itsgracetranscripts

[itsgracetranscripts]

WHAT I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS - December 30, 2015

It’s my last video of the year and I just finished watching Making A Murderer, all 10 episodes. I am feeling everything!

*looking at Chester’s foot in the background* That’s a foot.

Title

Hi guys! Welcome to this video. I thought, since the holidays of Christmas, gift giving, et cetera just happened, I would show you what I got for Christmas. Because sharing is what the Internet is all about. And so is narcissism.

So this does both of those things. How fucking efficient of me. God, I love myself! I don’t wanna max out on my narcissism before we get to the end. Amateur move.

One of my absolute favorite gifts that I got this year for Christmas is this shirt. Yeah. This says, I love John Helbig. And this is John Helbig. And John Helbig is my older brother.

He is not a member of the Duck Dynasty. Is not a pirate or a professional wrestler. Doesn’t race monster trucks or gators in skates. No, he’s just a man.

Years and years ago my brother made gifts for our entire family. They were red t-shirts that say “I Heart John Helbig” on them, and I’ve worn them in videos before and it was one of my favorite gifts of all time. I thought it was so funny.

Now, maybe ten years later, he made this shirt just for me! He’s upgraded his photoshopping which I truly appreciate. So, god bless, my brother is an artist. I love this shirt. Thank you, John!

Uh, what else did I get?

Can you see it? No, that’s not this kind of video. It’s a salt crystal lamp. This is a lamp made of one giant block of Himalayan sea salt. Is it Himalayan sea salt? Oh no. “Mined and chipped by hand in the Himalayan mountains.” This lamp is just one big hunk of Himalayan salt.

And the best part is, my younger brother, Tim, got my mom a big, giant one of these and she opened hers first and then revealed that she got both myself and Tim (photo of Tim, Grace’s mom, and Grace holding their lamps) one of these. So all three of us have Himalayan salt crystal lamps.

They’re supposed to purify your air and ionize your body in some way. They’re supposed to make you a better person. If having a lamp that looks like a scrotum with an unknown disease doesn’t make me a better person, I don’t know what will.

*licks the lamp* It’s salt!

And sometimes you wake up and you just wanna feel like a horse with a salt lick. Thank you, mom, for making my dreams a reality.

What else did I get?

This is also a gift from my older brother. It is a paparazzi play set. These are dolls that are supposed to be paparazzi. Why they make this toy, I don’t know, but my brother bought it.

“Caution: small parts not suitable for children under 36 months.” Also probably not suitable for, like, adults or humans or animals, plants, inanimate objects. Cute!

What else did I get?

This year I got my mother some adult coloring books because they’re supposed to be cool and relaxing, and they’re very now. And then my mother got me and adult coloring book.

“Discover your inner creative side.” Wow.

My cousin got me Wawa coffee. If you don’t know what a Wawa is, a Wawa is everything. Wawa is a convenience store that is specific to this area of the United States. I think it’s in some areas in Pennsylvania and Delaware and southern New Jersey.

And it’s just a fucking wonderful convenience store that just truly trumps every other convenience store and also Donald Trump. Would probably, like, be a much better presidential candidate than Donald Trump himself. It’s got a touchscreen system for ordering hoagies. That’ll solve a lot of America’s problems.

My dad and my stepmom gave me this, a tank top of New Jersey that says “home.” My house in Los Angeles is quickly becoming a temple to New Jersey. I now have a New Jersey shaped cutting board, a necklace of New Jersey, a print of New Jersey, and now a tank top with New Jersey on it. We hate to forget where we’re from, us Jersey folk.

What else?

This is really fun. My younger brother Tim, who if you guys aren’t following him on Twitter, (Caption: @RAGINBOTANIST) he’s just goddamn hilarious.

He got me this card. It has Santa on the front. Very holiday-specific for him. And the inside says, “Believe in the magic of Christmas. Dear Grace, I tried to get you a gift but I just don’t even know anymore. Love, Tim.” My brother got me the gift of honesty this year and I hate it! I can’t return it to Target! Thank you, Tim!

And then the last thing I will show you is maybe one of the greatest gifts my mother has ever given me. I gave my family members, um, portraits of me in this photo. (photo of Grace wearing a middle finger costume) I wanted them to have an updated photo of me because that’s my charity work for the year. And then my mom, not knowing that she was getting that portrait from me, gave me these portraits of her.

This is my mother. My mother is an assistant teacher in a special needs classroom, so every year the teachers get photos just like the students and she got an excess of photos of herself. And she didn’t want this many photos of herself, so she gifted them to me.

I mean, who needs any sort of DNA testing. It’s very clear this holiday season that I am this woman’s child. Thank you, mom!

So that’s it for this holiday haul. I hope you guys enjoyed it.

And that’s it for this year, 2015. Wow! Let’s look back on some of our greatest moments. this year.

Grace silently dancing in her dining room, wearing a Goose sweatshirt with Uggs on her hands

Incredible.

Thank you, guys, for being so supportive continuously. I’m really excited for 2016. I- I- I genuinely think it’s going to be a very good year, 2016. And I really hope that you guys feel the same way because let’s do cool shit.

Have a wonderful, safe, lovely, memorable, maybe boring in the best way possible New Year’s. See you in 2016. I don’t know.

End

And it’s very heavy. Very dense, like my brain. *pulls the salt lamp out of the box* Wow, look at that. It’s the size of my head and face. Which one is more unnecessary?

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

THE CHALLENGE CHALLENGE w/ JACK - December 28, 2015

Jack: Cool. We’re in focus and everything?

Mitchell: Yes we are, sir.

Jack: Sweet.

Grace: I can clap?

Jack: Do it.

Grace: *clap*

Title

Grace: Who is this man to my right?

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: This is, uh, director, producer, dapper clothing wearer extraordinaire, Krampus enthusiast Jack Ferry.

Jack: Hi everyone.

Grace: He, uh, and I filmed a year in review, sort of, episode of Not Too Deep that you should go listen to over on iTunes or Soundcloud after you watch us play the challenge challenge.

Jack: Challenge challenge.

Grace: We thought it was appropriate, since it’s the end of the year, to look back in challenge form on some of the challenges that we’ve done here on Not Too Deep. We have all of the guests that we’ve had on the podcast on note cards in front of us. What’s gonna happen is, uh, producer for a day, Mitchell Davis, is gonna read off one of the challenges that we’ve done here on Not Too Deep and Jack and I are gonna have to guess which guest was participating in that challenge. So should we play to five points?

Jack: Let’s- let’s do that.

Grace: Let’s see how it goes to five points.

Jack: Great.

Grace: Okay, Mitchell, if you will.

Caption: THE CHALLENGE CHALLENGE!!1!

Mitchell: Okay. So the first one that I’m gonna do-

Grace: Uh-huh.

Mitchell: -is the shock ball challenge.

Grace: *Nikki Limo*

Jack: ... *Nikki Limo*

Mitchell: Yeah.

Grace: Yeaaaah.

Mitchell: Grace. That’s Grace.

Grace: Nikki Limoooo!

Jack: Dammit.

Grace: So you don’t get tape one your face, I just get a point.

Jack: That’s right.

Grace: I feel like we’re gonna be really good at this.

Mitchell: It’s actually- that was very quick.

Grace: Oh, who won the challenge?

Jack: Oh.

Grace: I- oh my god. This part I don’t know. I think that.. Nikki won that challenge.

*buzzer*

Grace: Nooo!

Mitchell: Sorry. Grace won that challenge.

Grace: Oh, I’ve never been so disappointed in my own victory.

*laughing*

Grace: Okay, so now you get to tape my face.

Jack: Sweet. But you’re still winning. That’s the thing that’s ironic.

Grace: Well, n- never on this show are the challenges with winners.

Jack: *tapes Grace’s face*

Grace: Straight into the hair? Straight into the hair?

Mitchell: Actually-

Grace: First piece of tape into the hair?

Mitchell: Yeah, it’s gotta feel different because you’re usually always taping your hands and now you’re just goin’ straight for the face.

Grace: Yeah, this is a not- Does this look okay?

Jack: Kind of like a Vulcan thing.

Grace: Thank you.

Jack: Live long and prosper.

Grace: Okay, what’s our next challenge?

Mitchell: You guys are ready for the next challenge?

Grace: Yes.

Jack: Yes.

Mitchell: Here we go... Speech jammer challenge.

Jack: Ah. *Joey Graceffa*

Grace:  *Joey Graceffa*

Mitchell: That was Jack.

Grace: Aw, but who won?

Jack: ... Grace won.

Mitchell: Grace did win.

Grace: I did win?

Jack: Yeah.

Mitchell: Grace did win.

Jack: Yes!

Grace: Good job, me.

Jack: Does that mean I get two points?

Mitchell: See, this- there’s so many points!

Grace: Okay, we’ll play to ten. You get two points.

Jack: Yes!

Grace: Okay. Ready.

Jack: *tossing the Joey Graceffa card* Let me get that one out of here.

Mitchell: Are you guys ready?

Grace: Uh-huh.

Jack: Yes.

Mitchell: The Jenga challenge.

Jack: Oh.

Grace: Who did I do the Jenga challenge with?

Jack: *Elliott Morgan*

Mitchell: Oh! Jack takes it again. Jack check!

Grace: Oh, I couldn’t find his card. *Elliott Morgan* Sorry, my eyes are limited right now.

Mitchell: Who won that challenge, guys?

Grace: That’s Jack. Who won that challenge?

Jack: Grace.

*buzzer*

Mitchell: Elliott won that challenge.

Grace: Yes!

Jack: What?!

Grace: Thank you!

Jack: Really?

Mitchell: Elliott won that challenge, my friend.

Grace: Yeah he did. Yeah he did. Big time. Elliott won that challenge.

Jack: I don’t remember.

Grace: Look me in the eyeballs. *tapes Jack’s face*

Jack: Mm god.

Grace: How’d that look? How’d that look on camera?

Jack: It’s pretty good, right.

Grace: Yeah.

Mitchell: Right off the bat.

Grace: Three to one.

Jack: That’s right, three to one.

Grace: Okay, whewf.

Jack: Amazing. *laughing*

Grace: Our next guest is about to walk in the door any moment too.

Jack: *laughing*

Mitchell: The Urban Dictionary challenge.

Jack: Aw!

Grace: *Jenna Marbles*

Jack: *Jenna Marbles* Ahh, dammit!

Mitchell: Boom. Grace.

Grace: Yeeeees!

Mitchell: Who won? Who won?

Grace: Jenna?

Jack: Jenna.

Mitchell: Jenna did.

Grace: Yeah! Okay, it’s three to three.

Mitchell: Oh man. The no arms challenge.

Jack: Oh.

Grace and Jack: The no arms challenge.

Jack: I know this. I know this.

Grace: Oh! ‘Cause we-

Jack: *Emma Blackery*

Mitchell: Yeah.

Grace: This is taking me, hold on, very long. Where is the name? What? Oh fuck.

Jack: Who are you looking for? *shows Grace his Emma Blackery card* Remember, you tweeted with your feet.

Grace: Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Jack: Yeah.

Grace: It’s been deeply repressed

Jack: Blast from the past.

Grace: Alright.

Jack: So, (Mitchell: Who won?) uhhhh,  Emma won.

Mitchell: She did win.

Grace: Mother F, you got five points. Go ahead, tape my face.

Jack: Yes. Alright. *tapes Grace’s face*

Grace: Oh god. That feels great. That feels great. That feels great. I feel prettyyyy beautiful.

Mitchell: You guys look so good.

Grace and Jack: Thank you.

Mitchell: You guys are my best friends. The next challenge is the Edward Spookyhands challenge.

Jack: Edward Spookyhands

Grace: *The Gabbie Show*

Mitchell: Edward Spookyhands.

Jack: Where is it? Dammit!

Mitchell: Boom, Grace got it!

Grace: Don’t tell, don’t- Let him try and guess it.

Jack: Hang on, where is it?

Grace: I see it. Yeah, isn’t it- this part suck a lot? 10. 9.

Jack: Oh for the love of god.

Grace: 8. 7. 6. Make a guess. 5.

Jack: No, hang on.

Grace: 4.

Jack: Where is it?

Grace: 3. 2.

Jack: *The Gabbie Show*

Grace: Aww. Whewf.

Mitchell: Wow. Took you long enough there, bro.

Jack: Yeah, sorry. Alright, who won, Grace?

Grace: I won big time. I won big time. I made the most beautiful mummie I’ve ever made that day.

*laughing*

Grace: It’s tied up, five to five.

Jack: Dammit.

Grace: Let’s do this.

Mitchell: You deserve a stink challenge.

Jack: Oh. Oh. Oh.

Grace: *Ingrid Nilsen*

Jack: Dammit! Dammit! *Ingrid Nilsen*

Grace: Yaaaaas.

Jack: Dammit!

Mitchell: Who won, Grace?

Grace: This part I don’t know.

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: Um, Ingrid.

*buzzer*

Grace: Motherfucker!

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: Don’t mind us, just two monster havin’ a great time.

Jack: *taping Grace’s face* I’m sorry

Grace: Oh no. This is where it all falls apart. Okay.

Mitchell: Oh, all the way around.

Grace: This feel great.

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: Hello. Welcome to your nightmares.

*laughing*

Grace: What’s the next challenge?

Mitchell: Okay, you guys ready for the next round?

Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s go.

Mitchell: The bean-boozled challenge.

Jack: Oh, oh, oh.

Grace: Where is it?

Jack: *Steve Zaragoza*

Grace: Ahhhhhhh. *Steve Zaragoza*

Mitchell: Who won that?

Jack: Fuck.

Grace: Yeah, who won that game?

Jack: Ahhhhh.

Mitchell: Who one that game, Jackal?

Jack: Ahhhhh.

Mitchell: Come on, Jackal.

Jack: Uh, Grace.

*buzzer*

Mitchell: Steve won that game.

Grace: Yep.

Jack: Dammit!

Grace: Yaaas. Yaas mothafucka.

Jack: There’s a lot of hair on my face, be gentle.

Grace: Okay. Open your mouth. *tapes Jack’s face*

Jack: Oh, okay. Here we go. Okay.

Grace: *laughing*

Jack: I can’t see.

Grace: You don’t wanna see this.

Jack: *chuckling*

Mitchell: Jack, you look good.

Grace: *laughing*

Mitchell: The say anything challenge.

Jack: Oh.

Grace: Oh, I have no idea.

Jack: Say anything?

Mitchell: Say anything.

Jack: Oh, um.

Mitchell: Say anything challenge.

Jack: Oh. That was, um.

Mitchell: You both were there.

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: *Crabstickz*

Mitchell: Yes!

Grace: 5.

Grace and Mitchell: 4. 3. 2. 1.

Jack: Well I’m just gonna guess. I don’t remember.

Mitchell: Crabstickz.

[?]: You guys played the tape-

Grace: We played the tape- Oh, right, ‘cause he looked like a monster.

Mitchell: Yeah, you guys looked crazy.

Jack: Ohhh!

Grace: So I have to choose who won?

Mitchell: Yeah, who won?

Grace: ... Oh no.

Jack: *laughing*

Mitchell: Who won, Grace?

Grace: I won.

Mitchell: Grace did win.

Grace: Yes! Mother of god. Okay, you get a piece of tape on [?].

Jack: Okay, let’s do this.

Grace: Okay, lower lip, please. *tapes Jack’s face*

Jack: Oh good. This is gonna be really fun to take off.

Grace: There you go. Oh god, what-

Mitchell: You guys are gonna win in the thumbnail game for sure.

Grace: Yep.

Jack: Let’s hope so.

Mitchell: Next challenge.

Grace: Eat shit, traditional media!

Jack: *laughing*

Mitchell: The soda pong challenge.

Jack: Oh, I know this.

Grace: *Kian Lawley*

Jack: Dah! No! Dammit! *Kian Lawley* Dammit!

Mitchell: Grace, who won?

Grace: Uh, Kian?

Mitchell: Kian did win.

Caption: GRACE WINS!!!

Grace: Yes! And guess who just won this whole challenge? You get one piece of tape because you lost. Is a new rule, says the winner of this challenge.

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: How do we fold the ear down?

Jack: Oh, good. That’s great.

Grace: *taping Jack’s face* This way.

Mitchell: There you go. Yeah, all the way around.

Grace: So if you didn’t have nightmares currently, you got ‘em now.

Jack: I can’t see a thing now. *laughing*

Mitchell: So weird. Okay, yeah, this needs to end before, like, I have nightmares forever.

Jack: Yeah, this is-

Grace: You asked for it and you got it, Jack Ferry on an episode of Not Too Deep. Make sure that you listen to the full episode of Not Too Deep on Soundcloud or iTunes. Follow @jackferry99 on the Twitter. See if we can get him that date with Rachel McAdams. If, I mean-

Jack: *laughing* How can she not wanna date this?

Grace: Rachel, this is what you’re missin’ out on. Get it, girl. I don’t know.

End

Jack: I think probably freeze time.

Grace: Oooh, but, like, you can move within time freezing.

Jack: Of course, naturally. If I froze too, that’s be terr- that’d be the worst power.

