ivorybacchus

[ivorybacchus]

it's honestly funny to me how in the movie the Medjai / Medjay were a 'secret ancient society' in the movie but in the novel, Evy has this to say about them:

they weren't very 'secret ancient society' in the novel.

[ivorybacchus]

my personal headcanon was that Mama Bay wanted to name Ardeth "Arshad" (meaning most rightly guided, most reasonable) but Mr. Bay was like:

"no. he is death by ra"

and Mama Bay was absolutely done with his shit because no saad that is a terrible name for a son but ended up giving in anyway after a month or two just to get him to shut up about it

[ivorybacchus]

ya bitch might just be able to finally take her soulmate WIP from her phone notes app and shift it to microsoft word

because fuck man getting the fic started on word was difficult for some reason but i think i'm past that hurdle now

[ivorybacchus]

never getting over the missed opportunity to have Jonathan quote the boils and sores verse.

[ivorybacchus]

the late night thoughts struck last night

[ivorybacchus]

"ivory, will you liveblog the third novel after you finish The Mummy Returns" - said nobody at all and my answer is:

what third novel? there is no third movie therefore no third novel. that shit's not canon.

what i will be reading instead (if i can find it) after novel2:

[ivorybacchus]

The Mummy Returns Novelization - Chapter 1, Part V

yes we are still on chapter 1 because ya bitch has been busy working and i needed to scramble around looking for the braincells to make it through Max Allan Collins' writing.

anyway that said, we return to where we left off.

the author can go fuck himself for this one

coined by the British a long-ass time ago, "gone native" has roots in colonialism and racism and is considered to be derogatory, an insult. For a quick lesson: the fucking British considered their culture as superior, so if an Englishman or Englishwoman living in the colonies dressed like the native people of that land, adopted their customs and habits, etc. -- they were labeled as having "gone native."

the fact Evelyn's appearance is described as "fetchingly 'gone native,'" especially since she is a woman who is half-white and half-Egyptian, feels...vile to me.

even more so when we take into account the weird insistent the author had in the last novel about sexualizing her in any given moment.

it's not as funny as the movie's version of this scene (because it just happens so suddenly, no build up -- Evy feels the snake slithering around her botos and Rick shows up right on time for the snake to get yeeted right at him even if unintentionally), but the imagery of the snake 'fleeing for dear life' is still a little bit funny.

"you're getting pretty good at that" -- at what? snake kicking??? somebody help the poor snakes of Egypt. some might be assholes, but most of them don't deserve this treatment.

there's no "those things are poisonous, you know / only if they bite you" interaction, which i am glad for if only because it means i spared the sight of another writer confusing venom and poison.

Poison is ingested, venom is injected into the body. There is a difference. Get it right.

instead, after Rick comments on how she's getting better at kicking snakes (again somebody save the snakes of Egypt from Evy 'snake kicker' Carnahan O'Connell)

in comparison, the movie shows Evy giving him some of the smallest archaeologists tools and he just gives her a look (which understandable because he really would have been going at it for a century with the size of those things) before she acquiesces -- now aside from the size of the metal file given, there's nothing to indicate the size of the rock pick in the novel so i'm going to assume that it is probably this size:

which looks to be a decent size for the purposes of archaeology

so i just fucking know he was doing this shit -- going ridiculously slow with this despite having the right-sized tools for the job -- in the novel so that she would agree to doing it his way.

yes let's graverob / break into someone's resting place just to find the meaning of some dreams. what could possible go wrong? (/sarcasm)

being for fucking real here for a moment: when you think about it, Evy really isn't that much different from her brother Jonathan. They're both motivated by greed -- Jonathan for money and Evy for knowledge but hers is just painted in a better light because greedy for knowledge = good and greedy for money = bad and i'm here to fucking tell you:

both can be a bad thing and society can fuck off with this bullshit.

she literally started the apocalypse by fucking around with stuff she didn't understand (the first novel / movie) and she doesn't seem to have fucking learn anything from that if the events of The Mummy Returns is of any indication.

