ineffablethoughtsformytherapist

[ineffablethoughtsformytherapist]

[ineffablethoughtsformytherapist]

7/26/24

I was looking at my current nail polish and thought, “this looks like how i perceive myself”

It’s dark hunter green, almost teal with flecks of flaky glitter that shifts from yellow to red and it’s matte. When you shine a light on it you can see a small specks of green glitter. Let’s dissect this.

The dark hunter green-ish color is the base, it’s dark, sheer, buildable and almost feels like as the years have gone by another coat has been added so it’s darker. Not to be dramatic, but almost feels like the base of my life in the past 10+ years. Just a bit dark and dim.

The yellow to red shifting flaky glitter is like my emotions, shifting constantly. It's either alright or sad/mad/lost, just upset.

Then there are the tiny specks of small glitter. They showcase my best qualities and while the moments are small and scattered, they are present.

These can look like:

Good days, good feelings, moments

Drawing, sketching, art in general

Nails - Shaping, art, whatnot

I think this and other interests can be incapsulated under creativity

The finish of this polish is matte as opposed to a high gloss sheen.

It dulls down the intensity of the glitters and creates a soft, dull look.

It feels like the final coat of me.

Everything has a bit of a dullness to it, I could be a confident and shining

person that cherishes the qualities I have and goes about life with a spotlight

on myself, but I choose to (involuntarily/ voluntarily i’m not sure) hide and stay

unseen. I hope to have a light shined on me so that others can see my qualities,

but give that opportunity to others instead of adding a glossy shine to the

polish.

[ineffablethoughtsformytherapist]

I feel like I'm so out of the loop with my generation. Like I'm not active on social media and I often feel like I have to have a good portrayal of who I am in order to be perceived as "beautiful" or "pretty". I feel like I need social media in order for me to gain business in the future if I actually pursue any of my own endeavors, but so many days I just wanna delete most of my apps because they don't make me feel good. I know most people are putting their best and sometimes fake selves out there, but I'm tired of comparing or feeling like I have to keep up.