Grace: Wouldn’t make any sense.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

3 DUMBS DO AUSTRALIA - December 25, 2015

In a hotel room

Oh yeah, welcome to Fridiary.

Title

Fridiary is a look back at my week in vlog form. Here is some of the stuff that happened to me this week.

I’m in Philadelphia right now, but I started this week in Australia. Normal. Check it out.

Flying over Australia ♫♫♫

Caption: ON OUR FLIGHT TO SYDNEY MAMRIE BEGINS TO READ TYLER OAKLEY’S BOOK, “BINGE” ...

Mamrie reading on the flight

Caption: 15 MINUTES LATER...

Grace: Mamrie is loving Tyler’s book.

Mamrie: I’m dying. It’s so funny.

Caption: ANOTHER 15 MINUTES LATER, AS PEOPLE BEGIN DEBOARDING THE PLANE...

Mamrie: *laughing and crying*

Grace: *laughing* Dying.

Mamrie: It’s so funny.

In a van

Grace: We have arrived in Sydney

Hannah and Mamrie: Woo-hoo.

Grace: Woo-woo. And thank you to the ladies at the airport that greeted us with Tim Tams!

Hannah: And this bag of super-awesome candy.

Grace: Yaaas! This will be our lunch before the show, thank you very much. There’s a Mametown in there. *shows Mamrie peeking over the seat*

Hannah: *eating a Tim Tam* Oh my god.

Grace: Someone is enjoying their Tim Tam.

Hannah: Mm-hmm.

Grace: *laughing*

Hannah: Damn. These are more like Damn Damn,

In a hotel room

Woah, yes, that’s a good look. Good look, Helbig.

I just got into my hotel room in Sydney and it’s fucking awesome. Look at this place. Hold on. What? What are you? Wow. Wow. What even are you? Woah. Woah. I could do work and look at the place that I’m gonna future sleep.

And then, oh, what, excuse you. *shows the bathtub* What are- Wow. Okay. Well. Yep. *looks in the mirror* Ooo, holla. *back to the tub* Slide? Are you a slide? Cool!

At the Sydney venue

Grace: We just got to the venue. We’re backstage at the Sydney theater and it’s the most beautiful backstage area (Hannah: [?]) I think I’ve ever been in. Look at this whole.. There’s this. There’s this room. This looks like a hotel. There’s this beautiful living- or dining room table. There’s all of this space. This is a feed to the stage. And this is our dressing room. This is insane. Look at this beautul. It’s beautiful. This beautul. (Hannah: It’s beautul.) That’s an Australian word, right? Let’s go see the stage while Hannah vlogs.

Hannah: I’m just-

Grace: Look at how Hannah vlogs. The stage is this way. *gasp* Woah. Woooooow! This is so cool.

Hannah: Yes.

Walking to the meet and greet

Okay. Hair- some hair and some makeup is done and now we are headed to the meet and greet in Sydney.

High-speed walking ♫♫♫

Hannah: I shoulda peed.

Mamrie: It’ll suck up.

Blurry meet and greet Caption: I’M A GREAT CAMERA PERSON

*fans cheering*

Grace: Aaaaaaaaaah!

Backstage before the show

It’s a family meal before the show.

Okay, we’re prepping for the show. Doing lots of business things. Much business, very professional.

And because there’s a live feed to the theater, they just opened the house so we can see all of you guys walking in and taking your seats in front of the stage. We can even see some of you taking selfies of yourself in front of the stage. Haha, haha-haha. This is how I feel all of the time. Just constant paranoia that someone’s watching me.

Hannah: Yeah!

Grace: We got seltzer! This is Daphne.

Hannah: Daphne! Daphne! Daphne!

Grace: Daphne’s helping us in Sydney and she’s the goddamn best.

Hannah singing on stage with fans ♫♫♫

*cheering*

Mamrie on stage

*cheering*

Backstage after the show

Grace: We just finished the Sydney show.

Hannah: Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. *singing* Sydney was great. Sydney was great.

Mamrie: *singing* Sydney is what you would call great.

Grace: We’re very exhausted.

Mamrie: We left it all on stage.

Grace: We truly did. That was an amazing show. Thank you, Sydney, you are all super-lovely and sweet. My arms are, like, shaking because of the tiredness and, like the adrenaline dump that just happened.

Mamrie: Speaking of dump.

Grace: Okay.

Mamrie: I’ll be right back.

Grace: Okay, bye.

Walking around Sydney harbor

Grace: Oh my god, this is beautiful! This is so beautiful! Daphne and Simon took us here after the show and it’s incredibly beautiful. Look at these two BFFs.

Simon: Can ya believe it? Can ya believe it?

In a van

Hannah: And then, last but not least-

Mamrie: You did a lot in five minutes. Well, ten minutes.

Grace: Hannah is showing us her [?] haul.

Hannah: -by 11:02, I was out by 11:07. I got this shirt. It says, I don’t know how I feel about it ‘cause it says “Risk everything, lose nothing,“ and that seems unrealistic.

Grace: *laughing* We’re off to Brisbane. But before we leave for Brisbane, two-thirds of us did some damage at Topshop.

Mamrie: Supermarket Sweeps style yo.

Grace: Mamrie got a coffee.

Hannah: Maybe I’ll wear this one today.

Backstage at the Brisbane venue

Ha-ha! We are at the Brisbane venue. We just got here before the meet and greet and we’re gonna see the stage. Let’s look at the stage. Woah. Look at this. How cool.

Backstage before the meet and greet

Grace: Yay. We’re getting ready to go to the Brisbane meet and greet before the show. We’re making-

Mamrie: Oh my god!

Grace: What just happened?

Mamrie: We were doing a trust fall and I fell.

Hannah: Ready. Here comes Hannah. *falls back into Mamrie’s arms*

Grace: Ah.

Hannah: Yay. Ah.

Grace: It’s not so much a trust fall when you’re looking in the mirror and watching her do that.

Mamrie: Well that’s true. That defeats the purpose.

Grace: Okay, let’s go to this meet and greet.

High-speed walking ♫♫♫

Grace: Hi! Hi, the most polite people.

Checking out clay figures made by a fan

Grace: Look at these. Was it Tilly, was her name?

Mamrie: Tilly.

Hannah: Tilly.

Grace: Yeah, Tilly made us these.

Mamrie: Tilly is silly.

Grace: I know. This is us and it’s supposed to recreate the photo that we took at VidCon two years ago at our Camp Takota booth with the, uh, magnifying glass and the butterfly net.

Mamrie: But how did Tilly know I have such a front butt.

Mamrie on stage with a fan

Mamrie: I saw a wallaby.

Fan: I haven’t seen a wallaby.

*laughing*

Mamrie: Well, to be fair, I actually saw myself in the mirror and I said, “Wallaby damned, I look like shit.”

*laughing*

Flying to Perth ♫♫♫

At the Perth venue

Grace: Ba-boom. We made it to the venue in Perth. Look at all these pillows. So many pillows. Now-

Hannah: It’s a mirror.

Grace: Yes, Hannah. *laughing*

Hannah: Aw, man.

Grace: We’re gonna go check out the stage for the first time. Let’s go see it.

Hannah: This is a mirror. Woah! Look at [?]

Grace: Woah. Woooah. Wooow. Look at all of it. Cool.

Walking to the meet and greet

Okay. Now we’re going to our very last meet and greet, at Perth. And it’s on the stage.

High-speed walking ♫♫♫

*fans cheering*

Grace: Oooooh. Look how cute they-

Hannah: Hello!

Grace: Oh my god. They’re real. They’re real.

Backstage

Okay, Hannah cut her sleeves off, but cut them too long on the side, so Mamrie is gonna attempt, with a tiny baby stapler, to staple them and make them more appropriate because this is a family show!

Backstage before the show

Grace: Fifteen minutes before the last show. How’s everyone feeling?

Mamrie: I feel great.

Grace: You feel great?

Mamrie: I think it’s gonna be really fun.

Hannah: Ice is really cold.

Grace: Yes, but more importantly, step-dad. Hey ShrimpBizkit, (Hannah: ShrimpBizkit come here.) how you feelin’? How you feelin’ fifteen minutes before our last show?

Simon: *holding a piece of watermelon* I’m feeling very watermelon.

Mamrie: Woooah.

Grace: Are you feeling very water-melancholy?

Simon: Oh.

Mamrie: Ooooh!

Simon: Oh. Oh.

Grace: *laughing*

Simon: I leave the funny stuff to you.

Grace: Thank you. What a great step-dad.

Hannah: Guys, can I just say that my favorite part of this whole tour has really, truly, honestly been bringing Vloctober back.

Grace: Okay.

Hannah: No, it really has been also Simon. *mwah*

Grace: ShrimpBizkit762, get that promo!

In a van ♫♫♫ Caption: 6 HOURS LATER DRIVING TO THE AIRPORT...

Looking at an airplane window ♫♫♫

In a car

I’m back in the United States and I am doing some last-minute Christmas shopping. It is the 23rd of December, the day before Christmas Eve, and tomorrow morning I am getting on a plane to New Jersey. Uh, well, to Phildelphia to see my family for the holidays, so I’m doing some last-minute, uh, Christmas shopping. How fun.

It’s, like, 10:30 at night. I just bought myself a bright yellow suitcase to bring gifts back because.

Flying to Philadelphia ♫♫♫

In a hotel room

Good morning. It is Christmas Day and I am in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in a hotel, um, because my parents live in New Jersey very close to Philadelphia and I got in very late last night, so I stayed in a hotel.

Look, here’s Philly. *show the view* Aw, Philly, cool. Hello. You look like a city.

So just getting ready now and going over to my mom’s house for Christmas to give them presents! *shows a suitcase full of presents* Woah. All of these presents. There’s presents in here. I also ordered a bunch of presents that got delivered to my mom’s house that I have to go wrap up.

And I’m very excited because one of my favorite things in the world to do is give people presents. You- it’s very selfish. It’s- you- it seems like that’s, like, oh, what a, like, beautiful feeling, but it’s actually very selfish. Um, I just want people to consider me thoughtful.

Well that’s it for this Fridiary. Um, I hope you guys enjoyed it. I will be sharing all of the Christmas festivities with you guys in next week’s Fridiary.

So, um, to all of those that celebrate Christmas and any other sort of celebratory thing around this time of year... happy that. I don’t know.

End

In an airplane

Mamrie: *laughing and crying*

Grace: *laughing* Dying.

Mamrie: It’s so funny.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

THE LAST LIE I TOLD - December 21, 2015

*shows her “SORRY I’M LATE t-shirt* That’s how I say hello.

Title

Hi guys. I am currently in Perth, Australia. I’m here doing the #NoFilter show tour with Hannah Hart and Mamrie Hart.

*whispering* And I have to talk kind of quietly because it’s currently 11:30pm and I’m in a hotel and my neighbor is Hannah Hart. And so I don’t want her to hear my secrets. I want her to watch them on the Internet the day after.

We are currently on tour doing the #NoFilter show here in Australia, and we have one show left in Perth which is, like I said, where I am. Perth sounds really adorable, like it should be a really cute little, like, boutique-y town. And then you get here and it’s Perth. Great. Big fan.

I’m doing a Q&A video today because. I went on my Facebook page because I use Facebook. And I asked you guys for questions and I’m gonna answer them right now, so let’s get into answers. Here we go.

Drea Gasparro - Are you doing a book tour in 2016? Will you please come to Austin?

I can say that yes there will be a book tour for the book that I have currently available for pre-sale, Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It, my new style guide that you can get at gracestylebook.com.

I cannot give you details of the book tour just yet because they are not completely finished. But when they are finished, I will tell you in so much detail. Meaning the most minimal mount of things I can say before I give you incorrect information.

Akira Sidana - How would you feel is secretly goose was your owner instead of you being hers?

I would feel exactly as I feel now because that is the reality of our relationship. I’m very beta, you guys. You beta believe it. I’m very passive.

Karina Carroll - How do you feel about people putting reindeer antlers on their cars?

Adorable and dangerous. No, it’s- actually I lied. It’s not adorable. Obnoxious and dangerous. My mom does this sometimes. I love you mom, but your car is a car not a reindeer.

Sasha Jay - Which vegetable causes you the most anger?

The eggplant. It acts so unassuming, but that eggplant fucking knows.

Hayden Lowry - How to find a Christmas present for your boss?

Not an eggplant. Maybe my style book though. gracestylebook.com. It’s the eggplant of style books.

Emily Kehoe - OOTD? I’m v excited for Grace & Style, so feel free to use this question as a book plug.

Ha-hey. *snap* I will use this question as a book plug and not as a butt plug. Butt plugs out, book plugs in. More trend tips like that in my style book, gracestylebook.com.

This shirt is from Topshop. These pants are from Zara. These feet were created by both of my parents consummating their relationship.

Hannah Davison - What was your favorite things of 2015 and what are you looking forward to in 2016?

2015 was a really great year, and also a year of a lot of self-reflection for me. And, um, it makes me very excited for 2016 because I want to try to do things a little differently. I don’t want to feel routine with anything that I’m doing.

I think in 2015 I got into a moment of time where it felt like I was just putting things out into the universe, on a creative level, that, uh, felt.. passable but not my best. So I really wanna challenge myself in 2016 to create things that I am surprised by. I’m surprised by that answer. *pushes down her raised shoulder* Okay, calm down shoulders.

Damian Legion - What are three things that you NEED before you hit the stage?

What are three things I need before I hit the stage to do live stuff? Uh, let’s see. I need a good pump-up song or something that really gets the blood flowing in my body and my brain. I need a group hug from Hannah and Mamrie if we are performing together. If I’m performing by myself, I need some sort of positive reinforcement from the people around me. And I need an open mind or, like, hummus. Both of those things can make very unpredictable moments in shows.

Julia Deacon - Thoughts on Anna Kendrick?

All the time.

Jonnsi Morris Davenport - Who makes u laugh the most

My younger brother Tim usually makes me laugh the most when I’m around him. I haven’t been around him that much this year, but I will get to see him over the holidays, so hopefully I’ll get to film him whether he wants to be filmed or not ‘cause that’s the kind of relationship we have.

At least only from my perspective and definitely not mutually shared by both of us, but that’s okay ‘cause I’m older so there is some sort of, like, unspoken rule that I’m allowed to exploit him without his permission. So that’s cool. Um, yeah, he makes me laugh.

Will Scarrow - What can we expect from your style book? A good laugh? Or a new wardrobe?

Both! Haha. Unexpected style tips. You can expect unexpected personal stories from me. And you can expect unexpected photography.

Madison Castonguay - What are you doing for New Years?

I have no idea. I- I have no idea. None whatsoever. Zero. What are you doing? Wow. Humble brag. Okay. Congratulations. That’s a lie.

Millie Lawyer - How many noodles?

Louise Dahl Alnes - How are you?

Louise Dahl Alnes - You good?

Louise Dahl Alnes - Are you okay?

The answer to all of that is yes.

Tom Johnson - Favorite thing(s) about Australia?

You guys are so incredibly nice. And you are basically like a parody of yourselves. I knew that you guys- or I had heard that Australians are very nice and you guys have proven yourselves extremely, extremely nice.

And all of the shows that we have done here have been so wonderful because it really seems like you guys are having a great time, and we have the most fun when you guys are having fun.

Charlotte ‘Parki’ Parkinson - What was the last lie you told?

Probably, like, every answer to every question in this video. gracestylebook.com. I don’t know.

End

Lauryn Wilkinson - How do you feel about this picture? Picture of 3 French bulldog puppies sleeping with a baby

It’s a lot. It’s a lot. It’s- it’s a lot. It’s a lot. And, like, the person taking this photo knew it was a lot. Like, they knew it. They knew this was, like, too much. ... Like, this is a lot. This is like fondue. Like, oh, in theory, yeah, so fun, quirky, everyone will love it. And then like five minutes into it you’re like, wha- ouch, ouch. Arteries, ouch.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

WE’RE ON TOUR - December 18, 2016

On an airplane

Hannah: Yeah, it was nice, right?

Mamrie: Mm-hmm.

Hannah: Everyone thinks this is normal and fun-

Title

In a van

Grace: We’re going to Australia.

Hannah: We’re going to Hawai’i! Just kidding.

Traveling to Australia montage ♫♫♫

In an airport

Grace: We made it to Adelaide. It is 10- 11am Tuesday and we left at 9pm Sunday. So, cool.

Hannah: *singing* Time is an illusion now more than ever.

In a van ♫♫♫

In a hotel room

Made it to my hotel room in Adelaide! Adelaide is our first stop on this #NoFilter tour. Um, this is the room. Room tour. Wow, wow, wow. And in case you didn’t believe me that I’m in Adelaide right now. *shows the view out the window* It’s the University of Adelaide. And what a view, Australia. Oh my god.

Also in the airport when we landed I got my first flat white, which wasn’t just my nickname in high school, it’s what you Australians call coffee. And it’s fucking delicious. How? How do you make your coffee so good and your wifi so bad? Australia, you’re so quirky.

Sitting at a table outside with Hannah ♫♫♫

In a hotel room

Grace: Day two in Adelaide. We are rehearsing for the show tomorrow.

Hannah: Yaay!

Mamrie: Woo!

Grace: Yeah, we’re fueling up.

Hannah: Yeah.

