inlifeoutwords-blog

[inlifeoutwords-blog]

Road Trip

The moment you get fucked by your best friend. No not at all in a sexual way haha, more like stabbed in the fucking heart. Trust is broken time and time again. I have no way out. I am not even in my element. I feel boxed in, uncomfortable as if I am suffocating. This sucks. Right now I am on my way to North Carolina for a second time this year. Funny how things work because I was not even planning this out. The first time I came with the same individual "my best friend" was because of a forced situation. Irma. Hurricane Irma. A category five hurricane that was not stopping for anything or anyone on its way. Actually it was becoming stronger by the day. It hit Puerto Rico and not too far after came Florida. Our home. We live in Miami however at the moment I was between moving homes. I had two, double the worry. However,my worry does not compare to families and pets and actual living things, mine was all material and to top it off uninsured. Yes, my houses did not have home insurance but that's another story for another day. Anyway, back to this car ride. The sun has already risen. We have made a couple of stops to either use the restroom or have them smoke. There has been one particular stop that caused this sudden inspiration, a common one if you had done the average thing at a gas stop. We did not, we decided to play lottery tickets, the ones that scratch off. It all began because his mother wanted one, so I gifted her one a $5, I am not cheap and if you want to win big well you have to play big. Though, I will be honest, I did not think the rules changed depending on whether it was not for yourself or someone else. Damn, people do not kid when they say money separate families or money brings tragedies. Let me ease you from any worry, no tragedy happened. Only feelings got hurt, typical of me and I guess my best friend, we are both overly sensitive. It may be annoying. We are also stubborn, which is not a great mix, I know, but we all have our levels of stubbornness or at least that is what I like to think. Long story short, that $5 scratch lottery card had $20. Try to restrain from laughing and imagining what would have gone down if the amount had been more. My best friend decided to make a comment like give her and by her, he meant me some, which to be completely honest I was not even expecting. I just saw it as $5 lost. It may be the business person in me. To which his mom continued to answer: "don't worry, I got her." She comes back straight to me, having played the $20 again against New cards. She gave me the option of picking and then my best friend picked the card, not even letting me process to whether to even accept back this gift. Once, I did, I wanted to give it back and he said no to let him scratch it.. at this point I am annoyed because it was not necessary, but if she really wanted me to have one of the new cards, I thought 'well, shit, why can't I pick?' I did not want the one he chose, black and gold, I wanted the blue and white, it just felt girly and winter like nothing more. By the end, he picked his gold and black for himself and then his mom picked for herself and then I was left with whatever was left, two $2 ones. I got back $2 and then his mom won another $15. Now imaging the look on my face. I was already annoyed by this actions and to top it off a winning card. It is not about money, but I just felt fucked. I really could care less about those amounts, to me it was his specific actions. Now if it had been material, I think I would have blown up. I know the facts, it was a gift. I also know the morally right thing to do or at least what I would do and probably his mom too, just not too sure about him anymore. If I got a gift for $2 billion, I can swear, I'd give half to whoever gave me it because one that's already way too much for one person and two I feel they deserve it too. It was because of their thought and action, I received it to begin with.

[inlifeoutwords-blog]

Near Close End

*ring ring ring* there goes my alarm, again. It is now 8:00 a.m.. I have to hurry. I cannot be late to work. Yes, it may seem like it's not a big deal to some, but well to me, it is. Not for the reasons you might think though. I don't like to call attention to myself that's all. Well, that changed today as I walked in at 9:08 a.m.

I took 25 minutes to get ready, hair and makeup included. Yes, it sounds crazy, but I never said I ended up looking perfect. Just decent, decent enough. As I was leaving, I remembered my cut and had to go back to get a band-aid. I just want my hand to heal right. I ended up taking five more minutes looking for it and left late.

As I am on my way. No falta la persona en el telefono, eating shit or simply the ones that managed to get a license and do not know how to be a part of a system, where traffic will not be avoided but would flow better. Even maybe with less accidents. Anyway, I arrived at work, excused myself and proceeded to work.

First thing I face is my computer, which was not working properly so I went to ask my coworker to find out he had the same issue. As a result, we put it in a helpdesk with the IT department. Not even a minute passes and my boss is calling my name. I go into her office and am told that my coworker, the one that I was just with, had been complaining about a task, particularly one under me. First, she let's me know, she did not like my coworker doing that to begin with because he is not even done with his own and always happens to be doing random assignments and decides to even sometimes check on hers. So I take a look at the task she referred to and to my surprise it was on hold because a revised proof had to be sent to me in order to proceed with the paper work. Funny thing is or not so funny.. is that my coworker has been here longer, so two days ago when the task was created, I had brought it to his attention, since I am a two months old in my current position and did not want to go and interrupt my boss since we are close to year end. Well, there was a lesson learned, next time I am going straight to the boss. This is not the first time he complains about me according to my boss and at this point it feels like he is out to get me, personally. Business is business, it will not be taken personal by me. All I know is that karma has a funny way of billing us in life. I am going to continue to do my best and give it my all while I continue to learn. This is just a hiccupp and I am honestly glad my boss had my back because she's known him longer and has dealt with this type of situations before. On goes my day, now I am taking a break and enjoying my lunch.

