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Qin Zheng: If I say "I love you", will you say it back?

Zetian: Fine

Qin Zheng: I love you

Zetian: It back

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Shimin: Why are your tongues purple?

Yizhi: We had slushies

Zetian: Yizhi had a red one, I had a blue one

Shimin: Oh

Shimin: OH

Shimin: You guys drank each other's slushies?

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Qin Zheng, holding a "#1 Boyfriend" card: How can you say that when I have THIS?

Zetian: I didn't get you that

Qin Zheng: I thought I deserved it 🙄

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Shimin: All my clothes keep disappearing and I can't figure out why

Yizhi, wearing a jumper five sizes too big for him: Huh, that's weird

Zetian, wearing a shirt that reaches her knees: Spooky

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Zetian and Yizhi, holding Shimin between them: He's an irredeemable villain to YOU. He's our special little princess though

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Zetian: How do you pronounce that word?

Qin Zheng: What word?

Zetian: *points to bourgeoisie*

Qin Zheng: With hatred.

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Zetian: Taiping told me that instead of being sad, I should "go get it, girl!" so now I'm going to go get it, girl

Qieluo: ...What are you supposed to be getting?

Zetian: I have no idea. I'm going to get everything just to be safe

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Qin Zheng: Eat the rich

Zetian: Eat the rich? I do that every night

Yizhi: And she's very good at it ;)

Qin Zheng:

Qin Zheng, remembering his childhood and sweating: ... You know what? Let's just kill them. And bury them immediately. And never mention this again.

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Qin Zheng: When you and I first met, I did not like you

Yizhi: I'm aware of that

Qin Zheng: And then I spent some time with you

Yizhi: Uh huh

Qin Zheng: It did not get better

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Zetian: On a scale of 1 to 10, how annoyed at me are you right now?

Qin Zheng: 9

Zetian: I can do better than that

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Yizhi: Do you really have to blackmail me?

Qin Zheng: Well, how else am I supposed to get you to do something?

Yizhi: By asking me

Qin Zheng: Don't be ridiculous

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Shimin: Is that my jacket?

Zetian: No, it's my jacket.

Shimin: It looks a bit big for you, though?

Zetian: Maybe I'm a bit small for it. Mull that one over.

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*Texting*

Yizhi: Good morning, Zetian

Yizhi: How did my lovely girlfriend sleep?

Qin Zheng: This is her husband

Qin Zheng: What do you want?

Yizhi: Good morning, my Emperor

Yizhi: How did our lovely girlfriend sleep?

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Sima Yi: What did you DO?

Shimin, covered in bruises: In my defence, I was left unsupervised

Sima Yi: Wasn't Wu Zetian with you?

Zetian, covered in blood: In my defence, I was also left unsupervised

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Helan: How do I deal with my enemies?

Yizhi: Kill them

Helan: That feels a bit... extreme

Yizhi: Kill them only a little?

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Shimin: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired. I'll be fine.

Yizhi: But Shimin, it'll be so cold without your big, strong body.

Zetian: Don't you want to curl up with us and get spooned?

Shimin: Okay... I gue- wait. Are you two trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?

Yizhi:

Zetian:

Yizhi: Is it working?

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[Texting]

Zetian: Where are you?

Qin Zheng: Turn around

Qin Zheng: No the other way

Qin Zheng: Wrong way again

Zetian: Qin Zheng, where exactly are you?

Qin Zheng: Oh I'm at home, the thought of you turning aimlessly circles just amuses me