Grace: Because we’re working on choreography which really takes a lot out of all of us.

Hannah: I stood for ten- *knock* Oh!

Grace: There’s a knock at the door. Oh my god, panic. Everyone panic, we’re fine

In a hotel room

Hello guys. It is the morning- No, it is the afternoon definitely. It is almost 1pm. It is the afternoon before our first #NoFilter show in Australia, in Adelaide. Last night our promoter and our tour manager, Brad and Simon, took Hannah, Mamrie and I out to get African food. Which was delicious!

Dinner montage ♫♫♫

And now we are getting ready for the show. I *sigh* am out of breath from turning the camera on which is great because I’m about to go to the gym to get some, um, pre-show stress out of my body. Here’s a gym outfit of the day. This black t-shirt and wow. *shows patterned purple leggings* Wow, who am I? iJustine? I seriously love what you wear, iJustine. These are from Target! Woah.

And then Hannah and Mamrie are coming here. We’re rehearsing and then we’re going to the venue and we’re starting the tour.

At the venue

Ah ha. We’re here at the first show in Adelaide. Look at this audience. *shows the empty venue* Woooowww. Lively. Also look at this hair. Also lively.

Everyone’s getting ready. Mamrie is bearing the brunt of all of the tech which is very stressful right now. Uh, this always happens. It never runs completely smooth. There’s always something that is an issue.

*shows Hannah dancing*

Hannah: Just dancing to the song in my head [?].

Backstage before the show

We’re going to our first meet and greet in Adelaaaaide.

High-speed walking to the meet and greet ♫♫♫

Grace: Hi guys! Hi! Oh my god, they’re so polite.

Hannah: I know, everyone’s so-

Eating in the green room before the show ♫♫♫

In the green room after the show

Grace: We just finished our first show in Adelaide!

Hannah: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Mamrie: So good! Meet out step-dad.

Grace: This is our step-dad. Lilly, I know he was your step-dad on your tour, but Simon is now the, uh, tour manager for us on our tour, so he’s now our step-dad.

Simon: That’s right.

Grace: Yeaaaah.

Mamrie: I have so many issues with you!

Grace: And Hannah has never had a passion fruit before.

Hannah: I’ve had lots of passion. This is the first time it comes in fruit form. Put that in the vlog.

Grace: *laughing*

In an airport

Oh. Oh, rough. Good morning, we are of to Melbourne. *to the people trying to walk past her* Sorry. I’m in my own universe right now. But this is what we travel with. We travel with Brad, a promoter, Simon, a tour manager, two functional dumbs, well, three, and some luggage. Yay.

Looking out the airplane window ♫♫♫

In a van

Grace: We just landed in Melbourne. Woo, woo. We’re on the bus right now. Yay, everybody's having a great time being in-

Hannah: *flips off the camera*

Grace: Okay. We just found out that our tour manager Simon’s Instagram is shrimpbizkit, spelled like Limp Bizkit, 762? Is that correct?

Mamrie: [?]

*laughing*

Grace: If you guys love Connor Franta’s Instagram, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet ‘til you get that shrimpbizkit762.

*laughing*

Mamrie: Dat shrimpbizkit doe.

In the green room getting ready for the show

Grace: This is happening.

Hannah: Or just have one very inquisitive eyebrow.

Mamrie: Yep, so right eye had white eyelashes.

Hannah: [?]

Mamrie: Ooo.

Grace: That is- wow. Wow!

Mamrie: Like Hannah Hart on a snowy day.

Backstage before the show

Grace: Okay, we are headed to the Melbourne meet and greet. Wee-oo!

Mamrie: Woo, woo, woo!

Hannah: Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wooo.

High-speed walking to the meet and greet ♫♫♫

In the wings, watching Hannah and a fan sing together on stage

*singing and cheering*

In a hotel room

I’m back in my room after the Melbourne show. It was an amazing show! You guys are so great and sweet! Show number two of five. And I had a great time. I hope all of you that came to the show had a great time. Thank you for laughing in sweating and laughing.

Just ordered room service, gonna wait for that. Tomorrow morning we wake up and we go to Sydney to do the show in Sydney! Wow! This is a whirlwind of a tour. We’ve never done it this way, where we fly, perform, fly, perform, fly, perform. I’ve already gathered a very thick layer of scum on my person, so I should clean that at some point tonight.

So this is where Fridiary ends for now. It will pick up for next week in the next Fridiary.

Um. Oh yeah, I also instagrammed my travel outfit of the day. I’ve been doing a lot of outfit of the days lately in conjunction with my style book which is coming out on February 2nd. Which you can pre-order at gracestylebook.com. Other than that-

*wearing a cork hat* I’m a style ico- *cough* I don’t know.

End

At a meet and greet

Grace: Hi, what is your name?

Lilly: Lilly.

Grace: Lilly, *shows Lilly’s Goose t-shirt* oh my god! How dare you?! And look at the- *shows Mel’s Beanz t-shirt* Ah, my god. What’s your name?

Mel: Mel.

Grace: Hi Mel. Ah!

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

WHY NEW YEARS IS THE WORST - December 16, 2015

Grace: *adjusting the camera* Okay. Oh my god. Oh my god.

*distant sirens*

Mamrie: Oh god, the sirens. That’s why I don’t go out on New Year’s. Fucking sirens.

Title

Mamrie: *gasp* I’m cursing in public!

Grace: Oh my-

Mamrie: Alright, would you like to explain this?

Grace: Yes. Hello!

Mamrie: Hello!

Grace: Hello. Uh, hello to all of you out there. If you don’t know us, we are Grace and Mamrie’s aunts. My name is Margret Cho.

Mamrie: Not related.

Grace: No.

Mamrie: To the other Margret Cho, so quit sending those headshots for her to sign.

Grace:  Yes.

Mamrie: And my name is Cledoris Tremble. Like Margret said, we are Mamrie and Grace’s aunts and we are also (Grace: Yes.) librarians.

Grace: Librarians. A very respectable job.

Mamrie: Did someone tell you otherwise? There’s a lot of fire behind that.

Grace: I just, you know, I hear things.

Mamrie: That’s why she’s a good librarian.

Grace: Yes, exactly.

Mamrie: An ant could sneeze and we’d be like, ssshhhh!

Grace: And I sneeze a lot. I’m allergic to cats.

Mamrie: Oh, I meant an ant like an insect.

Grace: Do they sneeze? Oh, no. We are taking over their YouTube channels, both Grace and Mamrie, and we are installing a new segment.

Mamrie: *whispering* 1, 2, 3.

Grace and Mamrie: Aunt’s Rants!

Mamrie: Woah.

Grace: Wow. We really harmonized.

Mamrie: Back on Mamrie’s channel we are talking about how over- should we wait for the siren? *distant sirens*

Grace: For what?

Mamrie: Are they comin’ for us?

Grace: Oh. Oh no. No, I gave back the gum.

Mamrie: So we talked about how annoyed we are with holiday work Christmas parties.

Grace: Yes.

Mamrie: What are we gonna rant about on your niece’s channel?

Grace: Now you might notice the festive accessories we have, and that’s because we are celebrating New Year’s. We hate going out on the night of actual New Year’s (Mamrie: Yeah.) so we celebrate it about two weeks before it actually happens.

Mamrie: Exactly. The restaurants are less full. Less drunk people roamin’ the streets.

Grace: Yes.

Mamrie: Less overall mayhem.

Grace: Yes.

Mamrie: So we celebrate on December 16th.

Grace: And with that, I want to talk about New Year’s resolutions.

Mamrie: Oooh. This is a hot topic.

Grace: Hot topic.

Mamrie: I’m not just talkin’ ‘bout the store Hot Topic where I got these for us. *points to their festive accessories*

Grace: I don’t know it.

Mamrie: Have you been to that store?

Grace: No, I got to the Avenue.

Mamrie: They have got pasta in very inappropriate shapes.

Grace: What?

Mamrie: Boobs.

Grace: Oh, I was gonna say triangles.

Mamrie: Ding-a-lings. Triangles?

Grace: Inappropriate shapes. Pasta shouldn’t be in a triangle.

Mamrie: It should not.

Grace: It shouldn’t be in a ding-a-ling.

Mamrie: One glass of pinot grigio from The Cheesecake factory, (Grace: Oh, of course.) I go to Hot Topic, I see some pasta, and I’m like, oh, that’s delicious, I’m havin’ a dinner party later tonight. That night, I’ve got my friends all around a table, someone scoops in to get some baked ziti... ding-a-lings. The zitis were ding-a-lings.

Grace: I don’t know what I’m more offended about, that the ziti was a ding-a-ling or that I was not invited to this dinner party. Where was I?

Mamrie: It was for 50 and over.

Grace: Okay. Alright. Someday, someday.

Mamrie: *mouths “No it wasn’t.”* Pardon me, I’m getting crunk tonight.

Grace: Woah.

Mamrie: Diet- Diet Coke.

Grace: Oh. Diet Coke after 6pm?

Mamrie: I’m crazy. I don’t like to make resolutions.

Grace: No.

Mamrie: I’m of the mindset that you should always be improving yourself.

Grace: Yes.

Mamrie: And it doesn’t take the M- a Mayan calendar or whatever the heck to tell you when to be better.

Grace: Don’t meet your heroes.

Mamrie: Don’t meet your heroes. That is my favorite submarine sandwich shop. Down on Market Street.

Grace: Oh, I haven’t gone.

Mamrie: Don’t Meet Your Hero.

Grace: I haven’t gone. There’s a Panera nearby, I get stuck there. The soup and the salad.

Mamrie: The you pick two?

Grace: Bread bowls.

Mamrie: Bread bowls?

Grace: Bread bowls.

Mamrie: Oh. They should make spoons outta something edible.

Grace: Bread spoons.

Mamrie: Bread spoons

Grace: Bread spoons.

Mamrie: Shark Tank! I’m dogsittin’ for my niece. You wanna see her.

Grace: *gasp*

Mamrie: *brings out Beanz*

Grace: Look at this thing.

Mamrie: Look at this

Grace: What? Yeah. What?

Mamrie: Yep, that’s a dog.

Grace: No it’s not.

Mamrie: That’s a dog.

Grace: That’s not a dog.

Mamrie: That’s a dog.

Grace: That’s- Yeah, and god exists.

Mamrie: ...

Grace: You know what I hate? Mean people.

Mamrie: Mean people are the worst.

Grace: Fuck you, mean people.

Mamrie: *aghast*

Grace: Sorry.

Mamrie: *still aghast*

Grace: It’s warrented.

Mamrie: How much Diet Coke have you had?

Grace: Oh, like two.

Mamrie: The Times Square ball. I think it is so crude that the thing everyone’s supposed to watch and talk about are balls dropping. Okay.

Grace: Okay.

Mamrie: If I wanna see balls dropping, I would adopt a preteen son.

Grace: Woah.

Mamrie: Alright.

Grace: Everything is ding-a-lings.

Mamrie: Yeah. 2016, it’s all ding-a-lings.

Grace: Too many ding-a-lings.

Mamrie: Oh, there’s a guy named Drake, he’s got a very popular song about telephones.

Grace: Oh, see, I got in a very confusing conversation the other day because when someone told me they liked Drake, I thought they said they like drapes.

Mamrie: *gasp*

Grace: I talked about curtains for 20 minutes.

Mamrie: Stop it. What did you say? You were like, oh, I like- I like drapes, yeah. Yeah, I got a- I got my own drapes at home. They probably thought you kidnapped Drake. Talk about a Seinfeld episode or somethin���.

Grace: *brings in a mini disco ball*

Mamrie: It’s almost midnight.

Grace: She got this at Hot Topic.

Mamrie: That purchase I was proud of.

Grace: This is givin’ me- *puts the disco ball away*

Mamrie: I have got a headache from that.

Grace: I got- I got vertigo.

Mamrie: I got a very bad headache.

Grace: Very-

Mamrie: I can’t drive now.

End

Mamrie: Too many ding-a-lings. We should make a musical.

*laughing*

Mamrie: Bunch of ding-a-lings up there.

Grace: The Canadians.

Mamrie: *laughing*

Grace: If there’s one thing Cledoris can hold better than a glass of wine, it’s a grudge.

Mamrie: Ho ho! And you don’t want me holding a grudge while holding a glass of wine ‘cause that wine’s goin’ in your face (Grace: Woah.) faster than, uh, uh, a car goin’ by a puddle and you get sprayed with it in the movies.

Grace: Be careful of hydroplanin’.

*laughing*

Mamrie: Now do you do New Year’s resolutions?

Grace: Never. No, I used to.

Mamrie: *looking off camera* Here comes someone to walk by and see us.

*laughing*

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

GREATEST GIFT CHALLENGE W/ CONNOR FRANTA - December 14, 2015

Grace: I am paused with indecisiveness and overwhelmed right now.

Connor: Yeah, I know. *picks up a wooden @* Follow me on Twitter, @connorfranta.

Grace: How dare you?

Title

Grace: Look who’s here!

Connor: *holding a purple pipe cleaner like a mustache* What’s uuup?

Grace: Oh.

Connor: *moves the pipe cleaner*

Grace: Oh, it’s Connor. Oh.

Connor: It’s me, as Connor

Grace: What i disguise.

Connor: I know. I was like, ah.

Grace: What a disguise. Uh, we just recorded an episode of Not Too Deep (Connor: We did.) that you guys should go listen to, after you watch this wonderful, wonderful challenge, on Soundcloud or iTunes. We learned a lot a about Connor.

Connor: We talked about a lot of ASMR, (Grace: Yep.) Target, shit.

Grace: All the hits. Maybe the most educational episode of podcast we’ve ever had. Just throwin’ it out there.

Connor: I had to instill some knowledge, that’s my thing.

Grace: It is, it truly is your thing. In a very aggressive way.

Connor: Pretends to be very intelligent. Like, it’s my thing.

Grace: But today we’re getting into the holiday spirit. We are doing the greatest gift challenge.

Connor: And we have so much stuff in front of us.

Grace: Yes we do.

Connor: Before they were just throwin’ stuff on the table.

Grace: Some people like ASMR, other people get off on Target hauls.

Connor: Mm-hmm.

Grace: So here you go.

Connor: I’m wet.

Grace: *laughing* What’s gonna happen is, we have a bunch of youtubers’ names on note cards in this Santa hat. We’re gonna pick out a youtuber and then from there Connor and I have two minutes to try and create what we think is the greatest gift for-

Connor: Greatest gift ever.

Grace: Ever. And then you guys in the comments let us know whose gift you think is the greatest gift for that youtuber.

Connor: *pointing to himself* Me deciding before. I’m like, *mouthing* it’s mine.

Caption: THE GREATEST GIFT CHALLENGE!!1!

Grace: I’m gonna allow you to choose the first youtuber.

Connor: Okay. Be like, ah.

Grace: Ah.

Connor: Um, it is a very difficult piece of paper to unfold.

Grace: Oh. Oh ‘cause it’s a sticky note that’s taped to itself.

Connor: Yeah.

Grace: You got pranked!

Connor: Ah!

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: You got pranked so hard.

Connor: It combusts.

Grace: Yeah.

Connor: Ah! Troye Sivan!

Grace: Troye Sivan! I’m- I literally just (Connor: I don’t-) got, like, a wave of panic.

Connor: I don’t know what to do. Um.

Grace: Okay. Jack, you tell us when.

Jack: On your mark.

Grace: Yeah.

Jack: Get set.

Connor: No!

Jack: Go!

Connor: Um, oh my god.

Grace: Oh god, oh god.

Connor: Oh my god.

Grace: Oh god.

Connor: I literally don’t know where to go. Yeah, I have an idea.

Grace: You have an idea? I don’t, I’m just folding.

Connor: Oh wait, we have two minutes.

Jack: 30 seconds in.

Grace: 30 seconds in?

Connor: Oh, I thought you said 30 seconds left. I was like-

Grace: Ah!

Connor: This is- I’m-

Grace: This tape should have mother f-ing got- oh no.

Connor: I’m thinking while I’m making. You’re just-

Grace: *attempting to cut tape with her teeth* Ow. Ow.

Connor: Nope.

Grace: Oh shit.

Connor: Nope.

Grace: This is all bad.

Connor: No that’s not the right color. Shit!

Jack: One minute.

Grace: One minute left?

Connor: Don’t do this to me.

Grace: Oh my god, this is not- this challenge is fun! And gift giving around the holiday season is great!

Connor: Oh my god. Um, well, shit.

Grace: Um.

Jack: 30 seconds left.

Grace: Oh my god, 30 second left.

Connor: Oh shit. I wish I had a.. No, this is never gonna-

Grace: Where is the marker, goddammit!

Connor: Where’s the tape?!

Grace: Oh my god. Oh my god.

Connor: How long?

Grace: How- how much time?

Jack: Time.

Connor: Give me half a second. half a second.

Grace: We clearly don’t play by the rules at all.

Connor: Half a second. Half a second. Half a second.

Grace: Okay. Um.

Connor: Half a second.

Caption: TROYE’S GIFTS!!

Grace: Please explain your gift to Troye.

Connor: You see this beautiful bowl of avocado here (Grace: *gasp*) is paired with this nice collection of chips. Little corn tortilla chips. Uh, so it’s chips and guacamole. Look, I even got the pit inside the avocado.

