ivmanafoxvi

[ivmanafoxvi]

L0s7_Da7a.pt2

Although there was more to read, a quick smoke break was needed, the familer feeling of feinding, it took a priority.

Standing up from the desk and retrieving the cigar case, a quick flick of the wrist was trailed by my opposite hand for retrieval of the delicately. A quick *snip* and a flick of the lighter, and the feinding soon subsided. The dull light of the cigar illuminated the immediate area around, if only just barely.

That's when I noticed an open shelf. Something I didn't notice beforehand. Curious, I always notice such things. A cool breeze ran on the back of the skin of my neck, the collar of my coat failing to block such a chilled breeze. The place may be dilapidated, but even so...

I shook my head, and reached down to the contents of the shelf. I wasn't about to let superstition take over, I never believed in such ridiculous collective entourage. Inside, amoung trinkets and objects of sentiment, was a notebook, a rather beautiful and ornate one at that. The cover had a symbol of a mocking bird enlaid with gold, and the binding was that of a dark leather, cut and blinded tightly, with precision.

Within was various topics, chords for guitar of songs unwritten, unsung, unheard. A variety of sketches, each page dated. After a point, the sketches involved a particular face time and time again, sometimes with a heart or two drawn alongside. Towards the center of the journal, glued inside was a envelope, within a collection of notes.

Dearest Damian. Often these nights go by, and I wish for nothing more but the sound of you knocking on my window. My heart yearns for you, I miss you so...

[ivmanafoxvi]

Forgotten Memoirs

The phone in front of me had a series of forgotten messages and conversations. It dated rather far back, and they were separated, seemingly to keep cohesion of chronology.

Feb 17. 2019

It was hard to figure out which side was whose, especially at the beginning of the conversation. After some effort I can say for certain it was between two individuals. This day falls on a Sunday, so it couldn't have been done while at school. Possibly at church, partially given away by the context of the conversation, it seemed like they got caught in one way, or another. I can guess that it's between two lovers. Which makes this juicy gossip of unknown people. Always the best kind. Whenever I can't figure out who's who, I'm using = as the indicator. Otherwise is - and +

- Tell me what's going on

+Can't be that obvious is it?

-That doesn't answer my question.

+I haven't been okay for these past couple of days.

= Yet no one knows and I guess I'm getting really good at that

- I knew. I was well aware, I assure you. But I could only be on the laptop for a certain amount of time and still say I was doing homework. I love you.

Reassurance will get you no where with this one girl, ha! Although you can't see that can you? I don't have the full story on this one yet either, so maybe there's something you see that I haven't. At this point I'm assuming genders, but you have to if you want to enjoy the drama with these. Lets see...

+ I know. And that's my fault and I can't even talk to you now. I've just been trying to not end myself rightly.

Well that doesn't seem healthy...

+ I got a new thing but I don't know if you wanna know about it.

+How am I to fix anything that has been broken thus far?

Heh, you sure are one drama king huh? Although perhaps you have a reason to be. Sounds like this is the first person you have ever met in your life, or at least in a long time, that you could confine too. That's rather deadly...

- 1. It has been good for me to not have a phone in a few ways. I've actually been completing my assignments --

This is just the first breaks in the conversation. Seems like the guy is trying to say something more verbally instead of visually, but there is probably noise in the area so not exactly easy to hear him. Hence why I think it's a church or something, he has to be quiet.

- What? I didn't hear right?

Blah blah, sob sob, woe is me, give me some details already... ah! Here we go...

-But I've been working more on my drawings. Yes I miss talking with you immensely, but there are some silver linings in our situation. Of course, I would leap and any chance to have a phone again.

...I'm sorry. Did I mess up?

Hmm... it ends there... No, there has to be more. Just have to look around more...

[ivmanafoxvi]

To all of my sisters and brothers.

You matter.

[ivmanafoxvi]

[ivmanafoxvi]

Red Dress

"Hello darling, we are long overdue for a chat." Its not often that I end up regretting my life choices. But damn she has added quite a few tally marks to that count. "What, do you want" I was disgruntled, seeing her here. That damn red dress, her burette hair coming down to her knees, those deep green eyes, she is everything I love to see.

… And hate to witness. "Tsk tsk tsk, I already told you' she paces around me, stopping next to the desk to slightly tip one of the bottles of brandy as if to seemly check how much was left 'we are long overdue for a chat, darling" I down yet another shot, the burn of the ethanol being close to the feeling I have in my chest about now. "Every time we chat, its usually to chat about yet another 'deal' of yours" She smiles a bit, knowing that she's really the one in charge here. After all, being as powerful as she is...