[inlifeoutwords-blog]

A not so jolly Christmas

Right now, I am cooking and trying to remember why I am doing this, by this I mean this blog. I have so many thoughts in my head, it is hard to concentrate. Food is ready. I cooked stuffed bell peppers. Well to be honest, I hardly cooked them, I got them at Costco. All I did was put them in the oven. Still I'll say I've done more than most. Some people are probably going to Wendys or Taco Bell. I do not know their reasons nor do I care. I also have my reasons for what I do. These posts will not be about offending others, but to each it's own. You decide how you take it.    

Back to the Christmas tree.. or should I say my life? I had decided not to celebrate it this year. The reason why? Well just think of one of the many cheesy stereotypical sad reasons why. Yes, you are probably right. A break up. A three going on four year old break up. Those details will also come later, because trust me like life and most stories, it is a complicated one. Funny how I decided to start writing right around the holidays and after a break up, it's like the perfect scenario to get inspired. Now all I need is to land a movie, well after a couple more of these moments of course. Let's not carry away ourselves. So, let's go back to Saturday the day before Christmas eve and Christmas day.  Earlier in the week, I was already starting to feel like I should not be unhappy during Christmas. Yes, I made that decision, but feelings are a funny thing. They change like the weather in Miami, Florida. One minute is sunny, hot, dry and the next it is dark, freezing, and wet from the rain. Later, you'll feel the mixture of what we all know as HUMIDITY. Gross. 

I bought the tree at home depot. I went with my mom and my best friend, who at this point could definitely be called more but not just yet because like I mentioned earlier.. I am going through a break up and have a lot of thought congestion in my brain train. So, I bought the tree, a green pine tree. It did not look at all like the trees from other years and no my mood was not affecting my point of view. Well I do not think so. Anywho, this time my tree was small and a bit chubby, I guess you could say. The decorations and the skirt definitely helped. My best friend decorated it for me. I cannot say it was a great job, but the thought and act is definitely what counts. I'm sure they would like to disagree. 

I was happy for a moment sharing pictures of it to my mom and talking about my best friend's job. The pictures helped it look even better because apparently their mom thought it came out great! Now, I do not know if it is a mom thing, which probably is, but do they all hype us up? It is sweet, if you think about it. At least we all have one cheerleader for life. Think about this when you think you should give up in life, there are so many things to do in this world. The possibilities are endless and even more so when you think about how many people inhabit this world and what they've come to do. It is like I love to say, if someone else was able to do it, why not me? Which is pretty much standard. I wonder what great minds actually thought then for inspiration or if they even bother to think about this things at all. I do not know if I have an innovative mind for the simple reason that things are not how they used to be. Most things have been invented and are just being upgraded by a few system updates or some minor twitches. Most importantly, inventions have to be useful.

Again.. going off track. Christmas eve came and I did not have anything planned. I had ideas and wanted to see certain important people in my life but plans fell through like they do sometimes for both Christmas eve and Christmas day. Boy, never had I felt so lonely before. I do not want to test it and find out, if it could get worse because it most likely can. I spent Christmas eve or what we hispanics like to call it 'Noche Buena' with my mom, who is not my biological mom, but my biological grandmother and guardian. Another topic for another time. Her and I, we have a very interesting relationship. We are working on it everyday and I will say that I would like to think that it has gotten better. 

My grandma and I spent Christmas eve cooking. I was trying to stay busy and she was probably trying to do the same, but I wouldn't know for sure. I am saying this because she has gone through a lot of tough situations, things that could break you and I. I guess, what I am trying to say is that in a way, I admire her. Enough to keep my relationship alive with her. We cooked until our one and only guest arrived. Her friend, who is from Colombia. She has been here since she was nineteen years old and has not been back to Colombia since 2005, twelve years have gone by. My grandma is from the year 1952, that should give you a timeline. We spent the night talking and laughing about our life experiences. It's as if we got together to go over the sad periods of our lives and we added alcohol to the mix and there you had it, an unforgettable night. 

The next day was better, my best friend came over and spent the whole day with me! I felt special, apparently he had plans.. I know. I should have known better. Do not judge me though for he is hispanic and we really do not do anything the 25th. Then again, he was born in Texas and was raised in Miami, so if I had really thought about it...... well yeah he is a gringo.. should have had plans.. Plans he did have and did not attend. Do not worry for I found out the same day by night that he just did not want for me to feel bad about it. Between you and I, and him, he did tell me he wanted me to go with him to see his aunt really quick but it did not click in my mind. Hard to believe, I know. However, if you knew me how you will get to eventually, then it will make more sense. I am the type of person who is easily distracted and so it is a bit harder for me to connect the dots. . . I hope my title caught your attention because like the picture below showing my tree made it, so did I during my not so "jolly" Christmas. (: