jaelisabeautifulname

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Kawawa naman to

[jaelisabeautifulname]

I kissed the rose. 🌹

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Im falling in like with the same man twice.

[jaelisabeautifulname]

I dreamt of having a deep wound In one part of my body I woke up Holding my heart

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Long weekend. Antips.

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Pasensya na, kung sarili ko lang ang iniisip ko. Pasensya na, kung kulang ang panahon na ginugugol ko sa'yo. Pasensya na, kung lahat nalang kinontra ko. Pasensya na, kung pati paalala mo ay minasama ko. Pasensya na, kapag nakakalimot ako. Madalas, pinipilit ang gusto. Pasensya na, mayabang na ako. Pero ang tototo, wala naman akong ibubuga. Pasensya na, mama. :(

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Flaws.

Let’s talk about flaws. 

Let me look at your stretchmarks, let me scan your resting face, let me see your flabs, oh your big calf muscle, your crooked smile, your wrinkles, freckles, eye bags, dark lips, curly dry and frizzy hair, your height? Your weird gestures, your loud burp, your ugly laugh, your not so pointed nose, your dark and rough skin, YOUR FRUSTRATIONS, your out of this world intelligence, your FAILURES, your DISAPPOINTMENTS, your canceled meetings and plans, your BROKEN relationships, your dirty talks, your filthy words, your worldly attitude, your bad life. LET’S TALK ABOUT ALL THOSE LIES YOU’VE HEARD ALL YOUR LIFE. LET’S TALK ABOUT THEM. Let me hear all those sleepless nights you spent thinking about your physical and emotional flaws. Let me hear the story behind that big scar on you knee down to your left foot. I’ll listen, i’ll pay attention. I’ll imagine everything while you speak, the first day of school when you experienced bullying. Your most embarrassing moment in a kid’s party or in your best friend’s debut party, your secrets shared inside a group of people playing spin the bottle. Let’s tryna count how many bottles of alcohol you’ve allowed to flow inside your body systems. Let me listen how you managed to step back when there are opportunities along your way, let me know who called you gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, ugly monster living under their bed. How they discriminated you.... how they raised eyebrows as you walk by. Let me hear how you sing your favorite Celine Dion or Beyonce song when no one was there to listen since you irritate them... calling you SINTUNADO. Let me watch you whip and jump around without recalling the steps your dancer friends have taught you, without caring if you hit the beat. Come on, tell me how this world twisted your personality and made you look trashy and wasted. Unworthy and stupid. They made you feel there are a lot of people who were way better than how you can perform or worse, way better than who you were. 

But as I listen and watch you, allow yourself to listen to what I’ll tell you, afterwards. 

Just because you are insecure about it, doesn’t mean you should give everything up, for it. Our God above is not a judgmental God at all. He focuses on your heart! He sees what anybody in this world can not see. He sees your naked soul and you are all that matters to Him. By hearing that, you have no single reason not to feel the security He can give. You are cared, more than loved. He supports your family. See? none of them gets any disease or becomes unhealthy or nearly died... You may not be wealthy enough in the Earth’s standard of wealth but look how you still manage to eat and drink when your body wants to. Blessed. Truly blessed. Try to inhale and you can, try to exhale and you can. Not all people can do it easily. I tell you, NOT ALL. Be thankful enough for having your eyes, your nose and your lips! Use them to smile! God put a little strangeness in you so He could see a variety in His creations. What a boring world it would be seeing billions of Michael Jackson in it, or billions of Rihanna and billions of Chris Brown on the side? God’s knowledge as a creator and as an artist can not be measured even by the universe. We can not even be something without Him. From day one of being nothing, it will only be hard if you try going on just by yourself. He wants to hold hands with you... along the beach, along your university’s corridor and everywhere you would travel and go! You are so special in the eyes of Jesus. Your heart is perfect since He lives inside it! Be sensitive with His voice. Listen. Obey. Be patient and do what He says. Don’t mind your weakness, after all He is the provider of strength who hears everyone who calls His name! He who loves the faithful. He who comforts the lonely. And most importantly, He who blesses those who loves Him! BELIEVE ME! 

