a personal journal of sorts
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08.01.2024
09:44:15
i want to dance with someone at the club. have drinks and kiss them. go home with them. knowing that i'll wake up to them for the rest of my life.
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05.31.2024
13:36:00
cried while writing thank you notes
wishing i was writing one to you
but youve been gone for a while now
i love you
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03.34.2024
03:07:00
the way i treat my plushies
is a direct reflection
of my parents neglect
i leave them alone, theyll be fine
i dont feed or play with them
i dont interact with them unless i see them when i am waking up
i dont interact with them until i hold them in my arms and gently kiss them to go to sleep
a kid only needs its parents to check under the bed at night for monsters
like parents do in the tv shows
my parents say everything else in the tv shows is unrealistic
that its not real life
so why should i expect them to treat me
how they treat the kids in the shows
im not a kid on a show
so why should i be cared for the same way
after all
a plushie can be fine on its own
it doesnt need me
we just exist in the same house
i was given this plushie
it is my responsibility
so maybe if i leave it alone
it will learn to take care of itself
like i did
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03.25.2024
01:18:00
everything in my life is slowly becoming orange
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04.17.2024
22:41:00
i have so much love for u in my tiny little heart
sometimes my chest hurts because im just so happy for you. because i love you. because im proud of you. because i see you. i love you. i love every second with you. and im sorry that ive made you feel any other way but grateful to have you in my life.
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04.17.2024
22:42:30
loving someone is being sad that you werent there during their whole lives
its being sad about time you didnt experience with them
its about wondering what they were like as kids
its wishing you had known them for longer
loving someone is being hopeful about spending your lives together
its about the calm that comes with knowing that you’re experiencing life together
its about daydreaming what they will be like when theyre older
its being grateful to get to know someone over time
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04.17.2024
22:42:00
i think it would make me sad. if someone i cared for. didnt experience the joy i felt from the things i get joy from.
like how a small crack, worsens over time?
it may be small now. but what about later, how those differences accumulate over time
can they be survived, or is there a breaking point
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07.21.2024
03:37:45
on 07.20.2024 i couldnt go to sleep because tiktok showed me his page, so i took a bath and watched saw. im grateful to be able to have my comfort movies.
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04.17.2024
22:48:00
i dont want to be remembered
if its not with you
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04.17.2024
22:49:30
im not the only one with memories of you
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04.17.2024
22:49:00
i deserve to be loved as hard as i love
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05.05.2024
12:57:00
can you tell me that it will be alright. can you mean it when you say that this will pass. we’re only here for a moment, dont let me think of the past. im so afraid of being alone. dont get too close, then we both wont be alright. im only okay because youre not here. im only okay because your time with me has passed. can you tell me that it will be alright. do you know that time has passed.
tell me im okay.
tell me we’re alright.
tell me that time has passed.
have you left my life fully. has the time passed. are you here with me now. do you haunt me then as you do now. do you say my name. do you think of me. it will never hurt you the way it hurts me. why do i have to live through it all alone. when time passes are you haunting me then as you do now. can you tell me that it will be alright and mean it this time.
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07.19.2024
07:23:59
spent the night drawing for this comic idea i have.
just realised it is 7 in the morning. washed my face. did my hair.
might go out and get myself a little treat.
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05.21.2024
02:25:00
what if we don’t think of each other the same way
have i always been so wrong about you
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06.24.2024
06:07:00
i know there’s no chance
i always want people that don’t want me
i’m always left wanting more once they’ve had their fill
i’m just a rest stop
before people find their final destinations.
no one wants me.
i’m just tolerated.
i give everything.
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