igumdroppoop

[igumdroppoop]

oh my god guys i literally just finished writing this sub blog and then i refreshed the page by accident and it all disappeared i can’t SO HERE WE GO AGAIN.... 

happy march guys! i had a long month of february and a lot to tell and share with you guys. i’m pretty sure you guys noticed that i spent a lot of time with my friends during that month, specifically with aria/joyce/celine especially. it’s probably because i started playing games more that we started hanging out more, and it’s honestly really funny when we get together because it seems like four degenerate girls in a slice of life anime just exploring life together and messing around together and yeah LOL. here’s a picture of when we walked in the rain to get fried chicken and finally got it after a long and hard road battle...

other than celine/aria/joyce, i’ve been hanging out a lot with albert too! we’ve just been streaming together a lot and if you guys saw, we did a cooking stream together where we assigned eachother a recipe that we had to impromptu follow. i gave him pork roast from shokugeki no soma which he tried to recreate and here is the expectation VS reality: 

LOOOL. it was pretty funny and annie’s reaction to tasting it was the most wholesome thing ever. you guys probably don’t see much of annie because she’s so busy with school but she’s like my older sister who always cheers me up when i need it the most and i love her so much...she also literally takes care of my wounds (on thanksgiving i peeled some of my finger off and she wrapped it up for me and made me a homemade ice pack) 

janet’s surprise birthday party was also in february! i’m sure you guys have seen this picture already but just in case any of you haven’t~ 

it’s crazy because only a year ago, i remember shitting my pants going to the offline tv house to play mafia because i was so nervous if we would all get along or not. and only a year later i feel like all of us have been through so much together that we really trust and love eachother like a big family. 

anyways, now to the *real* part... i spent a lot of february not alone and in the company of my friends. and i was debating on not sharing this with you guys, but anybody who isn’t lazy enough to type in the password and read this subblog probably does care a lot about me so i want to share you guys to why february was a harder month for me. i fell into a deep dark hole of internet hate last month and even though it started with just a few mean youtube comments, i dug deeper and started reading mean reddit threads and hateful anonymous comments and even anonymous DMs. before last month i kinda always knew that this hate existed, i just never bothered to read them or put my attention onto them. idk how it happened but it did, and before i knew it i was in really dark place.

people would be calling me spoiled, ugly, not deserving to live, a fake bitch, telling me i should kill myself, and above all those trolls there were serious people too who were messaging me in their disappointment in me, along with just a lot of false assumptions about me...i always thought i had thick skin and that those things wouldn’t bother me which is why i never read them, but some days you’re more sensitive than others, and i guess it just hit me during the wrong time. this made extremely insecure, and at one point i even started to believe the things that people were saying about me and it made me hate myself even more. it was hard for me and it really made me feel like i was letting everybody down in my life when that wasn’t the case at all. 

after that i was super self-conscious about all my actions and whatever came out of my mouth. it was hard for me to stream because there are literally people who are watching my stream at ALL times just waiting to clip a moment that shows me being “violent”, “spoiled”, a “fake bitch”...i was kinda scared and it was super hard to sleep too

that’s why i spent a lot of time with my friends last month because they did really make me feel safe. since all my closest friends are in the public image as much as i am if not more, i really felt understood and secure being with them. and guys, honestly, that month was really hard for me but it made me so so so much stronger. i have really changed my perspective to know and believe that i really can’t please everyone, and i need to work to make ME happy and nobody else especially not a hater on the internet. it made me appreciate all the people who were always there for me (you guys, my friends, family) and i realized all the attention i give to negative haters should be given to all my loved ones instead. 

i also wanted to thank you guys, who always sent me such supportive messages and any of you who watched my stream whenever you could in your free time. guys, don’t get me wrong, the supportive messages always meant a lot to me, but after reading so many hate messages, seeing a sub just sending me a message of support in my chat just made my HEART SO FUCKING WARM!!! i fucking love you guys. AND I AM OVER ALL OF IT NOW!!!! AND I AM BACK STRONGER!!! HELL YEAAAA JAIME THICKER SKIN +10 POINTS IN LIFE BITCHES!!! what doesn’t kill u makes u stronger

ANYWHO!!! look what anna (nakoini) sent me!! SO CUTE!! 

okay honestly not gonna lie after i wrote all of that (twice) i’m pretty tired and have no idea what else to write in this entry... OH! here are my goals for this month: 

♡ workout consistently

♡ get better at league 

♡ incorporate more games onto my channel 

♡ spend more time with my community

with that being said, i’ll be bringing back anime/movie night! i was thinking of doing them on fridays at 5pm PDT. i’ll talk more about the time on stream, but yeah everyone always requests for them so let’s do that more. 

also wanted to tell you guys that because i’m going to be streaming league more, you’ll probably see a bit of a change in my community/chat... i don’t think it will be a bad change, but i checked my analytics and already just from streaming league of legends the past week, more of my viewers watch league more than they do just chatting.. isn’t that crazy? it’s only by 3% but still HAHA. 

and i’m aware that i’ll have a drop in viewership while i invest more times in games, but to be honest with you guys i couldn’t sustain a healthy balance for myself constantly doing IRL. and also league makes me have so much fun right now and it’s a game i seriously want to keep on playing! and don’t worry, i was never really one to care too much about viewership, as long as my chat is happy and i’m happy fun i still absolutely love streaming. if you told me a year ago i could have even more than 300 viewers playing league i’d be so happy HAHAHAHAH. but whose to say i won’t change my mind next month hehe, life is always kind of a search for balance. this month i’ll be spending a lot more time on my stream and community at the sacrifice of spending time with friends/family but that’s completely okay since i spent so much time last month rekindling those. <3 

and to get into the healthy habit of being proud of our achievements even if they are small, here’s my list for the month of feb! and feel free to share them with me while i’m streaming, i absolutely love hearing your guys’ little achievements even if they’re small. 

♡ i’m pretty sure if friendships had a grade, i got 100% A+ last month for all my friends <3 

♡ got through a rough month with an advantage after (a stronger mental and appreciation for my loved ones) 

♡ my uber rating went up to a 4.8 LMAO 

♡ learned four new cooking recipes 

ok.. as you can see my month was not very successful BUT.. i have my own personal list of things i am going to work on too! and from what i’ve learned from being in the public eye and having a magnifying glass on me: 

your life is YOUR life, and nobody is in the position to tell you what to do with it. you decide what you wanna do for yourself, and those who support and love you will support and love you, and those who don’t shouldn’t stop you from doing what you love or doing what makes you happy. 

[igumdroppoop]

POST EDC UPDATE!

hey everyone! it’s me jaime :) well of course it’s me jaime otherwise you guys wouldn’t be here reading it.. or am i jaime? what if you guys just clicked my link and i was some random girl named amanda or something omg that’d be funny 

anyways, post EDC... the best weekend of my entire life... holy crap i felt so free and it indeed an amazing weekend i loved it. i always joke about putting scandalous pictures up on my sub-blog and then i tell stream i’m just kidding but i’m actually not. here’s my outfit for day two :D just some incentive to stay subbed ;) LMAO jk i mean i was already exposed on streams/instagram so it’s not a big deal to show you guys another perspective 

also me:

which jaime do u like more? i have a feeling most of you would say the second one LOL i bought this sweater thing that is also a blanket...and have been wearing it constantly in public...i actually wore it to my boujee LA optometrist that costs me more than my life and everyone would not stop staring at me. i can seriously go from looking like a rave girl to a hobo real fast...

anyway, EDC was seriously the most amazing weekend of my life. i felt free, danced with all my power, was filled with energy, became friends with a bunch of strangers. as ironic as it sounds, being in an environment with almost-naked people with 80% of them on drugs made me feel very safe since everyone was there to just have fun :) i also made friendships with the ppl who stayed in our mansion that feel super unique and i can’t wait to spend the next rave with them >:D 

as you can see i’m very happy and filled with energy non the right...... uh....i also got this giant green/yellow bruise from EDC O_O it has like scars on it too.. i call it my EDC battle scar

ok so we came back and justfriends had a huge meeting about how we’ve been a bit complacent with our content... but no worries :D we are getting back on our feet and inspired eachother with lots of encouragement to get back on track! i’ve also started a little hobby of mine that i’ve been practicing really hard at. i have a tendency to start things and never finish them and a big reason why i’m not saying what it is is because i don’t want expectations to form >__<!! i’m actually very bad with expectations... but i love pushing the ceiling and showing up and blowing the rooftop away! like a surprise~ so i’ll keep it a surprise <3 if i’m ever MIA and it seems like i’m not doing anything or just jacking off, i promise i’m putting effort into something new! (or maybe i simply am just jacking off lol human needs are important guys) 

WELL I THINK THAT’S ALL! i don’t have much more to update you guys on. once again, i say it a lot in my blogs, but i mean every single word: i love you guys! you guys mean so so much to me and i am so grateful to have such an amazing community who gives me so much support. i feel so safe in life because of you guys. 

i know these are cheesy but here’s some quotes that help me get out of bed in the morning! <3 

BYEBYE <3

[igumdroppoop]

omg i haven’t posted in so long

holy crap my last post was so long ago and there’s so many more of you guys... i was writing this blog to like, 300 people but now they are like, more than 1000 of you wtf... 

