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jamiegriffith80 · 5 years ago

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The Crayon

It wasn’t the nicest place to take Jessica to lunch. But after weeks of flirting and months of dating, I was starting to let my foot off the pedal when it came to trying to impress her. Besides, we were hungry, and location was the most important factor in our choice of restaurant that afternoon. It was a diner in every sense of the word – the rigid plastic seats in the booths, the napkin dispensers that somehow made it difficult to access napkins, the ceiling fans whirling overhead to save money on air conditioning. It wasn’t even that warm of a day but going from an air-conditioned car to the stale air of this diner, you could feel the heat surround your body the minute you stepped foot inside.

We found an empty booth in the middle of the diner, a perfect spot to people watch while nibbling at the food on each other’s plate. The waitress wasn’t particularly efficient, but she was friendly enough and we were in no real hurry once the food arrived. After we ordered – a club sandwich with fries for me, a chicken Caesar salad for her – we made small talk about our surroundings, the tasks we’d completed that morning and what was still to come on the agenda. Jessica seemed relaxed, leaning back in the uncomfortable booth, not really perturbed by the impossible task and inevitable failure of trying to find a nice spot to sit and enjoy the meal.

We were just a few minutes into our lunch when a young father and his toddler daughter came into the diner. Grabbing a spot at the counter across from our booth, the father studied the menu intently, as if he was preparing for an exam. The waitress – thankfully done with the arduous task of getting our food out – sauntered over to them and offered the little girl a placemat to draw on and a selection of crayons. This gesture seemed to be enough for the little girl, who shrieked with excitement at the prospect of drawing during lunch.

Jessica and I continued to eat, while occasionally – possibly more than occasionally – looking over at the father and daughter. He continued to seem incapable of deciding what to eat, and she continued to draw on her placemat. But it was the strangest thing – the waitress handed her a wide variety of crayons, all the primary colours and a few funky ones to boot. This little girl had all the choices of the rainbow to draw on that placemat, but consistently and thoroughly, she used just one: the red crayon.

When the father finally ordered for the two of them, his daughter didn’t flinch from her placemat, virtually filling the whole thing with the red crayon. When the waitress brought their drinks, there was another placemat in hand, and sure enough, the little girl continued her quest to use that little red crayon for as long as humanly possible. Jessica and I would trade looks about the whole scenario, since talking about it would certainly be more noticeable, and we were enjoying the obsession the toddler displayed too much to draw attention to it. But when their food came, attention would be drawn to them without our help.

The waitress dropped off their lunch, and the father told his little girl to stop drawing, as it was time to eat. But sure enough, the fresh food put in front of her face wasn’t as interesting as the placemat, now the second one to be almost fully covered in red crayon.

“Sweetie, you need to put down the crayon. It’s rude.”

Nothing.

“Sweetheart.”

Still drawing.

“Fine,” the father snorted, and he grabbed the little red crayon out of her hand and placed it on the other side of the counter. As you can imagine, the sound of a little girl’s tears wasn’t far behind. Clearly the father was irritated, but he tried his best to eat his sandwich and hoped his daughter would stop on her own.

By this time, a few other patrons of the diner were drawn to the sound of her crying, and as I was set to look across the table and smile over the whole situation, Jessica’s entire body language had changed. Her back was now straight, her hands perched on the table, and her eyes locked on the father and daughter. Something about this situation had triggered a reaction from her that I hadn’t seen in the entire time I’d known her. This was frightening to her. This was personal.

The little girl’s cries hadn’t stopped, and it was clear the father’s patience was at an end.

“You need to stop crying right now!”

Did I mention she was a toddler?

“I mean it, right now,” he bellowed again, as more eyes around the diner moved in their direction, with still more tears from the little girl.

“That’s it!”

The father towered over his daughter as he rose from his diner stool and he grabbed the little girl’s left hand, striking it incredibly hard. The piercing sound reverberated throughout the restaurant with such force that any innocuous conversations taking place in the moments before were quickly snuffed out. The whole diner was now about this young father, his little girl, and the act of child abuse we’d all just been witness to.

