ivorybrier

[ivorybrier]

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how lucky I am.

despite physical disability, I have a lot in my life to be grateful for.

For example, my shop teacher. This year I made a cane myself in his shop. He was so extremely excited about it and has kept the floors incredibly clean since I have been using it.

Not only that, but I couldn’t think of another project he suggested making a different kind of cane and has spent countless after hours working on plans on how to actually make it. Although it’s not perfect yet, I know that he’s determined to finish it before school is done for the summer.

although disability absolutely sucks I think it’s important to spend your time thinking about the good. People around you care even if they show it in their own weird ways. 

Be grateful and gain the energy you need to fight for yourself. Be proud of yourself, and if it helps any i’m proud of you. You are doing your best and that’s so incredibly amazing.

[ivorybrier]

me when my disabilities disable me:

[ivorybrier]

I find it funny that family members try and give me unsolicited “medical” advice about being chronically ill.

like 1) Bold of you to assume i havent tried that yet

and 2) Bold of you to assume that Doctors, other family members, random people, etc. Havent attempted to give me the exact same advice yet.

Thank you aunt karen, but your ideas are not original nor helpful.

[ivorybrier]

one of my most memorable moments was a very québécois gym teacher sitting me down and telling me;

-You need to let yourself rest

-No matter how hard you try you will not be able to keep up with the other kids, and thats okay.

-You can take breaks, everyone takes them.

He was very kind but stern during the conversation and it’ll always stick with me

(he also signed my year book “don’t forget to not be too hard on yourself. enjoy the process, not just the result”)

Affirmations bc i'm disabled & struggle with internalized ableism:

I am doing good. My goals are mine, and I don't need to compare myself to other people.

I am inherently worthy as a human being, regardless of my productivity (or lack thereof).

I am allowed to rest, and it is okay that I need to rest almost 24/7 because of my disabilities. Rest is not a break to be earned; it's a need, and everyone's needs are different.

I am allowed to enjoy things simply because they make me happy. My joy is a human need, not something to be commodified.

I have so many strengths: thoughtfulness, compassion, gentleness, creativity, etc. These are the core of who I am.

I am loved and cared for. There are so many people like me across the world, and any time I feel lonely, there is another disabled person somewhere feeling the same. In the same vein, there are disabled activists who are fighting for us; being a voice for people who can't make their voice heard, or don't even know it's an option.

I am not alone <3 And neither is the person reading this. We are worthy, valued, and important. No ifs, ands, or buts.

[ivorybrier]

Still genuinely baffles me every time I remember that the average person isn’t in some form of pain all the time.

Like..not even a tiny bit???

It’s actually crazy to me every time I remember that most people actually don’t experience pain outside of injuries.

[ivorybrier]

[ivorybrier]

for the longest time i wished it was worse so that things would be taken more seriously.

jokes on me, they got worse.

doctors are *still* telling me we need to wait until these things start affecting me.

"i wish i had cancer/a wheelchair/severe disability so i would be taken seriously." so you've automatically assumed that these people are taken seriously or treated well (which they aren't) without even thinking about it huh. the assumed premise undermines your very point. if you took these people seriously then you wouldn't idly wish to have their struggles

[ivorybrier]

Why is being disabled at a young age such a thing for people to gawk at?

I have gone out with a cane in public (such as malls, transit, and other outdoor activities) very minimally. the majority of my use is for school, where i get the usual attention from teachers wanting to make sure that my mental health is okay and im getting around fine.

BUT EVERY SINGLE TIME IM IN PUBLIC literally everyone looks at me, if not everyone most people. and they look down at me, very obviously looking at the cane. I understand that its weird to have someone who is young with a cane, however, staring and the comments are so awkward

“what happened to you, are you okay?

-I was born, thanks.”

Does it ever like, get more normal? Do people get used to this? and if so, for the love of god why do i have to get used to being treated like a zoo animal?

[ivorybrier]

I ended up taking public transit while with a cane yesterday. I dont really do that a-lot nor during busy times. Anyways i got on and my friend started standing near the door. Which i was prepared to do, and then someone stood up and offered me their seat, and i felt so bad man. Like idk how to even explain the feelings i felt.

Imposter syndrome at its finest. We sat down and they ended up getting off at the next stop anyways.

But i am not prepared for that to be a usual thing.

[ivorybrier]

Having a dynamic disability will never not be weird or terrifying to me, like yes i need a cane to walk some days. HOWEVER, what if the people around me think i'm faking because i don't *usually* use a cane nor with frequency? And like i mean what if i'm fine tomorrow like, where all the weird questions about what's wrong with me for nothing?