ill-stop-after-i-promise

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

day 9

Fasted

88.1 kg

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

Day 8

Two plates of pasta (800)

88.5 kg

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

I binged yesterday.

I’m a fucking faliure

I don’t even care about the calories all I know is that I gained more then a kilo.

I have to starve for another 3 days bacause I couldn’t contain myself for 1 day

I’ll learn from this. No more letting myself eat once every three days

I’ll starve until I can’t anymore

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

"This outfit would be cuter if you were skinner" "This outfit would be cuter if you were skinner" "This outfit would be cuter if you were skinner" "This outfit would be cuter if you were skinner" "This outfit would be cuter if you were skinner"

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

At the end of the day…

I always come back to you 🦋

It’s the only thing in my life that feels good, as painful and perverted as it is….

The hunger.

The emptiness.

The sense of control over yourself.

The power I feel when I’m restricting…

Nothing tastes as good as hunger feels… 🦋

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

I have many reasons

1. Because the last time I lost weight I was probably the happiest I’ve been since I was 11

2. Because I want to prove everyone that I can do it again that my illness is serious and that I’m sick enough

3. Because I don’t feel confotable with this body

4. The clothes I could wear

5. Because I’ll attract so many guys and I’ll get back at my ex for ignoring me

The 6th reason is too personal, but there’s this girl (with an ed) in my life. If you know you know

hight: 5'7 hw: 92 kg lw: 50 kg cw: 88.8 kg ugw: 60 kg

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

day 6

Rice (100)

Cod fish (450)

I ate way too much today. I’ll fast tomorrow and the day after as planned.

I’m scared of the scale tomorrow

87.0

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

i’ve been on this new account for a bit so here’s my motivation for reaching my gw:

•skinny thighs that look good in any sort of skirt or pants and that don’t rub together and chafe in the summertime

•feeling cleaner

•having people notice the change

•have people treat me nicer

•more attention from friends and family

•instead of my relatives commenting on how much i’m eating, they will comment on how skinny i’m looking

•i won’t ever be afraid to meet someone new in fear that their fist impression of me is that i’m fat. Instead, they’ll think “wow this girl is super pretty AND funny?”

•being the tiny friend for once in my life

•being able to finally fit the aesthetic that I want

•being able to finally take cute instagram pics

•less scared to post on social media

•i perform in musical theater, so i won’t have to worry about costumes looking bad on me

•no matter what angle someone takes a pic of me, it’ll look good

•applying my makeup will be easier because i won’t feel like i’m putting lipstick on a pig

•i will be more confident and therefore more sociable and happy (i know this from previous weight loss experience)

• dress shopping for formal events will actually be fun and not humiliating

•if the subject of weight ever comes up, i don’t have to be afraid of saying my weight out loud because i’ll be proud of it

•revenge on all the girls that called me fat

•less area to shave, apply lotion on, apply sunscreen on, and less area to wash.

•i overall won’t feel like a giant and like i’m taking up so much space whether it’s on chairs, couches, in a cramped room, etc. (i’m really tall and being tall and fat is like the worst combo because i just feel like an ogre)

• opening tumblr and not feeling guilty but instead feeling accomplished

•old teachers/ students from school looking at me and going “omg i didn’t even recognize you!” (i have had this happen before and it’s the best feeling in the world)

•sitting on my bf’s lap without feeling like i’m crushing him (as much as he claims he likes it i don’t like feeling fat)

•i’m getting older and when i get married i want my husband to be able to bridal carry me

•^^ also wedding dress NEEDS to look good on me or the wedding is cancelled

•i honestly grew up fat (before i lost a ton of weight and then gained it all back 🙄) and i really don’t want to spend the rest of my life chubby or midsized or fat. I just wanna enjoy the slim life.

•i’m very very focused on my looks and I really like when I look good.

•I want a slim face with the sunken-in look and hood cheekbones

•basically any clothes would be oversized

•most of my social anxiety would go away because I wouldn’t be focused on people thinking i’m fat

• i could share clothes with my sister (she’s super tall and skinny and has adorable clothes)

•impress my boyfriend’s family and HIS relatives (best feeling)

• i know this might sound odd but when i lost weight the first time my feet?? got smaller??? and so did my nose???? and my boobs??? all things that i would love to shrink.

•no more flabby arms that I have to hide under a cardigan or sweatshirt

•I was really athletic when i lost a bunch of weight the first time???? and i never worked out for it or did it in a healthy way so idk why i was all of a sudden super athletic but I was

•i always dreamed of being an ice skater and they’re so weightless and thin and beautiful

•halloween costumes could be so much better on my thin body instead of finding one that covers up the most fat

•prom dress looks good (i’m graduated by my bf is a senior this year and he’s taking me to prom)

• i was just more likable when i was skinny. Idk how to describe it

•believe it or not, people talk about you more when you lose weight. I was a total nobody in high school until i lost weight and then people who i didn’t even know we’re like talking about me in good ways and saying good things about me

•more friends. I know that friendship is mostly about the personality, but there are so many bitchy skinny girls with like 100 friends that all go out and do stuff together and even if they’re fake friends they’re better than no friends 🥲

• christmas and winter season in general

•imagine wearing an oversized outfit in the summer time and then whipping out the absolute perfect bikini body? goals.

that’s all for now, but i’m sure i’ll think of some more!

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

i ate way too much at lunch im a pig

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

When my growling stomach is louder than my negative thoughts >>>

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

i fear that i will quit before i can notice any change,

secondly, i fear that if i get to my goal i wont be able to mantain the weight by eating a little bit more, i fear that i will start binging constantly,

i fear that everything will happen again

hight: 5'7 hw: 92 kg lw: 50 kg cw: 88.8 kg ugw: 60 kg

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

day 5

fasted

87.5 kg

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

once you deny yourself that craving once, then twice, you’ll find yourself at the end of a week having denied it 50 times.

discipline builds up. don’t give up, don’t give yourself that “one time.” I promise it doesn’t exist and it will snowball.

always remember that food is not a reward, restriction is.

when you want to take a second helping, when you want to eat lunch with everyone else, when you’re alone and want to reach for snacks, when you’re out and want to eat unhealthy fast food - remember this. you’ll never get far unless you start now; start resisting your old habits and making new ones.

work hard for what you want.

take care.

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

my thinspo is mostly my old pictures of myself because I know that's realistic for me, but if I had to pick a body I would want but will never have I'd pick hers

my ribcage, my shouders and my boobs are naturally bigger even if I'm skinnier and I kinda have hipdips but yk

hight: 5'7 hw: 92 kg lw: 50 kg cw: 88.8 kg ugw: 60 kg

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

day 4

small piece of bread (50)

87.9 kg

[ill-stop-after-i-promise]

Week 1

Waist: 94 cm

Brests : 104 cm

Arm : 36 cm

Shoulders: 118 cm

Belly: 105 cm

Hips: 120 cm

Thighs: 69 cm

Calves: 39 cm

Ankles: 26 cm

Wrists: 17 cm