intlh0e-blog

[intlh0e-blog]

I saw hope again.

I don't care about staying here anymore. At least not right now. I know I have to go back home.

So now that I took that off the list, I can focus on myself. Starting now.

I've been having these insights lately. They kept me up last night. And I've been writing them down. It's a laid out map of what I should do once I get there. Maybe even before I leave. All I know is that I've been finding some new perspectives, realizing my mistakes. I need a change of attitude.

At the end of the day, MAn was right. I was doing so much wrong, excusing my depression all the time. I've been victimizing myself for way too long. It's time for me to grow up and take some responsibility for myself.

[intlh0e-blog]

so I'm back on tumblr.

when did all become so bubbly and flowy? I honestly preferred when it was clicky clacky. oh well. fuck the OGs.

you don't know my name. that's why I come here for.

this blog is meant to be cathartic. i can remember a time in my life when I was happy. I was here. not all the time, but i was here. s/o my buds at twitter.

i've been feeling bad again. and I am losing my shit, because I GOTTA get through these next few months. my life sucks like... something really really bad (I'm bad with metaphors, sorry).

I was questioning if that day was the day the other day, again. And it almost was. Again. I think.

Mental health sucks, man.

I've been under treatment for 6 years now. 6 years on meds. 6 years on depression and anxiety both at high levels. 6 years needing drugs to sleep at night. 6 years of fluid feelings, of haves and have-nots every 6 hours or so, of why did I do that? thoughts that long to fade away. SIX LONG YEARS of this fucking bullshit, and I NEED to let out some steam.

this is it.

this is the steam.

this is my steam.

you can't know my name.

I come here to piss on my natural life creatively, and pour out some nice steamy urine of golden content into this blog.

(I'm bad with metaphors, sorry).

For this one time, I'm not planning ahead.

I'm taking precautions, sure, but I don't know what to make of this thing.

I won't care. I want to give myself I break.

And if you don't care to do the same, please see paragraph 4.