Most of the people around us were doing their level-headed best not to look directly at them, but not Jessica. Her fixed posture and unblinking eyes were still focused on them. She wanted him to see her glaring. Eventually, he did.

“What’s your deal?” he snarled at Jessica. “She wouldn’t shut up.”

For the record, she still hadn’t “shut up”, and the tears from the pain she’d been inflicted with just added to the original cries.

“Just go back to your lunch,” he continued, but this guy didn’t know Jessica. My date slid out of our booth and went right to the little girl.

“Are you okay? Let me take a look at your hand.”

“Hey, get your hands off my daughter!”

“You first,” she hissed back. Man, I loved her. “Sweetie, can you show me your hand?”

“Listen, lady, she’s fine. It’s just a little smack. It’s none of your business.” Ah, the triple crown of abuse excuses.

The little girl was starting to warm up to Jessica, but there still wasn’t much cooperation. The waitress had come over with an ice pack and, probably because the waitress was the magical bringer of the red crayon, the little girl immediately gave her hand over to her. Jessica and the father gave each other another death stare before she sat back down across from me. Thankfully, we had already finished our meal, so I dropped some money on the counter and led Jessica out of the diner.

“Why didn’t you step in for me there?” she asked incredulously once we were clear of earshot.

“I would have if he went after you, but quite frankly, I was a little rattled. I’ve never seen you like that before.”

“What, disgusted by someone?”

“No, deeply afraid and defensive. You should have seen yourself, Jess. You were a completely different person. I mean, I get it, it was a traumatic situation, but I’d never seen you like that before.”

She sighed and parked herself on a bench nearby, shaking slightly as if something had to get out, lest it destroy her. “Yeah, just that guy in there…he brought back some bad memories.”

I sat beside her and tried to put my arm around her, but she resisted. Not the gesture she was looking for yet.

“Want to talk about it?”

She sighed again. It had to come out anyway. Might as well be to me.

“It’s my Dad. Prick. You know he always preferred Julie.”

“That’s what you’ve said, yeah. But he loved you and your sister. Maybe sometimes it didn’t feel like –”

“It’s not just that, Geoffrey. He was definitely strict, but that’s not what upset me. Julie just…figured things out faster than I did, and he expected me to be her at every turn. I wasn’t her. He couldn’t handle it.”

“Jessica. Did he hit you?”

She looked up at me and let me wipe the tear rolling down her cheek.

“I was 8. At that age, Julie was already so far along, she’d be reading at a high school level pretty soon. Not me. My father had this jigsaw puzzle he wanted me to complete after dinner one night. Said I had until bedtime to get it done. Julie did it in an hour when she was my age, so it shouldn’t be a problem, right? So, there I was, on my bedroom floor, struggling with it for hours and hours. He comes to put me to bed, but I’m still working on the edges. Not acceptable. ‘You’ve got to finish it before bed.’ And my mother? Forget about it. She’s so far gone into her books and her booze; she wouldn’t even notice her youngest daughter is up way past her bedtime for a stupid jigsaw puzzle. Another hour goes by, I’m still not done. I’m yawning, I have to pee, and he’s standing in the doorway, watching me fail. Can I go to the bathroom, Daddy? ‘No.’ Can I go to sleep, Daddy? ‘No. Finish the puzzle first.’ And on and on I went, me exhausted beyond belief and doing everything I can not to pee my pants. But the bladder of an 8-year-old girl can only take so much, and eventually I can’t hold it anymore. I pee so much it goes right through my underwear and onto the carpet where I’m sitting. And now I’m crying because I’ve peed my pants, because I’m still tired and because he’s still standing in the doorway. He sees what’s happened and scowls at me. I’m weak, I guess. He grabs my hand and drags me to the bathroom. After I clean myself up, I walk out of the bathroom and he slaps me across the face. That sound… Geoffrey, that sound was exactly what I heard in that diner, I swear to God.

“He drags me back to the bedroom, makes me clean up the stain where I sat, and then says, ‘Okay, back to it.’ I swear, it’s almost midnight at this point, I have school in the morning. Nope, finish the damn puzzle. So, I start crying. I’m 8! I’m tired! He leans down in front of me, stares into my eyes…and slaps me again across the face. Now I can’t cry, because crying makes the pain come back.

