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Encouraging kids to masturbate… dad of the year right there

Well, I don’t think I have actually written a post like that yet and I also think you may overestimate how many literal kids there are on tumblr - but since you’re handing out awards, here’s some gentle, non-judgemental info on masturbation like a good dad would offer if asked (since teens and young people deserve honest answers to make empowered choices):

Masturbation is a very common activity. It’s generally safe and healthy and it even comes with some benefits: 

it’s only you, meaning there’s no risk of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases! 

it’s a safe way to explore your own likes and dislikes and to try out fantasies you may have, without the emotional entanglement of involving another person (yet or at all). 

it can’t break your heart. Sex with another person requires a lot of trust and communication and you shouldn’t rush into that just to try it out.

it can be a fun way to get to know your own body, and knowing your own body is important to take care of your health! Knowing what’s going on down there is a good thing. 

It’ll not ruin sex with a (future) partner. Many actually experience the opposite: getting to know your body and learning about your preferences solo actually makes sex with a partner more enjoyable and relaxed. 

It may bring physical health benefits: it’s like a mini workout after all, plus orgasms are known to be healthy for you! 

It can be a stress-relief and even helps some people sleep better. 

It can actually help you live according to your values. For example, if you’re single and do not wish to have sex outside of longterm relationships, masturbation can help satisfy your needs without sacrificing your beliefs for a one night stand. 

It allows you full flexibility without having to explain anything. You don’t like orgasms? You can just stop before you reach that point. You like to be perfectly quiet? Nobody expects you to moan if it’s only you. 

It also doesn’t really have any side effects or negative consequences in general. Ideas such as „masturbation causes mental illness“ or even „masturbation leads to blindness“ are outdated medical myths. There’s no scientific evidence for that at all and it comes from times with limited knowledge on sexual health plus very strict beliefs around „sexual purity“. Modern medicine considers masturbation a healthy activity most people do. 

Things you should keep in mind are just: 

You should wash your hands before. While you can’t give yourself STDs (unless you touched someone else’s genitalia or fluids right before), you may have other germs or irritants on your hands that you don’t want down there. Also wash your hands after, that’s just basic hygiene and respect for the next person you shake hands with. 

Masturbation doesn’t always require putting something inside of you. But if you do want to, please only use products specifically designed for that (or your fingers). Things that weren’t made for that purpose might hurt or injure you, or they could even get stuck or break off inside of you. 

If you don’t enjoy masturbation, you don’t need to do it. While it’s a great activity for many, it’s still just an activity. Just like hiking or playing cards or singing: if you don’t enjoy it, you’re not missing out on anything by not doing it. 

Lastly, I also want to address this common question: 

Masturbation doesn’t always involve pornography. Many use their own imagination or even just enjoy the touch without any (inner) movie playing. You do not need to use porn to masturbate. 

But if (and only if) porn is something you’re curious about and maybe something you’re worried about (is it unethical or weird etc), please know: 

it’s a very common thing to be curious about and it’s also something many people regularly consume. 

Know that, just as with online content of other genres, shocking or extreme content sometimes gets the most clicks. This doesn’t mean it’s representative of what most people enjoy or want in real life. 

Sex in porn is staged. It’s meant to look good, not be realistic. Be aware that it’s not a good source for sexual education. 

The problems with the porn industry are mainly problems with the industry (such as unsafe working conditions, unfair wages etc.). The ethical problem isn’t the sex itself. 

You can avoid some of the industry problems by seeking out ethically produced or fairtrade porn. This usually means: all workers were fairly paid, there were precautions taken that all workers are of legal age and are willingly participating, workers may get more say in which scenes they want to do etc. Those websites also often focus more on female or queer pleasure than mainstream sites do. You may need to do some research there but it’s worth it 

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You might use several of these too, but pick one that you use most often or generally prefer. Or if you can’t pick, what one have you used most recently? Feel free to add more stuff in comments or tags.

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I bet that felt so good for the bottles

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just letting everyone know this post has been cooking for 7 years and it'll finally post in 2028

its so old that when i click edit the corners of the boxes are still sharp

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the Origins PC and companions are genuinely the funniest group of people if you actually think about it, like you got:

The Warden who literally got their job yesterday and was put in charge of saving the world for some reason

the second-most-recent warden who immediately pushed all the responsibility on you and REALLY doesn’t want to tell you who his daddy is because that would mean more responsibility he does not want

this random swamp witch who’s mother may or may not be Baba Yaga but she personally has never been anywhere larger than a small village and does NOT understand human interactions also she can turn into a spider

a bisexual nun who you met in a bar who told you that God told her to tag along with you but actually she used to be a spy and has murdered a lot of people, but also she assures you that she never took vows of chastity so she’s dtf

a grown up child soldier giant man who you got out of a cage for some reason who spends half the time negging you and talking in circles but is apparently into that and also the only thing he likes about your country is cookies

an assassin that was hired to kill you and immediately started flirting with you the moment he failed at doing that and you just thought it was a good call to let him tag along

an elderly woman who has assigned herself the role of group grandmother, really doesn’t want you to fuck or talk about griffins, and also she’s possessed. let’s be real, she probably regrets being in this group

a dwarf who’s wife ended up being a psychopath and a lesbian, so he just decided to skip town with you

a magical construct that has spent the last 30 years getting shit on by birds and just is REALLY pissed off by that

A dog that is able to comprehend human language and uses that ability solely to beg for treats

And the optional:

Literally the guy that you have been fighting against the entire fucking game

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The CableTown Tarot Disclaimer: I wanted to only use Nomura art, however, it obviously didn't exist for everyone/scene. So, I edited a LOT. When there wasn't Nomura art or Amano art, I used official Disney art where I could. Disney does an awful job crediting its artists, so I apologize humbly for not knowing where the bases of some of these come from.

Part I Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

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I hope you’re happy 💕

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i love superman because jonathan and martha kent were really like oh absolutely without a doubt this is a fucking alien but we are just gonna put him in our truck and never tell anyone shit because baby. baby boy. he’s our baby. and can you blame them

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The “I can fix him” award goes to Zerxus Ilerez. Congrats buddy that’s the worst anyone’s ever done it

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The Holy Trinity of A Good Nap

Was fortunate enough to meet some of the VA's at the Requiem meet up today, and Charlie Wes (Teddy's VA) is an absolute gem and delight.

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Where's the African mythology?

The Kickstarter is live now!

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Date Everything but Teddy makes me cry