Grace: I know you did. Goddammit.

Connor: I wasted a whole ball of yarn for this.

*laughing*

Connor: I would die to get this gift, personally. Imagine opening a box on Christmas.

Grace: I would-

Connor: Imagine!

Grace: My gift to Troye is floss.

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: Because on (Connor: Plain?) Not Too Deep, the episode with Troye Sivan, he told us that flossing is one of his favorite things to do.

Connor: Oh my god, she has a good memory too.

Grace: And I put “To Troye, Love Grace.”

Connor: Aww, wait, personal details.

Grace: I was gonna make it a gift box, but it can also be, like, a piece of art. I tried to put a bow in there. That got real bad, real quick.

Connor: He can put, like, his toothbrush to pair it (Grace: Yeah.) and, like, toothpaste and then he can travel with it.

Grace: So tell us in the comments who you think made Troye a better- the greatest gift.

Connor: Chips and guacamole or floss.

Grace: That was really good, goddamn. I’m so-

Connor: Yours was good too.

Grace: I’m so stressed out right now. *laughing*

Connor: I need to remember the little things like writing my name on it.

Grace: -pick this round? Ho boy. Ho boy. Okay. Yeah, these are hard to open. These sneaky little things.

Connor: Yeah.

Grace: Who do we have.

Connor: You’ve been pranked.

Grace: Mamrie Hart!

Connor: Oooh. Oh shit.

Jack: Are you guys ready?

Connor: Ah!

Grace: Oh yes.

Jack: Christmas!

Grace: Christmas!

Connor: Oh my god. Oooh.

Grace: Okay, kay. Oh, there’s regular tape right in front of my goddamn fucking face.

Jack: *laughing*

Connor: *grabbing the tape*

Grace: No, I need that tape!

Jack: *laughing*

Connor: What the fuck. Um.

Grace: I don’t know, I feel really stressed out! You know, Mamrie-

Connor: I really don’t know what to do. I-

Grace: Okay. Maybe like this.

Connor: Wait, I have a cuter idea.

Grace: Oh, no you don’t. Give me some fucking design, I don’t know. Okay.

Jack: One minute.

Grace: What?!

Connor: Are you kidding?

Grace: This is fun. Making gifts for your friends is fun!

Connor: *laughing* I’m gonna cry. No, seriously, where’d the tape go? Yours looks cute, I hate you.

Jack: 30 seconds.

Grace: What?! Oh god.

Connor: Where’s a marker?

Grace: No, no.

Jack: Ten.

Grace: Ten seconds, ten seconds, ten seconds.

Jack: Five seconds.

Grace: No! Okay.

Jack: And time.

Grace: Okay, there we go.

Connor: Yours took so much thought. Oh my god, you ruined the Play-Doh. How dare you?

Grace: Yeah, well.

Connor: *puts a candle in Grace’s Play-Doh item*

Grace: No, get that out of there!

Connor: It’s a candle holder now.

Grace: No, it’s not!

Connor: You’re welcome.

Grace: No, it’s not! Okay.

Caption: MAMRIE’S GIFTS!!

Grace: There’s no doubt that Mamrie Hart likes to drink. So I made her a pimp cup. And, um, but I also made Beanz a matching pimp cup.

Connor: Oh my god!

Grace: *laughing*

Connor: Okay. Transition. I made- First, I was like, you know what, what does Mamrie love? Mamrie loves Beanz, so I made Beanz a little toy.

Grace: *gasp*

Connor: And then I was like, you know what’s cute, dog couple toys. So I made her a matching toy.

Grace: *laughing*

Connor: “Two toys for two peas in a pod. Love, Connor.” I did so well this round

Grace: You know what’s really cute? Giving, uh, humans dog toys, so I made her her own dog toy.

Connor: I don’t discriminate, they’re just called toys. *laughing*

Grace: The final round! Um, I’m gonna let you choose, Connor.

Connor: Okay. *reaches blindly and misses* Oh my god, there it is.

Grace: Woah!

Connor: Flula.

Grace: Flula!

Connor: Oh, I don’t even know Flula that well. Like, I know Flula.

Grace: No one knows Flula that well.

Jack: *laughing* Are you ready?

Connor: Oh my god.

Grace: No, never ready, but.

Connor: I have no idea. Oh my god, I know.

Grace: What?!

Connor: *laughing*

Grace: That happened.

Jack: On your mark.

Grace: Uh huh.

Jack: Get set. Kwanzaa!

Grace: Kwanzaa! Alright.

Connor: Inclusive.

Grace: Yeah, we’re tryin’ to celebrate- These- I mean, these don’t have to be for Christmas. These can be for birthdays. These can be for just (Connor: Okay, Starbucks.) general holidays. Oh my god. Why am I-

Connor: I feel less stressed this round.

Grace: Why am I not just using yarn? I’m an idiot.

Connor: Oh, what can I do?

Grace: What are you, like, so lackadaisical and, like, very calm about?

Connor: Give me a dictionary.

Jack: *chucking*

Grace: *aggressively stabbing with scissors*

Jack: *laughing*

Connor: Oh my god, oh my god, it’s not cutting. I’m stressed.

Grace: Oh no.

Jack: *figures out what Grace is making and starts heartily laughing*

Grace: Where’s the s- where are the- Ah. Oh my god.

Jack: 30 seconds.

Grace: No!

Connor: Ah.

Grace: Okay. Um.

Jack: *laughing* Aaaand time.

Caption: FLULA’S GIFTS!!

Grace: Connor, please explain yourself.

Connor: Isn’t it obvious?

Grace: I mean- *laughing*

Connor: This is- this is a flute-la for Flula.

Grace: Oooh. That’s really-

Connor: *pushes his chair away* I’ll see myself out.

Jack: *laughing*

Connor: I made a card too again. I was so impressed with your card, or your note, the first round that I-

*laughing*

Grace: That you spent your two minutes just writing a really heartfelt message to Flula?

Connor: I was like, hmm, flute-la, does it have an E or not? *holding up the card* “A flute-la for Flula.”

Grace: Oh, that’s great. I made Flula a fanny pack for himself. Hastag #dance, it says.

Connor: Oh my god.

Grace: And, um, (Connor: Oh my god.) inside, uh, we have a lot of felt and some- some letters. When you meet him, Flula can be like, *terrible German accent* oh, you look so good, I’m at a loss for words, oh, here they are.

Connor: This- You thought mine was thought out. What?! Flashback to stabbing it.

Grace: This is some, uh, very-

Connor: You win, you win.

Grace: This is some OG DIY shit right now.

Connor: Sit down.

Grace: I like- are these the- the-

Connor: The little holes.

Grace: *laughing* That was-

Connor: Ho. That was-

Grace: Yeah, a roller coaster of emotions.

Connor: It was.

Grace: I would say.

Connor: I think I cried halfway though

Grace: Yeah, maybe.

Connor: Mm-hmm. Stress.

Grace: Let us know in the comments what gifts you thought were the greatest gifts. Um, and-

Connor: Mine.

Grace: *nods*

Connor: Practical.

Grace: And make sure you listen to the full episode of Not Too Deep with Connor over on Soundcloud or iTunes. And, Connor, where can they find you across the Internet if they haven’t already?

Connor: Oh, just search Connor Franta. *distant sirens* Oh my god, we’re getting arrested.

Grace: We’re getting arrested because are are terrible friends (Connor: *whistling*) if we give our friends these gifts.

Connor: Oh my god. Hey, I think some- I mean, I would have this. *pointing to Grace’s “fanny pack”* Imagine.

Grace: Would you?

Connor: Yeah.

Grace: It’s very cumbersome.

Connor: Well, you know.

Grace: No gift receipts.

Connor: Dance!

Grace: Dance!

Connor: Dance!

Grace: Uh, we’ll see you guys when we see ya. I don’t know.

End

Connor: I went on a safari.

Grace: Yeah!

Connor: It’s- it’s terrifying.

Grace: Did you go on the wine safari?

Connor: No, I went on a safari in Africa when i went to Swaziland.

Grace: Oh, that’s a real safari.

Connor: Yeah.

Grace: I just- I went to- I went to Malibu and drank wine and looked at zebras.

Connor: Oh!

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

HUGE BOOK SPOILER + FAVORITES - December 11, 2015

*looks at herself in the camera* Ha. This is not a thing. I tried to do a hair thing, but this is not a hair thing. It’s something.

*wearing beanie* Oh man. Hats are great. More important style tips like that in my new style guide, Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It. Available for pre-sale now at gracestylebook.com.

Title

Which is some of the stuff I wanted to talk to you guys about today. Um, the book! *cough* *cough* *cough* Ow. Fuck.

*holds up her “DICK” mug* Could I be any more my own aesthetic right now?

I just wanted to show you guys that I made a smoothie. You don’t even need to know if it tastes good. I made this. I’m better than you.

Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It is a book that I’m very, very proud about. And my pride, like a group of lions that rapidly reproduce, grows every day. Did that make sense? No. More things that might not make sense found in my new style guide, Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It.

I like this book so much that I wanted to make sections of it available for you guys before it actually comes out so you can get excited about it. You can maybe be convinced to buy it if you are not totally convinced yet. Or you can feel complete regret from pre-ordering it. The world is your oyster. I hope not. That’s a tiny little world. Why is that a saying? The world is your oyster. There might be a pearl inside or... various deep-sea shit.

So- Let me just make sure I have all of this information correct for you guys because, classically I don’t every fucking know what I’m fucking talking about.

*takes a sip from her smoothie* ‘Member I’m better.

So I’ve created a Wattpad profile. If you don’t know what Wattpad is, educate yourself. There are so many tools for education these days. I’m not a tool, but I love that band. No I don’t. I’m just straight-up lying. More lies in my new style guide, Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It.

Caption: wattpad.com/GraceHelbig

Wattpad is a wonderful website that I will be sharing with you some excerpts from my book before it comes out on February 2nd.

*quickly flips though the book* I just wanna show you some colors. What? Whaaat? Whaat, it’s a book. What? Waaaaaaaaaaattpad.com/GraceHelbig

In the book there are different sections called Vintage Grace, which are stories from my past that have to do with different ways I’ve experienced style. And the one that is currently available for you on my Wattpad profile is called Vintage Grace - Shopping Lessons From My Father. And it is all about the first time that my dad and I went to the Limited Too when I was in middle school, and he told me I could pick out anything I wanted for my birthday and the emotional roller coaster that that was. Um, I’ll read you just a quick little section.

When I was in sixth grade, the Limited Too was the shopping mecca. Girls were made and betrayed by that innocent, bubble-letter font with the flower in the logo. If you shopped at Limited Too, you were hot shit. And probably too young to use the phrase “hot shit” colloquially.

For those of you unfamiliar, Limited Too is the teen/tween branch of the women’s clothing store The Limited. It had all of the most colorful, trendsetting clothes an upper-middle-class suburban girl could dream of.

I’ll let you guys read the rest of it on my Wattpad profile. Again, wattpad.com/GraceHelbig. Go follow it. Go create a Wattpad account. Because it’s a really great platform for us to share more conversations about the book. In January there’ll be new excerpts of the book up there. Again, wattpad.com/GraceHelbig. Read the chapter Vintage Grace - Shopping Lessons From My Father. Let me know what you guys think.

When you follow me we’ll be able to communicate about all of the updates having to do with the book, including book tour, which I’ll be announcing next year. We’re figuring out all of the specifics for it and I am so excited ‘cause there are some things planned that are different than last time that I think will be so great. Or they won’t be great. Pandora’s box. The world is your fucking oyster. Bleh.

So in addition to all of that stuff about the book, I thought it might be nice to do a very abbreviated favorites for you. Because these are some of my favorite things that I have been enjoying currently that have to do with both beauty and style. So let’s just jump right into it. You don’t have to jump, you have weak knees, I know. Knee pads, huge spring 2016. Maybe.

This! Can you see it? Can you see it? Can you see it? Tarte’s For True Blues Bronze and Black Gel Liner. Bam. Wow. Could I be more color-blocked right now? I was trying to think of a joke that had to do with cock-blocked and color-blocked. No.

I love this gel eyeliner, but even more, I love this brush that came with it. Will it focus? Oh my god, this camera! See how it’s bent like that, like I stepped on it. I didn’t step on it. I probably will at some point in the future step on it. But the brush is bent so it makes it easier to do your eyel- *shows her eyeliner to the camera* Look, I did that. I did that!

I’m a huge, huge fan of it. Also this gel liner is very great to use and I haven’t really seen brown gel liner. I haven’t used it yet, but I’m curious. And curiosity murdered a cat, so, should be fun. Next!

This! Can you see it? Can you- Can you see it? This is actually Simon & Schuster, who publish my book, sent me a whole, like, care package for the holidays of Madewell stuff that I could use on my book tour next year. And they sent me these sunglasses in this beautiful leather sunglass case. How sophisticated. Like, who am I? Someone with their shit together?

*wearing the sunglasses* Look at that. Wow. My eyes could be doing anything right now. Wow. Very John Lennon, but not. Cute! Next!

This! Can you see it? Can you see it? Can you see it? This is a purse that I got from Zara that I love. Usually I carry either a very small clutch or a way too big bag and this is kind of in between, but on the smaller side. And it has a strap so I can do *waves her arms around* so much stuff with my arms. Like watch. *wears the purse* *waves her arms around* I can do anything.

And it’s got, like, the perfect amount of room inside. It’s got a pocket and it’s also got a little zip pocket on the front, oh, that I put a ticket into. Ah, to Kinky Boots. Look, tickets can fit in it. Wow. But I also like the quilted kind of pleather pattern, and it wasn’t that expensive. I do not remember exactly how much it was, but I remember it not being crazy expensive.

Look at this. *waves her arms around* That was American Sign Language for “please follow me on wattpad.com/GraceHelbig.” Next!

These! Can you see it? Can you see it? Can you see it? *bumps the camera* Oh. That’s how good they are. They just, they move you.

Guess what I am. *puffs out her cheeks* ... Booties and the Blowfish.

In the winter time, I love a good bootie. Who doesn’t? People that are more of a boob person, I guess.

And these are really great. These are from Topshop and they’re very simple. They go with tons of stuff. They don’t have a huge heel, which is very easy to deal with for me. And they got a cute little buckle right there. They’re just so easy to slide on and off ‘cause they got this stretchy material. It’s like Spanx for your cankles.

Again, don’t remember how much they were, but they weren’t crazy expensive. But that also depends on your definition of crazy expensive. They were more than a Payless BOGO sale, but less than a house. Cute! Next!

Can you see it? Can you see it? Can you see it? I think this has been in a favorites video before, but I just found it again in one of my purses and I love it. It’s the Buxom, B-U-X-O-M, Full-On Lip Cream in White Russian. And- oh, that’s why it smells like that.

It smells amazing and it just kind of *leans into the camera and puts some on* Duh da-duh da-duh. It’s always good to move your mouth while you’re putting lip gloss on your mouth. Beauty hack!

Doesn’t really make too much of a difference. My favorite kind of beauty product. -smells amazing, so that is great in one respect, but also terrible because you just wanna eat it all the time because, as females, we have no self-control. Next!

*holding her book* Obviously this is one of my favorites for this month and for, like, the next six months, so get ready for this to be in your face a lot.

Oh, I wanna show you- Let me show you one of my favorite photos. The photos were shot by robinshoots, @robinshoots, who shot my first book, and shot a bunch of other photos for me and she’s wonderful.

*shows this photo* Yaaaaaaas! What does it mean? You have to get the book to find out.

Okay, there you go. I hope this was interesting or helpful. I don’t know.

End

wattpad.com/GraceHelbig. gracestylebook.com.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

VLOGMAS (a parody) - December 9, 2015

...Ugh.

Opening montage ♫♫♫ Caption: VLOGMAS Subtitle with Grace

Hi guys. Welcome to vlogmas day 46? 47? 3? I don’t know. Um, it’s just- it’s all blending together. It’s going so fast, you guys. Oh my god, it’s almost, like, halfway started and done.

And, oh my god, I have, like, no makeup on my face. I’m so sorry that you guys have to deal with this. This is, like, so disgusting. Like, I literally- I mean, just try to ignore it.

Um, anyway, so it’s, like, 8:20pm. Um, I started my day, like, super late. I was just up last night, like, editing vlogs and, like, working and just, like, hating myself and then editing more vlogs for you guys.

I’ve had, like, a really productive day so far of just, like, lots of, like, self-loathing, which I got out of the way early, um, and have continued throughout the day.

*sigh* We’re gonna get, like, started the day and, um, just start to, like, do some stuff, and then you guys are gonna, um, come with me. And I have, like, so much stuff to get done today, so it’s gonna be, like, a really productive day. So, um... yep.

*looking into the sink* Oh my god. My dishes are, like, so dirty and I hate them. I’m so sorry, you guys. Literally, like, so sorry. You don’t deserve this. And, like, ew, what is that?

*looking at Goose on the couch* And we have Goose here. Hi, Goose. Are you loving vlogmas so far, Goose? Look at her tail. Oh my god. It’s like she’s a dog. Oh my god. You’re just, like, such a dog sometimes. Like, you’re wagging you tail like it’s a sign of your emotional state because you can’t speak because you’re, like, a dog.

