jacketslutgerarcl

[jacketslutgerarcl]

If the US military wants so bad to liberate a desert region from a repressive religious organization, Utah is right there.

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Sherlock Holmes will be allowed to respect women in 420 days

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in a coffee shop rn overhearing this girl on a tiktok live complain about how she logged in to tumblr for the first time in years but “it’s all catholics and heroin now”

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I put on Twitter that a cute date idea for me (a cis woman with reproductive issues) and my boyfriend (a trans man) would be for us to get a hysterectomy together and someone replied:

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Female villains reign supreme

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Feds: *busting down the door of my clandestine ketamine lab*

Me:

DON’T FUCKING SHOOT I’M A HORSE

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recontextualizing fry and leela as an annoying but earnest twitch streamer and his inexplicably hot and intimidating girlfriend

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Persephone: I’m a bee keeper. I see a bee, I keep it.

Persephone: I don’t care who’s bee it is. It’s my bee now

Persephone: Should’ve been watching it closer

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Persephone: Crushes are the worst

Hades: Yeah, whenever I’m near someone I have a crush on, I start acting stupid

Persephone: You’re always acting stupid, Hades

Hades: Yeah... Don’t think about that too hard

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Zagreus: Thanatos, why did you change your relationship status to “Single”?

Thanatos: Because we had a fight.

Zagreus: Okay we had ONE fight, I fight with my father all the time and you don’t see me posting “Orphan,” do you??

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Hera: Can you all just- be serious for five minutes??

Dionysus: Our record is three and a half.

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Hades: A cute girl told me she has a lot of plants in her house and I told her, for some fucking reason, “Damn the oxygen in your house must be mad crisp,” and somehow I still got her number so chase your dreams, nothing is impossible apparently

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Zeus, about Persephone: She must be punished. She massacred a whole village, and she makes us look bad!

Hades: You don’t have all the facts

Zeus: Which are?

Hades: I love her

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Ares: Send dudes.

Aphrodite: You mean nudes?

Ares: I’m in a fight. I need more men.

[jacketslutgerarcl]

Hello may I request a first meeting/date in an aquarium AU? Thank you so much and have a good day/night ahead! ^^ <3

aw this is such a cUTE IDEA !! <3

do you think now would be a good time to mention my massive phobia of the ocean and everything in it…?

“that’s you.”

“aw that’s so sweet!”“no, i was pointing at the blobfish.”

the first time i met you, you were imitating a dolphin.

“WOAH THAT’S A BIG SHARK”“you’re yelling again.”“i get excited, sorry.”

so you’re telling me, in all the years of your life, you have never been to an aquarium?!? you have not lived.

the aquarium has one of those pools where you get to pet the fish and you’re literally the only full grown adult trying to pet the fish, but you look just as excited and hyperactive as the kids.

i work at the aquarium and this person (really cute person) is really interested in this one species, which i just so happen to be standing by how c o n v e n i e n t

you started talking aloud and it took me a few seconds to realise but you were addressing me and omg please talk more about this creature 

this is the most amusing thing i’ve seen because i’m talking about this sea-creature but im making it up as i go along and this employee is totally buying it this is the best

…what on earth could this person want with five massive seal plushies???

i can see you from the other side of the fish tank so you look a bit distorted but shit even when you’re distorted you’re attractive

you’re the only other person here at the aquarium and it’s like 10 PM, so i’m guessing you had a rough day too, huh?

yeah, hi, i’m petrified of sharks but i want to see the rest of the aquarium so do you think you could guide me through while i keep my eyes closed??? 

i work at the information booth and you literally just came up to me and talked to me for a solid forty minutes about how we should use jellyfish to conduct electricity… and the worst part is, i’m kind of onboard. 

“can we buy an aquarium?”“no.”“please?”“…i’ll think about it.”

“i feel really bad, this was meant to be a date but i just spent the whole time looking at the fish, that must’ve been really boring for you; sorry.”“who ever said i was complaining?”

“hey…do you think i could go all dory on this and speak whale?”“we’re in a public place, please don’t.”“too late! hIIiI theRe!”“i can’t believe it but i think it’s actually working.”

“and that’s the story of how we got kicked out the aquarium”

Finding Nemo: In Real Life

you tried to pet the fish and surprise the fish didn’t like it and they bit you, so now i’m currently giving you first aid whilst at the same time trying to calm you down. what an unforgettable first date this is huh.

(alternatively) we were at the petting pool and we went to go pet the fish before we left, i noticed that once we were out of the aquarium there was a massive stain on the front of your shirt..

“did you seriously just steal a fish? it’ll die.”“don’t worry! it’s in a bag of water of course. how stupid do you think i am?”“how did you- when did you- why - you know what, i’m not even gonna bother.”

- jess

send in requests!submit an au!

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“Will you stop flirting with me you just got seriously injured and i’m the EMT trying to tend to your wounds in the ambulance, i don’t give a fuck that i look cute when i’m concerned, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit” AU

- (@marspersonified)

[jacketslutgerarcl]

Flirty dialogue prompts please! :)

1. “I’m gonna shower” “Pfft, don’t I get an invite?”

2. “Fuck You” “If you want, go ahead”

3. “Sorry I’m late, I had some things to do.” “By ‘things’, she means me”

4. “Ugh, I hate you.” “It’s not good so lie to yourself”

5. “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?” “Did it hurt? When I kicked you in the shin” *kicks him/her in the shin*