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What would the Bloodborne NPCs be like as coworkers at a minimum wage fast food job? Ignoring the inevitable health code violations, of course.

So sorry for taking so long to answer this! Here is the worst set of headcanons ever to grace the Bloodborne fandom.

Alfred

He's so nice! Smiles and everything! Happily serving customers with enthusiasm and a willingness to help.

He's mostly the same towards his coworkers unless he finds out their opinion differs from them in the slightest, then he goes full Hunter of Vilebloods and reports you to HR or something.

And I really mean like, the smallest of opinions. God help you if he finds out you're a Chicago Cubs fan or enjoy sausage pizza over pepperoni or something.

He worships management like they're Gods, kissing their feet for giving him shitty shifts and everyone hates him for that. Except for management (Martyr Burger King).

At least he cleans up the place before the shift change?

Bloody Crow

He's the Waffle House/Popeyes employee who jumps over counters to fight customers, but for the fun of it.

He also fights coworkers. do not tell him you got a raise he will rob you.

He's fortnite dancing and posting to Snapchat and Tiktok on his shift.

But when he locks in?? When there's a deal for the spicy chicken sandwich and there's 20 people in line?? This is why he's not fired yet. This is why his coworkers tolerate him. He can clear that whole line and everyone leaves happy with their chicken sandwich.

Brador

It's a miracle he's not fired yet. He's like Bloody Crow and attacks customers and coworkers alike for the fun of it. It's so he can scare them out of the establishment so he doesn't have to do anything on his shift.

Eats food straight from the grill/fryer. Absolute slob. Has several writeups for health violations. Still not fired because he's Laurence the First Manager's favorite lapdog.

He does not care what you tell him. You can tell him all day to stop eating the meat. He will not. In fact he will bite into a raw frozen meat patty just to piss you off, making direct eye contact as he swallows it.

Arby's. He works at Arby's. He's all over the double beef n' cheese sandwich.

Djura

He does not belong in an Arby's but I must put my blorbos together. Please let him be at the Cracker Barrel he deserves.

He's a wonderful coworker in all honesty, he's very sweet and helpful. Great at training new employees too. Everyone loves him.

...but unlike Bloody Crow and Brador, who fight customers with their fists, he invokes his rights as an American citizen and pulls out his fucking semi automatic firearm, and he WILL shoot Karens lol

You'd think because of how nice he is he doesn't speak up against management, but no, he's quite vocal about it and has been trying to get better wages for you and everyone for years. It's just that Laurence is a hard ass.

Eileen

Hell the fuck no she's not working at a fast food chain for minimum wage. She found a way out of this ask.

Gascoigne

Gotta be the world's angriest Taco Bell employee because he wanted to work at that Arby's because they have the meats, but no, he got fired because he and Brador kept attacking each other like untrained chihuahuas

Don't get me wrong, he's a good coworker so long as there's mutual respect, and can be great towards trainees, but he hates his job and hates every customer that walks in.

Taco Bell has a reputation for making people shit themselves because he's there scaring the shit out of customers.

It does however, make that Taco Bell the safest in the nation because he's there protecting it and intimidating would-be Karens.

Ludwig

In the same establishment as Brador, unfortunately, and also sneaks in eating entire sandwiches. He acts like he yells at Brador for doing that, but he's secretly enabling him.

He's protective of all of his coworkers however and will stand between you and angry Karens... If Brador didn't already bite them or if Djura didn't already shoot them lol

He might be the only reason why that particular Arby's is still standing, he is a model employee, never late, always cleans the place and he's so helpful.

Lady Maria

At this point I'm certain Olive Garden counts as fast food. She works at Olive Garden.

She's so tired. You can see the tired college student trying to pay off loans in her eyes. She needs money for the next MCR concert.

She just does not give a shit about you, the establishment, or the customers. I'm sorry if you were looking for a cute modern au where you two work in an olive garden together she doesn't want to be there.

She talks MASSIVE shit about the Arby's she used to work at though. She may hate her current job but at least it's not the Arby's with the weird feral guy who bites people... Who was also her college flatmate.

Micolash

He drives EVERYONE insane because he is a funny guy. Also, Rom is there.

He somehow gets the job done despite tripping over his own shoelaces. He leaves the place a mess. Everyone cleans up after him. It's a miracle that he still works there.

