ipecaspic

[ipecaspic]

[ipecaspic]

i have final destination premonitions all the time but instead of seeing death i see all the possible liquids i could knock onto my laptop

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a TSA officer will visually inspect your lobster

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I could never own a parrot. They are splendid and delightful joyful creatures but I could not match their fucking whimsy. If I woke up at 4:45 am on a tuesday to the sound of some gleeful feather-cloaked varmint doing aerial somersaults all over the house while singing the world's most high-pitched whistle nightcore one-man a capella cover of Funkytown, I'd eat it.

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[ipecaspic]

reporting all ads as malicious because all ads are malicious

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I hate songs that talk about 'legends never dying' or 'never giving up' and a white guy goes OAHHH OAHHH

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I wouldn't say I'm in any way unusually irritable, but then again I just heard kids playing outside and had to consciously resist the urge to get up, go to the window, and yell at them to shut the fuck up.

[ipecaspic]

you seem like an unpleasant person

I am.