izzystizzys

[izzystizzys]

book club where we just read the muppet joker‘s blog aloud to each other over and over again and hold hands in a circle

[izzystizzys]

does anyone else find the idea of a 00q ‘i’m a celebrity’ au really fucking funny or is it just brainrot again

[izzystizzys]

sam young the man you are (probably gets pissed off his tits and cries in an abandoned field to kodaline’s high hopes and gets rained on)

[izzystizzys]

another instance of circus-level clownery that have me laughing so hard i pee myself a little about black doves: that moment where sam takes michael on a first date to the restaurant where he killed his father as his first hit. i‘m sorry did you miss that? let me repeat: first date. in the same place. where he shot his father. for money.

like i don‘t think it was the same booth exactly but jesus christ - what level of pseudo-freudian psycho-shit do you need to be on for that to seem like a good, let alone romantic idea. and i do believe with my whole chest that he thought it was romantic, because jesus christ did y‘all see how fucking whipped he is for that man after one single instance of eye-contact. the only explanation i can possibly find for this is that sam young has reached such levels of immense theatrical drama-queenery that the cycle has simply come back around to close on suspicious glibness as a trauma response. like. what the fuck. he’s so funny.

[izzystizzys]

sam young, jaded triggerman, utter tragedy of a human being, gifting his best friend‘s children he‘s never met fucking nerf guns for christmas is the funniest possible way black doves could have ended. how even. did he walk into that toy shop and it was just the first thing he saw he could relate to? i like guns, this is guns for children? or is he simply the funniest bitch around? either way, what an absolute piss-take. god i love him

[izzystizzys]

watching black doves transfixed by ben whishaw’s kicked dog eyes like i can fix him i can make him worse i can do unspeakable things to him in fic

also keira knightley reaffirming her status as my forever awakening

[izzystizzys]

as an addendum to my last post, may i present: corrie guard christmas multiverse of madness

while thire is off john mcclane-ing and fox psychologically tortures three bountyhunters trying to break into the senate, hound is left in command of barracks where perimeter alarms begin to screech suddenly and LOOK, okay, YOUR first instinct would’ve been to shoot at the strange being on the roof of military property too!

is what he tries frantically to explain to the strange little creature that appeared out of nowhere exceedingly miffed at him for apparently accidentally shooting its boss. how was he supposed to know that man wasn’t trying to blow them up?! people do that all the time!

the little being who looks remarkably like general yoda if he was not green, wrinkly and himself at all turns up its nose at him. well tough shit it says. you still have to come live in the north quadrant now. congratulations, you have just been promoted to spanta clause.

what the kriff is a spanta clause hound asks. the answer does not make him any less confused. also, what kind of kriffed up hiring process is this where you have to kill the guy who had the job before you?! hound knows very little about natborn conventions, but even he’s pretty sure they don’t make senate aides fight to the death in gladiatoral spectacles!

(most of them, anyways. he’s not entirely sure about some.)

also, why the kriff is grizzer’s nose suddenly red?!

[izzystizzys]

Die Alone: The Coruscant Guard Christmas Special

All‘s calm and quiet on Coruscant, for once - the Senate‘s either gone home to celebrate the universally beloved Xeshmas with their closest, or is attending the annual festive bash at the Spakatomi Splaza buildings, sponsored by Chandrila. At 79’s, a horde of merry Commanders get together to bask in the Xeshmas spirit (red, green and white shots) and celebrate another year survived. But wait, Bacara groans into someone’s boots only thirty minute into their jolly bash, where the kriff is Fox? Ignored the invite again?

A strange feeling comes over Cody. He spent the entire day brooding, telling everyone who would listen that he has the strangest sensation of having forgotten something important and being told it can’t be that important if he’s forgotten it (Wooley) or to quit being such a partypooper (Rex). Now, it dawns on him.

He never sent that comm to Fox.

To be entirely fair, Fox probably couldn’t have attended either way - stuck as he is as the singular vod on babysitting shift at the empty Senate building. Still, it would’ve been nice to at least hear from some of the others, considering he saw them all loiter towards the clubbing district on security cams anyways. Now, here he sits and gathers dust - as a glorified secretary while his brothers are off partying or on security detail at Spakatomi Splaza.

Fox heaves a deep sigh and traces expletives in the thin film of dust on the reception desk. One positive of this whole thing - for once, he’s safe from being accosted and having slurs thrown at him by uppity senate staff, or, Force forbid, being called on a special mission by the Chancellor. He’s safely in his Nubian mansion by now, thank the Galaxy.

