illumizoldycksdryshampoo

[illumizoldycksdryshampoo]

How would genshin men react if you tried to cook for them and nearly set the kitchen on fire?

(GENDERNEUTRAL READER.)

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including: diluc, kaeya, zhongli, tartaglia/childe, albedo, neuvillette, wriothesley, kazuha, scaramouche/wanderer, arataki itto, alhaitham, kaveh!

this is a bit chaotic but wholesome too in a way I guess? 😭

have fun reading!

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Diluc:

- Internally panicking but keeps a straight face while grabbing the fire extinguisher with perfect efficiency.

- Once the flames are out: “Are you alright? That’s all that matters.”

- Lowkey traumatized and bans you from the kitchen—he’ll do the cooking from now on.

- Secretly touched you wanted to cook for him, but he expresses it by teaching you safety first like it’s Knight training.

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Kaeya:

- Laughing even as the fire spreads: “Darling, I didn’t know you were aiming for flambé.”

- He puts the fire out coolly, smirking the entire time like it’s a comedy show.

- 100% tells Diluc about it later with dramatic flair: “You should’ve seen the inferno of love they made me.”

- Finds it adorable and milks it for teasing rights forever.

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Zhongli:

- Calm as hell. Doesn’t even flinch.

- “Let us step back. I will take care of this.” — summons geo constructs to contain the fire.

- Gives you a full historical lecture on fire hazards in Liyue’s culinary history afterward.

- Genuinely honored you tried. Offers to teach you with the patience of a saint.

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Tartaglia (Childe):

- Immediately dives into action like it’s a Fatui mission.

- “Fire? In my kitchen? Not on my watch.”

- Afterward: “You almost assassinated me, babe. I loved it.”

- Laughs his ass off, genuinely finds it thrilling, and insists you try again (with supervision).

- Brags to Teucer (his little brother) like, “they nearly blew up my house. Isn’t that romantic?”

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Albedo:

- Fascinated rather than alarmed. “Interesting reaction. What did you combine?”

- Draws a sketch of the fire afterward.

- Calmly fixes everything, even the scorched pot, then gives you a chemistry-based cooking lesson.

- Sweetly encourages you to keep trying because curiosity is key in both alchemy and love.

(guys trust me this is 100% how he would act😭😭 nonchalant ahh)

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Neuvillette:

- Extremely composed but internally screaming like a worried parent.

- Summons rain to put it out in 2 seconds flat.

- Afterward, quietly sets up a detailed set of kitchen rules and safety protocols. You now have a cooking license exam.

- “I am not angry. Merely concerned. Also, please refrain from touching open flames ever again.”

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Wriothesley:

- Lowkey impressed and highkey amused.

- “You tried to cook for me and almost burned down the Fortress? Now that’s devotion.”

- Puts it out fast, throws open a window, and immediately orders takeout.

- He starts cooking with you after that—“We’re a team now. One stirs, one doesn’t burn down the kitchen.”

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Kazuha:

- Calm, graceful—even as the flames rise.

- “The wind is restless today… perhaps a sign to order takeout?”

(this mf ALWAYS has to include ‘the wind’ in EVERYTHING..)

- Helps you clean everything with a gentle smile.

- Writes a haiku about the incident:

“In a loving blaze,

You set the stove — and my heart —

Alight with chaos.”

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Scaramouche / Wanderer:

- Screaming. Screaming.

- “What the hell were you thinking?! That’s MY favorite teapot!”

- Grumpily stomps around putting it out, muttering insults the whole time.

Later: “Don’t do that again, idiot.” (translation: I care about you.)

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Arataki Itto:

Screaming louder than usual..you know you fucked up now 😭. Runs around like, “IT’S GONNA BLOW!”

- Somehow makes the situation worse before fixing it with brute strength (throws a pot of water—misses).

- Thinks it was the most epic thing ever and wants to help you “cook” again tomorrow. (Totally wasn’t panicking 2 secs ago.)

- Proud of you for trying and tells the gang about it like a legend: “My babe? Almost burned down the kitchen for love. Hell yeah.”

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Alhaitham:

- Sighs like his soul just left his body.

- Puts the fire out with silent, efficient movements. Doesn’t say a word until it’s over.

- Then: “I told you following a random blog recipe without measurements was a bad idea.”

- He cooks for you every time after that. Will let you chop vegetables at most. Maybe.

- Secretly loves that you tried so hard for him.

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Kaveh:

- Screeches like a drama queen: “My curtains! My custom backsplash tiles! THE AMBIANCE!”

- Flails but still manages to put the fire out with decent control (he’s more capable than he seems).

- Sinks to the floor dramatically after and groans, “Why is my life like this?”