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Hey, no offense but do you want to hold hands?

[jaelisabeautifulname]

"God is my confidence." Written 7x so I could remember it every single day. Thanks too, bestie (wew)

[jaelisabeautifulname]

It was February 14, Valentine's Day...

[jaelisabeautifulname]

be nice be cool be updated, follow me on insta!

naks lakas makaceleb haha yep-jael-has-insta on instagram! 

[jaelisabeautifulname]

We are not one of them.

Funny, right?

We talk to “Someone” we haven’t seen face to face yet.

Funny, right?

We lift up our worries to “Someone” we only know by name.

Funny, right?

We have faith even if we do not know what surprise does future prepares.

But you know what?

We are not one of them because we decided to follow that “Someone” we do not know because the trust and the faith we gave were not wasted. And that, the miracles he did long ago have no expiration and are still valid until modern days like today. 

You feel comfortable and safe when you talk to that “Someone” and that, is even if you barely hear his voice from your ears but clearly from your heart. 

You lift your struggles because He has promised you to handle all your problems you are incapable of solving alone. Because even though you only knew Him by name, He knew you from the littlest detail of your face to all over your whole being. HE KNOWS YOU. YOU ARE HIS CHILD. 

YOU, chose and invested time to get to know Him and found out that, THAT WAS THE GREATEST CHOICE AND DECISION YOU HAVE EVER made in your WHOLE life! YOU, have faith. And that, THAT IS ENOUGH. And let me tell you, that the only thing that is funny here, is the word funny itself. 

Ps: Keep doing what you’ve started. You have gone a loooong way. Do not mind the world, my friend. Let your tears pour, yes you can shout for joy! But please, do not give up just because the world whispers you “You can’t do that, you can’t do this.” cover your ears from them but open them for God. Listen. We can do this. There is a short span of time left before we see Him face to face. Aren’t you excited? My friend, He sees everything. He sees it all. :) so keep praying for your families and friends. Though He is not rushing and patiently waits for us until ALL could be saved, strive double time! Move! And just when you thought, you are in His loving arms. :)

[jaelisabeautifulname]

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Last night, as I tried evaluating my life for the past few weeks... I felt really disgusted as I figure things out. Hindi ko alam pero naiinis ako kapag nakakalimutan ko kung kanino dapat ako kumakapit. Nakakalimutan ko na hindi ko pa nakikita yung buong picture at nagfofocus agad ako sa detail kung nasaan yung mantsa, ‘yung problema. Dumating sa punto na natanong ko, “Bakit kailangan pa akong mahirapan sa tuwing gusto kong matuto? Lagi nalang bang ganun��� At oo. Oo ang sagot. Laging magiging ganun. Bakit? Dun kasi tayo nagiging immuned, physically man, emotinally or spiritually.. we are strengthened. Sa tuwing nagppray akong lumakas, dumarating yung mga panahong sobrang nagpapahina sa akin. Syempre, hindi naman tayo masusubok ng mga sitwasyong kinasanayan nating maranasan. Comfort zone kumbaga. Kinuwestyon ko yung paraan kung paano ako dinidisiplina ni God. Which is really wrong. Really really wrong. And I felt deeply sorry. Hindi ako nag-isip. Nagpanic agad ako. I don’t know but I felt very weak and guilty of forgetting my refuge. The one, I could run to every time my heart screams out of anger and fear. I feared my future. I feared I could not be able to finish the last requirements of my course. I feared every time I wanted to be strong, problems will come. And thought, what if I can’t win over the huge wave of zombies approaching? What if I break down and they ate my brains? But little did I know, these zombies will make me better than before. Better than my previous game level. This may all sound cliche to you and might think you are wasting your time reading, but maybe at some point in your life, your faith was tested and your patience as well. But I’m telling you frankly that you need not to be as stupid as I was. I tell people not to worry, but I myself became a worrier. I will always go back to one of my life verses, from Matthew 6:8 “Don’t be like them. For your Father knows the things you need before you ask Him.” How great was that! After reading I asked myself differently this time, “Jael, why do you have such little faith? Don’t you trust your Father?” You know, I wrote this neither to impress nor express but to simply let you all know, there is Someone who is more than willing to give what you deserve only if we know how to put his works first before anything else. Matthew 6:33. “Seek ye first his kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be added unto you.” Some of you might raise your eyebrows or maybe won’t even try to believe what I've said. But it was basically not from me, it was from the bible. The choice is always yours. I don’t hold your life and I am uncertain of what you’re going through right now, but hey, we are breathing the same oxygen, releasing the same carbon dioxide, under one sky, loved by the same God. All is well. 

