itsluciiabitch

[itsluciiabitch]

damiprice‌:

“Huh. I guess I could do that.” It’d depend on how often Danny came in to check on them, but he could pretend to keep busy for a couple minutes a week. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d had to feign interest during a job - not that he’d let any of his housemates know that. “I think I’ll just go with the Paris method, you know? ‘If someone ever asks you to do something for them, do it really bad so you never have to do it again.’ I’ll just like… keep fucking up, but do it cute, so he can’t stay mad at me and then just lets me walk around and flirt with the hot customers.” Once again, in times of trouble, the words of Ms. Paris Hilton had gotten him out of a jam. “I’m Damian, by the way.” 

“See? Problem solved.” She clapped her hands together, thinking that she did something there. They were housemates now so she wanted to be nice and help out to the best of her abilities. And fake it til you make it had always worked. “Oh that’s my life motto!” She grinned when he quoted the Paris Hilton quote she loved. I have it tattooed on the inside of my arm look!” She showed him the tattoo, it was done in a minimalistic font, small and in all caps. It was her third or fourth tattoo, she didn’t quite remember when she got it. She hadn’t even been drunk getting that one. “I love flirting with the hot customers.” She felt like they had a lot in common already. “Lucia. You can call me Barbie, everyone does.”

[itsluciiabitch]

damiprice‌:

“they don’t like… actually expect us to work, right?” damian popped open the tab on his energy drink, grimacing at the thought as a he took a long sip. “i’m too cute to be stuck behind some counter at a stupid t-shirt store.” before he’d taken a look at the schedule, he’d assumed that the scenes of everyone working in the old show, had just been filmed in a couple hours and added in to make it look like they’d been working the whole summer - not that they’d actually had to. 

“Just pretend to do stuff when Danny comes in. Works for me.” Lucia shrugged, smirk on her lips. “Oh, I’m always out front so everyone can see my cute outfit. If I’m behind the counter half of me is hidden and I worked hard on my ass I want people to be able to appreciate it.”

[itsluciiabitch]

“Soo... I was thinking of getting another tattoo today. It feels like a good day for a tattoo. You know the stars and shit... okay so I don’t know anything about astronomy but still. Wanna join?” 

[itsluciiabitch]

itsjoeys‌:

“So, my nose is broken. The doctors asked me if I had hit my head too because I said unicorns were real and now they want to study my brain but I said no because I want to enjoy my summer at Jersey Shore. I did the right thing, right? Why would I want anyone studying my brain?” Joey asked, as he held an ice pack close to his broken nose.

“You totally said the right thing babes. Why would you wanna study if you can have fun and party with us?” There was no contest in her mind. Partying would always win out over the hospital. “Wait, was your doctor hot?” 

[itsluciiabitch]

tittyhq‌:

“Yeah it’s like what they totally call it in Europe.” she said, pulling this information out of her ass. “And you have such good ears too! Like you heard that guy snoring in the back of Karma the other night when we thought he might have died.” she praised. “Maybe we could offer to help her get laid since we’re really good at it… Actually, I’ve noticed a lot of people still haven’t had any sex yet. Not even any over the clothes action! It’s so sad. I get the same feeling I do when I see those Sarah Mclachlan commercials with the starving dogs.” Titty sighed, putting a finger under her eye and dragging it down her cheek. “Ya know, maybe we should start a business. People could pay us to help them get fucked.”

“And Europe’s like the biggest country in the world, so if they call it that it must be right.” Did she know that Europe was actually a continent, made up of many different countries and not one big one? No, she did not. “It’s like my 6th sense. Or 7th? How many are there again?” Lucia furrowed her eyebrows in thought, waving it off. It didn’t matter. “Yeah I noticed that too. They’re like no fun. How are you supposed to get to know people if you don’t even kiss them? How someone kisses says a lot about them.”  She did feel bad for those people. “Oh, we’d be so good at that. Two blondes one fuck. I feel like people would totally hire us to help them.” 

[itsluciiabitch]

tittyhq‌:

“My parents should have just named me Tits instead of after the inside of an apple.” That definitely wasn’t her name’s origin, but whateves. “His hands are fucking huge. Get him to pick up the boxes in the back of the store for you and just watch how he grabs them. Pretend like it’s your ass and you’ll want to jump him in that stock room.” Titty looked like she was deep in thought as she tried to determine if 50 was too old to fuck someone. Would they have a heart attack if she rode them? Likely.  “Oh my god what??” Titty asked, shocked and disgusted that someone would be so rude to her new friend. Lucia had let her borrow a hair tie when she went to go give Buck a blowjob, she was the sweetest person in the house practically. “Ew that’s so uncool. I’m so sorry, Barbz. Maybe she’s just jealous because she hasn’t gotten any. One time my ex girlfriend bruised my cervix with her strap so I couldn’t have sex for a week and I was crabbier than a dive bar toilet seat.”

