innerpeacepeanut

[innerpeacepeanut]

[innerpeacepeanut]

I love my man

[innerpeacepeanut]

The best way for an artist to die is in their sleep. While their mind is creating and dreaming and painting in the ethereal canvas. #artist #death #deathofanartist

[innerpeacepeanut]

There always was this cloud,

That followed me around,

It would not allow,

Me to stand my ground.

On the exterior,

I may’ve not made a sound,

But on the interior,

It was chaotic and loud.

Dark thoughts paraded their way into my brain and,

Corrupted my mind in the second grade and I,

No matter how hard I tried I,

Wasn’t able to distinguish a separation between I and my mind, so I

Chipped away at myself,

Myself I would criticize.

The devil on my shoulder said I’d be just fine.

But I refuse to let that mother***er win,

Nah, not this time.

I remember the time,

I finally came to realize,

That my demons tell lies,

And disguise themselves as nice guys,

HA- nice try!

My demons, question my intelligence.

They’re mad I zapped em away with my fingers,

No longer have relevance.

My demons have left the show,

They can no longer tear me apart.

Yet I thank them for the lessons,

And for the opportunity to create art.

Suffering is necessary,

And pain is a certainty.

Our collective consciousness demands that we,

Hold hands and unite humanity,

Everything with a beating heart,

Is your family.

~Garz the Guru

[innerpeacepeanut]

Satan teaches me hard lessons. And I often fail. It’s more important not to fail God when he talks to you. I deserve to suffer.

[innerpeacepeanut]

Sloth. Laziness. Excuses. I struggle. Thanks to Jesus Christ I am safe. I have a battle to fight. There’s a war in me. How can I describe what this feels like? It’s overwhelming need to give up and let God take over and let his plan rule. But I am an action member in this plan, I have to take responsibility.

[innerpeacepeanut]

"Is suffering really necessary?

Yes and no. If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion. Suffering cracks open the shell of the ego and then comes to a point when it has served its purpose. Suffering is necessary until you realize that it is unnecessary."

~Eckhart Tolle

[innerpeacepeanut]

Your kisses are like the smooth bubble gum I stored in my cheek. When you kiss me on my forehead all of my teeth tingle. It’s like they’re all sweet for you

[innerpeacepeanut]

I hope that I can always talk about my feelings and not let them take me away into a dark place

[innerpeacepeanut]

So I haven’t posted in a while but an update is that I am completely off lithium right now. I have been for a few weeks. The only thing that was negative from that was I am experiencing tardive diskenesia of my hands a little. Minor twitching movements in my fingers. I’m concerned because I want to be a hygienist and I need my hands but I don’t think it should be a problem lest it gets worse coming off other meds. I am working on coming down from lamotrigine. And I have come down 25 mg so far no major changes to my mental health but my boyfriend has noticed a reduction in my psychosis from coming off birth control.

[innerpeacepeanut]

I’m literally on tumblr complaining to people right now that people make my life infinitely harder than it has to be… why people… why?!

[innerpeacepeanut]

Sometimes it’s better to say too much then to never to say anything at all

[innerpeacepeanut]

Silence is essential. We need silence, just as much as we need air, just as much as plants need light. If our minds are crowded with words and thoughts, there is no space for us.

Thích Nhất Hạnh

[innerpeacepeanut]

So I’m feeling much better, taking low doses of kratom. I’ve talked to a few people about coming off or not going on birth control. I’m pleasantly surprised to meet women who have refused to go on it in the first place

[innerpeacepeanut]

It’s kratom withdrawal what a bad feeling

[innerpeacepeanut]

It’s just brain fog

[innerpeacepeanut]

I looked up my current symptoms on Google. Apparently it’s caused by working too much lol