ikea-doona

[ikea-doona]

[ikea-doona]

[ikea-doona]

[image description: a collection of photos of pigeons being silly. The backgrounds have been edited out. Silly activities for each pigeon are:

Standing with its head in a small drain pipe.

Standing on the back of another pigeon.

Standing with its whole head covered by a leaf being blown onto it by the wind.

Sitting like a person, with its legs out in front of it.

Wearing gumboots/wellies.

Wearing a tiny pink cowboy hat.

Two pigeons eating a full uncut pizza. One is standing on it, not currently eating.

Got himself caught in two pieces of bread! One is around its neck and the other around its body.

End ID]

[ikea-doona]

You know the old proverb. If you have a shirt thats good. Wear it everyday till you die

[ikea-doona]

pro tip you can just grab a bunch of random parts from dumpsters and hardware stores and computer stores and just attach them together haphazardly and then put it in your suitcase and take it to the airport and get arrested pretty much 100% of the time

[ikea-doona]

> read library book

> it's good

Thank you library

[ikea-doona]

the thing that bothers me with 7 deadly sin based characters is when they cant decide if they embody the sin by suffering from it or by drawing it out of others. ie. if your gluttony demon is a guy who loves eating then your lust demon should be a gooner sex pest. and if your lust demon is a seductive girlboss then your gluttony demon should be a 5 star chef. does this make sense.

[ikea-doona]

irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*

[ikea-doona]

no cheating by looking but who do you think your Spotify top artist is gonna be this year 👀

[ikea-doona]

[ikea-doona]

Have you ever looked at a 24 hour clock and gone "too straight forward!"? Ever looked at a 12 hour clock and thought "what if we divided it again?" WELL FEAR NOT, I am pioneering the 6 hour clock; featuring the classic times we all know and love like 3pm and 7am as well as all new times such as 6aam and 8ppm! The new clock layout that solves nothing and makes everything worse!

[ikea-doona]

speaking to our building's reception desk on the phone this week and i can hear music playing in the background which is normal bcos they often have the radio on and im like hmmm i recognise this tune but i can't place it, what is that - and then it hits me and i'm like fucking hell i know what that is. why are they listening to this.

so i get off the phone and say to my coworkers 'they're listening to something very strange down in reception' and they're like 'huh what are they listening to' and i doubt either of them are gonna know what the song is i'm like 'I'm just gonna send you the link' so i send the link and my co-worker is like 'wait is this safe for work' and i'm like 'oh no it's not inappropriate or anything it's just deeply weird to play at work'

then i hear the song playing tinnily out of my managers headphones and he's like 'wow this is very high energy' and i'm like 'YEAH'

anyway i have now introduced my co-workers to this

[ikea-doona]

Limited clothing options. True story.

[ikea-doona]

which lenox spice village house are you living in? i'm tarragon

[ikea-doona]

there's a jewish story about a rich man who goes to his rabbi to ask him about building an orphanage, and the rabbi is like "yeah duh go for it!!" and then later the rich guy comes back and is like "actually I've decided not to... I was just doing it for my own image and not coz I cared about orphans" and the rabbi was like "bitch the orphans don't care why you're building the orphanage!!!" and sometimes I wish I could say that to lefties who haven't unpacked their christian upbringing. sometimes motives don't matter!! who give a fuck why a politician wants to do a good thing? bitch the orphans don't!!

[ikea-doona]

got a smarmy jingle from a horrible ad stuck really badly in my head, so i closed my eyes, hit play on my mind cd, and mentally played “closer” by nine inch nails flawlessly from start to finish, every beat and track appreciated and in place. and as soon as it was over the jingle was back

[ikea-doona]

periods are medieval honestly. like sorry I got suicidal last night turns out I had too much blood in me. yeah no some of it fell out and I'm fine now.