implanningmurder-blog

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I’m gonna be gone until I beat Persona 5 Soooooooooo Se y'all next year!

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me, to the video game character whose actions I'm controlling: why are you doing that

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it always happens to me lmao

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Were You Born Under The Gaslight?

When applied to a family, the gaslight treatment is a special form of dysfunction. It happens when you, a child, receive messages or encounter experiences within the family which are deeply contradictory. Messages which are opposing and conflicting; experiences which can’t both be true. When you can’t make sense of something, it’s natural to apply the only possible answer:

“Something is wrong with me.”

Today, scores of children are growing up under a gaslight of their own. And scores of adults are living their lives baffled by what went on in their families, having grown up thinking that they, not their families, are crazy.

I have seen gaslighting cause personality disorders, depression, anxiety, and a host of other lifelong struggles. Receiving contradictory messages that don’t make sense can shake the very ground that a child walks on.

The Four Types of Child Gaslighting:

1. The Double-Bind Parent: This type was first identified by Gregory Bateson in 1956.  The double-bind mother has been linked by research to the development of schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorder. This type of parent goes back and forth unpredictably between enveloping (perhaps smothering) the child with love and coldly rejecting him.

The Message: You are nothing. You are everything. Nothing is real. You are not real.

The Gaslight Effect: As an adult, you don’t trust yourself, your validity as a human being, your feelings, or your perceptions. Nothing seems real. You stand on shaky ground. You have great difficulty trusting that anyone means what they say. It’s extremely hard to rely on yourself or anyone else.

2. The Unpredictable, Contradictory Parent: Here, your parent might react to the same situation drastically differently at different times or on different days, based on factors that are not visible to you. For example a parent who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs one day and not the next; a parent who is manic at times, and depressed other times, or a parent who is extremely emotionally unstable. Whatever the reason for the parent’s opposing behaviors, you, the innocent child, know only that your parent flies into a rage one moment and is calm and seems normal the next.

The Message: You are on shaky ground. Anything can happen at any time. No one makes sense.

The Gaslight Effect: You don’t trust your own ability to read or understand people; you have difficulty managing and understanding your own emotions, and those of others. You struggle to trust anyone, including yourself.

3. The Appearance-Conscious Family: In these families, style always trumps substance. All must look good, or maybe even perfect, especially when it’s not. There’s little room for the mistakes, pain, or natural human shortcomings of the family members. The emphasis is on presenting the image of the ideal family. Here, you experience a family which appears perfect from the outside, but which is quite imperfect, or even severely dysfunctional, on the inside. This can stem from Achievement / Perfection focused parents (as described in Running on Empty), or from narcissistic parents.

The Message: You must be perfect. Natural human flaws, mistakes, and weaknesses must be hidden and ignored. You are not allowed to be a regular human being.

The Gaslight Effect: You feel deeply ashamed of yourself and your basic humanness. You ignore your own feelings and your own pain because you don’t believe it’s real, or that it matters. You tend to see and focus on only the positive things in your life, which fit into a particular template. You are extremely hard on yourself for making mistakes, or you put them out of your mind and simply pretend they didn’t happen. You may be missing out on the most important parts of life which make it worthwhile: the messy, real world of intimacy, relationships and emotion.

4. The Emotionally Neglectful Family (CEN): In this family, your physical needs may be met just fine. But your emotional needs are ignored. No one notices what the children are feeling. The language of emotion is not used in the home. “Don’t cry,” “Suck it up,” “Don’t be so sensitive,” are frequently uttered by the CEN parent. The most basic, primary part of what makes you you (your emotional self) is treated as a burden or non-existent.

The Message: Your feelings and needs are bad and a burden to others. Keep them hidden. Don’t rely on others, and don’t need anything. You don’t matter.

