indylgc

[indylgc]

hi everyone, unfortunately i come with some sad news today 😔  i’m going to be dropping indy and nari. i’ve been struggling with writing for them a while now, and it’s feeling like something that will take a lot of work and energy i don’t think i have to fix. i’ll also be starting classes again shortly, and i’m not sure how well i’ll be able to keep up here with everything else going on in my life without neglecting something else, which i don’t want to do. i always tell everyone else that rp is a hobby and if it’s not fun, it might be best to move on, so i’m applying that logic to myself this time and decided it’s time to take my leave now. 

i did have a lot of fun while i was here, and i’m leaving with a lot of fond memories. thank you so much to everyone that plotted with and loved indy and nari; i’m sorry to leave you guys hanging on plots and threads only to drop like this, but know that i did really enjoy writing with you all. i’m honestly sad because i do love indy and nari and i’m curious about how their stories will go, especially about future dreams!! but i don’t think it’s fair to myself to drag things on if i’m not enjoying it, and i don’t think it’s fair to anyone else to stay, potentially get something out of future dreams, then drop right afterwards.

so!! as for indy and nari’s stories now: indy’s mom is sick (temporarily), and he’ll decide that he doesn’t want to be an idol enough to miss out on time with his mom if something bad happens. he’s been thinking a lot about what he wants lately with future dreams anyway, and he’ll come to the conclusion that being an idol isn’t actually one of those things. he’ll go back to australia a while, and once his mom recovers, will likely realize he actually misses training, and he might go back to korea, get signed to another company, and eventually debut there after more time to grow and figure out what he wants in life. 

nari, on the other hand, would never leave without being forced to, so i’m forcing her to leave HAHA she’ll overwork herself during future dreams and have a pretty serious injury that could be career-ending. lgc will drop her eventually, because even though she could potentially go into the acting or modeling path, she won’t be able to work long hours for a while. she’ll be devastated but she’s always been strong-willed so she’ll recover eventually, though she’ll probably never be able to dance the same again and that’ll be painful for her. maybe she’ll bounce back and manage to get signed by another company eventually too, or she’ll get into acting properly, and find a new passion for it and plenty of success in her future.

if you’d like to keep in touch!! i’m @YURlLECLERC on twitter and i would be happy to 💗 even though i’m leaving lgc, i’ll still be around in the krp sphere, and i’m sure a lot of us will meet again one day. for now, though, this is so long. thank you again for everything 🙏 

[indylgc]

indy is still coming to terms with a lot, but as time went on, he thinks he grew numb to it. he set it aside in favor of practicing, trying to focus on the present moment, and not that he is a necessary component to a future boy group he isn't even sure he wants to be a part of. well, that's not true; he wants to be part of a group that his friends debut in, but it's not his dream like he knows it should be. he knows it is for everyone else.

he doesn't think about it anymore, though. all he can do is take every day one step at a time anyway; there's no point in stressing over a future he might not even have to.

what is stressful is always being on camera, and the fact that he absolutely has to perform up to that standard: someone that is a necessary component to a group. lee james told him he needed to focus on his performance skills if he wanted to be anything other than a variety member, but indy is fine with that, really. he still wants to make a good impression on future dreams's viewers, however, and even moreso, his variety personality should probably shine through in situations like this, shouldn't it? he wants to show everyone his bright side, but it's a little difficult.

it helps that he's with friends, though, even though...he won't be soon? the legacy staff informed them that they would be performing different songs in different groups at legacy's family concert, so ultimately practicing boss was useless. well, not really; he'll consider it a warm up for the rest of the show. being able to practice with his friends for a while was a good way to get them used to future dreams and prepare them for more difficult tasks on the show in the future. right? he prefers to think about it like that.

now, however, there's jikjin. indy is stressed about this too, especially because he opens the song. it's just a single word– legacy –but it sets the tone for the performance. he has to deliver it well.

he doesn't know how much cam can help him with that, but they're both here, and it's more fun practicing with friends anyway. besides, it sounds like cam is already practicing jikjin?

he's about to speak when cam asks him if he said something, and indy laughs lightly. "no, it's okay! i didn't say anything, but i was about to ask if we should try practicing jikjin together? i think i have the dance memorized already if you need any help with that...?" it's still strange for him to be competent enough to help his friends with anything, but it's a nice feeling.

legacy project - future dreams s005 | @indylgc

there was finally some confidence in his reflection. he could look into his eyes, dancing in front of the training studio’s mirrors, and know that he’d made some sort of improvement. it was a lot of work and a lot of storage space on his phone gone from the multiple videos he’d recorded of himself to see how his face looked, if he was making eye contact at the right times, if he was *selling it*. it was feedback given to him from shinhae sunbae and he didn’t want to disappoint someone who took the time to give him thoughtful comments. boss was a song that he needed to have impact with, he’d have to keep up with the other three of his team.

it was both disappointing but relieving to find out they actually had more time before their supposed performance. as much as he felt proud and confident in himself from the work he’d put in to get to this point, there was always room for improvement so cam would take it for what it was.

the only thing that stressed him more from the situation was that he’d have to learn another song, this time with all of the other boys in future dreams. he wasn’t the slowest in picking things up, not in a long shot, but he liked having the time to get comfortable in the song to tweak his performance. it was a bit much to have all the boys doing one song, the lines stretched tight over everyone, but he was happy with the parts he got to do and he’d just have to make sure he performed them well.

he was so focussed on thinking about everything and listening to the instrumental guide on repeat that he almost forgot he was in the studio with indy, going through vocal warmups and practising. normally he wouldn’t stress too hard over his vocals, that he could practise at any time in the dorm– dancing needed space and therefore was limited by the studio time he could get at legacy. he *normally* wouldn’t stress but he only had so many words to make an impact in jikjin, he wanted to make sure he was at his best.