Um, oh my god, focus on my fa- thank you. God, I’m so sorry. So my living room- I mean, oh my god this isn’t my living room. I’m such a fucking idiot. It’s my dining room. It’s just been, like, super crazy dirty messy because I’m just kind of, like, a complete mess. So I’m just gonna, like, clean it. [?] it just makes me feel better. You should watch this.

High-speed moving things around a bit but not cleaning ♫♫♫

Making coffee and then dumping it into the sink ♫♫♫

Oh my god, is it in focus? Focus! Oh my god, you’re such a stupid piece of shit. And this camera sucks too.

Um, so like I said, um, I have, like, a super-busy day. Um, just, like, so many things that I have to do and, like, so many, um, things. So, um, yeah.

Um. I didn’t, like, sleep really well last night at all, so... God, I, like, open up so much on here. I’m sorry guys, it’s just, like, vlogmas. I feel like I can be more personal with you guys. So, like, let’s just get this busy day started. I love that song. Isn’t that a song? I don’t know. Oh my god, I go off on so many tangents. Sorry guys. Seriously. Let’s get the day started.

*looking at Goose on the couch* Oh my god, you’re, like, such a dog.

Oh my god, I just, like, changed the framing of my video and it’s, like, so different... I can look at more of my face now. And it’s so ugly. Oh my god, I’m sorry guys. Like, you shouldn’t even have to deal with this. Like, these videos are completely free for you and you have complete free will to, like, look at other stuff anywhere all the time and, like, the fact that my face looks like this is just, like, I’m so sorry.

*changed the white balance* Oh my god, that’s so much better. Oh god, sorry that you even had to deal with that, like-

So I’m just, like, editing, like, a ton ‘cause, like, I’m so busy. And so I just thought I’d show it to you for a second. Like, wow, look at that. This is, like, I just wanna show you just how I edit. So, like, hold on. Okay, can you see that? *drags through some audio* *clicks* That- that’s all you get.

Um, also I just realized that I’ve been buying, like, so many holiday gifts that I thought I would do, like, a quick haul for you guys. So- oh my god, this angle is, like, so bad, but you know, whatever. I’m- I put it all out there for you guys. Okay.

Um, so... This is is a- *ding* Oh my god, i got a text. Sorry to rub just, like, how superiorly popular I am in your face.

This is a bag that my dog shits in. And I got it from Target, with, like, a thousand other same bags. ... That’s, like, it.

Oh my god, what it wrong with my face?!

Okay. Oh my god, is it focused? Okay, so I just got back from taking Goose for a walk. Where are you? Are you hiding? Oh my god, my dog is, like, has the best sense of humor of all dogs. *Goose rubs her sides on the back of the couch* Look at that. Oh my god. Oh my god, are you seeing this? Like, she just does this. I don’t even, like, tell her to. Like, where does she get that from? Oh my god.

So I just went for a walk and, like, I forgot my vlogging camera ‘cause I’m an idiot. *sigh* ‘Cause I can’t do anything right. Um, but I did have my phone with me and I managed to capture this, like, super, super cute moment. So I’ll insert that footage here.

Caption: I forgot to insert the footage BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT

*looking at Goose on the floor* What is she even doing? Like, it’s all, like, I don’t get it and it’s stealing focus from me, so, like, stop.

Um, so, it’s just been, like, a super busy day. I have such a busy day, you guys, it’s crazy. And, like, sometimes I get so lost. But it’s all good. It’s, like, it’s positive, good busy. Like, I’m really happy that I’m busy, but it’s just, like, the busiest day. It’s, like, insane.

Seriously, like, my face... needs a new face.

In her car

*yell singing* I must have cried a thousand criiiiiiies!

Yes! Yes, Adele! Yaaaaaas!

Oh my god, I love this song too!

*yell singing* Why so serious! So raise your glass if you are wrong! -always my other ones!

So I’m headed to Target because I have to every day or I’ll die. But I’m going to Target to just, like, touch stuff. And then I’m going to, um, like, I need, like, um, to touch stuff. I also need to cook some food for dinner ‘cause I’ve been, like, super into cooking lately. So I’ve been like really- this is gonna sound, like, so weird and, like, make me different than you, but I’ve been, like, super craving spaghetti squash, so I’m just, like, hoping this Target has it.

Walking into Target ♫♫♫

Guys, it’s legitimately, like, so festive in here.

Things in Target ♫♫♫

Oy my god. Okay. So I’m back from Target. Classically got, like, so much more than I should have because if I don’t I’ll, like, die. Um, the spaghetti squash, however, I had to get at, like, a grocery store. Target didn’t have it, which just, you know, goes to show that there’s, like, no god. Um, but it was fine.

I’m really tired cause I had to carry these all up my front steps without, like, any help, which is also, like, just a double confirmation that there’s no god. Um, but I wanted to show you guys, I’m gonna make dinner for myself in a little bit and go for a jog. Um, it’s, like, quarter to 11pm, so it’s, like, magic hour.

But I got this for Goose. I’m whispering because I think she’s evolving to, like, be able to understand English and I don’t want her to know yet. This was in the Christmas section of toys for dogs and it makes me go, like, da fuck. Why is this owl, that is truly overcompensating in his clothing choices, part of Christmas? So let’s give it to her.

Let’s take the tag off first. Uh, oh my god, this sucks. *pulls off a tag* Okay. Now there’s another one. Oh my god, it sucks. *pulls off a tag* Okay, I got it.

Hey, Goose. Look. This is for you. This stupid owl is for youuuuu. Here. You want it? Do you want it? Do you want it? Good girl! Yeah, good girl. Oh my god, you’re, like, such a dog.

So stupid. Okay, so I’m gonna get the spaghetti squash in the oven and make dinner and, like, I’ll show you guys in a little bit. It’s just, like, you know, the busiest damn day of my entire life, so.

Ewww. Eww, my face. Eww. Like, fo- but also focus on it. Oh my god. Um, so I just got done running and, um, where’s the light? Oh my god, there it is. I just got done running. I ran probably like, like, a million miles, but you know, it’s, like, not my best but I’m here to be real with you, so.

Um, my spaghetti squash is done in the oven. Um, let’s look at it. *turns over a squash half* Eww!

Uhhh.

So I just put some of my dishes in the dishwasher because I started to wash some of them and I just, like, hated it so much. And, like, dishes are kind of, like, scary, you know? Like, they might be legitimately, literally, like, the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life because they’re, like, you know, like, they get dirty and you know how they get dirty, but then, like, you don’t know where all the dirt came from sometimes. You just see, like, colors on them that you’re, like, I didn’t put that there. So it’s just, like, scary.

We’re gonna make dinner. It’s one of my favorite meals, I think. I haven’t actually tried it before, I don’t think so. I forget a lot. We’re gonna make, uh, my dinner. So here, I’m gonna show you how to do it.

So basically you just take, like, all of this *shows ingredients* and then you basically just, like, turn it into that. *shows the final dish*

Okay, so I just, like, ate all my food so legitimately fast.

Like, seriously. I realized that you guys probably wonder, like, what I got from Target. So let me show you some of the things I got at Target.

Two of these-

-looks like chest hair.

I got all kinds of stuff for my bath-

Some 2016-

These!

*puts candles on her counter* Oh my god!

I got this cand-

-soap dish because-

-like, thing.

So you get it, okay. Done.

Oh my god. Yes, things have taken a turn. Um, I but some Bioré pore strips on my face, and sometimes I put one on my chin. It’s not even sticking, I hate it.

Ugh, today was just, like, the busiest day ever, guys. Um, I’m gettin’ ready for bed now and, like, *shows Goose on the bed* oh my god. She thinks she’s people.

Um, but I realized that I didn’t get to say good-bye. I feel like I didn’t vlog a lot today. Like, I know I’m- I’m, like, the worst vlogger ever. Um, and I’m so, like, I’m super sorry that there’s not, like, a ton of footage for you today. Um, just, you know, one of those, like, super busy days where I didn’t get to pull out my camera ‘cause, like, sometimes I was, um, like, peeing or, um, like, standing by myself in my house. So, you know. You get it.

So, um, yeah. That’s gonna be it for today. Um, oh my god, I totally forgot to do my advent calendar. Oh my god, I totally forgot to get an advent calendar. Oh my god. I’m such an idiot.. to think that I would have enjoyment doing an advent calendar. But, like, you know.

So, um, I hope you guys enjoyed this. If you did, give it a like. Don’t foget to subscribe. And, um, yeah. Um, I’m just like, there’s so much to do that I’m just, like, spacing so much. Haah. And these nails, ugh.

And if you are living in Australia, please buy a ticket to our #NoFilterShow comedy tour that we are doing down there next week, which is crazy.

And if you are into fashion and style and beauty. *showing her University of Toronto t-shirt* Like, I mean, this is very stylish. I wrote a style guide called Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It, and it’s available for pre-sale at gracestylebook.com. And I would love, love, love, love if you pre-ordered it because, like... I’m not afraid to, like, just be me. I don’t know.

End

Wait, I didn’t like the way I said that. I’m gonna try one more time. I don’t know. Oh, let me try one more time because it’s, like- I don’t know. And I love you. I love you. I love you guys, like, you don’t know the depths of my love. Like, I love you as much as I hate myself. And I love you and I love you. ... K. Did I say it enough?

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

HUMAN CHRISTMAS TREE CHALLENGE w/ MITCHELL DAVIS - December 7, 2015

Grace: To wrap the thing you just can’t see any of the present, right?

Jack: Sure.

Grace: That’s what wrapping is?

Jack: *laughing*

Title

Grace: I’m here with always anxious Mitchell Davis!

Mitchell: I’m not anxious, I’m fine. I feel good.

Grace: You’re going like this. *rocks back and forth*

Mitchell: I feel goo- It’s cause I got energy.

Grace: You got ants in the pants.

Mitchell: Yeah.

Grace: We are creating a holiday tradition.

Mitchell: Yes.

Grace: Because this is the second time that we have done this challenge here on It’s Grace. And it is the human Christmas tree challenge. Mitchell and I are going to race to turn ourselves into human Christmas trees. We have all of our accoutrements down here. We have Christmas skirts, garland, uh, ornaments, candy canes, tape, a gift to put under our tree, and, oh, uh, antlers. God, I feel like this is, like, a beauty DIY video right now.

Mitchell: *laughing*

Grace: And we will race to decorate ourselves like human Christmas trees using all of the things in front of us. We can put them on in any order. The only thing that has to happen is that the gift has to get wrapped last.

Mitchell: I mean, typical.

Grace: At the very end, one of us will scream a holiday phrase and that signifies that we are done.

Mitchell: Yes.

Grace: Okay? Are you feeling okay?

Mitchell: I’m feeling so good. *puts his hand out*

Grace: *looks skeptically at Michell’s hand*

Mitchell: I’m feeling really good.

Grace: Is this *shakes Mitchell’s hand* for this?

Mitchell: *bows*

Grace: Oh, okay. I thought you were doing like, *puts her hand out to her side* “I’m feelin’ really good.”

Mitchell: *puts his hand out to his side* I’m feelin’ so good.

Grace: *slaps Mitchell’s hand with the back of her hand*

Mitchell: How dare you?

Grace: *laughing* Oh, these sweatshirts. Um, yeah. Last year Mark Douglas and I dressed up in green sweatshirts and sweatpants to signify the Christmas tree base.

Mitchell: Yeah.

Grace: We didn’t have green sweatpants this year, um, so this year we’re dead Christmas trees.

Mitchell: Well, we’re in Los Angeles, you know. There’s no water here.

Grace: Let’s do the human Christmas tree challenge, year number two.

Caption: THE HUMAN CHRISTMAS TREES CHALLENGE!!1!

Mitchell: Here we go, I’m ready.

Grace: Okay.

Mitchell: Jack.

Jack: Okay, ready guys?

Grace: Yes.

Jack: Ho ho go!

Grace: I see what you did there. How does this- oh my god, it’s an actual-

Mitchell: Okay. Well, I feel beautiful.

Grace: [?]

Mitchell: Alright. Ooh!

Grace: Always cinch the waist.

Mitchell: You don’t even know me! ... You don’t even know! Grace, why don’t you just- I’m gonna grab these guys.

Grace: *tears a large piece of tape* *throws both rolls of tape far off camera*

Mitchell: See, that’ what I’m talking about you- *runs after the tape* We got some.

Grace: You’ve gotta get four of each!

Mitchell: Christmas trees. Come back up here. No! No, no, no. Grace, grab that ball for me.

Grace: Eat shit. Holiday shit.

Mitchell: You know what is holiday shit?

Grace: What?

Mitchell: My grandpa loves it. It’s so gross. It’s like a type of bread.

Grace: Fruit cake.

Mitchell: Fruit cake, yeah. He loves the shit.

Grace: Good to know that about you and your grandfather’s relationship.

Mitchell: Yeah. Put some candy canes on the glasses. How many candy canes?

Grace: Four!

Mitchell: How many candy- Four.

Grace: Okay. I’ve lost the tape, so my tape plan backfired on me.

Mitchell: Here we go. One.

Grace: Ow!

Mitchell: And-

Grace: I’m tryin’ to poke it through the sweatshirt. that doesn’t work.

Mitchell: -two

Grace: Do you have to see them? Oh, they can be in my pockets.

Jack: *laughing*

Mitchell: Three. And four.

Grace: Oh! I got something in my eyeball!

Mitchell: Perfect.

Grace: I gotta plug this in. Got it plugged in. [?]

Mitchell: Wait for me, Grace. Wait for me. Oh shit, the present!

Grace: Oh! The tape isn’t opened yet! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Mitchell: Chri- ha- Merry Christmas!

Caption: MITCHELL WINS!!!

Grace: No! Mitchell is Banksy! You put it on your glasses.

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: Goddamn my perfect vision.

Mitchell: I got way more sweaty than I anticipated.

Grace: Yeah, this is a physical activity.

Mitchell: *pointing to Grace’s present* Is that for me?

Grace: This is for you.

Mitchell: This one’s for you.

Grace: Aww. You didn’t put your thing on the top of your gift!

Mitchell: Sh-

Grace: There’s a bow that goes on the top of your gift.

Caption: GRACE WINS!!!

Mitchell: I’m Banksy, y’all. Whatever. *runs out*

Grace: *laughing* Well, Mitchell, thank you for participating in year two of the human Christmas tree challenge. If you wanna listen to more of our holiday rants? Opinions, aggressions, desperations, go to Soundcloud or iTunes, listen to the full episode of Not Too Deep with Mitchell and, um.. Yeah, I’m tired.

Mitchell: Yeah, really. It was- is this what trees go through every year?

Grace: Oh my god.

Mitchell: I feel so bad.

Grace: Follow Mitchell on the Internet, livelavalive.

Mitchell:Just stop, it’s fine.

Grace: I don’t know.

End

Mitchell: It’s gotta be way heavier just because he’s always gotta help those, uh, those old-

Grace: Old bitties.

Mitchell: Those old, little, teenie, little, people. *old lady voice* Oh Drew, come here and help me roll this thing. Barely made it past two numbers.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

GET READY WITH ME - December 6, 2015

Hello, welcome to Saturdiary!

Title

*shows her holiday sweater* Yes. This is happening because I just got back from watching Krampus! Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-ooo!

If you don’t know, Saturdiary is a look back at my week in vlog form. So let’s look back on some of the things that have happened this week.

New York trip montage ♫♫♫

In a car

Ho ho. Yeah. What a face! This is what my face looks like at 6:26am after I got back from New York... seven hours ago.

We are headed to set of Dirty Thirty, which I am so excited before because we’ve all been off for nine days. We had a nine day break in the middle of shooting, so if there’s some, um, continuity errors in the bloatedness of our faces, you know why. We had nine days off and Thanksgiving. So let’s head back to set and see everyone! Weeeee! Heeeaaaa!

Outside on set

Look, everyone’s working. Tom’s back with his mustache. Kevin, I heard you got really drunk at the Clippers game

Kevin: *double thumbs-up*

*laughing*

On the jail set

So this is where we are shooting today. The glamour, the glamour, the glamour.

Dirty Thirty shooting montage ♫♫♫

On set in the jail

Hannah: Don’t crime kids.

Grace: Don’t crime?

Mamrie: Don’t crime.

Hannah and Mamrie: *singing* Don’t crime for me, Argentina.

Grace: Now we’re done.

In a car

Hello, Fridiary. Happy Thursday. It is Thursday. I’ve done a pretty shitty job of vlogging this week. I will tell you flat-out. You heard it from the horse’s mouth, me. Ney. I’ve also done a great job at losing my mind, apparently.

I am headed- I- I- You’re all gonna laugh at me. I’m headed to the fucking dentist again. No, not because my temporary crown has come out, but because I’ve two other cavities that I’ve never gotten filled.

And then I’m going to the office to meet with Diane to count all of these. Can you see boxes of things? These are, if any of you remember from, like, two years ago at VidCon, tote bags that I designed that say “Eat Shit” on them. And these are the leftover ones that never got sold, so these are getting up-cycled into tote bags for the giveaway of Grace and Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It, my book that is available for pre-sale, which you should go pre-order if you haven’t yet.

