iwasnevrrhere

[iwasnevrrhere]

Worst boyfriend in the world award goes tooooooooooo…..

[iwasnevrrhere]

I feel so ugly compared to my sisters

It’s like they all have their established styles and aesthetic and I’m just…here

My sister just burned 14 and she got her septum pierced…and she looks good

I just don’t think I could ever pull that off…or anything for that matter

Like there’s no doubt that I would like to fall into the category of pretty, but I want my shit to be natural

Like I wish I didn’t need a piercing or tattoos to be considered pretty

I just don’t naturally have it

And idc what my bf says bc he calls me attractive, but he still look at and gawk at other women. And these women and not similar to me at all

[iwasnevrrhere]

He gon tell me that I need to make sure he has caffeine in his system bc when he doesn’t he’s having a bad day…which means speaking to me in ways in which I feel are kinda mean, abd also giving me attitude

Then tells me basically, I need to be paying attention to patterns in his behavior; basically like, if I seen he had an attitude everyday, I gotta take it upon myself and figure out hating is is that making him have an attitude and try and relieve his attitude

He told me that I need to make sure that his needs are met

And that I have a problem w

Bc then I said to him, how that’s crazy tha he’s expecting me to pay that much attention to him when he doesn’t to me…then I had to point out how I had to actually draw out a timeline for him to get him to understand, that just bc we went to sleep that doesn’t mean that I forgot to what happened the night before and all is well now…I’m still upset that things still isn’t cleared up and I’m tired of always being the one to initiate the clear ups

Telling me his excuse wasn’t an excuse and ur was an explanation…and just bc you explained it, that still doesn’t justify it make anything better

And now all of a sudden he doesn’t want to talk abt it and telling me, what are we gonna do? Argue until 2?

And I’m like, so fucking be it…bc I feel like he’s always minimizing my feelings and when I bring it to his attention, instead of trying to fix the issue or ask what he can do to change it, he just flips it and now he doesn’t wanna talk

Now THATS the patten I’ve been studying

[iwasnevrrhere]

They got this nigga over here choreographing them harmonizing🤦🏾‍♀️

[iwasnevrrhere]

They in here playinggggggggg🤦🏾‍♀️

[iwasnevrrhere]

And now he just asked me how long we been together, and if we’re sweethearts; like if we were hs sweethearts, then asked what do I can’t him…I asked what he means and he said, like if we’re in the store and ik trying to find him, what do I say? Then said “babyyyyy?” In a girlish way

I didn’t answer…then he came back in and I still didn’t say anything…and that was kinda it

And I feel like he realized that something felt weird/off

Why I just felt like his cousin was hitting on me…

Like he shook my hand and asked me what my name was and time me his…wasn’t nothing too crazy

But then when he got back, he was like, “yo that’s yo girl?” And he said it twice and he was kinda loud and the tone was weird…in like a he thought I was just a random girl here, and he wanted to know if I was fair game

That’s just the way it came off to me🤷🏾‍♀️

And I hope he don’t offer me a drink

[iwasnevrrhere]

Why I just felt like his cousin was hitting on me…

Like he shook my hand and asked me what my name was and time me his…wasn’t nothing too crazy

But then when he got back, he was like, “yo that’s yo girl?” And he said it twice and he was kinda loud and the tone was weird…in like a he thought I was just a random girl here, and he wanted to know if I was fair game

That’s just the way it came off to me🤷🏾‍♀️

And I hope he don’t offer me a drink

[iwasnevrrhere]

I fumbled an interview bc I got anxiety…my bfs disappointed; and im mad at him for being disappointed and mad at me bc I wish he wasn’t and he’d just told me that it was ok and not to worry bc I got the next one…but instead he called me weird

[iwasnevrrhere]

He over here singing abt “I miss you” and everybody else rapping abt how “they bitch bad” …CORNYYYYY

And then her freestyling knowing damn we’ll be can’t…talking and “Donnie my family going fr…they’ll be alright” …now it’s a therapy session

And he always got the worst part

Then he being embarrassingggg😣 they told him to hop on the mic and he folded like shit…was literally just saying a bunch of random shit.