“sorry indy,” he ran a hand through his hair and sighed, finally pulling his eyes away from the sheet with lyrics printed. “did you say something?”

[indylgc]

☀ ︴that’s a rap

lgcjiahn​:

~~☼~~

“it’s the ‘confidently’ part i’m worried about,” he admits to indy, for a moment forgetting about the cameras while he’s with him. it’s easier to relax, easier to pretend that it’s just another day in the same old practice rooms. “you know that’s hard for me. i only have a little experience with rapping… and i haven’t practiced it in a while.” his brow furrows. his worry shows on his face. he’s afraid that he’ll let the team down, that he’ll hold them back. indy will understand all of the things that jiahn doesn’t say. “i’ll work hard.”

being optimistic is easy. he can pretend debuting is his dream, and that he's over the moon about the feedback he received, and really, he should have a better attitude about it. he has something special that the other trainees don't, at least according to lee james, and he should treasure that; he should want to be a necessary component to legacy's future boy group.

surely he can do that. he looks at jiahn, and thinks about the positive feedback he received for his performance, and tries to drill it into his head; it's a good thing. surely, jiahn will debut in the next group, and indy was always afraid of jiahn leaving him behind. maybe this means they will stay together; that indy really did do something right for once.

he'll try to look at it that way, but more than that, he'll try to have fun with it. he's in a group with people he likes very much (though it's not like indy has ever met a person he doesn't like.) he likes their song, too, even if his parts are quite important and that adds a little pressure to the heavy load already on his shoulders. if he looks at it from a different perspective, he's extremely lucky, and he has nothing to lose. he might as well enjoy this, and he knows if he does that, his true self that is supposedly charming will shine through; that's what he wants to show on camera, not this sad, moping version of himself.

he just has to ignore his heart in his throat as jiahn talks. best friends. best friends. he reminds himself. he focuses on jiahn's words instead, and nods in understanding. "you really just have to pretend you know what you're doing to start. that's what i do all the time," he laughs. and somehow it landed him a rap ost, which he still doesn't think he'll ever understand. "and i think most importantly, try to have fun when it's time to perform. sure, boss is kind of...a fierce image, but i think if you try to go in with the mindset of 'i'm going to perform with my best friends, this dance is really cool and legacy liked my last performance and trusted me to be able to do something new, this doesn't happen every day so i'm going to enjoy it,' it'll feel less stressful." he doesn't know how helpful any of this is. this role reversal feels a little strange, but indy figures if there's anything he's good at, it's having fun, and that it's probably an area jiahn can improve in.

"i think it's easier to feel confident when you have that mindset, but we'll also practice a lot until there's no doubt that you know what you're doing." he smiles, and holds out a hand for a high five. he knows they can do it.

[indylgc]

☀ ︴that’s a rap

future dreams is an absolute whirlwind. indy knew this already, but somehow it keeps getting worse.

he is still haunted by the fact that he is a necessary component to a boy group that he’s never really wanted to be in, according to lee james of haru. he thinks anyone else would be thrilled-- should be thrilled --but he is just guilty and terrified. he doesn’t want this enough to be a component of a group at all, let alone a necessary one. he doesn’t know how to keep that from coming across on camera, either; he supposes he’ll have to hide any of his distressed feelings, and he’s no stranger to that.

the good thing is jiahn is here, placed in a group with him. it should be a good thing, anyway. jiahn’s presence is both welcome and a constant reminder that he may never get to love him the way he wants to. it is a constant reminder of the cameras trained on them; the cameras that will be trained on them for the rest of their lives if they accomplish jiahn’s dream. he is so full of love every time he looks at him but half the time they are too afraid to even hug each other.

he tries not to think about it. instead, he looks on the bright side, as always, and he’s going to get to perform on future dreams with his best friend. that’s undeniably exciting, and all he has to do is pretend they aren’t in love. surely that won’t be too hard. he did it for half of his life, even if he wasn’t consciously aware of it until a few months ago.

what’s a little funny is that jiahn has to rap for their performance. he knows jiahn is probably terrified, because it’s far from an area of strength for him, but he hopes he can ease some of that fear by being here.  

he might actually even be able to help him practice, which would be a wild role reversal, considering how much jiahn has helped him for much of his time in legacy. he’ll try anyway, like now, as they sit on the floor of a practice room after the rest of their group has headed their separate ways. 

“rapping isn’t that hard,” indy tries to assure jiahn. “i think you’ll be able to get by if you just talk the words, honestly. it’s just about doing it confidently, and then i think if you can do it confidently you’ll be able to practice and make it sound better too.”

                                                                       *   @lgcjiahn ☼ !

[indylgc]

summer (aka future dreams) tracker

yes i am joining the onslaught of trackers on dash!! i recently dropped a bunch of threads and am down to a reasonable amount which means i naturally need an unreasonable amount again. both of my muses are in future dreams, and that will be what consumes their lives for the foreseeable future, so i am asking for future dreams threads only for my final shred of sanity 😔 i’ll put some info about how both indy and nari are doing below as well as the actual tracker portion! and please like this post if you want to plot 💕

INDY

GROUP 2 (BOSS) BOYS DORM 2

indy is reeling from his feedback he received from haru’s lee james, who said he’s a necessary component if lgc wants to debut a new team because of his variety skills, but that he needs to improve if he wants to be anything more than a variety member. tbh indy is fine with just being a variety member, he barely wants to debut and is only on future dreams because of peer pressure and he has never been called a necessary component for anything, let a debut team, before. he feels a lot of pressure, very overwhelmed, and pretty guilty for being a “necessary component” when he doesn’t think he wants to debut enough to warrant that. he doesn’t know how to cope atm so i’m 99% sure he’s going to cry at some point this month, if not multiple times, but we love development!! i’m excited! he’s still going to try his best because the last thing he wants to do is hold anyone else back. plus, he’s in a group with some of his closest friends and that helps a lot.