I know we’re all buying Christmas gifts and that’s a weird thing to ask you to do, to pre-order something that doesn’t come out ‘til February, but *sigh* waiting makes the heart grow fonder? No. Waiting makes the brain grow angrier.

I have a lot more that I want to talk to you guys about with the style book, but I’ll make sure to do that after half of my mouth is numb. So, until then.

At Grace’s house

Uhh, yowzers. A dramatic improvement in video quality and a dramatic reduction of facial... quality.

Hi, guys. It’s Friday and I realized that I didn’t finish up anything yesterday with you about the dentist. Everything’s fine. Turns out I had four cavities instead of two, and they filled all of them. Hooray!

And today I got invited to go to this event, um, for Vanity Fair and Ralph Lauren. Ralph Lauren. Who knows. Tomatoes, bruschetta.

So I thought since I haven’t vlogged very much this week, and because I have a style guide coming out, that I would do a get ready with me type of time with you as I anxiously prepare to go to an event by myself with fashion types. Doesn’t that sound goddamn delightful.

I’ve already done the basics. I have done some stress running and some stress showering. So now I’m going to stress dry my hair. Let’s do it.

High speed hair drying ♫♫♫

*playing with her semi-dry hair* Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. This side, I could be a youtuber from 2006. And from this side, I could be a soccer mom.

So my hair is dried and put in this. Get wow. This stuff. It did shit.

I never do videos like this and I keep looking at my goddamn face.

So, you have so much dust on your face. It’s very becoming. It’s becoming very annoying. *grabs the camera*

Okay. So I think I’m just gonna start doing my makeup and have a chat with you guys. And I thought this would be appropriate to do something like this because of this! *holds up her book* This is an “advanced uncorrected proofs - not for sale” version of Grace & Style, my new style guide!

The book comes out February 2nd, and I want you to pre-order it, but I know you’re buying people a lot of holiday gifts and all of that, so it’s okay if you don’t. I will just completely hold it against you forever.

But because it comes out February 2nd, I wanted to start doing some more beauty-centric videos on this channel. Not that I’m going to become a beauty guru, because I- I just can’t. Like, I’ve tried and I just- I can’t. *grabbing her book* And this is another attempt at me trying, but also me trying the only way I know how, which is by pretending.

Let’s just start putting paint on the [?]

So what I’ve been doing a lot lately is, I use some, uh, Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer as kind of a primer on my face before the other shit that goes on my face.

I guess I can talk to you about some of the other things that you can expect from the book, uh, because I haven’t really talked about it very much, and it’s because there’s been so many other things to talk about with you guys. Like dirtythirtymovie.com and the Australian #NoFilter tour that you guys should all get tickets to if you live in Australia.

I want you guys to know how excited I am about it, and want you to know more about what it is because I feel like I’ve been pretty vague. It’s a tongue-in-cheek style guide. So it gives you guys- *patting makeup on her neck* luh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh-luh. That’s the sound that beauty makes.

So the book is meant to give you guys a look at my beauty journey on a personal level. Which, it starts out really personally and I did not expect it to start out so personally, but it just came out of my brain and my hands and onto paper and into a computer and now into the book.

And it’s, uh, about my, kind of, personal struggles and, you know, highs and lows with beauty and fashion and how I’ve some to see it in my world. And how I’ve some to see the comedy in it, which has helped me understand it more, and embrace it and celebrate it more.

But then there goes into a lot of ridiculous tips about fashion and beauty and what certain things might suggest about your personality, if you wear them or put them on you person.

There’s also some advice from my mom in there that I think is really exciting. And it genuine advice about, you know, beauty, self-esteem, and that sort of thing.

I haven’t gotten very far. I’ve talked too much. What am I doing? Oh, I put on some Smashbox BB cream, um, which I also use as a primer. I basically- I love, uh, a lot of foundation on my face because my skin is really sensitive to temperature and embarrassment, so I get red a lot.

Oh! This Clinique Beyond Perfecting foundation and concealer, Kandee Johnson recommended this in a video of hers recently, and so I ordered it and I love it. This is really fantastic full-coverage foundation that I’m a big fan of. I’m not a big fan of the applicator. *applies foundation* ‘Cause you gotta do like this. Yes, look at that. That- this is fashion. Look at that there. Great. Yes, very Ralph Lauren. Maybe I should just stop talking so much and just get to doing the makeup.

Also I have no idea what I’m wearing tonight because it is, um, quote unquote cocktail attire. To me, when I hear that something is cocktail attire, I quote the great Justin Bieber and I’m all like, what do you mean?

Wow. Wow, yes.

If you hate this, feel free to let me know, and I’ll never do it again until I forget how much you hated it and I do it again.

Now I’m gonna do eyebrows. Oh! I got a new eyebrow thing! Brow Define and Fill, Maybelline Duo thing.

Okay. How does this work? I got a little spoolie that I’m gonna brush my eyebrows with. Wow. Wow, you guys, wow. My eyebrows look weird. Oh, so it’s got this little tip that you do the little strokes with and then- *pulling of the cap* Give it to me. Oh, and then you fill it in with the little spongy side.

High-speed eyebrows ♫♫♫

I’ve been going for some strong eyebrows.

High-speed eyebrows ♫♫♫

Why do beauty gurus do this? This is really stressing me out to do my makeup on camera, you guys.

Ooo, I like this. Okay. Eyebrows fleeked...ish.

So let’s start to do eyes and heat up our hair thing.

Oh boy. You’re back and there’s been progress-ish made.

I love this. I got this in the danger zone of Sephora, that I- I call the danger zone. It’s the zone of all, like, the mini, sample, and travel size things at the register. It’s a Sephora, like, eyeshadow palette for the holidays. So they all have festive names like... No, they don’t have festive names. They have things like Hot Cocoa, Chantilly Lace, Toasted Almond, Soft Cookie, and then Midnight Swim. I don’t wanna swim at midnight in anything that is this color.

So I use, like, this shimmery one and that plain one. But then I use, this is one of my favorite palettes, this J- Oh, look how dirty. Josie Maran, Josie Maran. Uh, it’s a palette called, yeah it is, called Beautiful Nudes. It’s, like, really pretty kind of pinky-browns and goldish things. And so I use those.

I think I’m gonna try Stag, this Urban Decay eyeliner. Alright, let’s smudge some eyeliner in there.

High-speed eyeliner ♫♫♫

That’s some eyeliner on there. Now let’s smudge it!

High-speed eyeliner ♫♫♫

You got smudged! Cool. That seems like a thing. Now let’s put some mascara on.

*holding up the mascara to the camera* Ah, yes, look at that. The hand thing worked. Oh my god, beauty gurus, the hand thing worked. Better Than Sex mascara, Too Faced. i had it upside down. Thank god. Look at that. Wow. This is my favorite mascara of all time, forever. It’s sloppy and wet, like sex. I’ve said that in a video before.

And the best part is, if you pre-order the new style guide, Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It, and you go to gracestylebook.com, you can enter a sweepstakes in which you could potentially win a custom tote bag, by me for you, with some of my favorite beauty products in it, and this is one of them. Woo-woo!

I love this mascara. It has a stupidly over-sexualized name. But that is most beauty products. I don’t know why. Here are some potential names for beauty products that didn’t make the cut: Plan B-eautiful, Itchy, Regrettable, Garlic, Bulge, Woah-kay, Hey You, You Should Go, That Was The Dog, I Need To Get New Pants, Swiffer WetJet. [?], those were some potential names.

*checking out her eyelashes in the camera* Woah. Hey buddy.

Um, okay. Now let’s put some bronzer on. Wooo! We’re getting there, and then we’re gonna do hair. This takes so long to do. Especially with talking to you guys. I mean, I love it. Okay.

High-speed bronzer ♫♫♫

Great. Now I’m gonna put some blush on. Blush, yes, blush is the term.

Ooh. But right now we’re gonna do hair. Let’s do hair.

-started heating up. I have this NuMe curling wand that everyone has. So I’m gonna try and do some loose waves. What do you call a slutty ocean? Loose waves. Did it, nailed it, I would high-five myself but you are hot.

High-speed hair ♫♫♫

Okay. Hair has been did-did-id-id-id-ish. Now comes the next wave of stress. Figuring out if I even wanna attempt false eyelashes. They make me so nervous because I don’t trust myself. You know what? Let’s try. Actually let’s try.

Okay. Glue. Oh! So much glue. So way too much glue. *blowing on the glue*

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Okay.

Oh, glue, yes. *blowing on the glue*

Oh no, dis one went bad. Oh, dis one went bad. Oh, dis is going so poor. No. Oh god! Oh wrong! Oh my god, Kandee Johnson, how do you fucking do this? Oh god, being a girl sucks so hard.

I’m gonna go pick out an outfit and show you the final product.

Okay, guys, I have to go. I’m classically way later than I should be, but here’s the final look. Does that- hey, there. Ahh, yes, makeup and things. Hooray. And then I’m wearing a dress from Topshop and shoes, also from Topshop. Everything’s Topshop.

Oh god, and- hnnn. I just- duhh, I don’t wanna go, but let’s go.

Later

And just like that I’ve made it home! *showing Goose* Um, this thing, yay, is here.

I survived the event. I filmed nothing at it because it was a very casual event, but it was great. I met Olivia Wilde. She is absolutely awesome. And, um, everyone was really nice.

So, hey, did it. This is actually, like, for me to go to an event by myself make me feel like I did something. I did something. I did iiit! I did iiit! Okay. Let’s chill.

Back to Grace

Oh. So, if it isn’t balatantly clear, you should pre-order my book, Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It, at gracestylebook.com and enter the sweepstakes.

And if you live in Australia, there are still a few tickets left for the #NoFilterShow tours. Tour. One tour. One tour, five shows. I think two of them are completely sold out. There might be a third one sold out. Get your tickets. I don’t know.

End

Diane: I’m literally sampling

Mitchell: This- this is bar food.

Grace: This is some post-Krampus discussion

*laughing*

Diane: I’m sampling.

Mitchell: Very solid.

Grace: Very exciting.

Jack: A lot of discussion, mostly eating.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

DIY HOLIDAY DECOR + GIFTS + TIPS + MORE - December 2, 2015

... ... Subscribe.

Title

You can probably tell by my non-denominational holiday sweater that it’s holiday season. And that means time to decorate, to feel like you’re a part of something.

So this video’s all about DIY ornaments and holiday decorations that you can use to decorate your home, or give as gifts to your friends and enemies.

*wearing a Santa hat* Guess what I am. ... An idiot.

So here are some of my holiday ornament DIY and some other holiday-

Montage of random things ♫♫♫

Start voice over

For this first DIY, you’re gonna need a pen, some happy and unflattering photos of your friends, some scissors, some glue, some cardboard you should have recycled weeks ago, and string or pipe cleaners.

So the first thing you wanna do is print out one happy and one way more judgmental looking photo of a friend of yours.

Then you’re gonna remember that you forgot to mention that you also need some sort of circular shaped thing to trace for this project and feel like a fucking idiot. Then you’re gonna trace the circular object onto your cardboard. You wanna make two circles.

Then you’re gonna cut out those circles using scissors. And you’re gonna get so bored! This is so boring and difficult and why is it happening to you always.

Then you’re gonna take the happy and unflattering-slash-judgmental photo of your friend and trace your circular cardboard shapes onto the face of each one.

Then you’re gonna use your scissors again to cut them out and it’s gonna be so boring for a second, but you cure your boredom because you’re fucking adorable. Pose!

Once you’re done cutting the circular shapes out of your friend’s photos, don’t forget that you want the world to thing that you are environmentally conscious, so recycle those photos into, like, cute earrings or even, I don’t know, a bikini. Oh my god.

Then we’re gonna use our glue, once we get it opened and, oh my god, this glue is so offensive! We’re gonna take our glue stick and just glue the photos of our friend’s faces onto each side of one circular piece of cardboard.

And there you have it, what I call a “friend coin.” When you need advice about something and your friend isn’t there to give you theirs, you can just flip your friend coin and make your decision from there.Should I continue my lifelong pursuit to marry Sting? *flips the coin* My friend coin says yes.

Friend coins make great gifts. They make even greater ornaments for your tree. Just poke a hole into- *pokes a hole and rips her coin* Oh my god, offensive. Poke a hole into the top of your friend coin and string a sting through it. I don’t have string, so I have to use this fucking pipe cleaner. And then just put it on your tree. Oh my god. Oh my god, you’re so great.

Montage of random things ♫♫♫

For this next ornament DIY, you’re gonna need some clear, spherical ornaments, I got these from Michaels, a dead plant from your house, preferably a succulent, and some mints.

So the first thing you’re gonna do it take one of your clear sphere ornaments, again, I got these from Michaels. *drops the ornament* Oh my god, offens-

Then you’re gonna do to your ornament what you did spring break 1999, pop the top off.

And then you’re gonna take your dying succulent and just ponder life for a second, and that there are some terribly awful people in the world, and if they just had any kind of compassion for the rest of humanity and we’re all in this, you know, fucking shitstorm together, maybe we could all kind of deal with life in such a more pleasant way. And it’s sad- ha-ha! Just kidding! Your cute pose and repress.

And then you’re gonna take your dead succulent and just kind of take the dirt and shove it into your ornament. And, like, you know, spring break 1999, just continue shoving until, there you have, oh my god, the cutest terrarium ornament ever! Eat my dick, Pinterest. Oh my god, look at it! On second thought, eat a thousand dicks, Pinterest!

For this last ornament DIY, we’re gonna take, again, one of our spherical ornaments and some mints. Not sponsored! And we are just going to fill the ornaments with mints.

And there you have it. You have an orna-MINT. Oh my god! Oh my fucking god! Oh! My! God! We are so alone.

Montage of random things ♫♫♫

Here are some other quick holiday tips.

Just take some battery-operated candles and then turn them on.

Or take a candle and light it.

Or take a Santa hat. *puts on a Santa hat* Oh my god!

Montage of random things ♫♫♫

End voice over

Well there you go. There are my holiday tips and tricks and DIYs for your holiday... I don’t know.

End

*showing off her Mamrie friend coin* Just look at that. Wow.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

BLINDFOLDED GINGERBREAD CHALLENGE w/ MAYBABY - November 30, 2015

Grace: DeAngelis rhymes with Los Angeles, is what Meg just told me.

Meg: We were just discussing that, so.

Title

Grace: Hey, guys! I’m here with Meg DeAngelis!

Meg: Hey, what’s up?

Grace: Woo woo. We’re about to record an entire episode of Not Too Deep which, after you watch this video, you should go over to Soundcloud or iTunes and listen to that full episode. But before we do that, we are doing this. And this is what we are calling the blindfolded gingerbread house challenge? Said with such confidence.

*laughing*

Meg: The blindfolded gingerbread house making contest.

Grace: Yes! Something like that. You’ve seen the title. Meg and I will be blindfolded for five minutes and we will try to make the best gingerbread houses that we can.

Meg: It’s on.

Grace: How do you feel?

Meg: I’m- I’m ready.

Grace: She told me-

Meg: Now I just wanna get into it.

Grace: She told me she’s very competitive. I also feel like you have the advantage because you’re a very skilled crafter. And so I feel like art- art comes naturally to you, whereas for me it’s always shoehorned into my life. Jack Ferry has the timer.

Jack: I do.

Grace: So five minutes is what we’ll have.

Jack: Yes.

Grace: And then at the end, you guys as well as everyone here on Not Too Deep will judge what, uh, they’re favorite house. Okay, you ready?

Meg: Yeah. We have to be more optimistic.

Grace: Let’s be optimistic about this. This will not suck completely.

Meg: It won’t suck completely ‘cause we’ll get to eat it afterwards.

Grace: That’s true too.

Caption: THE BLINDFOLDED GINGERBREAD HOUSE CHALLENGE!!1!

Jack: Blindfolds on.

Meg: Oh, blindfolds.

Grace: Blindfolds on. Right, that’s part of this.

Meg: Oh, it matches my shirt.

Grace: Does it? Oh, no points for matching.

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: You can’t sway them. Instantly forget where everything is around me. Okay, I-

Meg: *touches Grace* I just wanted to see how close you were.

Grace: That’s me, that’s me. That’s me.

Meg: *exhale*

Grace: *exhale* I’m already very stressed out. Yaaay!

Jack: On your mark.

Grace: Okay.

Meg: No.

Jack: Get set.

Meg: Oh gosh.

Jack: Gingerbread!

Grace: Gingerbreaaaad!

Meg: Okay. Graham crackers, graham crackers, graham crackers.

Grace: Okay, okay.

Meg: Walls an ceilings.

Grace: Oh no. This is- this is hard to do when you’re not blindfolded. Why did we make it a bli- aaaaaahh!

Jack: *laughing*

Grace: Touching icing!

Meg: Wait.

Grace: And I can’t tell if it’s coming out.

Meg: I don’t know if I’m spreading the table.

Grace: *laughing* I’m just- I’m touching a lot of icing. Oh no. Okay, let’s- you know what? Sometimes when you can’t do art, it’s best to just do a lot of bad art instead of a little bit of good art. Right?

Meg: Science.

Grace: Where did that go? Okay. That’s great.

