jambutts

[jambutts]

[jambutts]

People say that self inserts are cringy but remember that famous poet Dante Alighieri, who wrote one of the most important works in Italian literature, straight up made a giant three part fan fiction where he and his idol/mancrush, the famous poet Virgil, journey through Hell on behalf of his dead girlfriend and everyone who he didn’t like was there and suffered punishment for all eternity and then he blames three whole popes and the entire fucking city of Florence, Italy for the shitty state of the Church and over seven hundred years later it’s played a major influence in Western culture people are still praising it and analyzing it so honestly who gives a fuck lmfao

[jambutts]

Men trying to sound not horny by hating women is so funny. whenever i hear the word thot or e girl it sounds like an 12th century man saying temptress

[jambutts]

i had a dream where i met yoshis dad but his name was yobby and he looked like this

[jambutts]

About an hour ago, I was in Walmart looking for my conditioner because today is wash day for my hair. As I’m looking for my product, this older white lady approaches me and she says, “Excuse me, miss. Please don’t be offended by this.” And usually when white people tell me not to be offended, 9 times out of 10, whatever they are about to say is going to be offensive af.

Anyway, she follows it up with, “My husband and I just recently won our custody battle with our foster daughter and she means the world to us. She’s a beautiful African American girl and her hair looks a lot like yours. But I’m afraid because I don’t know what to do with her hair. It’s a lot different from mines and our other children and we are at a total loss. I’ve tried looking up the YouTube videos and my husband went to the braiding shops so they can teach him how to properly braid her hair, but he’s still pretty new and it will be a while before he gets used to it. Do you have any tips you can give me? If you don’t have the time, it’s okay, really! I just needed a little advice because I want her to look beautiful.”

Y’all. swear I almost started crying on aisle 6. So for the last 30 minutes, I spent my time talking to her and what products to use and how to properly detangle and comb her hair with the proper tools and what not to do with natural hair. And I showed her a bunch of easier to follow natural hair tutorials on YouTube and saved them for her. (I also had to create a YouTube account for her so she could save it for later.) but omfg, she was so sweet, and I could tell that she listened to every single thing I had to say and she took little notes on her little notepad.

And what really filled my heart was the fact that her husband actually taking classes from African braiding shops. And she showed me a picture of him wearing a little sweater vest and loafers in a little shop surrounded by beautiful black women showing him how to braid black hair and even the lady he’s braiding on is guiding his hands. And omfg. Bless these old white people and their black daughter who I know have new loving parents because they are willing to step out of their comfort zone just to make her feel and look beautiful.

I really hope our paths cross again one day, Mrs Cicilia. 💖💕

[jambutts]

The number of times I have been delighted by witty banter only to find out later that I was “Flirting” is both unfortunate and disappointing.

[jambutts]

y’all: my love language is ‘words of affirmation’!

me, an intellectual: praise kink

[jambutts]

today i found out that anne hathaway replaced jennifer lawrence in ocean’s 8 and i would like to thank not only god but also jesus

[jambutts]

youre nb but you call yourself a bitch (bitch is a FEMALE dog btw) why???

i am on the FLOOR

[jambutts]

being a brown girl and growing up w white friends was so painful, when i have a daughter im going to do everything i can to make sure she grows up with other brown girls 

[jambutts]

My kink is cooking in front of my friends who know which knife is made for what and forcing them to watch me use the wrong one for the wrong thing

[jambutts]

you want my hot take for the evening? people who dont like complainers just havent been exposed to good complaining, and will never know if they themselves have an inborn talent for the art of kvetching

[jambutts]

I’m a bag of anxiety but also dense as fuck which is a great combo in social situations because when I screw up it plays off as sheer confidence

[jambutts]

Me to my 3 year old: now sweetheart I know Chase the police pup from the paw patrol seems nice but he is what we call a class traitor.

[jambutts]

"your energy introduces you before you even speak"

[jambutts]

Is there rly any softer scene than when o'malley sees duchess and falls in love with her at first sight in the aristocats, complimenting her at every turn and climbing into a cherry blossom tree to make the flower petals snow gracefully down on her? How dreamy 🥀💕

[jambutts]

older lotr illustrations sometimes depict éowyn wearing ridiculously small armour. apart from the problem general sexualisation of the only female character (who really does anything), there’s another hilarious thought:

éowyn pretended to be dernhelm, a man. to fit in, she must have worn men’s armor. so the armor in the illustrations is normal for rohirrim.

therefore, all the rohirrim rode to war just like that: