock Band!AU
 💃 Ballet!AU
 🏺 Demigod!AU

 🏰 Hogwarts!AU
  Superhero!AU
 🐉 Dragon!AU
 ☠ Pirate!AU
 👑 Royalty!AU
 💷 Assassin!AU
 💍 Wedding!AU
5K notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Note
🍷 "Hello, Peri," Silas greets, holding a glass out to her. "It's wine, although it's a bit watered down. It'd be bad to get too tipsy too early, after all." He doesn't know all too much about her yet, but based on what he does already, he'd opted to get her red wine; it seemed like a color she'd appreciate, hopefully.
“Ah, red wine! A truly romantic beverage!” Peri loved red wine. But it seemed like Laslow would too, so that was cool.
0 notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Note
🍷 a glass of water, and a moment of sternness: "Please remember that although there are no laws for the festival's length, at its end, I am still your employer. Please, for everyone's good, keep your festivities safe for everyone involved."
Peri did her best Laslow impression. “Why, Milord, I am wounded that you would even… insinuate that I would cause trouble! I’m just here to enrapture the fine ladies with my good manners and cutting figure. Keehee!”
2 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Annreversalry Meme II
Drinks
Water: always a safe choice. 
Wine: the more you accept, the tipsier your muse gets.
Truth potion: the drinker must reveal 100% of their thoughts for a thread.
Invisibility potion: the drinker will be invisible for a thread. 
Memory potion: the drinker will lose all their memories for a thread.
Gifts and Meanings
Deliberately bad poems: You’re one of my best friends. 
Holly: A good luck charm for you; I wish you only good things.
Mask: I’d like to get to know you better.
Book: You’ve taught me something important.
Fruit: You’re sweet.
Candle: Everything will be all right.
Doll: I think of you fondly (for the smols in your life)
Perfume: You’re beautiful.
Toothpick: …??? 
51 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Annreversalry Meme I
💃 - ask my muse to dance
💋 - steal a kiss (specify where)
👀 - flirt
👻 - prank
♨️ - roast/criticize. Tell someone what you REALLY think.
🍷 - offer a drink 
🎁 - offer a gift
🎭 - start a role-play (ferpception…) (specify what)
👑 - give a King of Fools command
During Saturnalia, someone was elected “prince” and their commands had to be obeyed, no matter how ridiculous. Nero himself was once the Saturnalia king of fools. Rather than have one muse make all the commands, each muse may have one command. It must be obeyed.
53 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
Flirty Felon
The biggest festival of the year and Laslow was nowhere to be found. And Peri still didn’t have a costume. Hm...
Peri arrives on the scene, dressed in her fellow retainer’s clothes! She’s wearing his personality, too. Watch out, guys. Here comes a real ladykiller.
2 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Text
“Yeah!” Peri could think of a few exceptions, but she was feeling to mushy to say so. “Okay, so my hair’s all healthy and pretty now. What do I do to keep it this way?”
Hair Care (Peri & Forrest)
Peri took a fistful of tissues and cleaned herself up. “R-right. Yeah. Don’t mention it!” She blinked a few times, managing her smile once more. “You’re a good kid, Forrest. We’re lucky to have someone as nice as you around. Especially with all the bad stuff that’s been going on.” Peri instinctively reached for her hair. It already felt a lot smoother than it was before…
7 notes · View notes
if-cooks-could-kill-blog · 9 years ago
Photo
Tumblr media
Tales are told of a woman who has made the act of killing an art. Tales are told... of Ki’ira.
Since she was a child, Ki’ira admired both her moms. She followed in Say’ri’s footsteps, learning ancient techniques and honing her blade until she was the best she could be. She learned to love the battlefield, and, like her other mom, she takes great pride in mowing down enemies.
Ki’ira has always been big on self-expression. Immediately after receiving her kimono from Say’ri, she tore the sleeves to allow for greater movement and a more menacing look. Say’ri was heartbroken, but only for a moment. Ki’ira bought the skull and crossbones obi herself.
Ki’ira inherited Peri’s cotton candy colored hair as well as her heterochromia. The green eye is from Peri, but the hazel is from Say’ri. These features alongside her outfit give Ki’ira a colorful outfit to match her personality.
Ki’ira’s demeanor has spawned a few horrific rumors. Most famously, some soldiers say she paints portraits of her victims using their own blood. This is entirely untrue. Ki’ira’s really a sweet gal once you get to know her.
(I really enjoyed making this one and probably spent more time on it than I should have. Fun fact: Since @heartofchonsin headcanons Say’ri as a trans woman, Ki’ira could really be Say’ri and Peri’s biological child! Neat, huh?)
6 notes · View notes