Meg: Okay, maybe it’ll help if we sing Christmas songs

Grace: If we sing Christmas songs, that’ll make it better.

Meg: *singing* Deck the halls with-

Grace: With-

Meg: Actually, I only know the version where the school burns down. You know (Grace: What?!) the one that everyone used to sing- No! I’m not crazy.

Grace: Where did you-

Meg: *singing* Light a match and watch it gleam.

Grace: You went to school in Canada?

Meg: Yeah.

Grace: Is that what they sing up there?

Meg: Just for fun, but I don’t know the real version and that’s the problem from that.

Grace: Oh no! Oh, yeah, I don’t know that version at all, but that sounds fun. I’ve- I’m makin’ nothin’ but great calls, I’m feeling over here.

Meg: Where are my walls? This is so much harder-

Jack: Okay, we’re 90 seconds in.

Meg: Where’d the icing get?

Grace: We’re a minute and a half in?

Meg: I’m just holding two pieces of cracker!

*laughing*

Meg: That’s literally where I’m at now, guys. Okay.

Grace: We can do this. We can do this. You know, art is in the eye of the beholder. Is this on the table? Oh, I have the- What’s this thing?

Meg: I found something. Okay, I got this, I got this.

Grace: Oop.

Meg: I’m gonna use the marshmallows as snow. You know what? It’s gonna- I’m gonna do a card house style.

Grace: Okay. Mmm, I feel like this is very, very good.

Meg: I don’t know where they are now.

Grace: I have no- I’m touch- Oh, that felt like a marshmallow in a wrong place for a marshmallow.

Meg: *laughing*

Grace: There’s some.

Meg: What am I holding?

Jack: Two and a half minutes left.

Grace: Two and a half. We’re halfway through.

Meg: Okay, wait. I dropped all my walls. Okay. What is this?

Grace: Where?

Meg: What are you?

Grace: Let’s see.

Meg: Okay.

Grace: That goes there.

Meg: I honestly have no idea what this is.

Grace: Okay, where’s the-

Meg: Oh, sprinkles.

Grace: There- oop, that doesn’t squirt out that way.

*laughing*

Grace: This comes this way. That’s great.

Meg: I don’t know what I’m doing.

Grace: I feel like mine’s really good. Uh no.

Meg: Oh, wait

Grace: What’s that?

Meg: Okay, good, good Christmas cookies.

Grace: This is a thing that I didn’t think was here. *abandons house making and starts piling things*

Meg: Okay.

Grace: Where’s- Oh, yeah. Looks good. How much time we got left?

Jack: A minute and a half left.

Meg: *abandons house making and starts piling things*

Grace: A minute and a half left? Well- well pin a rose on our nose. Somethin’ fell into my lap. Oh no.

Meg: *reaching around the table*

Grace: Stop sabotaging mine!

Meg: Oh, oh.

Grace: This feels good and right. How do I make a flag?

Meg: *laughing*

Grace: Maybe a little bit of this. Okay. Oh! This is- If you’ve ever wondered what (Jack: Ten seconds.) art looks like. Ten seconds?

Jack: Aaaaaand time.

Grace: Tiiime! Hands up! Oh god.

Meg: Okay, go.

*Meg and Grace remove their blindfolds*

Grace: Oh, we went for a very similar aesthetic.

*laughing*

Grace: This is a hard one to judge, you guys.

Meg: Oh, that looks really cool.

Grace: Yeah, there was- you know, you can see the evolution of destruction that happened. That there was an attempt to make an actual gingerbread house in the very beginning.

Meg: And that’s what matters.

Grace: The is impossible to judge, but we’re gonna leave it up to you guys in the comments to let us know whose gingerbread mansion looks better. And, if you haven’t already, go to iTunes or Soundcloud and listen to the full episode of Not Too Deep with Meg. Meg, where can they find you on social media? I should have waited ‘til after you ate the marshmallow.

*laughing*

Meg: It’s okay. You can go to youtube.com/maybaby.

Grace: And do it. Her DIY video, this only give you a taste of it. I learned how to make shirts from you. It was-

Meg: Really?

Grace: Yeah. It’s really, really great. So highly recommend. Also the color scheme in the videos is gorgeous. Big fan.

Meg: I only use three colors. I’m really weird.

Grace: I’m into it. Who needs more than three colors? *looking at the mess on the table* We got green, brown, white, red. I don’t know.

End

Grace: So you went to school in Germany then?

Meg: I did. I went to an international school, so people are from everywhere.

Grace: Oh, woah.

Meg: Yeah.

Grace: So it’s like Hogwarts.

Meg, Oh, I wish.

Grace: *laughing*

Meg: Oh, I wish so much.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

EMBARRASSING KARAOKE - November 28, 2015

In a restaurant

Caption: ** Christmas music **

Grace: Hi Fridiary. Welcome.

Chester: *off-camera* [?]

Grace: *turns the camera on Chester* Sometimes its not on you.

Chester: Well, you're holding it like it.

Title

Hello, welcome to Fridiary. Now it's Saturdiary 'cause it's Saturday and I didn't upload this last night. I'm sorry, I got sleepy. If you did not know, Fridiary is a look back at my week in vlog form. So let's look back at some of the stuff that's happened this week.

In a bar

Server: You ready?

Joselyn: Yeah.

Mamrie: Yeah, we’re about to Snapchat the shit outta this.

Grace: *laughing*

Server: This is really a Periscope type of activity, so-

Mamrie: You know what? You know Snapchat, all I need is ten seconds.

Hannah: Oh man, I got no light. It’s all on you guys.

Joselyn: This is basically a pineapple smoking a blunt.

Server: There you go.

Hannah: It is.

Mamrie: Pineapple Express.

Back to Grace and Chester in the restaurant

Chester: Let me do one of your segues.

Grace: Okay.

Chester: And then this happened.

At a bowling alley

Chester: *looking up at the score screen*

Grace: Maybe you broke it ‘cause it went so fast. You broke it cause it went so fast.

Mitchell: It gave- It gave no information of anything we want.

Grace: You broke it cause it went soo fast.

Chester: Zero miles an hour?!

Grace: So fast.

Mitchell: That’s so slow.

Bowling alley montage ♫♫♫

Caption: And then the owner decided to TEACH US ALL A LESSON...

[?]: So what’d you get?

Hannah: He’s gonna get 50.

[?]: -like 200.

Hannah: No, you did not.

Owner playing the Super Shot basketball game

Grace: Uh oh. Oh no! Oh no!

High-speed basketball shooting ♫♫♫

Mitchell: That- that- that dirty rhythm. That’s that dirty rhythm!

Mamrie: God. Oh my god. He’s killing us.

Mitchell: I got, like, a hundred, so it’s no big deal.

Owner: *receiving congratulatory high-fives*

Mamrie: You’ve done that shit before.

Grace: *puts up her hand for a high-five*

Owner: *leaves Grace hanging* I’ve scored as high as 90.

Grace: *looks at her hand in disbelief* ♫♫♫

Mitchell: *high-fives Grace* Sor- I- Sorry.

Caption: And then a miracle happend. KARAOKE aka Hannah’s favorite sport

Bowling alley karaoke

Mamrie: *singing* -pushing down on me, pressing down on you, no man ask for. Under pressure that burns a building down, splits a family in two, puts people on streets.

Hannah: *singing along*

Caption: Hannah loves karaoke

Mamrie: *singing* It's the terror of knowing what this world is about.

Caption: She really loves it.

Mamrie: *singing* Watching some good friends screaming, "Let me out!"

More karaoke

Mitchell: *singing along*

Hannah: *singing* -every now and then I fall apart.

Caption: She REALLY loves it

Hannah: *singing* And I need you now tonight!

Grace and Mitchell: *singing along*

More karaoke

Chester: *singing* I sometimes see you pass outside my door.

Caption

: SHE REALLY LOVES IT.

Chester: *singing* Hellooooo!

More karaoke

Caption: SHE REALLY LOVES IT.

Hannah: *singing* I finished crying in the instant that you left. -every memory you and I had ever-

*laughing*

Caption: She has range.

Mamrie: She could hit that note.

Hannah: *singing to a table of strangers*

Caption: She has heart.

Grace: Oh no.

Mamrie: Oh, girl.

Grace: Oh no.

More karaoke

Caption: She has choreography.

Hannah: *singing* Somewhere just beyond my reach there's someone reaching back for me.

Caption: She doesn’t need a mic!

Hannah: *dancing* *pulls out the mic cord with her feet*

Mamrie: *singing* -fresh from the fight. I need a hero!

Caption: SHE’S THE QUEEN OF KARAOKE

Mamrie: *singing*I need a hero! I need a hero. I’m holding out for a he-

Back to Grace and Chester

Chester: And then this happened.

Dirty Thirty photoshoot montage ♫♫♫

Back to Grace and Chester

Chester: And then this happened.

In a car with Chester See ♫♫♫

Back to Grace and Chester

Grace: And now I'm at the greatest place on earth, the airport, about to head to New York with this one. We're headed to New York. I'm going for a day, two days. We're gonna go see Kinky Boots with Wayne Brady, it's very exciting.

Chester: Wayne Ba-ray-daaaaah!

Grace: Yeah, that's the actual way you pronounce his name. If you haven't RSPVd to dirtythirtymovie.com yet, you should.

Chester: *smile*

Grace: Also, if you haven't bought your tickets for one of our #NoFilter shows in Australia yet, you should.

Chester: *smile*

Grace: And if you haven't pre-ordered Grace and Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It, my new book, a tongue in cheek style guide, yet, you should. And enter the sweepstakes.

Chester: *big smile with lots of nodding*

Grace: I don’t know.

End

Chester and Hannah dancing to karaoke

Mamrie[?]: *singing* -leave me and never say goodbye? When I can't sleep at night without holding you tight, Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry. Pain in my head, oh I'd rather be dead spinnin' around and around.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

THANKSGIVING NACHOS - November 25, 2015

*sirens in the distance*

What beautiful symbolism. They day after Thanksgiving, your head might feel like that. *grabs the bottle of wine behind her* Get rid of the evidence!

*putting artificial flowers on the counter* And replace it with cute shit.

Title

Hello and welcome to this video. It is almost Thanksgiving and/or Thanksgiving has already happened for you. Either way, food! And regret. And tolerance. The circle of life on any given holiday. That’s what the holidays are really all about, the endless cycle of consumption and repression.

One of the best things about the holidays, other than the quality time you spend with your family, is leftovers! And so today I’m gonna teach you how to turn your holiday leftovers into something delicious. Basically this is just a means to get all of it back in your face again. And what better way than nachos! So today we’re gonna make Thanks Gimme Doze Nachos using all of your leftovers from Thanksgiving.

I don’t have leftovers because I didn’t make the holiday meal. Domestic goddess in training, I guess. *gesturing to the artificial flowers* But did you see this?

So I bought some store-bought things. Mashed potatoes. Stuffing. Oh no, I actually did get stuff to make a green bean casserole. Why did I do that? And I don’t have turkey, so I got turkey burger patties that I’m gonna cook right now.

That’s the first step, is cooking the turkey burger patties and, I guess, making the green bean casserole. Goddammit. Hopefully you won’t have to do this part, everything will be cooked for you because you’re spoiled. *clicking from the gas stove igniter* I mean loved. *to the stove* No snaps for that?

*bringing out a pan for the casserole* We got this. Is there directions on the can anywhere? Any helpful directions on the can? Absolutely none. Ha, just like your relatives. Casserole. That looks like it.

I actually made a video making this last year with my mother, so that shows you how good my listening skills are around my mother. I love you, mom.

Oh, that looks like seaweed. And then you take cream of mushroom, I think, and then you pour that in. Woah. Yeah. Cool.

*mixing* Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I remember this part of the video. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. *vomiting noises* That’s what my grandfather used to do to me when I would eat chocolate pudding mixed with whipped cream, and I would mix it up. He would come by me and just go *vomiting noises*

I think we’re supposed to mix, like, garlic powder and salt and pepper and that in. Put some salt. Pepper. And garlic powder, right? Do as I google, not as I do.

We do have time for some of these though. Hah. Crispy fried onion toppings. Why don’t we use these all year round for everything? Why are they only for Thanksgiving? Because we’re awful. There you go. *puts beans in oven* Let’s see what happens. Best of luck to you!

Okay, now onto the turkey. Woah, that’s hot. *putting the patties into the pan* Woah! Okay. We’re just do two.

Now we wash our hands. ‘Tis the season for season-ing. Do I put allspice on it? I feel like- *smells the allspice* Ugh. Gah. Yeah, no.

Cooking! We’re cooking!

*flipping the patties* Woah. That looks like a diet.

You won’t have to do this part, your turkey will already be done.

Wanna see a dramatization of how I act around family over the holidays. *stares blankly* ... Thank you, I know I’m a great actress.

Okay, let’s just get on with it. How I start every Thanksgiving.

The green bean casserole’s just finishing in the oven and I have ground my turkey patties and they’re cooling off in the refrigerator. So let’s make these Thanks Gimme Doze Nachos.

For our base I’m using these buddies. It’s pumpkin chips! Look at them! Awe at them! Aww. These might sound disgusting to you but these are so delicious. Chips! Next!

You’re just gonna throw everything together on this like nachos. Nachos are a beautiful meal because it is reflective of my personality: sloppy, chaotic, and just so delicious.

Let’s throw down some mashed potatoes. That looks like mashed potatoes. Looks like I’m not the whitest thing in the kitchen anymore.  Uh oh. Oh no. Okay. These are ugh. Maybe these should have got heated up a little bit. *takes a bite* Oh. Oh my god. *runs to the sink* What are you? I’m gonna put these in the microwave. This is becoming complicated, this was supposed to be so easy! Just like family.

Goddammit. *to the stuffing* Are you gonna have to go in the microwave to? Probably. This is not going as planned. Thank god I have a Diet Dr. Pepper. Can you imagine if this was just one Diet Dr. Pepper commercial? It’s not a commercial. It’s not sponsored at all. Why did I give them that free promo? *clap*hits her forehead*

*Chester standing in the kitchen* My house is haunted.

They’re just chips, they’re not nachos yet.

Chester: *bites a chip and drops some on the floor* *backs away slowly*

The mashed potatoes are kind of warmish, so let’s just put a little bit down because these are not delicious. Ooo, that looks like somethin’.

Now let’s take our casserole out. That looks like a thing! *putting casserole on the chips* Woah. Yeaaah.

Next let’s throw some turkey in here. Get it, turkeys.

Now let’s get our stuffing. -taste you. *tastes and makes a face* Great. There goes the stuffing. *takes another bite* Yep. Ah, it’s not so bad. Turns out your body gets used to the terrible flavor.

Now the turkey gravy. Are you supposed to get microwaved? Let’s microwave you for a second.

And then we can put cheese on as a binding agent. I got six-cheese Italian. Pfff, because I don’t know what to do. *smells the cheese* Uhh, sure. Woah.

Drizzle some gravy on. That’s the great thing about nachos, is that you can put them together any way you want to. Don’t let your Aunt Cathy tell you otherwise.

We’re gonna put these now in the broiler for a little bit so all of the things come together for a brief moment in time. Just like family. *distant sirens* Uh oh, that’s my ride. Just kidding.

*putting the nachos in the oven* Good luck with your life.

I think it’s ready. Cool! And there you go, Thanks Gimme Doze Nachos. Let’s taste it. *to Chester off-camera* Do you wanna taste it?

Cheers.

Chester: Cheers.

Mmm. I got a good chip. If it was made with better mashed potatoes, it would be really, really good.

Chester: Yeah. Tastes like Thanksgiving.

Thanks Gimme Doze Nachos! Make them yourself. Put them places on the Internet, tag me in your photos.

It’s not the worst thing in the whole world. And the nachos are pretty good too. Hey-o! I don’t know.

End

We’ll just come back when all of this is done, how ‘bout that? Is how Thanksgiving should go with the family. Let’s just get back to each other after we’re done eating.. our feelings and we’ll have a couple minutes of conversation then we’ll just go. Holidays!

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

SPANX-GIVING CHALLENGE w/ FunForLouis - November 23, 2015

Grace: It’s Spanx-giving!

Louis: We could do yoga as well.

Title

Grace: We’re here!

Louis: We’re here!

Grace: I’m here with Louis Cole, AKA FunForLouis.

Louis: Hey!

Grace: And we’re wearing the same clothes (Louis: Matching.) because we’re about to, uh, we’re about to-

Louis: What are we about to do?

Grace: Oh god. We’ve created a challenge here called the Spanx-giving challenge. Now one of the most common things you do on Thanksgiving is you stuff yourself with a variety of Thanksgiving food. And one of the things that Spanx do, uh, they keep all the food in. And one of the things that we don’t have is time to sit down and have a meal together so, instead, we’re gonna combine all those things into the challenge. You and I, Louis, are gonna put Spanx on over our clothes.

Louis: Okay.

Grace: And then we are going to play a game in which Jack Ferry will read us quotes from a variety of youtuber books and we will have to race to guess whose book that quote is from.

Louis: Okay.

Grace: The person that gets it right then gets to choose a Thanksgiving food item to stuff into the other person’s Spanx.