- Still insists on helping you become a better cook because he’s a hopeless romantic and believes in you.

—

(that was it guys! this took me so long to write because I wanted to make their reactions as accurate as I could 😭 I think I did pretty well though. Would you guys want a version where the reader actually makes a really good meal/their fav meal and their reactions to it? 👀)

[illumizoldycksdryshampoo]

😭😭😭😭 omg

[illumizoldycksdryshampoo]

BRAT.

pathetic (and slutty.) bratty sub! Gojo Satoru x GN!brat tamer reader headcanons.

(bonus: what kinks he has…🫦)

NSFW. MDNI!

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Gojo is the definition of “you’re not the boss of me” until you actually put him in his place—and then he’s melting, panting, and obeying like it’s a sport.

You don’t raise your voice when he provokes you. You don’t need to. A single quiet command from you and the strongest sorcerer is undoing his belt with shaking fingers.

Gojo will purposely “forget” your rules. Like “Don’t touch yourself without permission.” Suddenly, he’s calling you at 2AM, breathless, like:

“I was just thinking about your voice and… oops. Looks like I need to be punished now, huh?”.

He sends you very unholy pictures when he’s bored. Sometimes of his hand halfway down his pants with the caption:

“Think you can make me beg like last time, baby?”.

You’ve caught Gojo touching himself more than once in your bed. Not even trying to hide it. He wants to get caught. “Couldn’t help it, pretty. Missed the way you call me pathetic~”.

Your praise hits harder than a curse technique. Whisper a filthy “Good boy” into his ear and he’s instantly leaking and biting his lip.

- On the flip side—degradation? YES. He gets feral when you call him a slut, a tease, your little toy.

“Say it again. Say I’m your little brat. Please—”

Gojo LOVES being edged. Loves it. He’ll cry, whimper, beg for release, and then smirk when you deny him.“You’re evil… but fuck, I’m so hard for you right now it hurts.”

He tries to be in control once, maybe twice. It ends with him tied to the headboard and whimpering.

He’ll flirt shamelessly with other people just to test you. The moment you grab his wrist or murmur in his ear with a firm warning, he goes silent and obedient.

If you tell Gojo not to come until you say so? He’ll beg. Full-body trembling, teeth sinking into his hand, whispering,“Please, Y/N—please let me come. I’ll be good. I’ll be so good for you, just—fuck—please—”

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Bonus: What kinks does Gojo have?

- Humiliation kink. If you coo in his ear about how needy and pathetic he is? He will twitch in your hand.

“Aw, look at you… the strongest sorcerer, reduced to a squirming little toy.”

- Sensory deprivation + overstimulation. Blindfolded, restrained, squirming under your hands for what feels like hours—he’s babbling by the end.

“Can’t take it anymore, I can’t—please, Y/N—please…”

- Face-sitting. Yep. He calls it his heaven. He’ll beg for it. Grab your thighs. Cry when you lift off too soon.

- Orgasm denial and ruined orgasms. You jerk him off just until he’s about to come… then let go and smirk. He whines so pathetically.

“No—no, don’t stop! Please—just let me—f-fuck!”

[illumizoldycksdryshampoo]

Fluffy headcanons of Arataki Itto as your himbo childhood best friend (who’s crushing on you)!

(GENDER NEUTRAL READER)

everyone can interact :>

- he’s so obvious it hurts..

He gets weirdly nervous when you compliment him. You say one nice thing and he’s red in the face, scratching his head like; “Heh… I mean… y-you think so? You’re just saying that ’cause you’re sweet… Wait! Not sweet like candy-sweet, more like—you know what, forget it.”.

He tries so hard to give you cool nicknames and ends up calling you the silliest things:

“Yo, Starshine! No—wait, Sidekick Supreme! Uhhh… how about Snugglebrawler? No, too much? Dang it—just pick one!!”

- he gives you gifts that are so bad they’re adorable.

He once gave you a rock he found because “it looks like a heart!” It doesn’t. But he looked so proud, you kept it.

He’ll try to win plushies from crane games and spends way too much mora just to get the one that “kinda looks like you… but, y’know, in a cute way!”

- he thinks he’s being subtle, but he’s not.

Every time you laugh at his dumb jokes, he turns into putty. Just absolutely melts.

he’ll go quiet for a second, then whisper to himself,“I made ‘em laugh… NICE.” (Fist bump. Air guitar solo. Victory dance.)

He tries to play it cool when people tease him about liking you— “Whaaaat?! Me?! Nooo… I mean, maybe if they liked me back. Not that I care! I mean—unless they do?! Do they? Wait. I’m confused.”

- He wants you to meet the gang soooo bad.

