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imaginesoftbinnie · 5 years ago

Text

Dumbbutt

TW// (could interpreted as a) Slight mention of suicide

TW// Toxic relationship in the beginning

TW// Anxiety attack (not the best description of one)

TW// Slight self harm

I tried to make this gender neutral and didn’t use any description of the reader to try and make it as y/n as possible without using y/n, y/e/c, y/f/c, etc.

It was all fake. Everything he did for you, everything he told you was absolutely fake. You thought that at least it was somewhat real, the feelings you had for him were more than you ever had for anyone, you didn’t have to pretend for him. You thought you were real, that the relationship was real. But you were wrong.

You didn’t know you were wrong until Chan was telling you what he had said about you. “He would always tell me ‘I can’t believe you let me date them, it was one of the worst experiences of my life.’” Then you felt shattered. Sure, it had been a year since you guys broke up, but it still hurt, knowing the way that he talked about you.

You should have known, though. You should have known the moment he walked up to you and only gave you a hug. He didn’t kiss you, acknowledge anything new about you after not seeing him for three months, and instead just went on talking with Chan, leaving you to walk with Minho. You should have known the moment he suddenly disappeared, leaving you with a group of random people you hardly even knew, luckily, Changbin showed up right after, paying notice to your new hair, your change in style. You should’ve known the moment that he pushed you away while you were hugging to go talk to Hyunjin instead of being with you. You should have known when he didn’t pay notice that you were hanging out more with Changbin and Felix.

You should have known.

But you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, he would always talk about himself so poorly and you didn’t want him to feel as if he didn’t deserve you. Sure, you dropped little hints. Asking “why do you even like me?” “do you still love me?”. Saying “you deserve better.”. Just to see what he would say. But he kept it up, dragging you along like a lost puppy dog, until finally he told you- no, he texted you that he lost feelings for you over the last three months and he just didn’t know how to tell you without hurting you.

You were able to hold it together for the rest of the day, you were over him, but it wasn’t him that was hurting you, it was what he said. Were you really that bad of a partner? Was dating you really as bad as he said?

The thoughts kept running through your head for days, going on months, not getting into any relationships because you didn’t want to ruin the experience for anyone else. You didn’t want someone to think that you were a bad partner, or turn people off from dating because you were horrible.

Sighing, you turned your phone off and watched Changbin as he ate and worked on his paper, your hand was just there in the middle of the table, you didn’t have any intention behind it, it was just there. But, then Changbin placed his hand in yours and you stared up, confused. This wasn’t exactly the first time he’s held your hand, but the other times it was just to get you to pay attention to him, or to make you run faster while he was trying to show you something.

But there was something different about today, different in the way he grabbed your hand, how gentle it was, how sudden it was, and how he seemed completely unphased by what he did or how you were reacting. Your heart was beginning to race, and you felt heat rise to your cheeks, but didn’t say anything because this brought a comfort that you hadn’t had it a while. However, this was the worst time for your crush on him to be showing through.

For a couple of days, he didn’t hold your hand again, until the football game that was going on at lunch. You guys were sitting on the bleachers, when suddenly he grabbed your hand and just held onto it. Neither of you really said anything, unless it was about the game, and Felix just looked at you a little weirdly before shrugging and going back to the game. Suddenly though, Changbin threw your hand down, sat up straight, and looked down at the football game. You were confused until you saw your ex sitting right by you guys. You sighed a little bit and just went back to watching the game.

It wasn’t until you guys started heading back to class that he held your hand again, not saying anything until you had to part to different classes. He hugged you and walked straight, while you turned around and walked the other way, absolutely giddy. But, soon you stopped. You can’t let your crush on him shine through.

As the days went on, he started to hold your hand more, Felix noticing and not saying anything, it becoming a normal thing for him too. One day you guys were hanging out, just you and Changbin since Felix was out.

“See but people like you! People want you here, no one wants me here.” You say to him as you take a bite of the roll that he gave you, since you never got lunch. “But I want you here!”