Thire and Ballsy are heading the party security, which, most ridiculous kriffing thing he’s had to assign troopers to in a long time. He would’ve doomed himself to it, but the Chancellor specially requested he man the desks and empty Senate. Fox is, after all, the best of the best.

Kriffing Xeshmas parties. Mothma, who’s usually capable of critical thought, specially requested they be in softshell for this assignment - to make their guests feel more comfortable and off the clock, she told Fox with a completely straight face.

Imagine that. Off the clock. Hah.

Fox is so busy watching the imaginary off-time he’s only heard of in dreams that he doesn’t even register the sudden plunge into darkness, until he starts to blink and his brain slowly comes back online.

Well, kriff.

With a heavy, internalized eyeroll, he flicks at his vambrace. Nothing. Taps for the light-controls. Nothing. Pokes at the screens of various pads.

Nothing.

…double-kriff.

With a much more external sigh, Fox heaves himself to his feet and attempts to manually flick on his helmet lights, only to grunt out a string of curses when he realizes they shorted out along with everything else. He gropes at his belt and -

Yup, magpack on the blaster too. Great.

Fox trudges through the empty, darkened corridors with all the enthusiasm of the world’s saddest glorified customer service worker, mentally cursing all the great forces at work to create this extraordinarly shit day for him.

Mothma for throwing stupid kriffing Xeshmas parties and requesting an unreasonable amount of softshell (!) Guard for it.

Palpatine for ordering him to babysit the Galaxy’s center of operations alone.

Cody and all the rest of them for not even kriffing pretending to invite him to anything anymore.

This stupid kriffing generator for deciding to kick it at the worst possible moment, and whoever was stupid enough to make the whole Senate power grid and comm access dependent on one single kriffing -

Fox freezes, all at once.

Voices. Plural. Outside.

Slowly, Fox creeps towards the slide doors leading outside. He pries them open gently, careful not to allow for a single creak or slip that could give him away. It’s more likely to be nothing than anything, but -

“ - enter from the trash chute, while Bossk takes the staff entrance on the other side and cover more ground that way. Bane, you will screw off the vent covers through the third floor exit and -“

“I know what I’m doing”, a deep, gravelly voice interrupts that sends shivers down Fox’ spine. He’d hoped he’d never have to encounter it outside a criminal court recording again - triple kriff. “I don’t need your lectures, Sing.”

“Touchy today, are we?”, Aurra Sing says, snidely, and it begins to dawn on Fox exactly how kriffed he really is. “Relax, Bane. We know what we’re doing. The Chancellor’s treasury doesn’t stand a chance in Sith-hell.”

A low, vibrating hiss answers her, trembling with laughter. Fox has to force himself to hold his breath to keep in the expletives that want to slip free, hands cold and clammy in his gloves.

“Alright, everyone on position. We wait an hour for the commotion to really get started over at Spakatomi, and then -“

Deciding he’s heard enough, Fox carefully shifts the sliding doors back closed and inches back through the hallways with his heart hammering in his chest. Kriff, kriff and double-kriff this stupid kriffing holiday - first thing he’s doing when he gets out of this alive is outlaw the very idea of Xeshmas for all acting GAR personnel, and then he’s going to shove a Nabooian fir-tree up the ass of Jango Fett’s kriffing ghost, because somehow, this too is his fault. Fox just knows it.

First, though, he’ll have to keep three of the Galaxy’s most infamous and deadly bounty hunters from stealing Republic secrets and treasures on his own.

(Somewhere, among the debris-littered ring of planetary satellites, a string of increasingly desperate comms waits to go through:

CC-4477: FOX

CC-4477: FOX HELP

CC-4477: FOOOOOOOX

CC-4477: THERE ARE SEPPIE TERRORISTS IN THE LOBBY THEY ARE BEATING UP ORGANA

CC-4477: I AMN HIDNG I TOLET

CC-4477: Sorry for that, Commander. The situation is back under control - I have acquired a bomb. I‘m sure you‘re right outside with the others setting up a perimeter - I‘ll keep the hostages safe, ori‘vod! :) -Thire)

[izzystizzys]

Do u have an ao3 account?

i do! same handle as the tumblr, unfortunately only 2 published WIPs so far that i pinky promise i‘m working on whenever i get the chance - feel free to drop by xx

[izzystizzys]

can you share something about "winter is here" for the wip game?

yes of course! this is exciting because it’s a little out of the usual programming, but something i’ve been working on for like two years on and off since the idea just will not let go of me - now i’ve finally decided to sit down, write it out, and just do it :3

“winter is here” is the follow-up to “an eye for an eye”, and the basic premise of the series is this: instead of a son, jacaerys velaryon is born a girl. much proceeds as in canon. except for this: now there is an additional targaryen around of marriageable age, and no one except for viserys is excited about this grand idea, especially not aemond or jace. jace goes on a continent-wide tour (thinly veiled bid for fealty) to hand out personal invitations to the royal wedding, and lands on the last stop of her roadtrip - winterfell. it ends up being neither a quick nor simple visit, and upends more than it clarifies. for jace, at least. for the cause it’s kind of great.

honestly this is a big spoiler but also like the singular scene i have written for this, and i don’t know if any of you read hotd stuff anyways, so here you go!