[ivorybacchus]

despite all of my unhinged thoughts posts and the shit that i write, i am in fact aroace

and honestly that just makes everything i do more fun.

[ivorybacchus]

anyway. TMR but it’s ABO and Jardeth is married and maybe they have a kiddo or two

And that’s all i got for right now (I’ve been in allergy hell for the past week T-T)

[ivorybacchus]

got a soulmate AU ft ABO Ardeth/Jonathan fic cooking

i’ll probably be working on this one awhile

[ivorybacchus]

After watching a random celebrity “What’s in Your Bag?” video, I got curious (or maybe just nosy, lol) and started asking everyone the same question. So, what’s in your bag? Or, if you’re not the type to carry one, what’s in your pockets?

in my bag? let's see...

the gold standard of phone and wallet

a bottle of hand lotion (Cetaphil: advanced relief cream with Shea Butter) and chapstick

crystal light powdered drink mix (raspberry lemonade)

an extra pair of socks

phone charger

house keys

[ivorybacchus]

Collins you could have just been like “our buddy Imhotep was named after Imhotep the Architect in hopes that he too would accomplish great things”

instead of trying to pull a “and they were the same person” because that is realistically just not possible given the fact that — as i mentioned some posts ago — the real dude was alive during Djoser’s reign while the fictional dude is alive during Seti I’s reign

[ivorybacchus]

mmmm Jardeth with a dark or morally dubious Ardeth

i need

[ivorybacchus]

putting this on the back burner because the words will not come.

working on one of my other WIPs instead

how the fuck did i go from “tell me thy secrets of your hair care routine” to “jonathan is being an angsty bitch (affectionate) as always ❤️” in the same exact fic…

[ivorybacchus]

to liveblog novel 2 better, i might have to open up a document and throw words onto it so i can properly organize my thoughts

[ivorybacchus]

The Mummy Returns Novelization - Chapter 1, Part IV

we interrupt your program so that the author can tell you "yes. Rick is still indeed an attractive son of a bitch even in his late thirties, early forties. He's a littler grayer at the temples but he's still got muscles for days"

is the author going to thirst after Rick now too or is that still reserved for Evy? istg if i turn the next couple pages and there's a comment on how her clothes fit on her body, about the flare of her womanly curves, i might actually ides of march something.

also why the fuck is although spelled like that? it's although, not al-though. it happens with catacombs too. it's weird as fuck.

Alex is confirmed 8 years old. 'scuse me while i scream into the void.

and like the film (and cartoon), Alex is also blond. i can only assume he got it from his dad's side of the family or his maternal grandfather's side of the family 'cause neither Rick nor Evy (or even Jonathan, his maternal uncle, for that matter) are blond.

oh and upstairs ISN'T???? things were built to last back in the day, but i would NOT chance it with an 8 year old BY HIMSELF in a temple dating back to the time of Pharaoh Djoser.

and i know Alex is up there by himself because there is no mention of ANYONE ELSE up there with him -- neither in the novel nor in the movie.

and again, it works out only because Alex being up there by himself is what saved Rick and Evy from an watery grave. that is the ONLY reason Alex being left unattended ended up being an okay-ish thing.

stop leaving your young child unattended.

i do give him some props though for standing firm in his no after Alex, later, tries to get him to let him stay down there with them.

i wish i could find a drawing based on the novel's description of the Western Medjay tattoo. just so i can compare it to the movie's design.

also interestingly: Rick's Medjay tattoo is located on the side of his hand and not on his wrist (the way it is in the movie).

[ivorybacchus]

The Mummy Returns Novelization - Chapter 1, Part III

“when the real colonel had deserted” When COLONEL GUIZOT had deserted

grinds my gears calling him ‘the real colonel’ — name and shame him properly.