You were a little taken aback by what he said, and you guys sat in silence for a little bit while your face heated up and heart raced. He cracked a joke and everything was back to normal and you guys walked to class once the bell rang signalling that lunch was over.

You thought about what he said for days, it being the only thing in your mind, especially when he would hold your hands. He was becoming a lot more flirty too, but you couldn’t do anything about it. You didn’t want to ruin his ideas on relationships. Besides, he probably doesn’t even like you! His personality is just very flirty, look how he is everyone else.

“I’m a really flirty person.” He said while you were waiting to get picked up. “Well you shouldn’t flirt with someone unless you actually mean it.” You say coldly, not sure if he was playing with your feelings and just feeling conflicted in general. He was a little shocked, but nodded. “I know, that’s why I only flirt with people that I like now..” You only shook your head and headed to your car with only a wave goodbye to him.

A couple days later you were catching a ride with Jeongin. You were talking to Changbin, since after school was mostly the time you had, outside of lunch of course. “So.. you’re leaving me alone?” He said with a pout, god he was so cute. “I’m sorry, but he begged me to go with him.” “And I’m begging you to stay.”

You stopped, your heart stopped, your breathing stopped, the car on the next street over stopped and leaned over to try and see if they heard that correctly, Once everyone and everything was sure that they heard correctly, you were only able to stutter out an “I’m sorry.” before being dragged away by Jeongin.

He said he’d stop flirting with people he didn’t like.

The next few days, you were just thinking about everything that he’s done. Maybe he does like you? No no, that’s just a crazy idea. He’s just a very flirty person, that’s all. But he said he only flirts with people he likes? Well obviously he lied!

You’ve had enough and finally decided to tell him you like him... with a gift... since it’s his birthday soon... Okay, maybe you shouldn’t! You don’t want to ruin his birthday just because you have a crush-

There was a tap on your shoulder, you turn around and there he is in all of his glory. So handsome that he takes your breath away. You sigh and begin to start to shake, the idea of giving him his present and also confession was making you terribly nervous, to the point that you could hardly even breathe and felt like everything was closing in on you even though you were out in public. You gave him the present, which was a bracelet, and walked away to your class. Being the only one there, you finally felt like you had some breathing room and took as deep breaths as you could. You let the idea of confessing to him elude you a bit until lunch, when Jeongin was telling you to confess it him right now, there he is, looking at cute n shit, just tell him! A few of his other friends were pushing to to tell him too, but then the bell rang as you were heading to him.

Talked about saved by the bell.

You could’t even go to your sixth period class, you were finally going to do it. But after school. After school. Tell him. You were mumbling to yourself in the bathroom stall. It was hard to breathe again, you were starting to see spots and were trying not to cry as you began to scratch the skin on your arm. Why were you going into a full blown panic attack over a boy? Fear of rejection? Fear of ruining how he thinks of you? Why why why why why why why why why?

You placed your head on your arms which were over your legs, closed your eyes and tried to breathe. In 1, 2, out 1, 2. You got this, just keep breathing don’t think about anything but breathing. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Eventually, a few minutes after the bell, you were able to calm yourself down and drag yourself to your seventh period class, where you were able to distract yourself with the show you were able to somehow watch on your school computer. The final bell rang and you took your time with getting ready to meet up with Changbin, the same way you do after every class. You took deep breaths as you walked out and faced him, he held his hand out for you two to walk out together while holding hands.

It was a couple minutes of silence before you were able to speak.

“Hey- I- uh- I um- I like you.” You were able to stutter out, and then every single bone in your body told you to run away, but he was still holding your hand.

He squeezed it tighter, and had the brightest smile on your face. “I like you too.” He said, but you thought he was just going to reject you so you already had what you were gonna say rehearsed. “And I know you don’ Wait what?”

He laughed the beautiful laugh he does and pulled you into a hug. “I like you too, a lot actually!”

You pulled out of the hug and punched his arm. “WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING???” He just smiled and shrugged, rubbing his arm a little bit

“I was waiting for you, dumbbutt"

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