[jaelisabeautifulname]

script

I wanted paint you with my emotions. Color you black. Color you white. 

Or draw your face, just your face, so I could focus on your features. Look at them for hours, sneak from top to under and stare from farther sight to an inch-closer. 

I wanted rub the palm of my hands over you and leave it over your chest. Feeling your heartbeat.. wondering if it’s as fast as mine. Or does it jump if I’m around. Does it skip every time I call your name? Do we still feel the same? 

I wanted to record every photographic memory of your lips. Your eyes. Your nose. How I love seeing you laugh. How I could listen to it millions of times. How could someone like you become my favorite. Listen to your story... until infinity.

How I’d frown if I see you cry. Be sad when you’re sad. Be happy when you’re glad.

But nothing could be made possible, even though I badly wanted to paint you. 

I prohibit myself. And tell these feelings are deceiving me. They are deceiving me... 

[jaelisabeautifulname]

Sick. Sick. Sick.

Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko. Sobrang sakit ng lalamunan ko. Ultimo tubig hirap akong lunukin. 

Pero sobrang saya ko rin kasi halos 12 hours akong wala sa bahay at nagserve kay Lord! From next gen training to demo teaching to 3pm service to breakout to 5pm service to breakout again to won by one session to guitar session (lol) and the fact that 4 yung praise and worship dun plus 1 sa next gen!!! Wala akong inatrasan, my Lord sustained me. Humingi lang ako ng lakas at pagkakataon na maipakita ko sa Kaniya na hindi hadlang ang kahit ano, kahit pa sakit o lagnat para maisigaw ko ang pangalan Niya! Hindi ko isinasantabi ang kalusugan, actually matutulog na ako at sa estimation ko makukumpleto ko naman ang tulog ko ngayon. Gusto ko lang talagang ikwento ang kabutihan ng Diyos na buhay sa aking buhay! If not because of His mercy and grace, maybe I’m still trapped with my old self. Baka yung 12 hours na yun sa social media ko lang inubos. Baka sa lakwatsa ko lang sinayang. But now, I’m passing my learning and testimonies to my handles. I’m pressing forward and I wanted to disciple as many as possible. Pero gusto ko maging hands-on. Quality over quantity. Gusto ko nalang ubusin ang oras ko sa kanila at sa pamilya. Ayoko na rin talagang magpuyat nang sobra at maambunan. Oo nga pala, naambunan ako nung puyat. Combo!! Tipong tamad lang ako bumunot ng payong kaya wala akong paki kung lumakas man yung ambon at maging ulan. Ayun, resulta, konting kaba nilalagnat ako, konting sigaw baka mapaos ako. Gusto ko na sana alagaan ang katawan na tinitirhan ni Lord. At the end of the day, im more than grateful and more than blessed, if there is an exact word for it then please tell it to me. Pero hindi masayang magserve nang may sakit, mas masaya parin yung healthy ka kasi in the first place inalagaan mo na agad sarili mo at mas magagamit ka pa Niya! Ayun! I’ll go straight to bed after posting this. Hope you’re having a wonderful night! And please do take good and extra care of your health! Say your prayer and remember if you can’t sleep, don’t count the sheep, talk to the shepherd! See you in my sleep mga bebe. Goodnight! 

