ignideus

[ignideus]

end = beginning.

TW: Suicide, death, murder, violence & gore. Read at your own risk.

The fox is restless.

There was this excruciating pain in his chest that he badly wanted to stab away, as if it’s just waiting to rip its way out from within his rib cage and crush every single bone to pieces to break free from its confinements. It’s been rebelling for months and weeks now, and it’s been searching for just the right gap to escape from his body and go feral exactly the way his grandfather warned him. The fox absolutely despised being entrapped, and he was told that sooner or later, it would try to take him over, no matter what it takes.

“Jongina, it runs in the family. It will try to consume you, and you will have a hard time trying to stay true to yourself when it challenges your spirit.

But you can resist it. You must.”

Hell. He had been resisting it well. He hadn’t even attended to its needs for what seemed to be a long time. He didn’t feed on blood to sate its craving. He didn’t go out to look at the full moon to allow its demands to be where it felt the most alive. He didn’t seek out sexual favours and gave in to its libido from multiple people like he would usually, because it's exactly what the fox feeds on, and the only person he loved, he protected with a spell to keep it away from feeding on its energy. And that rages it. It hates to be defied. And it wants to make Jongin pay for starving it to near death.

The fox 

is 

restless.

The sooner he let it live inside him, the sooner he realised that all the mishaps in his life and the restlessness he’d felt all along was caused by more than just him being heartbroken and distraught—it was that the thing lived beyond his emotions. It has become a part of him, and its rage affects him too. 

When he does let it out, it’s only when he has full control of his body, allowing the ears and the tail to breathe, so he can too, feeling less pain all over his body from restraining the spirit’s rampant need to break free. Yet, it wasn’t enough. The thing wanted him. His conscious mind. His body. His spirit. It wants to claim what was promised to it, sacrificed to it, given to it. But Jongin never asked to be given to the fox, much less becoming one with it. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to be. He never wanted to have to feed on blood of all things. Yet, countless nights of him crying his eyes out begging to whatever deities that were listening to turn him back into what he used to be, the fox merely laughed. 

The fear of being taken over and being changed into what he was afraid of soon only intensified, and he was no longer the same person anymore. He’d detached himself from people. He couldn’t be bothered to keep his friendships. He’s given up on love. And he’s no longer hopeful about being happy, when all he could be is to be immensely worried of his fate and those around him. There were countless times where he feared hurting those he cared for, and every time the thought crosses his mind, the fox just laughs, louder than ever, and mocks him for his naivety. 

I am you. You are a part of me and so am I, a part of you. To get rid of me is to get rid of yourself.

And then, he realised.

To get rid of it means to get rid of myself. 

And vice versa…?

He lied.

Those who asked were told that he’s fine. He’s just away, away to clear his mind, to make some space for the things that bothered him. Move on from the person he loves and turn away from the troubles of it all. Seek some solace and come back a better person. He made them believe that he’s fine, that he’s recovering, that he’s safe with his grandparents. 

Nearly two weeks had passed then. His lies probably still held true to some people. He had hoped that they still believed it. So they won’t worry. So they won’t find him, so they won’t stop him.

Because he can’t stand it any longer and it had to be done.

There was a big circle of salt on the ground, and stacks of wood in the middle. Pig blood scattered around it, with what he thought would ward off spirits and make peace with them. An offering of sorts, in hopes that they wouldn’t interfere with what he’s trying to do. He stood in the middle of the forest, staring at what’s about to come for the two of them. The trick was to kill off the spirit, the demon, or whatever it was residing inside of him along with him, and not allow it to escape. He was hopeful of this. He learned enough from his grandfather’s exorcism rites, and hoped this would do. Even with what little knowledge he has of it.

Somehow, the fox had been silent that day. It didn’t rebel. It didn’t say a word about his attempt to kill it together with him. Perhaps it knew the end would come, though never would’ve thought someone like Jongin would resort to anything like this for the sake of it.

“If I die, you’ll die,” he says every once in a while as he stacks up as many chopped wood on top of each other. Sometimes it comes across like a chant, sometimes it sounded like he was only trying to convince himself with utmost optimism that this was surely to work. Yet again, the fox didn’t say a thing, and not even a glimpse of it showed itself. A part of Jongin grew paranoid. 

