impurefeathers

[impurefeathers]

i=we, decided this one was too much for the spam. -

im sick. i keep asking myself that question lately. am i happy? is this making me happy? what if it isn't? what then? i can't go anywhere. plus, i know this is the best i'll get anywhere. i'm lucky that i get this. i'm not exactly a hot commodity.

[impurefeathers]

there's a giant bottle of ibuprofen on our nightstand and really, none of us want to be here anyways.

[impurefeathers]

our disabilities are never a big deal and always supported until it negatively impacts them. until it's something they don't like. maybe we need to stick up for ourselves more, but that goes here.

[impurefeathers]

my head hurts. i slammed it into my headboard too many times. i'm tired of defending myself. if she wants to believe i'm perpetually an awful husband that's fucking dandy. she can think whatever she wants. she doesn't have to trust me, fine!! she doesn't have to even like me!!! i'm done ripping my hair out over a woman that refuses to believe i can be a good person. i know i'm not. i don't care.

[impurefeathers]

'alex, you know banging your head into walls is not conducive to stopping our headache, right?' that fuckass pink hair is not conducive to you getting any bitches

[impurefeathers]

ok maybe its not excessive but . still. it sucks to feel babysat! i know im hurting us but it's reasonable, isn't it?

[impurefeathers]

4 protectors in co main feels a bit excessive guys !!! i'm not a 'danger to our health' guys !!!!! a few hits will not kill us !!!!!!!

[impurefeathers]

idk what to say.

[impurefeathers]

god. please don't let me wake up tomorrow.

[impurefeathers]

im going to fucking break something. it's all my fault. it's always my fucking fault. i can't do anything right here. i try to push him to talk and i'm an asshole. i tell him we can move on and i'm an asshole. what the hell am i supposed to do? how to i fix this? is there any fixing this? am i doomed to ruin this every night?

[impurefeathers]

i've been getting violent again lately. it scares me. it's always small stuff. punching pillows, kicking things, throwing whatever i can grab. i don't want to. it would scare him if he saw me.

[impurefeathers]

an angel just lost its wings

[impurefeathers]

never EVER been THIS close to shooting myself im going to cry i miss her

[impurefeathers]

im so tired of this. we're crying for the first time since june. why can't we be normal? healthy? anything? i know a spiral is starting.

[impurefeathers]

tntduo stimboard with themes of fire and red!

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

💣 💣 💣 - 🥂 🥂 🥂 - ♦️ ♦️ ♦️

[impurefeathers]

.

i shouldnt be in front. im going to make us do something stupid. but if i leave, im the bad guy. no amount of supervision is gonna stop me from making a mistake. despite that, if i leave im the reason my relationship is failing. so ill take the bad decisions, i think.

[impurefeathers]

wilbur dont read. at least dont tell me if you do.

please dont drag me back to who i used to be. i dont want to do that anymore. those were the days i asked charlie to hide my gun from me.

if he wants me back there so bad, hes done a great job of bringing me to the brink.

i should indulge in some old habits.