jamesbbhoney

[jamesbbhoney]

Favourite mcu dynamic: Sam & Bucky

requested by @sonic-volcano

[jamesbbhoney]

The Brightest Light

summary: Your abilities have never struck you as something with value beyond aesthetic, but to Bucky, your light counts in more ways than one. [Bucky x enhanced!reader]

warnings: mentions of drunkenness, implication of PTSD

note: hi! this is not my first fic but it’s the first one I’m ever sharing so woohoo :) enjoy and please feel free to share feedback with me!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You opened your eyes to a dark room, only a thin stream of light coming in through your window from the crescent moon hung in the sky. With sleep still tugging at your eyes, you became aware of the smell of fresh coffee swirling in the air. You reached around for your phone to no avail.

“FRIDAY, what time is it?” you questioned into the darkness.

“The time is 3:41 a.m. Eastern Time, Ms. Y/l/n.”

You groaned gently, closing your eyes and leaning into your pillow. You knew very well who was up in the dark of the morning making coffee - Bucky. There was no one else on your floor of Stark Tower, and for that matter in the entirety of the Tower, who would be up and drinking coffee at this hour. Knowing that this meant you could steal some extra time alone with Bucky, you slowly propped yourself up, rubbing your eyes as they searched to make sense of the dark. You held your palm open in front of you, emitting a few marble-sized balls of light and releasing them like little fireflies into your room (first golden and warm, before you decided on a cool lavender color instead, watching the light dance and melt from gold into purple). You smiled softly at the way the light moved, perfectly tailored to your control yet almost alive on its own. 

Your ability had never been one you felt was particularly meaningful or valuable. Being able to create and manipulate energy from your fingertips, emitting light in beams, rays, balls, shapes, any form you could imagine, really, was never going to save anyone’s life. You could never shake the feeling that you just didn’t belong with the elite, talented, gifted people you lived and worked with. Yet as part of a wave of Enhanced offered the chance to live and train at Stark Tower two years ago, you had somehow managed to land yourself in the circles of people like Steve Rogers and Tony Stark. Moreover, if often put you in the kitchen at 3 a.m. stealing moments among the quiet with Bucky Barnes. 

That was largely the nature of your relationship with Bucky: stolen moments in the early morning or the dead of night, where the bustle of life seemed to still. When distraction waned and a certain super soldier found himself (more nights than not) unable to sleep. You couldn’t help but find yourself drawn to him whenever you were alerted to his presence, whether it was the smell of coffee in the darkness of the morning, or the fact that everyone else would go to bed and he would still be up, looking out the windows in quiet contemplation, eager to stay awake as long as he could muster.

- - - 

One year earlier - July 4, 2:15 a.m.

“I’m fine, really, Y/n. It was just a tough night. You should go to bed.”

Decently drunk from the 4th of July celebrations and more defiant than ever, you crossed your arms and pouted. “What, you don’t want me around?” you said, giving him your biggest puppy dog eyes, knowing damn well that wasn’t what he meant.

He chuckled, looking up from where he stood at the edge of the balcony, looking out over the railing at the skyline to meet those eyes of yours. “Trust me, doll, that’s not the case.”

You inched closer to him as the cold of the night hit you. “Was it the fireworks?” you asked, studying his eyes as they held yours.

He looked down at his hands gripping the railing. He nodded solemnly. “Yeah… I should have known I wouldn’t be able to handle it all - the party, the blaring music, the fireworks…” he trailed off. He looked back up at you, forcing a smile. “But really, I’m fine, you don’t have to stay up with me.” 

You rolled your eyes. A year you’d known him at that point, countless missions together, many late-night talks and hot chocolates, and you’d never let him stay up alone thus far, not when his eyes begged you to stay as he weakly encouraged you to go to bed. Why he thought his arguing would make any difference this time was a mystery. 

“I know I don’t have to, Bucky. I want to,” you said, closing the space between you, unable to resist the way his presence pulled you in.

Still woozy from all the drinks and commotion of the night, you reached out to his forearm to steady yourself, instantly floored at how strong and stable he felt. He looked down at where your hand met his arm, looking slightly confused. He looked up at you again, his eyes sparkling.

You smiled back, relaxing at how grounded you felt, one hand on the railing of the balcony, one on your best friend who you had had a hopeless crush on since the moment you met him a year prior. 