The sun was starting to set. Less than an hour more and darkness will cover the grounds until he’s left with only the small flashlight he bought at the camping base, along with the matchsticks and gasoline. He strayed far away from the site and deep into the forest, so to make sure no one will ever know he’s there. And when it’s finally time, he poured gasoline inside the circle, and onto the chopped woods. Being as thorough as possible, just to make sure.

He was determined. He did think about the people he’s leaving. But he was sure, so immensely sure that he holds not that much of a significant place in anyone’s lives at this point, that his disappearance would be a breeze. 

They’ll be okay. They’ll survive. Stop thinking about it. There’s no point contemplating now. 

He’s doing this to protect everyone anyways.

By then, it was almost 7 in the evening. Darkness has fully engulfed the forest by now, so he lit up the matchsticks and threw it into the huge pit he made. The flames hurled aloud, and he backed away a bit from the intense heat. The hot ribbons of light looked like they were dancing as the wind blew softly. 

He wasn’t sure what the fox was thinking now. He wasn’t sure what he was thinking either. Or where to begin. But one thought remained: So, this is how I die? He imagined it would’ve been a lot... A lot more peaceful, perhaps. On his bed, in the arms of a loved one. 

But that’s merely fantasy now, not even something he could ever get even if he wanted it. There’s no hope for someone whose life has basically come to an end because of a curse that can’t simply be undone unless he does the sacrifice himself. It was the only way... or so he thought.

It’s going to be quick,

was one of the last thoughts he had before he stepped inside the burning fire, roaring wild and shrieking with every crisp blow of the windy breeze as it engulfs the entirety of his body whole, swallowing him in the blaze. Strangely, he felt welcomed in its warmth.

Goodbye.

Some few days later.

Daytime pulled its curtain, and nighttime fell. 

The campsite had no visitors for the night, and there was only the faint sound of chirping crickets that occupied the walk of a certain 40-something man, who found it convenient to go for a hunt at this time of the night. He bribed the guard to allow him to enter. Someone like him always has his way to get whatever he wants.

He noticed the deafening silence that awaits the pathway ahead. The tick of his wrist watch clicked rather loudly as he entered the site that led further up the hills, and he suddenly felt a cold shiver going down his spine when he stepped on a big rock to look over his surroundings from a higher view. Strange. The weather has become unusually cold out of nowhere.

There’s a noise, the crunch of leaves and branches from a distance. Turning on his phone’s torchlight, he aimed it towards where he heard the sound. A quick shadow passed by—was that a person? What human moves that fast?

The man quickly put away his phone, squinting in the dark trying to make out the dark figure. There was a tail, and a pair of ears. No doubt, just a wild animal. It moved about from one tree to another, then returned to the first tree it lingered around when he first saw it. As the hunter slowly stepped behind a tree to hide, the unknown creature moved forward, closer towards him. It didn’t seem to have spotted him, though, much to his advantage.

He noticed something strange about the creature. It stood on hind legs, with a stance of a human, now suddenly moving rather slowly and with a limp, as if injured on one leg. When it turned to the side, he noticed the tail—or tails, standing tall and unusually parted into two. It had a white, silverish fur that glimmered under the moonlight, and the thing made a small howling noise as it slowly moved closer, and closer. As if it was looking for something. Yet, the man thought it was his lucky day, This is such an easy prey. 

Rifle in another arm, readily held out, trying to aim for a shot. It’s going to be a blast bragging about his new catch of the day to his mates. Wonder what they can do with the beautiful fur though? Maybe a new rug? A jacket for upcoming winter? A rare piece of fabric? He shuddered in clear excitement. He couldn’t wait to take a closer look at this majestic being. What a shame that it had to die.

He waited for it to get just a little closer. Damn, should’ve used a trap. He didn’t want to let this one go, it’d be a shame. From this distance, though, he’s pretty sure he can aim for the other leg. With a well aimed angle, he pulled the trigger, and a loud bang echoed throughout the forest—

But gone.

It’s suddenly gone.

The man widened his eyes in confusion, looking around frantically and wondered where he could’ve missed the thing. It was just there, and then the next second it‘s no longer in sight. What the fuck just happened? 

He stepped out from where he hid and rushed to see the spot he shot. Right here. Just here.

“Looking for something… or someone?” a low raspy voice asked. Startled by the voice, he turned around, but the sight that met him made him shudder.

The thing was a person after all, except... not quite. 