He introduces you to the Arataki Gang with his hands on your shoulders like: “This is my best bud! They’re the coolest person ever. Be nice or you’re banned. Forever.”

The gang all knows he’s obsessed with you. They absolutely tease him the second you’re out of earshot.

“You gonna ask ’em out yet, boss?”

“Wha—NO! I mean… not yet… maybe… okay yes—but shut up!!”

- He protects you from everything, even the stuff that doesn’t need protecting.

“WAIT!! Don’t step on that crack—what if you twist your ankle??”

“Hang on, that bug looks suspicious. I’ll handle it.”

(It was a caterpillar. He still screamed a little.)

You trip one time and he grabs your arm like you’re dangling off a cliff,

“DON’T WORRY—I GOT YOU!!!”

(You were fine. He keeps holding your hand anyway.)

- He practices confessing to you… terribly.

He’ll be walking home alone like:

“Hey, I—uh—wanna tell you something… NO wait—you’re real special to me! No, that’s lame… Uh—let’s go out, you and me? Forever? Too strong??”

He ends up punching a tree out of frustration and then apologizes to the tree.

- He shows up when you’re down every time

He’s not super great with words, but he always notices when you’re quiet or tired.

Will literally drop everything and be like:

“Wanna hang out? Just us? I’ll bring snacks. And jokes. And… myself. I’m the best part, c’mon!”

Then he sits with you until you feel better, no questions asked. Just warm, safe, joyful Itto energy.

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A/N: that was it I hope u all enjoyed, I love itto sm😭😭❤️ anywho, I was wondering if I should maybe make a post on different characters and which songs I think they’d listen to/their fav songs?? Idk..

[illumizoldycksdryshampoo]

NSFW headcanons of choso kamo as your guitarist boyfriend. (reader is fem aligned!)

MDNI.

- His fingers are dangerous.

Calloused, strong, and precise—years of guitar playing made them relentless. He knows it too. He’ll smirk when you squirm and ask, “That’s the spot, right?”.

Sometimes he fingers you while strumming lazily with his other hand. Just showing off.

- He’s obsessed with you wearing his band tees.

Especially after shows. Nothing underneath. You straddling his lap backstage while he’s still sweaty, drunk off adrenaline.

You whisper in his ear that he looked hot on stage and suddenly he’s needy and rough, so desperate to hear you moan.

- He’s not very vocal but deep groans are his thing.

Low, guttural sounds. Panting your name. Cursing under his breath when he gets overwhelmed.

When you take control? He melts. Letting you ride him slowly while he grips the sheets, eyes fluttering shut.

- Praise kink? Yeah.

Especially if you call him “rockstar,” “pretty boy,” or whisper, “your hands were made for this.” He’ll come undone so fast.

- Sometimes, he writes lyrics after sex.

Still half-naked, tangled in you, scribbling half-coherent lines on his phone with shaky fingers. They’re always about you.

(A/N: I SAW THE PIERCE THE VEIL SOUND ON TIKTOK AND CAME UP W THISSS, it’s so good guys listen to it..🫦🫦)

[illumizoldycksdryshampoo]

I genuinely have so much fkin creativity I could blow up on the big 3 (ao3, wattpad, tumblr) but I’m so lazy it’s not even normal 😭 currently 4am and I’m imagining some crazy n creative af scenarios of choso😞😞

WAIT GUYS SHOULD I WRITE THOSE UH “Imagine __ as..”

[illumizoldycksdryshampoo]

*walks up to you* pshtt.. *slides you a link for a feitan x reader fanfic and disappears into the shadows mysteriously..*

!BEFORE YOU READ!: spoilers included, fem! reader who drinks and smokes, LOTS of cussing since its enemies to lovers, smut (eventually)

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description;

Chrollo sends Machi on a mission to kidnap Y/N L/N after discovering her rare ability to become invisible-a power he believes would be invaluable to the Phantom Troupe. Not wanting her potential to go to waste, he decides she's the perfect replacement for Uvogin, the former No. 11 Spider.

At first, Y/N resists the idea of joining the Troupe. But with little choice and nowhere to run, she's forced into their world. Over time, she begins to warm up to the members-and surprisingly, most of them seem to accept her too. All except one: Feitan.

He's cold, hostile, and seems to despise her from the moment they meet...

Or does he?

A/N: this is the first ever fanfic I’ve ever released on wattpad, I rewrote it some times, added gifs/pics and fonts to make each chapter more alive and fun, it was tough at first since I had very little reads but I have over 2k now! I’m super proud and very grateful to anyone that supports me! 💕 btw the fanfic is NOT FINISHED!! I’ll be working on it soon, I’m a pretty lazy author tbh but I try.