FD THREAD(S): @lgcjiahn​ (3/4) BONUS THREAD(S): open! INTERVIEW SOLO: incomplete! PLOTTING: @lgckian​

NARI

GROUP 5 (BUNGEE) GIRLS DORM 1

nari hates it here. she hates bungee, she hates most of the girls in her group and that she’s dorming with (which is a HER problem i promise), and to make matters worse nam sarang basically told her she’s a good performer but has no personality and is replaceable-- at least that’s what nari got out of it. the thing with nari is she’s fake as hell, her real personality is incredibly cruel and critical and generally offputting so she’s just like 🧍 might start her villain arc fr. she’s also very upset she’s not leader of her group because she was on last season of future dreams and thinks she’s so great because she has more experience than everyone or whatever. she is kind of torn between continuing to be her “fake nice be who everybody wants me to be” persona and just dropping it and being her mean self so she might be kind of confusing to interact with atm. i think she will probably most likely end up being a  more palatable version of her true self though, so if you’re on her team expect ...criticism. constructive criticism, according to nari, but we’ll see about that.

FD THREAD(S): open! BONUS THREAD(S): open! INTERVIEW SOLO: incomplete! PLOTTING: @lgcchaekyung @lgcjaekyung​ @lgckiyeon​

[indylgc]

just wanted to offer a quick explanation to everyone i’m plotting with (and writing with, as if i don’t already take long enouGH) that i am currently very sick and fighting for my life so i’ll be slower answering messages at best if not leaving them until after i’ve recovered altogether 🙏 just wanted to let everyone know bc i would still like to plot i am just struggling w the worst throat pain known to man among other things which makes thinking intelligently hard SDSDGSDG hopefully i will feel better and be back at it soon in the meantime ty for your patience 💕

[indylgc]

thread drop post!

hiii everybody, now that the new trimester is beginning, the day has come: it’s time to drop some more threads, because i have...a lot, and i’m not sure how relevant some of them are anymore! i’ll put indy and @lgcnari’s in the same post just for my own convenience. of course, if i say i’m keeping anything you’d like to drop, or you want to keep something on my drop list, i’m 100% okay with that; just let me know! i’m sure half of the ones i’m dropping are already essentially dropped but are still in my rpthreadtracker, so i’ll be making that dropping Official in this post as well. pls let me know if i’m forgetting a thread on here too! also please give me non-event threads this is so sad.

INDY

DROPPING:

look, don’t touch / fresh meat - @eunholgc teardrops - @lgcjieun i ain’t afraid of no ghost - @lgcxcameron produced with love - @lgcdaeyeol first step - @lgcharu magical mystery tour - @lgchyejoo indy phone home - @lgcsoyoun sunshine squad - @lgcgaeul rise of the toilet guardians - @lgcaiden responsibility - @lgcyuseong redemption arc - @lgcsomin help! - @lgcdowoon

KEEPING:

everything is green / to be friends / seeing stars - @lgcaiden ( WE WILL END THESE ) what if it doesn’t end well? - @lgcjiahn man down - @lgcxmax​​

NARI

DROPPING:

behind the mask - @lgcxminji in the meantime - @lgcyein middleground - @lgcnabi you better not - @lgcjisoo get out of my house - @lgcnicky networking - @lgcjiho missing in action - @lgcnina she’s melting - @lgcjinyoung fan of mine? / fa(il)bric - @lgchyoseop send help - @lgcahyeon clean up on child that’s four - @cherrylgc bad news / style 101 - @lgcbyungho orange you glad - @lgcrieon photosynthesize - @lgcareum push it to the limit - @lgcasami

KEEPING:

bitter - @lgcsomin calculated - @lgcmiyu sharp edges - @lgckiyeon how it all ended - @lgcjinyoung betting for trouble - @lgcbyungho​

[indylgc]

LEE INDY JOURNAL ENTRY TOPIC: FUTURE DREAMS

honestly, i don't really know what to write this time. i want to be really brave! and say i'm so ready to take on all the competition in future dreams. well, i think it was kind of brave to sign up, wasn't it? especially when i feel like i'm not really ready.

is that okay for me to say? i'm not sure. i should probably keep those thoughts to myself in a journal entry like this, but maybe sharing my worries will help me to feel better? one of my english teachers in school said something about writing bad things down to get them out of your head, so!

i'm honestly really nervous. after watching everyone's performances the other day, everyone is really good. i still have a hard time considering myself one of those people that are really good. i guess my confidence is lacking. it's a fact that i'm a slow learner, though. it takes me too long to memorize lyrics, even though i'm pretty good when it comes to learning choreography now. i just hope i can keep up with everyone...

early in my days in legacy, the coaches were very hard on me. i understand why! i really wasn't good enough back then. it definitely made me improve a lot, so i'm grateful for that. i guess i just don't know...if i'm good enough now?

i don't want whoever reads this to read it as me not wanting to be on future dreams, because that's really not true! i am a little excited too, even if i'm mostly nervous. in the worst case, i'll get eliminated early. my worries will be proven true and i won't be good enough. but there's a chance that i really am good enough to compete with everyone else! and i think that would be really nice.

so i'm going to do my best for sure!