[jaelisabeautifulname]

February 25 2015

Edsa People Power Revolution Anniversary 

Holiday means no classes 

D12 Meeting sana namin kaya lang hindi ako nagising at hindi nakasama sa jogging sa may Rainforest Park. Diretso nalang sana ako sa Purok Dos. Doon daw kami magkikita-kita. Doon daw ako hihintayin. Ang kaso, nandito na ako, sila wala. Baka nung andito sila, ako yung wala. Nakita ko na ang mausok na high way, umupo ako sa silyang gawa sa kahoy at may apat na paa. Sobrang init at sobrang ingay. Nakapoloshirt akong violet, maong pants at yung sapatos kong itim, syempre. Nakabody bag akong itim na gawa sa tela. Ang hirap kapag walang cellphone. Hanep. Akala ko talaga hindi ko kailangan. Pero eto ako ngayon, halos trenta minutos na sigurong nakalalanghap ng usok sa tambutso ng mga jeep, trak at tricycle. Ang kikitid kaya ng lugar sa loob ng Purok Dos, nakakatakot ang mga aso. Wala pa rin ang bakas nila. Wala siguro silang ideya kung nasaan ako. Nakitext lang ako sa mama ko eh. Ayan, mainit na rin banda sa pwesto ko. Hinahangin pa rin yung buhok ko sa mukha. Panay ang hawi ko. Umuwi nalang kaya ako? Pumunta nalang kaya ako sa bahay ng kaibigan ko? Magmcdo nalang kaya ako kahit mag isa? Ewan. Haha! Lahat yun, naisip ko na pero eto ang napili kong gawin. Ang kunin ang bolpen ko’t papel, ikwento ang storya ko. Kung may magandang camera ako ngayon, ipinagdadasal ko pa eh, malamang nakuhanan ko na kung gaano ka-photegenic ang langit. Napakaganda at madalas ako'y napapanganga. Naglalaban ang asul at puti, naghahalo sa bandang gitna. Yung asul ay tulad ng tubig sa dagat, akala ko nga umangat lang ito at napunta sa itaas, yung puti naman ay tila mga bulak sa lambot kung titignan mula sa malayo. Wala paring bakas ninoman. May isa, dalawang bata, yung isa nakatawa, yung isa nama'y umiiyak. Pero, magkasinglaki lang sila, hanggang mga lagpas tuhod ko lang. Kitang-kita ang bakas ng kahirapan dito, walang saplot ang ilang mga bata. Ang iba'y walang tsinelas, wala pa akong nakikitang malusog-lusog. Lahat sila, payat na maliit. Pumasok ako sa isang eskinita, sobrang gulo ng daan, parang naubusan ng semento at maraming parte ay basag-basag na bato para may matapakan ang dadaan. Nakakalungkot ang tanawin, madumi at puro basura, dumiretso pa ako at nakita ko na ang tubig mula sa Floodway, inisip ko ang kalagayan ng mga residente sa gilid kung umulan at bumaha pero mas naisip kong umatras nalang kasi muntikan ko nang magising yung asong napakahimbing ng tulog, buti nakita ko! Lumabas nalang ulit ako, takang-taka si ateng naglalaba sa gilid at bahagyang tumitig sa akin. Dedma lang ako at kunwaring alam ang ginagawa. Nakita ko na ulit ang mausok na high way, upo ulit ako sa silyang gawa sa kahoy at may apat na paa. Sabay yuko at sulat ng aking mga naobserbahan, sabay… “Ja!”. Ayun. *Sigh.*