And then he went again and he left his whole spot open and wasn’t saying anything…then gave the seat up😬

But the most embarrassing part was when they was rotating the chair, and it came back to being Elijah’s turn, the other dude took the headphone and just told him to do adlibs and he just sat back in the chair and didn’t fight for a spot

[iwasnevrrhere]

Everyone in the house used to talk over me every time I spoke, ofc I want someone who listens when I get to my yapping🙄

[iwasnevrrhere]

I literally feel so ugly and don’t want to be outside anymore…I wanna go home😖

[iwasnevrrhere]

I cried today…like really hard🫤

[iwasnevrrhere]

I don’t want to have kids w my bf

It’s not bc I don’t want any…it’s just, I don’t think I want any w him

We both have a lot of not so great inherited physical traits

We both have really thin hair… like I believe that our child would actually have a hard time growing hair…

He has adhd and apparently autism runs in his family…I also hand a brother w adhd and I believe they I might have it also

I also have terrible eye sight… literally my entire family wears glasses…down to youngest

I’m average height and he’s below for a guy

Being hairy also runs in my family…and I think it does in his too

These are all things that I know I would be mixing…and what are the possibilities that I birth a child w a lot of issues…I think it’s pretty high

And knowing that…do I still wanna be selfish and bring a person here w all of these issues…ik they’ll struggle in life…and it’ll be something I out them through, by being selfish

[iwasnevrrhere]

Every time I see black representation, I never feel like they’re representing me

Like, it’s always braids or a buss down, they’re always skinny or big…never really in between. Makeup. And when they do have a fro, it’s always bigger than their head, and they never have like bows in the hair/twists in the front of the hair m. It’s always a bland and boring fro that’s curly…AND THEY NEVER HAVE GLASSES.

And their tatted and always have a bunch or jewelry on

[iwasnevrrhere]

Had time to think in the shower…and I realized that my mother doesn’t do anything…literally

My dad literally does everything on his own

She don’t cook, clean..,she don’t even go grocery shopping…she don’t even take or pick up her 6y/o from school

Like it’s crazy asf cause I don’t see that as a partnership

Like if I’m gonna cook the food, you can at least go GET the damn food🤦🏾‍♀️

And like he’s only 1 person…

This man wakes up at 6am every week day to clean his disabled sons room, wash him up, put him on an outfit, and make sure his hair is good. Not only that, he’s giving him his meds and treatments…while my mother sleeps in bed.

Then he walks my lil sister to her bus stop, then wakes up the 6 y/o, cooks her breakfast, and gets her ready for school. Which consists of a lot of making sure she brushes her teeth, making/packing her lunch. Wiping her down before helping her put her clothes on, and doing/fixing her hair. Then when it’s time for her to go to school, my dad rides and see her off to school. And on his days off, he’s the one picking her up.

So while he’s doing all of that, mind you, this is all before 9am; wtf is she doing??

Then he comes back and cooks her breakfast????

And then she leaves when he goes to work and comes back like 1-2hrs before he comes back from work. But she never comes back w/o bags that she bought for herself.

My biggest pet peeve is when dad is cooking and she’s right over his shoulder and she’s picking and putting g her hands in the food…smoke she eats a whole dinner while the dinner is being made. Then he makes her a plate for dinner time.

Mind you, my dad don’t cook for us anymore. Like he cooks for the kids and mom.

We not even gonna get into if he’s not buying US food, then where is the extra money going??? And if Ubers and Lyfts aren’t being called to take the girl back n forth to school everyday…where’s THAT extra money going??

[iwasnevrrhere]

He just turned me AWWWWWFFFFFF

I’m realizing that I’m the only person in the relationship who does the heavy lifting and the serious cleaning

And as a man…you look like the woman in the relationship

And MY personal thought, is if I can do, and if I actually DO everything by myself…what use are you to me🤷🏾‍♀️

You don’t add anything to my life…you don’t provide for me, cause I buy my own food, I pay for my own nails and I buy my own weed…I can also fuck myself…so what are you doing for me…what can/do you bring to me

How it’s 2 of us and we STILL ain’t got shit…

[iwasnevrrhere]

Been feeling a bunch of anxiety this morning…or depression…ION KNOW BUT ITS SOMETHING

A guy told me that he liked my nails today…it lifted up my mood bc guys don’t usually care abt stuff like that

And it was a black person, so that’s how yk it lowkey eats