[indylgc]

mentioned: @lgcjiahn @lgcdowoon @lgcxmax

another day after signing up for future dreams, another meeting room, and it always makes indy a bit anxious. it always ushers in thoughts of him not belonging here; of all of the others signed up for this show deserving to be here more than him, but-- he tries to set those thoughts aside.

all they're asking him to do is talk, and he's been quite good at that during his time in legacy. yeah, he can do that much.

except what they want him to talk about is tough. it presses on those insecurities he just tried to get out of his mind. where does he rank among the other future dreams contestants?

he should be pretty good, shouldn't he? he's been training for a while now. he's in the special boy's evaluation group; legacy put him on an ost for pete's sake. he must be doing something right.

yet as he looks over these incredibly talented names, thinking back on the performances he saw the other day, he can't possibly put himself in the top ten, can he? he can't help but feel like he doesn't stack up to many of them at all, and he feels guilty to put himself ahead of anyone else when he knows he's still lacking so much.

he can't put himself last though, can he? they're probably filming this, right? they'll probably air it on the show if he does anything interesting? does he really believe he's last?

maybe not really, but he doesn't believe he has the right to rank himself above any of the others. it feels mean. still, he knows it's a competition, and he's at least supposed to give the illusion that he believes in himself to some degree, so he goes with something safe: "i think...maybe somewhere in the middle? maybe...12th? i think that's a nice number,"  and he laughs lightly.

somehow, he feels sad imagining himself in that position, even if he doesn't think he deserves higher. he wants to deserve higher, and yet he's afraid to, when he knows the other contestants on this show want to debut more than he does. if he doesn't want it enough, he doesn't deserve a high rank, does he? it would weigh him down.

he doesn't want to succeed, and yet he wants it desperately-- not to debut, but just to prove to himself that he's worth something here. he doesn't want to be better than the others; he just wants to be good enough.

"i would like to improve and earn a higher place," he adds, and he nods, then smiles. he wants to prove he deserves it. part of him does want to see how far he can go, and maybe, aside from jiahn and cam goading him into it, that's why he's here. in the worst case, he'll fail, and be last, and get eliminated first. he doesn't think he'd feel worse about himself than he already does. in the best case...maybe he'll have fun. he'll learn things, and maybe he'll make people smile, and maybe he'll find his place.

maybe it'll be 12th or 25th or first. that doesn't really matter to him.

the pd decides what matters to them is asking indy who he'd like to face off against in each category.

"ah, that's scary," indy laughs, and feigns shuddering. "everyone is talented, i think it would be hard no matter who i'm up against. i'm okay with anyone, really," and he looks to the pd with pleading eyes that say please don't make me choose. he ends up smiling though. "you're not going to let me get away with that, are you...? okokok." he looks over the names again, trying to match faces to performances, and his memory is so poor, and he doesn't know whether to choose people he thinks will make him look better or that he thinks will be fun to compete against.

he could face jiahn again in something. in the worst case, he'll make jiahn look really good, which is a good thing. in the best case...he'll prove they're equally matched? dancing seems like the only reasonable option, right? once again, he struggles with that weird part of himself that wants nothing but jiahn's success in all things, and yet wants to be better than him at something-- anything. he knows jiahn doesn't see him as a threat. he doesn't want to beat him in the competition, but--

wait, what if the pd actually heeds these words and pits pairs against each other based on what everyone says? if he happens to beat jiahn, would that hurt jiahn's odds in the competition? he doesn't want that.

"it's a really hard decision, sorry i'm taking so long," he says with a sheepish smile. "you'll just edit out all of my thinking if you air this anyway, right?" he laughs lightly.

he has a lot of friends in this competition, he realizes, and he doesn't want to bring any of them down.

he's probably thinking about it too much. isn't he discounting his friends if he thinks him beating any of them will seriously set them back in the competition? isn't that basically him thinking they don't have the skill to climb their way back to victory?

still, he thinks he'll go with people that he'll probably lose to, just to be safe (and indy thinks he'll lose to just about everyone.)

"singing, uh, how about oh dowoon?" he says with a grin. "we're friends, and i think he has a really nice voice. i'm not the best at singing, so i don't know how well i'll do against him, but if i'm going to lose a singing contest i might as well lose to a friend whose voice i really like, right?"

that'll probably be his logic for most of his selections.

"for rapping...max is good, isn't he?" he asks, like he's waiting for approval, and then he laughs at himself. "max is good! i don't know him too well, but i know he's really talented, and i would like to see if i can beat him."

then it comes to dancing, and he figures he might as well follow his heart, because none of the other options feel right. "jiahn and i just went against each other in something recently," and he hated it, so he doesn't know why he's saying he wants to do it again. "we might as well do it again, right?" in comes some anxiety after he says it, like what if jiahn does start seeing him as competition; would that ruin everything? no, no, jiahn promised they would always be best friends. indy doesn't have to worry about that.

"we've practiced together for years now, and we've always made each other better...” he says it slowly, though it’s not due to hesitation. it’s just finding the right words. how does he describe all of these feelings in just a few words? “i think going against each other now would make us better too."

[indylgc]

performance reference

with their first "interview" of a sort out of the way, the next step in the preparations for future dreams comes. this time, it's a performance, and indy supposes that's to be expected. it appears to be very open-ended; they give them minimal guidelines. it just needs to be a minute long.

at first, it's just one more thing on indy's plate. there isn't that much time until the day they need to perform, and there isn't that much time after that before he has to perform the eye for his trainee evaluation. he isn't sure if he's cut out for this, as slowly as he learns. he can learn choreography quickly enough, but will he really be able to learn all the lyrics to his new song and the choreography, while not forgetting anything he's learned of the eye?

still, part of him is relieved to have something to practice other than the eye. granted, he doesn't yet, so the first thing on his agenda is finding a song, which he knows will be a difficult task in itself.

