itstheshittyjaz

[itstheshittyjaz]

nate.

i don’t know, do you guys ever just think about nate’s lyrics and then just feel shitty because you can relate to him, and then realize that he probably understands how you feel, but all you really wanna do is just give him a hug. i don’t understand this, but with my fam and my own problems, my dad’s the only person that basically ‘leads’ our whole fam, according to him and shit. so it’s kinda like, no one else in our fam has a say. or get to say anything. and it was only because of his music i learned to stand up for myself, and because i’m like 13, my parents consider it as “talking back” to them. which in my eyes is bullshit. i mean. what the fuck- is sexism- so like if someone didn’t let you do something just because you were a girl, or like you weren’t allowed to cry in public because you were a guy, like what the fuck?  so i was listening to hate myself the other night, at like- i don’t know, it was probably around 12 am, and i was like, what? because i’d usually listen to his other music when i felt really ded inside. so it was these lyrics: yeah, late nights get the best of me, they know how to get to me. suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me, but i don't wanna die, just wanna get relief.  and i related, because my mum found out i was fucking suicidal and she was like ? and was like why and shit, and then i thought about it.  and i have my problems, i think not being to go out because i’m a girl, not having sleep overs for the same reason, not allowed to have guy friends, not allowed to show my legs and shit.  like i just wanna fucking live, without someone judging me. i don’t wanna fucking die, i wanna live the way i want to. and now i think about like telling my neice/nephew’s shit like- i didn’t do anything exciting at all as a kid or a teen, or like while i was growing up. and i don’t know anymore. everytime i try to stand up for myself, i’m yelled at. or like, is it like- bruh- why is like every teenage girl with an opinion judged for it? why the fuck are we judged for having opinions? is it like that? i don’t know. maybe i wanna die. i feel like ending it.