That's because this fast food job isn't his real job, because he works for Los Pollos Hermanos and he needs to rush this shift to help Gus get that product made, and it's immaculate in his hands 💙

Saint Adeline

You know what. She doesn't deserve to work a minimum wage fast food job. I wouldn't do that to her even as a joke.

Simon

He also talks mad shit about the previous place he worked at, an Arby's with a hard ass manager and a weird feral guy who bit him, along with a Chick-fil-A, and now works at a humble Carl's Jr.

However, he still has mental breakdowns on every shift, not because of the workload, but because of the fact that he works at a fast food joint despite his several college degrees in history, archeology, and anthropology. Real shit tbh.

He tells you all about how he wanted to be a historian and journalist, researching human cultures from past to present... Crying as he's shoving those tasty, tasty fries in his mouth when you're on break...

He's a great coworker though! But you can't help but notice the way he snoops around other establishments like he's spying or something, especially the Arby's... And how he snoops around that manager's office...

Valtr

He's a great manager. His Papa John's establishment is spotless. Kitchen is beyond sanitary. Every hand tossed pizza in his hands comes out to perfection. He is a rather strict, but well-meaning manager, and his employees work in a disciplined harmony. Yes, he follows company policy word for word, but ultimately he will put your needs as an employee first to ensure the quality of his pizzas. Even better, having Henryk, Yamamura, and the Madaras twins as coworkers, you couldn't ask for a more competent team. It makes the shitty pay worth it.

That being said.

If a customer walks in and orders a custom pizza with pineapple.

All hell breaks loose.

And if they call and place an order with pineapple, Valtr will be on that call for hours screaming at them. As if the "pizza" he prefers isn't a monstrosity itself- meat lovers, no sauce, no cheese, just fucking meat on pizza dough. At least he doesn't call it a pizza...?

The other League members do not stop Valtr on his pizza-obsessed rants against customers. It's not out of fear- it's out of respect for Valtr's strong values.

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out of context soulsborne doodles from insta

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i'll draw them properly again soon but for now all i can offer is hv shitposts

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Anon had a great idea to draw them getting dressed together ✨

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Hits him with the fancy beam/// ✨🧚🏻‍♀️

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Marathon king

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held an oscars watch party today with themed snacks 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

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my muse

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old friend

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Karthus

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Karthus baby grandpa I love you. I’m satisfied with this wip already

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kumihogames | icons pentakill

do not repost my work anywhere. like or reblog if you save it. psd love letter by @sistaround.

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Pentakill Lost Chapter Karthus

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Dominic Sessa and Brady Hepner as Angus Tully and Teddy Kountze THE HOLDOVERS (2023), dir. Alexander Payne

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favorite Angus Tully's quotes, The Holdovers (2023) dir. Alexander Payne

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Doodle some young Solas…

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blah blah Bethesda bad anyway

my favorite thing about Elder Scrolls is how goddamn fuckin weird it is

like on surface it's just some dnd game but like even a cursory glance shows tis fucking insane like:

The moons is the corpse of a god

the stars are actually holes in reality when alot of primordial spirits hated that mortals were becoming a thing and fucked off

The demon lord of forbidden knowledge/resident Cthulhu stand-in might also be the beta version of the entire fucking universe made sentient when it wasn't chosen to be the used reality

there are cat ppl that take the form of furrys, lions, or regular cats, so you can have a cursing Pirate legend whose an alcoholic & wanted in 5 countries but is also a like basic tabby cat

the wood elves are so pro-nature they're cannibals and also they murder vegetarians

Vampires came from the Lord of Rape doing well ya know

Werewolves came to exist bc the lord of hunt got bored and is a furry

sex is treated like a fucking ip copyright contract on what aspect of sex is happening and what god it's under. There's been many religious wars about this

The lizard ppl are part tree

the Dwarves all fucked off somewhere and disappeared bc they were so atheist they did math to break relativity and literally no one has any idea where they went God or mortal (except maybe Cthulhu and hes not telling)

Said Cthulhu stand-in treats hiding your grandma's secret cookie recipe & hiding a spell that would end the universe and slay a god the exact same and he will murder you for either

Everyone wants to fuck the Orcs but will never admit it and they got so bent out of shape that a demon god killed the og orc god, ate him, and shat him out bc she couldn't deal with everyone complimenting them all the time so now all Orcs are cursed to be hated but they're all still sexy & so is their god

And all this isnt even the tip of the iceberg