The Gaslight Effect: You have been trained to deny the most deeply personal, biological part of who you are, your emotions, and you have dutifully pushed them out of sight and out of mind. Now, you live your life with a deeply ingrained feeling that you are missing something that other people have. You feel empty or numb at times. You don’t trust yourself or your judgments because you lack your emotions to guide you. Your connections to others are one-way or lack emotional depth. Even if you are surrounded by people, deep down you feel alone. None of it makes any sense to you.

Were you born under the gaslight? If so, you are not alone. You are not invalid or crazy or wrong. it’s vital to realize that you have been, by definition, deeply invalidated. But “invalidated” and “invalid” are not the same. “Invalidated” is an action, and “invalid” is a state of mind. You can’t change what your parents did and didn’t do, but you can change your state of mind.

SOURCE: [ x x x x ]

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me at the pet store

*sees a puppy*: “look at that baby!!”

*sees a cat*: “look at that baby!!”

*sees a guinea pig*: “look at that baby!!”

*sees a very large snake*: “look at that baby!!”

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(x)

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Werkbau  [Pixiv]

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Owl Shop. (Or, when Harry found Hegwig’s successor - before it could fly).

(Honestly, I just wanted to draw a snowy owl chick - which are essentially fluffy dust mops that stomp around the taiga choking down lemmings larger than their heads.)

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Hey

Does anyone else have like. Anxiety-related memory problems. Like, after you do something, you start wondering if you messed something up or did something wrong, and you get really anxious over possible mistakes you made and you genuinely can’t remember if you made those mistakes or not?

Like for example maybe you write someone a letter and then after sending it you start imagining you made some terrible mistake and despite the fact that you yourself wrote and proofread and sent it, you can’t remember if you did or not?

It happens to me a l o t and it’s terrible and scary because I can’t trust my own memories when I’m anxious

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Some points to remember as an artist who is getting harassed over content:

The Harasser probably isn’t an artist, otherwise they would just make the content they wanted to see, and would understand art and artists enough to know that content controlling is bullshit.

The button that silences this person has more power than this person will ever have. Use it. Blocking people who upset or offend you is A-okay. And the only way you can see them getting their diapers in a twist is if you go looking, which is on you. You control what you see and do, no one else.

These people wouldn’t do this in person, so remember they’re cowards behind a computer thinking they can just get what they want. They can’t. They’re not allowed. 

You worked years for what you have. Have it.

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me: goes out with unshaved legs me: what the FUCK ever lmao somene: looks @ my legs me:

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a concept: Harry Potter with his mother’s hair and father’s eyes instead of vice versa. Harry with fiery dark red hair and soft hazel eyes please and thank you

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when you finish a paper just before the deadline and have no time to edit

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Yesterday I went to dinner to catch up with my buddy from the math department, and he told me this story about how he ran the city marathon in 2 hours, 59 minutes. That’s an amazing time. He was 19th out of thousands. 

He was doing pretty well for the first half, but then his ankle started to hurt. He slowed down for a bit, but then this girl he passed before passed him, and he started overthinking whether or not it was awkward to pass the same person multiple times, and, like, what if they small-talked about it? He decided it was better to pass her and stay ahead, so he picked up the pace. A few miles later, he fell in with two dude-bros who started talking to him. Not pleased to find himself in the company of dude-bros, he pulled ahead once again. This continued for a while; every time he got closed to a group of other marathoners, his social anxiety kicked in and he ran faster because he felt nervous being near people. 

TL;DR A mathematician ran an record marathon to avoid making small-talk with randos. He introverted his way into qualifying for the Boston marathon. 

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Ok since p5 is out in like 3 days in jp i would just remind that when the first p5 teaser came out it was just a bunch of chairs and everyone (including me) lost their shit

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using a persons name and pronouns is just as important when they’re not there

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Positive parts of 2016

- the rise of old friends senior dog sanctuary - Hamilton - pokemon go - female ghostbusters - i don’t give a fuck im outta here Obama - captain america civil war - girl, black guy and latino guy leads in new star wars - deadpool - lemonade - literally???! Nothing??? Else????