“That’s how they call the inside of an apple? I never knew that.” It reminded her of the time in the original run of Jersey Shore where they went to a bar and a waitress explained some word to Deena. She had learnt so much in the week she’d been here. This was great. “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” Lucia winked at the other blonde, smirk on her lips. “Yeah, I couldn’t believe my own ears either. It’s like she doesn’t know where we are or what we’re doing here.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “She does look like she needs to get laid. You’re right. But still, she shouldn’t let her bad mood out on me.”

[itsluciiabitch]

elliesfm‌:

ellie had just finished her shift in the tshirt shop and she was beyond exhauted . even if socializing was her forte , the day was definitely draining . heading to the kitchen to get something to eat , she didn’t notice there was someone else there. because of her absentmindedness, she ended up bumping into them , causing whatever they were holding to fall out of their hands and the contents to spill on the floor . “ i am sooo sorry. ”

Lucia shrieked when suddenly her iced coffee was all over her all white outfit. “How could you do this to me? This is a disaster!” She was more angry than upset, having just changed into this outfit ten minutes ago. “Do you need glasses or something?” 

[itsluciiabitch]

downxdickie‌:

Dick was about at the end of his workout that he had been doing outside on the rooftop. When he saw someone else walk over to the rooftop he turned giving them his attention. “And the hardest part of this move is trying your best not to hit your Peter Piper while really getting in that work out you know.“ He said grinning dumbly. 

Lucia heard that there was a hot new roommate, so she took it upon herself to check if the rumors were true. And clearly they were. Damn. She wouldn’t mind watching him work out for a while. “Well, that would certainly be a shame.” 

[itsluciiabitch]

episode one “you’re going to jersey shore, bitch!”: confessional by lucia satori aka “barbie”

“This first week was like super fun, honestly. I enjoyed it. When I walked in I met Mia and Titty and we immediately got along. I think it’s because all three of us are hot and fun. Not every girl can be both, you know?  Anyways, I met Abz a while later and I thought he was hot and he thought I was hot. We just vibed, so I decided I wanted to have sex with him and when I want a guy I always get what I want. Just a little wink here, a hairflip there and voila- he’s in my bed or I’m in his bed. It doesn’t even have to be a bed, but you get the point. We were the first in the smush room so we like, initiated it, which I think is great. It is kinda gross after everyone’s had sex in that bed, but being first meant we didn’t have to worry about that. I think hooking up with him night one made for a great ice breaker. We talked things out the next morning and we’re cool now. I think he expected me to like, go psycho on his ass and or be like obsessive. But I’m not. As I told him, it was a casual thing. We had fun. It’s not that deep. So yeah,  I would consider us friends now. 

It’s summer and I just want to have some fun. No strings attached. I’m not here to find a boyfriend and I don’t want to fall in love on the Jersey Shore. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with casual sex, it’s 2020.  I don’t see what the big deal is. Girls are allowed to own their sexuality without being judged. Someone forgot to give that memo to Bianca however. When Abz and I were making out in the hot tub night one she was staring at us and you could feel the judgey vibe. So I approached her the next morning to clear the air and she was acting like such an Angelina and it was way annoying. 

She’s like one of those people who thinks they’re better than you when they’re like... worse. She’s a b****. And not the fun kind. You know the whole fight at Karma happened because she didn’t have her ex boyfriend under control? Buck and Abz almost got arrested because of her. I’m not really sure what happened after, I met a guy who said he’s a boxer and we went back to his place so he could show me his belts and trophies. Turns out he wasn’t lying and he actually had those belts. Plus, the sex was great. His name? I don’t remember. Sorry. I think it started with a C... or was it a K? I’m not sure. Doesn’t matter. I saved him as hot boxer dude in my contacts. So I remember who he is.

[itsluciiabitch]

Karma night one 

“Oh, I know I look super hot, but thanks. And it didn’t eventake me long to pick out an outfit. Like an hour tops, which is super good for me. So I chose this dress because I just went tanning yesterday so the neon yellow really ‘pops’  against my skin, you know? And the material is like really comfortable to dance in. You need to go to Karma in a club dress, something short and tight so your boobs don’t fall out when you get down on the dance floor. Having your boobs out is more of a end of summer thing, not a night one thing.”