indy, despite training to be a kpop idol for years now, still isn't that familiar with kpop as a genre. sure, he's tried to study his company's seniors multiple times, but he still gets who sings which song confused all the time, and which song sounds like what, and forgets plenty of other songs exist. the seniors' discography is what he looks at first, and he skims through group songs only to decide he isn't really good enough to pull off a song that's meant to be sung and danced by multiple people. well-- even if he is good enough, he's not confident enough in his ability, and that's what matters.

so he focuses on their solo work, and most of it is a lot of singing, or not as much dancing as he'd like, so he takes to youtube to search for solo artists outside of legacy. thankfully, plenty of people have made videos of their favorite male soloists, so he watches some, takes notes of the songs he likes, then looks them up in full, over and over and over again.

finally, he settles on something: l.o.v.e by park jihoon. it's a song that's heavy on dancing, and if he starts in the second verse, at least 30 seconds of his performance will be rap-singing, which is far more doable for indy than singing the entire time, at least as far as he's concerned. he thinks it's a smart choice for him. there's plenty of singing to show off his improvement there as well.

as he practices, it comes as a relief; a welcome change from the strange heaviness that comes with practicing the eye. practicing love is fun, even when he's by himself, watching the dance practice video over and over again to see how much he can pick up on his own, without someone else having to teach him for once, and he does a lot better than he expected.

learning the lyrics, however, proves almost as difficult as always, but he can tell he's better at this than he once was too. it's not enough of a roadblock to discourage him, especially when he enlists jiahn's help once again in the end.

he ends up helping jiahn pick a song too, which is a little ironic, but indy finds reassurance in it. maybe he isn't so bad at this after all. maybe he can find a place in legacy. he thinks, maybe, if he performs songs like love, he might.

on the day of the performances, indy is both excited and terrified to see what all of the other contestants have prepared, and to show his own performance. he thinks he can do well, but...compared to some of these other trainees? he doubts he'll be good enough to properly compare to them. all he can do is his best, though. somebody has to be the least talented in the group, right? he wouldn't mind taking up that title.

the empty seats are equally intriguing and nerve-wracking, and once he finds out who will fill those seats, it amps up his nerves. sure, a month ago he barely would've known who any of these people are, but now they're fresh in his mind, and he also knows they're his seniors. anyone would like to impress them. among them, especially, is bae minwoo; that's a name he knew even before his most recent studying of them.

he always admired bae minwoo's variety skills and thought he was really cool, so when legacy tells them they must choose a group they want to impress, indy wishes he could choose all of them, because that's how he feels. when they call him up, however, and it's his turn to say it aloud, he says, "haru," with a bright smile and small bow in their direction.

next, it's time for him to take center stage, so he does. he only has about two beats after his music kicks in before he has to start his sing-rapping. that's the beauty of starting in the second verse of a song: no real intro or build up, you just have to jump right in.

the song is a love song in its purest form, at least as far as indy is concerned. it's not particularly sad or happy, though it leans closer to the latter in his opinion; it's more longing than anything else.

he dances as he raps the opening lyrics, smooth movements, and the start is the easiest part. he gets to stay in his comfort zone, which is rapping with a little bit of dancing. there's no difficult singing and dancing simultaneously like in the eye. he can just enjoy this: rapping about comparing the person he loves to a flower, about reflecting on their time together.

even as dense as indy can be, he usually tries to find a way to connect to the lyrics if he can figure out what they mean. usually he asks for help in that regard, because his deeper understanding of korean still isn't the best. he asked for jiahn's help this time, too, and tried to ignore the elephant in the room that he could relate to this song, actually, because he used to (or still does?) feel that way towards him.

he tried not to think about it too much, because it made him shy, and now he's performing this song in front of dozens of people, jiahn included, and he hopes his best friend-- his partner --doesn't put it together and think he's singing this for him. not that that would be a bad thing, indy would just die on the spot.

instead, he tries to be an actor, and relate to some other love he longed for and appreciates just as much. he doesn't have one of those, but he can pretend, and if he doesn't sell the performance in its entirety, he thinks that's okay as long as he nails the choreography and vocals.

the greatest challenge for him is the chorus, where he must do his most singing and his most dancing. hitting the chorus also means the performance is halfway over, however, so he tries to enjoy it.

it's not really too difficult, other than having to do a jumping spin and sing at the same time. he practiced that a lot, and this time, he isn't sure how steady his voice is, but he lands in the exact spot he needs to, and that's what matters. next, he gets to the minature dance break where the synths all go high, and he hits every beat just like he practiced-- he hopes. it all feels right.

then comes one more spin, this one easier than the first because it isn't as much of a jump, and one more dance break. after that, it's over, and it's so strange. it felt right, beyond just not messing up. indy doesn't know if he's ever felt that way after performing before.

maybe he'll make it through future dreams after all. maybe he'll even find a way to make it fun. he hopes so.

[indylgc]

performance reference

at first, indy is miserable.

it's not because of his feedback at all, no; in fact, he's happy about that. legacy saw his improvement in his singing, and they want him to keep working on his singing. that's strange, considering his first instructor told him he shouldn't be a singer, but he'll gladly listen. it isn't like he hates singing; he just knows he's bad at it, so it's difficult for him to sing happily. he knows, in order to get better, however, sometimes you have to start out bad. so he's starting out bad. that's okay. he's already better than he was, and he can keep improving if he keeps doing his best.

no, at first, he actually has faith in himself.

at least he improved his singing, so he won't be completely hopeless when it comes to singing the eye. it's far harder than love scenario, and now he needs to learn a dance on top of it all.

it's when jiahn also gets the eye that things start going downhill, because the whole point is comparison. they are supposed to compete; legacy staff will look at both of their performances and pick them apart, only to decide who was stronger in the end.