Louis: Brilliant.

Grace: Just like real Thanksgiving with your families, right?

Louis: Okay.

Grace: This is what happens.

Louis: And this is so new for me because in England we don’t have Thanksgiving and we don’t have Spanx.

Grace: Welcome to America!

*laughing*

Grace: First thing we’re gonna do is we’re going to put our Spanx on.

*putting on Spanx*

Grace: Hopefully- Oh my god.

Jack: *laughing*

Louis: I [?] pull it up too tight.

Grace: Okay. I’m give it some shorts action so that-

Louis: Yeah? Shall I do that? Is that better style.

Grace: I mean-

Louis: *attempting to find his shorts legs under his Spanx* Woah, where have they gotten?

*laughing*

Grace: Who needs Spanx underneath your clothes when you can wear them on top of your clothes. You look great. *laughing*

Louis: Really? You look great.

Grace: Thank you. Okay, now that the Spanx are in place, we can begin Spanx-giving.

Caption: THE SPANX GIVING CHALLENGE!!1!

Grace: So the books that we have available, uh, to guess quotes from are: Connor Franta’s A Work In Progress, Marcus Butler’s Hello Life, Tyler Oakley’s Binge book, Louise Pentland, uh, Life With a Sprinkle of Glitter, Zoella’s Girl Online On Tour, Shane Dawson I Hate My Selfie, PewDiePie This Book Loves You, Hannah Hart’s My Drunk Kitchen, Joey Graceffa In Real Life, The Amazing Book Is Not On Fire by Dan and Phil, You Deserve A Drink from Mamrie Hart, and Selp-Helf from Miranda Sings.

Louis: Where’s your one?

Grace: Fffft, not worth this.

Jack: *laughing* Okay, this is the first quote. “They love to say love is blind. It’s either that or you’ll have to date a blind person.“

Grace: “They love to say love is blind. It’s either that or you’ll have to date a blind person“? Uuuuh, Hannah Hart, My Drunk Kitchen.

Jack: No.

Louis: Shhhhh, I’m gonna say Shane Dawson.

Jack: No.

Grace: Uuuh, Tyler Oakley, Binge book.

Jack: No.

Grace: What the?! Mamrie Hart.

Jack: No.

Grace: What?!

Louis: What? Dan and Phil.

Jack: No.

Louis: What?

Grace: Connor Franta?

Jack: No.

Louis: PewDiePie.

Jack: Yes.

Grace: Aaah! So you get to choose a Thanksgiving food to stuff my Spanx with.

Jack: *laughing*

Louis: All of this food is- is, like, squishy.

Grace: Yep, that is true.

Louis: I’m gonna start with macaroni and cheese. What else is in there?

Grace: *laughing* *holding out her Spanx* I’m ready!

Louis: *dumps food*

Grace: Ahh!

*laughing*

Louis: There you go.

*laughing*

Grace: Next quote.

Jack: “Everyone got rip-roarin’ plastered within the first hour and I couldn’t have been happier.”

Louis: Mamrie.

Jack: Yep.

Grace: Motherfucker!

Jack: *laughing*

Louis: How could you not get that?

Grace: I- ‘cause I was debating between Hannah’s and maybe Tyler’s. Okay, go ahead. Stuff the Spanx.

Louis: *turns Grace around*

Jack: Oh god.

Grace: Ooohhh! I didn’t even think about this [?]!

Louis: This is a great game! *dumps food* -exercise as well.

Grace: That’s- yep, it’s really working.

Louis: Just get that down there.

Grace: Aahh! Wait, what are you pouring down there.

Louis: I don’t know, pumpkin. It’s seeping through. It’s seeping through. Let me get it further down.

Grace: No! *laughing* Okay, what’s the next quote?

Louis: I love this.

Jack:  “A brain fart is when you write out the first thing that comes into your head with no filter.”

Grace: Shane Dawson.

Jack: No.

Grace: Tyler Oakley.

Jack: No.

Louis: Hmm. A fart, a baked fart.

Grace: Joey?

Jack: No.

Louis: Dan and Phil.

Jack: Yes.

*laughing*

Louis: I feel bad now.

Grace: No, it’s all good. I invited you here.

Louis: *chooses a food*

Jack: Ooohhh.

Louis: You ready for this?

Grace: Yep. So ready.

Louis: *dumps some liquid from the food*

Grace: Aaahh!

*laughing*

Louis: Oh my god. I’ll just give you one lump. There you go.

Grace: Oh thank you. Oh thank you. Hah. It’s a great odor that’s eminating. -Bath & Body Works needs a suggestion for candle scents. Feeling great. You look great.

Louis: Thanks. Are you still enjoying this idea you had?

Grace: Yes, I love this idea. This is innovative and ground-breaking. Eat shit traditional media. Three to zero. I’m just shoutin’ everyone’s name out now.

Jack: Alright. “Stand strong on drinking. If you’re offered a drink (Grace: Hannah Hart.) and would prefer not to drink, just don’t.” No.

Grace: Connor Franta.

Jack: No.

Louis: Mamrie.

Jack: No.

Grace: Shane Dawson.

Jack: No.

Louis: Tyler Oakely.

Grace: Louise.

Jack: Yes, Louise.

Grace: *clap* Yes!

Louis: Oh, you got one.

Grace: We’re goin’ gravy.

Jack: Oh god.

Grace: *dumps gravy*

*laughing*

Jack: Alright. Speaking of gymnastics, “I hated knowing that no matter what I did, a certain group of kids were going to give me crap for being good at a sport I loved doing.”

Grace: Joey Graceffa.

Jack: No.

Grace: Connor Franta.

Jack: No.

Louis: Marcus Butler.

Jack: Yes.

Grace: Fucking bullshit.

Louis: Gymnastics. He did gymnastics as a kid.

Grace: Yeah, great. And you know what I did? This, as an adult.

*laughing*

Louis: I’ll get you back with this gravy.

Grace: Alright.

Louis: I don’t know if anything else will fit down there.

Grace: Well, you’d be surprised. Spanx have a-

Louis: *dumps gravy*

Grace: Aaaahh!

Jack: *laughing* Here we go.

Grace: Okay.

Jack: Next quote. “Celebs I’d love to be best friends with: Jennifer Lawrence. All I wanna do is hang out at her house with her inner circle friends and (Grace: Joey.) talk and laugh.” Yes.

Grace: *clap* Yeeess. We’ll do stuffing. You gotta have something to sop up the gravy.

Louis: The front or back?

Grace: The front. *dumps food*

Louis: Woah!

*laughing*

Grace: Do not turn to the side. Whatever you do.

Louis: *turns to the side and shows off his food lump*

*laughing*

Louis: Okay.

Grace: Okay, four to two.

Jack: “The smell of death and bags of pee filled my nose as I laid in silence on a crunchy plastic sheet.”

Grace: “The smell of death and bags of pee.” Shane Dawson.

Jack: Yes.

Grace: *clap*

Louis: Ahh.

Grace: Okay. Please turn around. Okay. *dumps food* Ooh!

Louis: *touches his rear food lump*

*laughing*

Grace: It looks great. Okay. Four to three.

Jack: “Every wedding I’ve ever attended has been an absolute disaster.”

Louis: Um. Miranda?

Jack: No.

Grace: Connor?

Jack: No.

Grace: Mamrie?

Jack: No.

Louis: Louise?

Jack: No.

Grace: Tyler.

Jack: Yes.

Grace: *gasp* Aahhh. Tied up! Tied up!

Louis: You’ve done it. You’ve pulled back.

Grace: Tied it up. I’ll put some mashed potatoes in.

Louis: Down here?

Grace: Down the side. Let’s do the sides. Let’s give you a shape. *dumps food*

*laughing*

Grace: You’ve got curves. I’m giving you an hourglass figure right now. Okay, we’re tied up. This is the game winner.

Jack: “When going through the highs and lows of a breakup, it’s all to easy to become modern-day Sherlock Holmes.”

Louis: Shane?

Jack: No.

Grace: Louise?

Jack: No.

Louis: Joey?

Jack: No.

Grace: Miranda?

Jack: No.

Grace: I’m just feelin’ cold stuff on my butt right now and so I’m getting distracted. Zoella.

Jack: Yes.

Louis: Oh, I was just about to say her!

Caption: GRACE WINS!!!

Grace: Yeeeeess! And last, but not least, some beautiful yams.

Jack: Awww.

Grace: I’m just gonna *dumps food* dump the whole thing.

*laughing*

Grace: Aaaaaahh! Thank you, Louis, for being such a willing and able participant in Spanx-giving with me. Don’t forget to say Spanx for-

Louis: *hugs Grace*

Grace: Aaaah!

*laughing*

Grace: If you guys wanna hear more about Louis and all of his goings-on, listen to the full podcast that we recorded on Soundcloud or iTunes, and subscribe to Louis all across social media. How do they find you?

Louis: Uh, FunForLouis. Fun-For-Louis, L-O-U-I-S. Check me out.

Grace: Across everything.

Louis: Across everything.

Grace: And if this doesn’t prove that he’s someone worth following on social media, I don’t know what does. Also, I- I just- I don’t know.

End

Louis: So I got arrested stepping off the plane. Like, whilst I was still in-

Grace: And this elderly couple was just like, we’ll never trust youth again.

Louis. Yeah. It was this look of horror as I glanced back and they’re, like, staring at me.

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.

[itsgracetranscripts]

#DIRTY30MOVIE WEEK 2 - November 21, 2015

Wowzas.

*trying different camera angles*

Like I’m- Like lighting is really gonna make this any better right now. This- Oh, look. Welcome to heaven. It sucks here.

Title

Uh oh. Have I officially broken from reality and entered an alternative dimension?

Hi guys! Welcome to Saturdiary. It is 1:30pm on Saturday and I am still laying in bed because I can today. We have been shooting Dirty Thirty all week and it’s been so wonderful an- But it’s been a lot of long days, and so today, Saturday, I have off and I’m gonna sit in bed until I can’t anymore.

That said, let’s look back at shooting Dirty Thirty this week.

Caption: Monday

On set

Grace: We’re all getting Gilled. Look at these photos of Gill. Where’s the one you got, Taylor?

Taylor: Mine ripped though.

Grace: Oh my god, you got the baby head shot.

Taylor: I got baby Gill.

Grace: This happened on Friday. Before we left, we found this photo in, uh, our green room. What?! Somehow we’re getting Gilled.

On set montage ♫♫♫

Looking at the camera monitor

Grace: Hannah, did you see our stand-ins?

Hannah: I did. They look sooo good.

Grace: Woah.

On set with Mamrie

Mamrie: *grooving* Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV. Mamrie TV.

Caption: Tuesday

In the green room

Grace: Look at this amazing on-set dip. We got some kind of carrot dip with, what were these?

Mamrie: Cranberry pumpkin seed crackers.

Grace: What the actual fuck? Also two completely obsessed technological humans working on work in between other work.

Mamrie: I was trying to get it in in ten seconds. Snapchat has ruined me.

On set

Grace: No social media on set.

Kevin: No social media on the set. No photographing on the set

Caption: Craig Kevin Our camera crew is very talented.

Grace: Go on.

On set in slo-mo ♫♫♫ Caption: Sometimes I film our first AD, Marco, chewing in slow motion between takes because art.

On set

Hannah: *taking a picture of the camera monitor* Yes. Oh my god. Fuck yeah.

Crew 1: I got it. I got it bro.

Crew 2: You got it?

Crew 1: Yeah.

Hannah: Bro.

Caption: Wednesday

In a car

Good morning, Fridiary. It is Wednesday. I’m trying to rush to the dentist’s office before going to set for Dirty Thirty because, again, I lost the crown in the back of my mouth. To be fair, it’s a temporary crown and I should have gotten my permanent crown already, but I didn’t make an appointment before starting Dirty Thirty and it’s really difficult to get into the dentist, um, when you are shooting a film.

So basically it’s like I have a raw nerve in the back of my mouth that, um, is super sensitive to, like, air and food and water, so it’s, like, a lot of things.

We have press on set today. We have Entertainment Tonight, MTV, and another one that’s very similar to the other two. Gonna be talkin’ to us on set. I don’t wanna look like the weird girl that’s just touching her tongue to the gaping, empty tooth space in the back of of her mouth during our- all the interviews. So let’s go get that fixed.

In the makeup and wardrobe area on set

Look at all the business happening. There is so much getting done.

Getting her makeup done

And Lauren is here doing this eye makeup. Did I tell you guys that Lauren and Taylor are here from Camp Takota? Yeaaaah! Oh, here’s a lovely picture of all of us with the mom from Boy Meets World.

Photo of Grace, Hannah, Lauren, and Taylor with Betsy Randle

I know.

Outside getting interviewed

Hannah: Oh wait, guys, did I tell you I changed my, uh, phone background to this.

In the makeup area while Lee Newton gets her hair done

Caption: This is Hannah’s Chipotle order...

Hannah: I get corn on it.

[?]: Oh, the corn

Hannah: I get the chopped tomatoes on it.

Lee: Sure.

Hannah: And then I also get the hot sauce-

[?]: On it.

Hannah: On it, yeah.

Lee: Do you do cheese?

Hannah: ... *quietly* Yes, I do cheese.

Lee: Do you do veggies?

Hannah: *quietly* Yes, I do veggies.

Lee: So- and what kind of beans do you do?

Hannah: *into the camera* Sorry, no press.

On set montage ♫♫♫

On set

Grace: Look who’s on set, again.

Mikey: Hi.

Grace: Hi. You’re so tired from school?

Mikey: I’m so tired. School is rough.

Grace: Mikey had to do school on set because he’s only 17. What did you do for school today?

Mikey: I emailed my gym teacher. That’s it.

Grace: You emailed your gym teacher?

Mamrie: As in your trainer?

Mikey: No, literally my gym teacher back home.

On set

Caption: THIS IS ADAM LUSTICK. HE IS INCREDIBLE!!!

Grace: Adam, you look amazing.

Adam: I’m running for mayor.

Grace: *laughing*

In the green room ♫♫♫

Caption: Thursday

On set

Grace: Uh, so Lauren is modeling the biggest trend in facial tattoos. It’s my face which- this might be a spoiler, but someone in the movie will be wearing a tattoo of my face. It looks great. I mean, I believe at one point it looked great.

Lauren: Oh yeah.

On set

Caption: WATCHING MAYBE THE GREATEST SCENE IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE

*laughing and cheering*

Caption: And now here is Marco getting the background to silently cheer

Caption: Friday

On set

Grace: Okay, so every Friday the crew wears Hawaiian shirts and so Mamrie and I decided to wear Hawaiian shirts today *shows her shirt reading “HAWAIIAN SHIRT”* just so we can be part of it.

Mamrie: Yeah. She did a great job.

Grace: *laughing* Finally. Finally. Finally.

Mamrie: It’s time.

Grace: Look, we’re part of it. We’re part of it, we’re part of it. This is- It’s worth slowing down the filming for this whole bit right now. We’re in. Look.

Crew: And quiet.

Grace: Patrick, I’m part of it.

Patrick: What?

Grace: We’re part of it. I’m wearin’ my Hawaiian shirt too.

Patrick: Oh, Hawaiian shirt.

Grace: Yeah. I’m into it. I’m into it.

Michael: You had to explain it. They’re geniuses.

Grace: That’s how you know the bit works. When you explain it to someone.

On set in a car with Chester See

T-G-I-F

Back to Grace

Wow! What a time that was. Also, if you want more behind-the-scenes action, mild, mild action, of shooting *Goose barking* Dirty Thirty, Brian- *Goose barking* Brian Gramo is our wonderful, awesome behind-the-scenes person. He’s been putting up vlogs right here (Caption: Youtube.com/dirtythirty) almost every day.

Dirty Thirty movie has a Snapchat that gives you all of the updates from set, which is kind of not helpful to tell you to follow now that we’re going into the holidays. We’re taking the next week off from shooting and then we come back to shooting for another eight days after the vacation. So follow that Snapchat anyway ‘cause I’m sure Brian will be doin’ who knows what.

And we have release Dirty Thirty movie merch! The official Partee Tyme t-shirts that you see us wearing in all the behind-the-scenes and photos from set. They are now available at represent.com/dirtythirty, but for a limited time. We are only offering them until we are done shooting the movie, so make sure you go order yours right now. They make great gifts. Excellent gifts. And GIFs.

Don’t forget that Hannah, Mamrie, and I, after shooting Dirty Thirty movie, will be coming to Australia for some comedy shows. Some of the shows, I think half of them, are sold out, but there’s still some tickets left for certain areas. So go check that out.

Annnnd my second book, Grace and Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It, is abailable- is ababadeh-lehlehlehlehleh. Is available for pre-sale. So please go pre-order your book right now, and then go to gracestylebook.com and enter the sweepstakes! You could win a style chat with me. *plays with her hair* Lookit... Fashion. Anything is fashion when you can’t see the look on their eyes.

And that’s it. Don’t forget to subscribe to this channel and like this video, leave a comment and all those fun things.

I’ve asked you to do too much, so you just take a break. Relax. Enjoy the elephants in the windows of your Saturday. I don’t know.

End

Marco chewing in slow motion ♫♫♫

[x]

—

Corrections are always welcome.