ix13m

[ix13m]

I have not stopped loving you @holycunts, so whenever you are ready to come home.

[ix13m]

I had to make one of the most difficult decisions in my life to step away and save myself from seeping into depression. At the very least I was hoping this will give us a least a fighting chance. If both of us are down, then there will be no chance left at all.

[ix13m]

I thought time heals but today I felt an overwhelming sensation and I realized I really missed you today. So much. I hope you are doing as well as you can and continue to take care of yourself. Xoxo

[ix13m]

Happy new year to you and your family. Wishing you nothing but goodness, calm, strength and resilience through new beginnings and hope.

It is alright to fumble but what is important is to find your footing and move forward again.

Always with love ❤️

[ix13m]

It’s true that the saying goes ‘better late than never’. Wishing you a happy birthday and may you find the courage and strength to battle your inner demons head on and find health and happiness once again. 🎂

[ix13m]

It’s been 3 months. And you seemed to be drifting further away. Perhaps it is time to say goodbye. It’s a pity to not be able to do this in person but I have to maintain my boundaries and the fact is you have not been sober enough for us to even speak. Pity indeed. I will cherish the memories both good and bad in the past 6 years. Thank you for loving me at some point. 👋🏼 xoxo

[ix13m]

Because I needed the time and space to heal in order to grow and become a stronger, bigger and better version of myself. Both for myself and for the people I care about.

[ix13m]

One day perhaps you will understand that I have to walk away from your substance abuse for my own wellbeing.

[ix13m]

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters (by Portia Nelson)

Chapter One I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost …. I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend that I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in this same place. But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter Four I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter Five I walk down another street.

[ix13m]

It’s coming pass week 10. I want to give you a big warm hug and wet big kiss on the forehead. But I also am conscious that some things you will have to come out of alone. I pray that you stay safe and healthy both physically and mentally during the whole time. Miss you tonnes.

[ix13m]

Craved for a bowl of ayam soto and remembered centerpoint had a ayam goreng store which we’ve been to before. This was good and wish you were with me.

[ix13m]

I yearn to ask how you are doing and to tell you I miss you. It takes all the control and restraint I can muster to know that it is a form of self love to not undermine the boundaries I have drawn - but how can I show that I still care at the same time? To continue with whatever I can still do to help and to hope that the day will come for you to find the courage and strength to sober up on your own.

[ix13m]

Today is one of those days that I missed you terribly. But perhaps it is the version of you in my heart that I misses. The goofy, kind, good natured partner, lover, team mate, friend with a dash of imperfections. 🫶🏼

[ix13m]

You said that you are no longer waiting and that you may not be around when I get around to responding. You’ve missed a local university entrance interview and now a relationship due to substance abuse. You may never snap out of it or you may. It will always be a personal decision and choice. But I am always here to connect if you are ever sober and that is a promise I will stand by.

[ix13m]

Missed the late night suppers. Ended up making the wrong order cause I forgot the 2 most important words - ikan bilis, and also because I had always relied on my partner to do it for me. But at least I got the drink right. 🙏🏼

[ix13m]

I’m writing this with a heavy heart as I am uncertain of the future. If I have lost my best friend, my teammate, my partner, my baobi forever. I miss him so much and have so much to tell him. But I am not sure how much of that will get through to him while he is intoxicated and what will it take for him to be sober finally.

I refuse to engage while he is intoxicated as I do not wish to remember him that way. It is not who the real him is. But the longer he is intoxicated, the further the real him is and will he get lost forever? I am sad whenever I think about that.

How do we move forward then? The road in front is uncertain. I hope that we will have a chance to speak again when you are sober and can finally think clearly again. I wish and I hope that you will find the courage to move forward and sort the real help that you need to resolve the tangles you have felt since you were a boy. That is the only way forward. I wish only the best for you even if it means less for me. Forever.

[ix13m]

So when do you think you will start to post over here again where I’m the audience.