legacy is pitting them against each other. it's a position indy has never been in before, always used to being jiahn's number one fan and supporter. of course, he still is even now, and it crosses his mind to purposely fail the performance, just to ensure he doesn't accidentally surpass jiahn in some way. it never feels right when he receives praise or opportunities that jiahn doesn't: being added to this project group after legacy dropped jiahn from it, the opportunity to rap on an ost while jiahn received nothing. sure, maybe they are different enough that they aren't direct competition with each other...until now.

jiahn finds him shortly after the announcement, however, still excited to practice together, and indy is confused first. "you want to practice together even though we're competing against each other?" he asks him, and jiahn replies with, "maybe this is cocky of me, but i'm not really threatened by you indy."

indy doesn't know how to take that. even as he agrees to practice with jiahn, who says the best way to learn is to teach someone else, those words stick with him more than he wants them to. that's a good thing, he keeps telling himself. i don't want to beat jiahn at anything.

jiahn asks him to do future dreams with him, and indy isn't sure about that either. he read the rules; he'll have to quit his job, and have to tell a manager everywhere he's going, and if they're suspicious of him at all, they'll get to follow them whenever they want. that scares indy. he and jiahn only just began their relationship, and now there will be so many limits on them, it will be like they aren't in one at all, and that's more painful than indy anticipated.

he really doesn't want to do it. he doesn't want to take an opportunity from someone else that wants all of this more than him. you promised to take training more seriously, jiahn reminds him when he expresses as much, and that's true. does that mean he has to do future dreams?

indy cries, and jiahn hugs him until indy can explain: i just don't know if i belong here. you, and everyone else, are so afraid of failing. i think...i'm afraid of succeeding. especially on my own. and that's wrong...

jiahn assures him that he does belong here, but indy doesn't know if he's just saying that or not. how can someone that doesn't want to take advantage of every opportunity to be on stage belong in an entertainment company?

i really don't want to do it, indy admits, and jiahn's disappointment is palpable. i'll think about it, indy adds quickly, and he will.

in the meantime, they practice the eye, and indy does his best to focus, and forget that he's not a threat. (he can't. he can't stop wondering why he cares if he doesn't want to take any attention away from jiahn.)

he realizes, before long, that he doesn't know what taking practice seriously looks like, and that his new biggest fear is disappointing jiahn. he also realizes that maybe, part of him does want to be better than jiahn, and he can't help but feel guilty for it.

eventually, he does decide to do future dreams, because all of his friends will be doing it and he doesn't want to be left behind, or disappoint jiahn. what's the worst that could happen? (plenty. plenty of bad things could happen, but he tries not to think about it.)

he feels unlike himself. he focuses when they practice the eye. he listens to jiahn, and grows frustrated with himself for always needing help; for being so bad.

when their task of preparing a one minute performance for future dreams is revealed, indy sees it as an opportunity to ask to practice by himself for a while, and once he does, he feels better. he doesn't feel the same heavy weight in his chest, or the persistent fear he can't yet put a name to. he practices the eye some by himself, and builds some of his confidence back, proving to himself that he can at least do this much.

he still hates it. he'll be so glad when it's over, but that scares him a little too: what if this is the rest of his life if he stays on this path? what future does he have if he can't even do this happily?

the eye still lowers his mood immensely, but he alternates between practicing that and his future dreams performance, which comes first, and slowly, he returns to himself again, and he also returns to jiahn more often.

the day of the performance finally arrives, and he isn't nervous. it's a win-win scenario, really; if he does well, he does well. if he messes up, legacy will praise jiahn instead.

does he feel confident? questionable, but he certainly feels better than he did at the beginning of the month. his singing still isn't the best, but the instructors said it themselves: he did improve. with a couple weeks of more practicing, hopefully he improved even more.

when they call his name, he steps up to the plate, and offers a characteristic wide smile and a polite bow.

the choreography starts out slowly. indy, instead, tries to focus on the vocals and capturing the proper mood of the song: dramatic and a bit dark and dreary.

the vocals are incredibly difficult, at least for him, and at least while dancing choreography that slowly picks up in pace and intensity. he practiced to the best of his ability, though, even if he thinks he could practice for months and still not perform up to the standard that he'd like to (or the standard of someone like jiahn.)

he knows he's far from perfect, but all he can do is his best, and hope that he demonstrates improvement. surely that's what matters most, right? they're trainees; they're not supposed to be perfect yet, because they're still learning. that's what he keeps telling himself, anyway.

it does seem a little unfair, because even in the idols' performance that they followed, they get to stand mostly still while singing, but he doesn't complain, at least out loud.

eventually, indy's favorite part comes: the dance break, which he was lucky enough to be assigned, and the only part of the performance that he really feels confident in (because there's no rap at all. maybe legacy did this specifically to prove their point that he'll need to know how to do everything.)

jiahn, for some reason, was handed a part that just sits during the dance break, and indy always felt a little bad for receiving the temporary spotlight. he wants to get over that, though; he wants to start proving he deserves those moments legacy gives him.

the entire performance ends off on a dance break too, a real test of stamina, and indy at least has that from doing sports his entire life. still, by the end, he's tired, and his heavy breathing betrays his attempts to make it look easy.

regardless, he smiles once again, and bows once again, and he doesn't know if he's ever been so relieved to be finished with something in his life.

[indylgc]

you’re so polite with your sadness. you don’t want to ruin this for anyone.