[itsluciiabitch]

[itsluciiabitch]

xbcbyb‌:

“actually, someone trying to start problems out of thin air sounds a hell of a lot more like angelina to me, but what do i know?” bianca said with a roll of her eyes. she wasn’t a fighter, but when someone set her off, all she saw was red. “i’ve had my fair share of one night stands, just because i wasn’t in the hot tub trying to hump the first person who paid attention to me doesn’t mean i was judging, it just means that it’s not my style and i really don’t care what your style is. besides, if i was drunk enough i would’ve probably done the same.” she said with a shrug. “and like, i really don’t do this whole petty, shit starting bullshit nor do i like people that do. so usually when i’m surrounded by that energy, i just knock them out so they stop fucking yapping, but since i have to live with you all summer, i’ll let it slide…for now.” she said with a shrug. “but if i hear you walking around here putting words in my mouth and trying start shit with me again, trust me, there will be problems.”

“Are you trying to say I’m starting problems? I was just trying to talk things out with you and then you said that you don’t know who I am. Like that’s super mean.” Lucia usually had no problems getting along with other girls, except for when she slept with their boyfriends. In her defense she didn’t go after guys that were taken, but if she didn’t know they were it really wasn’t her fault, it was on those guys. “See you say you’re not judging but then you say things like ‘trying to hump the first person that paid attention to me’ and that sounds super judgey.” Lucia didn’t trust the brunette, she said she had had one night stands and yet she tried to insinuate that Lucia was easy because she went after what she wanted. Girls should stick together instead of tearing each other down. “I bet you haven’t gotten laid in a while, that’s why you’re so jealous of me getting laid night one.” Lucia was trying her best to take the high road but that went out of the window quick. She wasn’t going to let herself get intimidated by someone like Bianca. Acting all high and mighty. As if she was better than her. “And for the record I don’t respond well to thinly veiled insults and threats..��

[itsluciiabitch]

jaxhqs‌:

“damn,” he replied, nodding his head. “okay, that’s great. not used to that, but great- what’s your name again? i’m shit with names, like so bad,” he told her. that definitely wasn’t a good trait of his. 

“You don’t have to sound so surprised. Not every girl’s crazy. Most girls aren’t.” Lucia rolled her eyes when she saw the look in his eyes. What did he think that she’d go psycho and tell him not to talk to other girls? She wasn’t that type of girl. Besides, she meant what she said earlier. She barely knew the guy after all.  “Lucia. And yours is... Jake, right?” She remembered that it was something with a J. Or was it Jack? No that didn’t sound right either... 

[itsluciiabitch]

jaxhqs‌:

“absolutely,” he agreed, he’d never met a girl who was so chill. he’d been with girls who stalked him for days, who constantly called him, he was used to it all, but never had he been in this kind of situation. “you know that was a joke right,” he laughed. “you’re not gonna go all psycho on me, are you?” he questioned, still trying to test the boundaries. 

“No, of course not. Why should I?” She furrowed her eyebrows, letting out a laugh. “You don’t owe me anything. We’ve known each other like a day.” Lucia wasn’t the type to get attached to anyone quickly. Especially guys. It always ended bad if she let them in too much, so she learnt not to. She didn’t like giving anyone the power to hurt her. 

[itsluciiabitch]

ofbebecitas‌:

Bebe grabs another glass to pour the pink concoction in the glass. ❝Love it here. Everyone’s always down to drink and it’s socially acceptable.❞  She chuckles, handing the glass over. ❝Cheers to not falling in love at the Jersey Shore!❞

“It’s like my dream. I love drinking without people judging me. Judgy people make it way less fun, you know? Their bitterness bums out my whole area.” She grimaced, shaking her head, smiling again when she clinked her glass against Bebe’s. “Cheers!” 

[itsluciiabitch]

miaxbitch‌:

“I hate boring people, like how do you even deal with yourself being that boring.“ She said with a deep sigh for a moment feeling bad for boring people. “Anyway, I had a super fun first day and I just feel like if that was the first day I can’t wait for the rest.”

“Me too. it’s like they’re fun vampires. They suck the life right outta you.” If there was one thing she didn’t want people to think of her as, it was boring. Sure she was a hoe and could be a mess sometimes, but at least she wasn’t a bore. “Me too. It was super fun. We’re gonna have such a great time.”

[itsluciiabitch]

madelinelover‌:

i love when girls make no sense. Literally me too