ok first off, yesterday i had an eye exam that ended up costing me $800...i can’t believe it either, but ever since i move to LA everything here is so expesnive and the cost is amplified by like x10 of what i’m used to. that being said, my glasses won’t be here for another 7 days and my eyes are dry from contacts so i’m squinting as i type this and probably won’t be able to correct any mistakes LOL

ok... so, 4 months ago i moved to LA and yolo dropped my full time comp sci school thing, and started to pursue full time streaming. i moved in with leslie and kimi and fast forward a few months later, we’re moved into a new house with zirene, boxbox, sean the wizard, precious celine, and holy crap has it been a journey...

i decided to write this journal entry and get back into doing these because as fun and hype as the last week as been with the move in and skits and game nights, i’ve felt super disconnected from my community and because of the guilt i feel from neglecting you guys i constantly feel uneasy, or that i should e doing something to fix that.

first off i wanted to say, if you’re reading this and you’re subscribed to me and a part of my community, thank you so so so much for your love and support! i really wish i could give you guys individually a big giant hug to show my gratitude. it really means the world to me and i appreciate you guys so much. it surprises me everytime i turn on my stream and how positive and loving everyone is and i really want to take advantage of that and build my community to be even stronger, because you guys could be the best audience ever but IN THE END I HAVE THE INFLUENCE TO MAKE YOU GUYS EVEN STRONGER! MUAWHAHAHAH! in terms of liek, love and affection, not like, dominating the world or anything unless u guys want that 

anyways

it’s really hard at the moment because i want to be there for everybody in the justfriends house, for when everyone needs eachother for content or company, and to be there for the fundamentals we need to work on while trying to grow justfriends :D but i’m sure it will settle down sooner or later and i’ll be able to do consistent community streams once again. 

this is probably the least of my stress but it’s just something i’m not used to since a lot of you guys know that my background growing up was not very luxurious and i’m from a family where spending $15 + on dinner is already kind of ridiculous. i’ve spent $20k+ the past 2 weeks on dental bills, school debt, rent, security deposit, taxes, furniture, the optometrist, and a lot more and it killed me on the inside LOL but on the bright side i AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH ANY SORT OF LARGE INVESTMENTS LIKE THAT! i think it just all so happened so fast (me moving and dealing with adult things with the course of a few months, unexpectedly) 

but with that being said, i got a lot of the complicated adult things out of the way, and hopefully i can cater to you guys more ^_^ i was thinking about going back to some of my hobbies that you guys don’t know about, like making stuffed animals on stream.. is that too lame.. i might do it anyway because i wanted to make a bunny for celine..

i also need to work on bitmotes and some extra emotes since i have more slots now: what would you guys want? just let me know in the ‘ideas’ section of the discord and i’ll check it out. feel free to photoshop or create your own emotes and i’ll think about it too! 

*AHEM* house updates! for those of you curious about my perspective on the house... 

everything has been going so well! i love every single person in the house and when one person is missing, everyone notices... 

aidan/zirene has been so so helpful. he’s been an anchor in the house and is always there for anyone when they need help, and he brings so many good points and perspectives onto the table that we usually would not even realize. we all miss him since he’s gone for 10 days to MSI :( please cheer on for him if you guys are league of legend fans! 

i’ve gotten closer to leslie so much the past 4 months and i start to miss her after only a few hours... LOL... she’s just so easy to bother and i think she likes bothering me too so we just have such a fun and easygoing relationship with eachother 

kimi-chan is as supportive and inspiring as always and has been handling ALL of the youtube content: thumbnails, editors, etc. please show her some appreciation for that because it’s not an easy thing to manage the video content of all 8 people in the house HAHA and her energy really helps the house rolling 

himesama celine is also a really strong anchor in our house. besides managing the house super well, she keeps us all emotionally healthy nd i love her. celine is love celine is life. she is precious and we must protec forever bc she protect and attac us forever 

boxbox/albert is sooooo fun and i’m so glad we have him because he always makes the hangouts super fun spontaneous and interesting. a lot of the cool props we play around are from his ideas and tbh i can’t wait for the future with albert because he’s so funny and content filled!

SEAN THE WIZARD IS AMAZING! he’s s funny positive and talented, i cant wait for u guys to meet more of him. hes seriously the best i can rwite so much more but like my ahndz are getting tired and im starting totypo also my period cramps hurt so much but omg sean is amazing i seriously mean it hes so amazing and funny and happy all the time and his energy spreads like wildfire

i love yvonne i love yvonne i wish she in was thehouse more and annie is the cutest thing ever who is so talented and drew us all and it was so cute ah i will put it down here 

OKAY ANYWAY I’M OFF NOW I AM SO TIRED SO SORRY FOR NO PICTURESAN D FOR HORRIBLE FORMAT OF JOURNAL ENTRY IM JUST RLY CRAMPS HURT AND CANT SEE IM BILND I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH 

I LOVE YOU GUYS 

SO 

SO

SO

SMUCH!!