It was a chaste, close-lipped press of mouths - nothing spectacular, truly. Jace had seen more heated kisses described by her childhood Septa over needle-work. It should have been entirely, utterly unspectacular. She was a dragonrider who chased her brothers through the sky, a Targaryen heiress to the Iron Throne, doubly descended from two ancient families of Old Valyria both amongst the richest on the continent, and yet-

And yet, when Cregan drew back, Jace immediately found herself chasing after the warmth of his lips, stopped only by the gentle press of his palm against her cheek. It felt like it spanned the whole of her face, swallowed her up entirely, wrapped her in this enchanting man and his enchanting being which had fascinated her from the first instant - and in that moment, she knew that there was now a before and an after in her life; an early Jacaerys who had not known what it felt like to kiss this impossible, incredible man, and then found death and rebirth on his lips.

There was no trace of duty on her mind, to the realm or her mother or even her betrothed, who could not have been paid to care if she threw herself on a blade right this instant.

“I love you”, the Lord of Winterfell whispered, voice uncharacteristically shaky, after a moment’s hesitation. Jace drew a sharp breath, clammy fingers tightening around his strong wrist, eyes burning as she gazed up at him. “I am sorry for saying it - it would have been easier, I think, if I had not. But it is true, and I am weak. I am sorry for that, Princess.”

And Jacaerys began to weep silently, because she loved him too, but if she said it aloud she risked losing everything dear to her.

yay! wasn’t that cheerful! spoiler alert they do not get their grand happy ending, because the targaryen dynasty is a messy clusterfuck of toxicity and intermarrying is the only thing that keeps them from nuking each other into oblivion (textually, this is the whole point: the targaryen paradox, if you will). i mostly find it interesting to ponder how i can make these people not blood-feud eachother into non-existence, and also to slowly make them understand that it will happen anyways. not in this one, maybe, but someday. sisyphus and all that.

[izzystizzys]

wip title game! tagged by @sithfox <3

rules: make a new post with the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and tag as many people as you have wips.

- an apple a day

- uhhhh

- Concussed Fox

- an eye for an eye

- The Bombad Commander

- winter is here

tagging: @hastalavistabyebye @whiskygoldwings @rooksunday @cats-and-dr-pepper @stealthetrees

if you have already been tagged feel free to ignore this!

[izzystizzys]

Fox has one tattoo. One single tattoo only. He swore he’d never get one, too icked out by the needles - they buzz weirdly and he doesn’t like the idea of something under his skin. It’s not supposed to be there. Kind of common sense, really, he says, looking at a vod from the 501st with a fuck-off massive tattoo of the Republic insignia on his face. Choices.

A month into his posting as least glamorous Marshall Commander in the GAR, however, he changes his mind. Or, rather: the ARF unit’s godless, homebrewed basement-hooch changes his mind. Fox now has one tattoo, namely a tramp stamp that says in shaky script, THORN WUZ HIA. AND THIRE. AND HOUND. AND STONE.

(Stone didn’t want to add that last one, so Thire did it for him. He crossed it out as protest. Now Fox has his tramp stamp and none of his Commanders have rights.)

[izzystizzys]

Last Line Challenge

tagged by @sithfox @whiskygoldwings @hastalavistabyebye <3

could’ve put an apple a day whose second chapter is due to be posted any day now, but i thought you guys would prefer this long ass excerpt from an untitled work lmao

Fox’s hands develop a mind of their own, not that he can currently muster the will to care. Green spots are exploding at the edges of his vision, popping off into sparks. Huh. Are senatorial robes always this soft?

“You have very good shoulders, sir”, he tells Senator Organa, lowering his voice to a near-whisper. “Very… firm. Very broad. Mhhm.” Fox squeezes gently, gasping at the slight give of the hard muscle underneath the fabric. He blinks at the other man, whose mouth is slightly agape. Soft. “Have your eyes always been such a rich brown, sir?”