— Silas Melvin, from “Twenty,” Grit (via lifeinpoetry)

[indylgc]

“i guess if my hair is really ugly i won’t have to worry about trying to stand out in the group, will i?“

this is all new to indy.

well, maybe not entirely. by now, he's been in front of a camera plenty of times, but it's usually for something fun. not that this isn't fun, don't get him wrong--

well, okay. maybe he's not really having fun. he's too nervous. he's too busy wondering if he's made a terrible mistake in signing up for future dreams, because he doesn't really want to be here. he's here because jiahn and cam want him to be here, and what is indy going to do, defy his friends? his entire time in legacy so far has been defined by his friends. it's like he isn't capable of making his own decisions for himself, and he realizes this, and it frustrates him a little.

but he's here, and indy wouldn't be indy if he wasn't determined to make the best of the situation.  he follows the staff member obediently when they summon him, then sits in the chair in the middle of the room, doing his very best to focus on the instructions. okay. he'll be given a scenario and has to say how he'll react. got it. that's easy enough, right?

somehow it feels like so much pressure. this isn't just a show for fun. it's a competition show. it's not about making people laugh or smile; it's about delivering the best performances possible every single time. indy has to take this seriously, and he's so afraid he isn't capable of it.

he told jiahn he would take training more seriously, but truthfully, he doesn't know what that looks like. he doesn't know what to do so he doesn't disappoint him, or anyone else that has invested time in growing his lack of talent into something close to serviceable.

it's harder to be optimistic these days. indy doesn't know why, but as always, all he can do is his best, so he sits, and reads over the card in his hand. he realizes shortly after that if anyone watches this tape, they may not know what the question is without him saying it aloud, so he does:

"the night before your debut, you are told to head to the hair salon. as the hairstylist is doing your hair, you begin to sense that they’re not doing their job well and end up giving you a hairstyle that you strongly dislike. will you tell the hairstylist about your honest thoughts or accept the terrible hairstyle that is given to you and face the press the next morning?"

truthfully, it's an easy answer for him, though he doesn't know if it's right. is there a right answer in situations like these? maybe not.

“it’s just hair, right? it’ll grow back and everything," he begins. "plus, it would be a hairstylist the company sends us to, right? so they trust them. maybe that's the hairstyle i'm supposed to have?" idols have ugly hair all the time, right? he doesn't know much about idols even now, but he's listened to his sister complain about it before.

more than anything, though, as always, indy doesn't want to bother or burden anyone. would the hairstylist have to go out of their way if he tells them he doesn't like the hairstyle? he wouldn't want them to feel bad, either. "i wouldn't say anything. it'll probably be different for our next comeback anyway, and if it keeps staying the same, well...maybe one day i'll tell them. but i guess if my hair is really ugly i won’t have to worry about trying to stand out in the group, will i?” he laughs, even if it is a little hesitantly.

[indylgc]

its the jungle of doom

lgctouya​:

he honestly thought for a moment that indy was going to just accept his fate. he wondered if the older boy was going to sleep now that he had been covered. because honestly, touya might have done that if the situation was flipped. the teen though is always either full of energy or tired to all hell. so maybe he would have liked to be the one on the floor under a blanket. alas. 

but his worries or wonderings are not seen through as not too long after they cover him, indy ends up sitting up rather suddenly. all the kids around them end up laughing and even touya can’t help but laugh a little at how silly the older is being. maybe play time like this was something they all needed. though he can’t say for sure if all the trainees here saw this as play time or if they were thinking about it like work. 

which it is… 

“waaah you survived!” he teen cheers right along side the other kids. smiling at indy in amusement–though he can’t hide that he is having fun. “we thought you were um… gone for good!” a few of the kids beside him nod. 

he hoped his sleepiness would wear off upon sitting up, but truthfully, he kind of just wants to lay down again. still, indy is always good at putting on a happy and excitable face even if he isn't feeling that way, and it's not like he feels bad. the kids apparently just wore him out a little more than he thought.

"i survived!" he cheers back, and he's thankful that despite his weariness, everyone is smiling. that's what indy wants more than anything, so it's well worth all of his efforts. the day will be over eventually, then he can go back to the dorm and sleep as much as he wants, and by then he'll probably miss all of the kids. it's definitely a nice change of pace from dancing and vocal lessons. he feels like he excels in this far more than any lessons, even if he's supposed to be a dancer or something.

"actually, i was just really tired from doing pushups, so i fell asleep right away!" he explains, with a timely yawn. "does anyone want to take a nap? the blanket is comfy." he's mostly joking. they already had naptime. the trainee helpers weren't lucky enough to be able to participate in that, though.

indy lays back down to continue his joke, only for a little kid to yell "no!" and another to run over to him and hit him with a stuffed dinosaur again.

"okay okay!" he replies, sitting back up and defending himself from the onslaught. "let's find some new fun thing to do, then!"

[indylgc]

☀ ︴responsibility

lgcyuseong​:

playing kitchen is always an easy way to entertain children, or so he’d heard from friends who had experience with kids cafes and other types of places that were designed to amuse children whose parents needed a break from them. he wonders how they got so many kids of the same age to be in one place. he vaguely remembers something similar, although for himself, he’s not sure if it was a show like this or if it was simply him being brought to a kids cafe to play or something.

“other food? you’re not actually going to eat it, indy,” he points out with a laugh and a tilt of his head, smiling at the little girl in amusement as she bustles around her kitchen with determination, and he’s not even surprised when she reaches for the eggs and pan. it’s the only thing that’s ever really available, other than fake fruit, and he supposes that if indy isn’t up to having eggs (in a pretend game) for some reason, well — far be it from him to not ask. “let’s see what she offers us on the menu then.”