“I used to love fireworks, actually,” he said, almost breathlessly as he turned slightly to be facing you. “Just, the noise…” he trailed off again in a whisper. 

You inched closer to him, drawn to his warmth as the night grew colder. You removed your right hand from the railing, holding it gingerly between you and Bucky. You willed a ball of soft red light into your hand, and gently pushed it upwards until it floated between you and Bucky. You concentrated as hard as you could, which was difficult given the drunken state you were in, trying to imagine the ball splitting into little stars and sparks. As you focused, the light followed your vision, creating a beautiful dance of twirling light and mock-fireworks in the space between you and Bucky. You smiled at yourself, enjoying the display you brought to life without the bangs and pops of real fireworks. 

You looked up to see Bucky staring in awe at you through the light as it encircled you both. You met his eyes and the light transformed into a myriad of colors, brighter and warmer than you had any conscious intention of. Although you had lost focus on your control of the light completely, it seemed to mirror the butterflies in your stomach as Bucky looked at you with such wonder on his face. 

The tension between you was palpable. The space between you was inching closed as his left hand found your waist, cool metal against the gap of skin between your jeans and white top. Your right hand found his back and it felt like eons passed as you simply stared at each other surrounded by your homemade fireworks. 

He crashed his lips against yours, passionate but sweet. He tasted like bourbon and you breathed him in, desperate for this moment to last forever. You kissed him back with such intention, letting every moment of pining over the past year escape through your lips. Your heart swelled in your chest as you both pressed against each other, his soft touches turning into desperate arms pulling you against him. 

He eventually pulled away, the pair of you completely breathless, and the lights surrounding you twirling and exploding with vigor. As your breathing evened out, the lights calmed down to the softest golden glow, swimming slowly across the entire balcony.

“Y/n, I can’t begin to tell you how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he said softly into you.

“Me, too,” you laughed. Although you had been jolted by your kiss, you still swayed from the drinks in your system. Bucky clung onto you as his eyebrows knit together slightly.

“But you really should go to bed,” he said lightly with a chuckle as you leaned into him for support. “Come on, doll, I’ll walk you to your room.”

From that night on, you stole more moments when no one could see; when sleep graced everyone but Bucky, you graced him with your light.

- - -

You pulled on a white hoodie and your fluffy slippers, trudging into the hallway of the floor you shared with Bucky and a shapeshifter named Cal, brought in around the same time as you were. The lavender light followed you out and you held your palm out again, willing the light to come into your palm as a mini lantern to guide you down the hall. You stared into the orb, wispy and pulsing, before stepping into the open space of the kitchen, letting your hand fall and the light dissipate.

“Morning, sunshine,” you said softly. Bucky, leaning over the counter clutching his mug of black coffee, lifted his head to meet your eyes. He smiled sweetly at you, although his eyes were tired and swollen from a lack of sleep.

“Hey there,” he said, his body clearly relaxing as you made your way towards him.

You passed behind him to get your own mug, letting your hand brush along his back as you did. 

You put the kettle on for tea, picking out an earl grey bag for your mug, and came up next to him, allowing your shoulders to touch comfortably. You looked up at him in wonderment, barely able to make out his features but even in the dim light of only a crescent moon streaming in through the big windows looking out over the skyline and balcony, you could see the light in his eyes, the jagged lines that carved out his face. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you steadily into him. You reached your arms up around his tense neck, gently massaging into his hair as he leaned into your touch.

“Nightmares, again?” you asked, watching him carefully.

He shut his eyes with a sigh and nodded as you continued rubbing circles at the nape of his neck.

“Mhm. Worse than usual,” he mumbled into the space between you.

“I’m sorry, baby” you whispered. “I wish you’d let me stay in there with you.”

Bucky refused to let you sleep in his room after he accidentally gave you a black eye from struggling in his sleep a couple months prior. Not wanting to reveal the full nature of your relationship to the team, you told them it was from sparring, and Bucky could hardly look at you for weeks given his guilty feelings.

“You know that’s not a good idea,” he said, his voice heavy, eyes still shut as he gripped at your sweatshirt.

You didn’t have it in you to argue with him; not tonight, at least. 

The tea kettle started to boil and you slid gently out of his embrace to get your tea ready. He leaned back towards the counter. 

With warm tea in one hand, you slid the other into Bucky’s right hand, pulling him with you towards the big windows in the living room, sitting on the floor in the corner, your usual spot. Bucky leaned against the wall, spreading his sweatpant-adorned legs open to make space for you to sit against him.

You nestled back against him, head resting in the crook of his neck as he set his coffee down and big arms wrapped around you from behind. 

“How’s the training going?” he asked after a while of just sitting together looking at the moon through the window.

You sighed. You had been working with Wanda to try and channel your abilities into something with a bit more power. With all the field training and martial arts they had taught you, you were as good as any other specialized SHIELD agent, but as part of a crew of Enhanced individuals, you felt vastly inferior. All you could do was play with light, albeit often beautiful and mesmerizing, and you were really beginning to question your place there.

“Not great,” you said dejectedly. “I’m really trying, but it’s just not destructive, there’s something missing. It doesn’t work that way no matter how hard I try. Other than aesthetics, I’m as useless as ever.”

“Doll, you aren’t useless by any means,” he said, gripping you tighter. “You are incredibly gifted, and if there’s something else that’s meant to come from your gift, you’ll find it eventually. If not,” he shrugged slightly. “You’re still pretty damn amazing.”

You smiled, setting your tea down next to Bucky’s coffee and turning to face him. He inched away from the wall so that you could straddle him, and he held your back so easily, propping you up to stay face to face.

“I love you,” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck again, noses brushing.

“I love you, too, doll,” he returned. 

You sat together for a while, drinking your tea and coffee, trading gossip from the team, venturing onto the balcony, gazing at the moon. You showed Bucky a new party trick you’d been working on, where you conjured light that took on the shape of a dancing couple, laughing and spinning together. You didn’t say it, but Bucky didn’t need to hear it to know it was the two of you you were thinking of.

Lying in comfortable silence on the balcony under a shared blanket, Bucky pulled you into him.

“It hurts, Y/n/n,” he said so quietly you barely heard him say it. “I hardly sleep because the pain in my dreams is so… real. It hurts, baby. I’m afraid to sleep.”

Your heart nearly broke in two. You rolled over so you were fully on top of him, elbows framing his head as your hands carded through his hair, the blanket cascading down, locking you into a safe little cove on the aid open balcony.

“I know, honey,” you said soothingly, leaning your forehead against his. “I wish I could do something to take your pain away.” A halo of white light began to form around your hands. 

Bucky glanced up at your hands, his eyebrows knitting together. He looked to your face to see you as confused as he was. 

You couldn’t explain it, but your hands felt like magnets drawn to Bucky’s head, fingers pressing ever so gently against his temples. As you did, you could physically feel the tension melt away, it was a sensation you’d never felt before - beyond feeling his muscles relax under your touch, this was feeling… his mind relax.

He exhaled deeply at your touch, eyes closing gently as he put his hands over yours so slowly and gently. You realized it wasn’t just your touch, it was your light, your power, that affected him this way. You had been right that your ability wasn’t destructive, but it wasn’t just passive entertainment. People had always been mesmerized by it in a way, in taking it in with their eyes, but you had never thought to try to use it to heal, to sooth strain. Now, you could feel the soft glow emitting from your palms draw out the strain, draw out the mental pain the man you loved shouldered every day and night.

“Baby,” he said, clinging to your fingers against his temples. “What are you doing?” he asked curiously, softly.

You let out a shy, breathy laugh. “I don’t really know. It just happened. I- I didn’t know I could do this.”

He opened his eyes to look up at you with the most adoration you’d ever been on the receiving end of. The connection between you only intensified with this newfound discovery. You could truly feel him, feel the tension he held, or rather didn’t feel at that point. 

The glow slowly faded from your hands as Bucky gently pried your fingers off of his temples.

“Amazing,” he said between kisses pressed to your knuckles. “You’re just… amazing, Y/n.” He brought his hands to the small of your back, pulling you into him as you continued straddling him. “There’s nothing you can’t do.” 

You leaned into him, pressing your lips to his, pulling back so slightly, not wanting to leave any more space than absolutely necessary between you. “It’s for you, baby. It’s all for you,” you breathed into him. “You bring out the best in me, the brightest of my light.” You kissed him again. “It’s yours, all for you.”

- - - - - - 

there ya have it! my first published fic on here. loosely inspired by Video Games by Lana Del Rey (mostly just the last part of dialogue heh) feel free to leave feedback for me in my inbox or wherever! hope you enjoyed :)