Bright, glowing yellow eyes. A pair of fluffy white ears, and two tails that pointed threateningly towards him. Sharp, long fangs that reached his bottom lip, digging into the soft flesh, chewing, drooling. One could tell how famished and starved it looked, probably for days and probably weeks. Up close, he observed that the thing is undoubtedly as human as he is, but with other features that aren’t. 

It snarled.

“What were you trying to do to me?” it asked. It could talk. The man backed away when the thing took one step forward, a sinister smile stretching far too wide across its face, showing rows of pearly whites, with big fangs on display. It sniffed, and the man raised his rifle and pointed it at it. 

“Fuck off! What the fuck are you? Stop fucking with me punk!” 

It roared with laughter, and a heavy drool left its mouth, dribbling down its chin. There’s a wet slurping noise it makes as he walks to one side, eyeing the man with that smile of his, looking at him from head to toe. 

“Very interesting that my very first meal would be a rich, cocky old man. Don’t worry, I won’t butcher up your body too much—“

Bang. 

A shot, right onto his chest. The gaping hole spurted with blood, and he coughed out some more. He looked up, the male evidently panicking as he froze in his spot. 

“Oh my oh my, I applaud your bravery, human,” it laughed again, pressing a hand up against its chest. Just like that, the hole was gone, but the blood remains. Two blue orbs suddenly emerged behind the creature, glowing as bright as its yellowish eyes, and they started to spin in circles, almost as if to scream out a warning to those who encountered its master.

“But a bullet won’t kill a god.”

The man freaked out even more, and that’s when he took the cue to leave the scene and flee, turning on his feet and leaving what equipment he brought along with him except the rifle. He was fast on his feet, wanting to get the fuck out of there already, holding back the urge to scream in fear and be known a fucking lunatic. He wasn’t as lucky as he thought the moment he accidentally trips on a rock and falls flat on his face against the muddy ground, and that’s when the laughter is heard again.

It appeared as fast as it vanished from sight. He found the creature crouched right in front of him, out of nowhere, and it suddenly grabs a hold of his hair, a fit of giggles leaving his lips.

“So this is the sight of a scared human? A lot, lot more interesting than the little one’s terrified face every time he sees me in the mirror. Oh, he hated me. He hated my guts so much… You must hate me too? You must hate me for messing with your luck,” it purred, pulling his head up by the hair and baring his neck. The man’s face is drained out of blood as the creature raises one finger on the other hand, a pointy, clawed nail twirling in the air. When it forcefully turned the man’s body around, he had the finger resting right on top of where his liver would be.

“I’ll make it quick.”

He lied.

With a deafening scream of the human, the creature pressed its finger inside his flesh, slicing and ripping it open with the claw, digging inside with his bare hands to pull out the organ from his ribcage. The man screamed in horror, helplessly pinned to the ground with two strong tails. It took a while for it to find the liver, its favourite snack besides a human heart. It’s gotten clumsy, hasn’t it? 

It’s been waiting for this moment for too long. Far too long, but now they’ve come a full circle, after months of waiting for Jongin to accept and obey it. The human was persistent, though, far too persistent that he refused to allow it to make a home in his body, and now he had to pay the price. Burnt in flames, only to reborn and be taken over by it—him, Kai, the self-proclaimed god. 

And somewhere inside his own body, Jongin was screaming. Screaming to be let out.

“Ah, ah, ssshhh… you both should learn how to be quiet and respectful.” It howled happily as the fresh liver leaves its owner unharmed and in good shape. But it would be a shame for it to allow the man to just suffer and bleed to death, wouldn’t it? There was blood everywhere. To him, the sight was an appetiser, the same way humans look at side dishes. It’s learned plenty from Jongin.

Another scream leaves the man’s lips, and it stared with its glowing eyes, irritated. The creature makes a mockingly sympathetic face, making eye contact with the man, only to stab a hole in his chest with one of his tails, grabbing his beating heart and pulling it right off his chest. Mercy killing. The man’s body doesn’t move anymore, good. He hadn’t harmed the heart, however. That’s his main course.

“Don’t look at me while I feast,” it growled, whacking his head with the other tail so he turns the other way, and began to eat its meal. It ripped apart the liver with its bare teeth, blood spurting down its chin, making more mess than it already had. 

Finally, finally a real food, not some small amounts of blood infused in strawberry milk like the weakling Jongin had fed it before. It—he, is now alive, at last.

Neither the man nor his body was found ever again.

To get rid of me means to get rid of yourself.