“He has a wife, Fox!”, Grids whisper-screams, from where she’s hovering over them a few steps away, hands fluttering helplessly through the air. Serves her right, Fox thinks with a haughty sniff. Always making him be the adult in the room.

“His wife is also very pretty”, he dismisses, and then adds, to Organa, “Her majesty is also very pretty, sir. Very handsome. Mhhhm.”

who knows when this will become a thing. not me. tag it’s you i’m pingponging it back @sithfox @hastalavistabyebye @whiskygoldwings @stealthetrees

[izzystizzys]

how i think the fives chip arc should’ve ended? they drop the blasters and fight out the treason-or-no-treason, that-is-the-question in a spontaneous dance battle to high school musical’s “i don’t dance”

[izzystizzys]

commander fox walking into the GAR pool party in red speedos with abs drawn on his armour in slow motion like billy from stranger things with moving in stereo by the cars playing in the background, send twee-

*gunshot noise*

[izzystizzys]

it’s canon to me that anakin skywalker and marshall commander fox are archnemeses of a shakespearean nature to eachother

why? well, fox’ life is a tragedy of galactic proportions. he’s a slave at best and straight up non-sentient property at worst, caught at the crossroads of being the face of the republic’s most corrupt establishment to his brothers who resent him for being forced to bear an authority he has no actual control over, and being the closest and easiest target for that very authority’s ire. made to enforce the rigged and deeply unjust laws against his own oppressed peoples, and no one understands better than fox how much coruscant truly despises them. the chancellor at the heart of it all, and anakin, the favored pupil - taken in by the flattery and empty promises like all the rest of them, the jedi most intimately connected to the senate who yet cares so little to know the clones who shed their blood in it every day that he never sees beyond his own very nose. no one asks the guard what they think, and fox despises them all for it, but the jedi who play at caring more than anything. it’s an impersonal, distanced dislike for the most part, but with skywalker it burns all the brighter for how often fox sees him walk the halls of the senate and never think to ask.

also fox cut anakin off in traffic once and he never forgave him for it

[izzystizzys]

“ - but have you ever considered, I don’t know, not sucking all the time? Just a thought.”

It takes the combined grips of Nuisance and Hound to keep the wriggling, snarling body beneath Fox from throwing him off its back. With three years’ practice of having to fix his own rickety desk chair over and over again, the movement merely ruffles the proverbial fringe on his helmet.

“And I don’t mean that as an insult, necessarily. Well, I do a little bit. But also I have some amount of empathy for the no doubt immense amounts of trauma that had to go into the creation of something so dysfunctional as you, on a very personal level, so have you considered going to the root of that in a way that’s like… useful? Instead of wasting it all on kriffing Kenobi, I mean. Look at the guy. All he does all day is drink tea and commit warcrimes. I bet he knits for fun. Bit of an embarrassing nemesis, don’t you think?”

“I”, says Kenobi, then pauses. The space between his eyebrows is creased with uncertainty, and he looks deeply torn between continuing rocking the shaking Duchess of Mandalore against his chest from his corner of the throne room and re-activating his lightsaber to continue losing his fight against the Darksider Fox is currently sitting on. “I feel like I should object to some part of that, but I’m not entirely clear on what. Or how this happened, again. Isn’t Mandalore a few star systems from your purview, Commander?”

“Probably the warcrimes”, mutters Nuisance underneath his strained breath.

“About as far from my supposed assignment as yours, General”, says Fox a little louder.

Kenobi twitches. Fox cannot claim to know which of them does it. Both, maybe. Probably.

“I will - taste - your - flesh!”, heaves out Darth Maul, snarling and hissing.

“Oooh, kinky!”, calls Grids, from the corner where she’s got her stun-setting aimed at the other Zabrak, currently passed out cold. Fox sighs deeply. He knew he shouldn’t have taken those three - any combination of Grids, Hound and Nuisance in a room together usually spelled chaos.

Unfortunately, it also spelled competence. The Basic alphabet can be funny that way.

The point being: as of some months into the war, one of Fox’s assigned tasks is the surveillance of all GAR-wide communication. All command-class staff theoretically got that memo, but no one seems to have read the fine print where that includes both professional and personal communication, as well as any and all comm devices registered or suspected to be registered to that person. Especially not one Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala.

The point further being, if that sounds both immensely impractical and sort of terrifying in a democratic supposedly non-surveillance state, you’d be bang on the credits, and to Fox’ eternal chagrin the singular person in this whole useless army who’s spent the second of thinking necessary for that conclusion.

