jakesisland

[jakesisland]

You've been randomly selected by the government to fight space aliens. Spin this wheel twice to see the two weird/niche superpowers assigned to you!

Interpret your results any way you like!

Inspiration from @miggylol

[jakesisland]

all while making you opt OUT in the middle of driving

[jakesisland]

[jakesisland]

>Morning shift

>Customer is angry that we disabled his card

>calm him down because it is a security measure

>We had to block his card because he spent 5k on Genshin Impact at 4AM and almost drained his entire bank account

>The instant we unblock his card he spends 200 more dollars on Genshin Impact

[jakesisland]

it’s like christmas morning

[jakesisland]

i like how at five guys they're like oh you want one burger okay "ONE LITTLE BURGER" and then the guy cooking the burger is like "ONE LITTLE BURGER FOR BABY FAGGOTS THAT CAN ONLY HANDLE ONE PATTY COMING UP" and then if you can't finish it they make you wear a maid costume and handcuff you to the sink in the men's bathroom

[jakesisland]

[jakesisland]

[jakesisland]

[jakesisland]

The most compact wunk known to man

[jakesisland]

Usamericans should be more anti-war actually. They should be straight up insulting marines and shutting down weapon factories, 60s anti-war protests kind of shit. I'm sorry for pontificating from down here but the US military-industrial complex is currently supplying a genocide, and this is not a new thing, the US has sold weapons to Saudi Arabia to starve millions of Yemenis. And though some people think it's not the point, it Is also true that there are trillions upon trillions of dollars that could be spent in anything else that go to the black hole of corruption (and call it for what it is, corruption) that is the Pentagon. Any of those resources could be destined to literally any other activity and be better spent.

I'm talking full contempt here. You should outright be HATING the military. Instead of lining up to watch Top Gun you should see it as a glorification of a fucking killing machine that serves imperial interests, enriches megacorporations and supports genocided. For the love of God be more angry about it. Goddamn.

[jakesisland]

me when they say "Yes Jeff" to Gordon Ramsey: not his name

[jakesisland]

Dudes healthcare is so fake. My ADHD meds are $940 without insurance. But they gave me a website of "coupons" which straight up looks like a scam website, and I got it today for $60! Just a coupon from a random website and it was $900 cheaper. America, I am confusion!! America explain!!

[jakesisland]

reaction image

[jakesisland]

so what youre gonna wanna do is crush the garlic and ginger instead of just slicing it ok, it releases more of those good flavors. yoshi is going to eat me and turn me into an egg now, i love you. remember everything i taught you