"Darling, its time to come. You borrowed time, and you saved everyone you could -"

I jump from my chair, slamming my fists on my desk "I couldn't save all of them! So, so many still died! I failed my brothers in arms, my family's, I couldn't... I couldn't..." Anger is funny, as it recedes to sadness. The hot trails of tears slowly roll down my face. She approach slowly, and puts her hand on my saddened form of emotion, wiping a tear away. "You can't save everyone. We know that. You tried, and that is what matters" she leans in slowly, and kisses my forehead, her lips icy and cold.

But it's... relaxing. I feel some weight come off of me. "You borrowed time. You were given something so, so many could never have. Appreciate what you have completed, not what you couldn't"

My shoulders slump, as I sit back into my chair. Her voice consumes most of my senses, and I realize that its already far too deep. But I accept it.

She's right. I can't save everyone. Hell, I couldn't even save myself.

But at least...I tried.

[ivmanafoxvi]

[ivmanafoxvi]

[ivmanafoxvi]

Rocket man!!!!

Taron Egerton

[ivmanafoxvi]

Try again.

If you get knocked on your ass

Pick your self up and try again

Because I’m not here

To help you with everything

If you find yourself wanting to quit

Think over that descision

And think about

It’s stupid description

I never ever

Gave myself

Even a single

Moments break

Do you know why

Do you want to

Figure out my

Simple secret

I tried again

Over and over

Over stressing

Over working

I pushed my self

Beyond my limits

Beyond expectations

Beyond myself

If your knocked down

On your ass

Or if your face down

Into the ground

Spit all of that blood

Right out of your mouth

Cause when you bleed

When you cry

When you sweat

When you ache

That is the body

Draining weakness

Hardest

Strongest

Fastest

Bestest

[ivmanafoxvi]

Heavy beats

Lowly lights

I cant really

Escape this night

Its nights like this

I cant sleep

I didn't really

Want to anyways

So i stare at blades

And a sugary drink

Take the one

That'll kill me slower

So my night goes on

Staring at this bright screen

Looking around at all

These empty walls

Doesn't matter if i scream

Or if i stay silent

Neither will be met

With any meaningful measure

Oh how this night goes.

I sit rather alone

I wish someone could hear

These chords haptically made

Oh how i wish People were near

Those who would listen

Or open up an ear

But none of that matters

Cause no one is near

How long does it take

For one to break a mirror?

Cause i hate the reflection i see

Starting back at me

But its not the fault of the reflection

Its just being a mirror

Still i punch the glass

My fist is dawned with

A newly made open gash

Oh i hope that doesn't last

How much longer

Will i stay alone?

When my own mind

Hates what it rightfully owes

Can you understand?

Can you decipher it all?

Can you procure response?

Can you relate to its call?

Cause im really starting to lose it

Im really starting to break

Im starting to bend to far

And im starting to snap

I just woke up one day

Feeling like this

I just went up

And i just went down I

never asked for this

I never wanted this

I never seeked it

I never admired this

Once i would say

"I don't understand"

Now im waiting for the day

To say "Give me another chance"

[ivmanafoxvi]

[ivmanafoxvi]

His breath was see-able in the cold night. But he didn’t mind. The cold couldn’t bother him so long as...

“Hey Kimber?”

“Yeah darling?”

The women on his side laying next to him kept staring at the sky. Her jaw clenched for just a moment, pushing the nipping cold away for a while longer. Her eyes seemed to glisten in the moonlight, her smile warming him tenfold. 

“Do you ever wonder what would happen if I never met you?” his darkness came about again. He hated doing this to her. But she was the only one who ever actually cared to answer him.

“Ethan...” she took a breathless moment, now taking the time to turn and look into his deep brown eyes, the hazel ring now more prominent than ever.

“I’m sorry” he started to turn away, but she used her hand to move his face back to her green blue eyes.

“Ethan, if we never met, I would go and find you. If you tired to hide, you would reveal yourself. In the end, this, this was meant to be, and no matter what, in the past lives, this present life and lives ahead, we will find each other time and time again. Tell me, does this bond feel that deeply in twined?” he nodded softly, his hand raised and gently cupped on her cheek.

“Kimber... I’ve always known you... I don’t know how but, I just do. I’ve never felt this, this understanding. But honestly, you made me want to live. Gave me a reason to want to actually move on. Live on. Maybe you didn’t save me. But you did wake me up, and I’ve never been more awake than when you came into my life. I just... never really gave thought to that feeling of the bond.” He started to choke on his words as tears came to his eyes and he held his emotional sobs back.

Kimber slowly wiped the few tears off his cheek before he continued “It’s insane to think that somehow, we know that we loved each other forever. If I had to put any reason to this, I’m just afraid that I have to even chance not having you” His tears was accompanied by a gentle smile on his face and hers. Without another word, they continued their star-gazing in the cold Fall evening, falling asleep in each others arms, safe with the fact that they were no longer alone in the world in which their minds had plagued their very being, now understood by someone who happened to fall in love.