The final point being, when one frantic General’s mad dash across the Galaxy to rescue his teenage sweetheart from the spectre of his supposedly dead nemesis crosses his desk on its way to the Chancellor’s inbox, it doesn’t take much time for him to block any and all trace of it across the digital space of the GAR commboard and take matters into his own hands.

“ - which is why I told Thorn to suck it up and be in charge for a few days, and also why you’re still alive, your Highness, very welcome, was no trouble at all”, he concludes, drily. The Duchess stares the wide-eyed look of someone attempting to reconcile clones with ‘sentience’ or perhaps ‘personality’ in her head, but won’t say it outright.

Or the look of someone who’s just been violently overthrown and nearly murdered, perhaps, Fox allows.

“Um -“, Kenobi hedges, blinking rapidly.

“And the reason you’re still alive, probably. You’re welcome for that too, by the way”, Grids calls from the back of the throne room, cheekily.

“Alright”, says Kenobi, loudly. There’s color back in his deathly-pale cheeks, Fox notes, even if that color is a lot of red. It doesn’t fade very gracefully into his beard. “Opinions on whether or not I had everything under control notwithstanding -“

“You really didn’t”, Hound supplies helpfully.

“ - opinions notwithstanding, I am admittedly still lost on why you’re now sitting on Darth Maul and attempting to, to - jeer at him, Marshall Commander!”

“We’re not jeering, we’re trying to create a safe space and lay the groundwork for more open communication”, Fox says, primly.

Maul screams into the ground, attempting for the umpteenth time to rear up and visit great violence upon Fox, which admittedly has him rattling in his crosslegged seat atop his back.

Kenobi raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Safe space?”

“He’s restrained and not stabbing anyone, I personally feel much safer than before”, Grids muses. “Watch the teeth though, Hound. Little biter.”

Indeed. Fox’s right greave will have to be replaced posthaste.

“And anyways, the point isn’t to jeer at him, it’s to make clear that he’s focusing his energy in the wrong places and could be doing much better things with his admittedly not-great life”, Fox adds, shifting to cast a pointed look down at Maul. The Sith is panting open-mouthed into the durasteel floor, sharp teeth gnashing wildly as his piercing yellow eyes shine with barely restrained rage. “I’m just saying - aim higher. You aren’t seeing the forest for the Kenobis, Maul. Can I call you Maul?”

“I will feed you your own entrails”, yowls Maul.

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. Right now, I’m an easy target to focus all that built-up rage on, but is killing me really going to help you achieve any of your goals? No! Think about it - when it all comes down to it, who sent you on that mission to Naboo in the first place? Who made sure the Jedi and, by extension, Kenobi would be there to kill you? Who used you as a dejarik piece and then cast you aside the second you outlived your usefulness?”

Beneath him, Maul slowly stills in his struggle, still panting heavily. Hound and Nuisance don’t let it deter them in their vigilance, because they’re damn good vod’e and possess an ounce of common sense.

“And, look, I get it. I could spend the rest of my life punching every civilian who spits on me in the streets and it would even be satisfying. I could hit back the Senators who think of clones as easy targets. Or - I can aim my sights at who’s on top. And I think you know who I mean, because you know as well as I do the same damn man has ruined both our lives.”

Kenobi makes an alarmed noise, and Maul an interested one - not that Fox is going to let him walk out of this place awake. Still, he tilts his head in a way he hopes conveys his helmeted grin successfully to non-vod, as well as the bloodlust behind it. “You’re also welcome for the fact that the Chancellor won’t have heard of your spontaneous resurrection yet, by the way. You’ll retain your element of surprise instead of gambling it away on petty revenge on Kenobi.”

“He cut me in half!”

“He killed my master!”

Fox waves their protests away.

“Also, that’s treason!”, Kenobi adds, sputtering. Fox grins. Kenobi purses his lips, and continues. petulantly, “…do you have any proof?”

“So. Much. Proof”, says Nuisance, dreamily. “Like, do you want it alphabetically or by date?”

Which is when the Duchess, of all people, bursts out into barking, crazed laughter.

“You - you’ve certainly given yourself an edge in that fight, Marshall Commander”, she wheezes, brushing tears from her eyes. Fox raises his eyebrows at her, which she somehow seems to be able to tell, because she gestures at the clunky handle dangling from his belt.

“What, this old thing?” He unclasps the black rectangle from its hook, holding it up in the air. Maul stills strangely beneath him, and Kenobi goes ghostly pale again. Fox is starting to get a bad feeling.

“I took it off Viszla and beat him over the head with it. I figured he’d taken it off a Jedi cadet or something. What? Why are you looking at me like that?”