“excuse me, sajangnim,” he calls dramatically. “i’d like to order, please?”

well. yuseong makes a fair point. it doesn't really matter what food the girl has access to, because they're not going to actually eat it. still, though: "i just thought it would be more fun if she had a variety of options...?" indy has plenty of foolish moments, but he thinks his logic in this case makes some sense. what's the fun of playing chef if you can only cook eggs, right?

since yuseong apparently won't be any help on the food hunting portion of this endeavor, indy takes it upon himself, and looks around as best as he can without moving. maybe there's more food in a box somewhere? or maybe the daycare had some unfortunate incidents with the other options, leaving them lost or thrown away. he can't imagine how many kids actually tried to eat the play food.

still, he spots something that suspiciously looks like a sausage or hot dog or something, and crawls over to it. sure enough, he's right, and he picks it up and happily shows it off to yuseong and the girl before crawling back. he hands it to the little girl, who looks at it only for a moment before casting it aside. indy can't help but burst into laughter and hang his head in defeat.

"we have eggs!" the girl announces proudly to yuseong, before picking up plastic grapes, and adding "and grapes!"

[indylgc]

☀ ︴man down

lgcxmax​:

knowing he was a disaster of a human perhaps it was due someone where to actually make the guy sleep at reasonable hours and force him to return to his dorm before he’d end up too tired to move and make the practice room floor his new bed instead. in a faint distant corner of his dreamland he did wonder how the cleaning people had to navigate around him in order to clean the floors for another busy day of restless footsteps and practiced moves. 

perhaps it was for that reason he ended up dreaming himself together a scenario where one of the rather grumpy and bulking cleaning folks ended up stringing him to a broom to use him as a brush instead, his shirt soggy with dirty cleaning water and his sneakers squeaking loudly against the ground as he attempted to protest. “nnnoooo,” he ends up murmuring before the same word in german escapes him a tad louder. only when a suddenly ‘hello’ interrupts him and the cleaning person’s face morphs into another one does he end up twitching awake, blinking his hazy eyes open to stare back at a person he feels to be vaguely familiar.

“yeah? I think so…,” he states, voice low, raspy and most definitely lost and uncertain while patting himself down and feeling a dry, sweat soaked but otherwise clean shirt. only then does he exhale a breath of relief and roll onto his back, yawning loudly into the linoleum floor while pushing himself up to his elbows. “what time is it?”

was that a no? and then another word that he can't understand, and indy feels panic welling up in his chest. oh god, what does he do? are any of the legacy staff members here yet for him to call for help? should he just call emergency services? should he wait and see what happens? he has his phone; maybe he can google what to do? but what if that wastes precious time and the other trainee dies because of it?

he's about to say you're not okay? just to confirm it, before the other guy, who looks familiar, now that indy properly sees him, opens his eyes. he lets out a sigh of relief, because at least he's not on death's door.

he'll take yeah, i think so. that's better than the no he thought he heard before, though the i think so still doesn't particularly reassure him. "you're sure?" he asks, and he holds out the extra water bottle to him, figuring he could use some extra hydration regardless of the reason he was just knocked out in the middle of the practice room floor.

it occurs to indy, then, that he could've just fallen asleep, and he feels silly. indy has fallen asleep in practice rooms many times in his day. granted, usually it's with his head on his practice bag somewhere in a corner, not in the middle of the floor, but he understands it. hey, isn't he in the evaluation group too? indy places his face now, even if he still can't put a name to it just yet. he understands even more, now.

"were you just asleep? you must've worked hard," he laughs, and when he asks the time, says, "around 6 am, i think? after 6 am. i left around 6."

[indylgc]

performing love scenario by dbsd 

on the day of the performance, indy is nervous.

he tells himself, over and over, that it's just an evaluation. he's done these before. somehow, though, with his friends here, he feels more pressure. he doesn't want to mess up in front of anyone, but especially not them. he doesn't want to disappoint them, especially when they've practiced so hard.

he tries not to think like that, though. he knows the more he gives in to those thoughts, the more likely they are to come true, and that's the last thing he wants. instead, he thinks about love scenario, hums the familiar melody, and tells himself he'll have fun. he thinks that's the most important part of the performance. maybe, even if his singing is still lacking, he can charm the coaches with his energetic personality?

that's probably not how it works, but by the day of the performance, he knows his voice is stronger than it was two months ago. surely they don't expect him to be main vocalist material; they just want to see that he improved, right? and he definitely did. well, he hopes they think he did.

"lee indy, performing love scenario by dbsd," he says with a bow to the legacy staff and a smile.

he has to listen closely for when they start his instrumental; there's only the light sound of static, and his voice has to come in two beats before the actual instrumental does. getting the timing of it right was difficult, but this time he succeeds, and that smile stays on his face.

he thinks it's important he looks lighthearted for the song. he hopes the coaches don't take it as him not taking it seriously, so he doesn't smile the whole time. despite the song's upbeat nature, it's a bit melancholy as far as lyrical content goes.

he learned the dance while practicing the vocal part, just in case he wanted to include dancing in this performance, and also just for fun, but in the end, he opted not to. he didn't want anything to take away from his vocals.

he does his best, from the sing-rap of the opening chorus, to the more melodic sections, to the raps. he looks to the coaches, and his fellow trainees, and then back to the coaches, just to try and keep the performance a performance, not just a test. when he gets nervous, he just focuses on the coaches, like during the falsetto parts in the prechorus. he practiced it seemingly endlessly, and it's still not the best, but it's so much better than it was, and he hopes that's what matters.

he smiles again for the chorus, and he wishes it wasn't such a professional setting, so the other trainees wouldn't be so scared and they might all be able to have fun. love scenario feels like a song that was made to be clapped and swayed along to, but he does his best to keep it energetic regardless, and indy has never had a problem with that.

the bridge proves another challenge, but he makes it through without making a mistake! and it's smooth sailing from there, more of the same, more of indy's smile and the familiar chorus. he finishes off more seriously, and once the music ends, he turns back to the coaches once more and gives a grateful bow before returning to his seat.

he had fun. hopefully it was okay.