“I buckled down. Finished the damn puzzle. He goes ‘Okay, good night’, turns off the light and leaves the doorway. I’m crying uncontrollably as I crawl into bed, desperately wanting to have the pain go away. Eventually, sleep takes over and morning comes, and it’s like nothing happened. Same morning routine like every other day and we never talked about it. Just a night in time that I can’t ever forget.”

Jessica cried a lot on the bench after that. She let me put my arm around her and she sunk into my chest, bawling her eyes out onto my shirt. The torturous pain she’d been holding in for so long needed a trigger, and an outlet, so I’m strangely thankful for the events of that day in the part they played in helping her heal.

After a minute of crying, Jessica was starting to put herself back together when the diner door swung open, and the father and toddler walked out. Jessica’s posture quickly returned to the defensive stance that dominated our time inside, but it wouldn’t last long. The father was holding his little girl’s hand – the one he had violently struck not more than 10 minutes earlier – but let it go to allow his daughter to run over to us on the bench.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” Jessica asked quietly.

The toddler smiled and extended her arms out towards Jessica, embracing this new friend she’d made on such a terrible day. After their hug, the little girl handed Jessica something before jogging back to her father.

As we watched the father and daughter walk away, Jessica opened her hand to see the gift she’d received, and her eyes welled up with tears once again. But this time, they were trickling down her cheeks towards a smile. When I looked back at her, I knew why.

Jessica was holding the red crayon.

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jamiegriffith80 · 9 years ago

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Every 30 Rock Episode, Ranked

In October of 2006, a show debuted on NBC that would end up being one of television’s most creative, brilliant and funniest shows ever – 30 Rock. 10 years later, it’s as good a time as any to look back at the excellence Tina Fey and company provided us and determine which of the series’ 135 episodes (counting hour-long episodes as one) is the best of them all.

A warning – spoilers abound below.

(135) “The Funcooker” – Written by Donald Glover & Tom Ceraulo (S3, E14)

Favourite Quote:

“My lab work is in the field of sleep research, mostly because I checked the wrong box on a form once.” – Dr. Spaceman

The biggest problem with an undertaking such as this is deciding on the worst 30 Rock episode. Since there are no bad episodes in such a great show, settling on which one brings up the rear is an arduous task, if only because I don’t want to deem any episode as “the worst”. But one needs that distinction, and for me, it’s “The Funcooker”. There are elements in the episode that should be great – Jack’s desperation for naming the pocket microwave, the parallels between Liz’s arson case and her own life, & Tracy’s advertising campaign among them – but the episode as a whole feels incomplete. Combine that with the lack of some truly top-level jokes, and “The Funcooker” becomes a rather uninteresting episode from top to bottom.

(134) “The Aftermath” - Written by Tina Fey (S1,E2)

Favourite Quote:

“He (Tracy) bit Dakota Fanning on the face!” – Jenna

“When you hear his version, she was kind of asking for it.” - Liz

An extension of the plot from the pilot, Liz makes her first of many attempts to bridge the peace between Tracy and the rest of the show. Unlike the pilot though, many of the jokes fall flat when compared to the debut episode, as the plot becomes more important than the humour. The best part of 30 Rock was the show’s constant jokes, to the point where episodes have to be re-watched multiple times just to pick up on them all. “The Aftermath” simply has too much story to tell to fit in any extra jokes the show would end up being known for.

(133) “Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish” – Written by Kay Cannon (S5, E9)

Favourite Quote:

“Liz, last night was a disaster, and not the good kind where I get to sing at a benefit.” - Jenna

The story of Tracy’s illegitimate son worked well the first time, but bringing him back in “Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish” doesn’t add much to the characters and isn’t particularly funny. Unfortunately, not much else in the episode is particularly memorable either.

(132) “Nothing Left to Lose” – Written by Lauren Gurganous & Nina Pedrad (S6, E16)

Favourite Quote:

“When you’re a supervisor, your job is to squeeze everything you can out of your employees. But there’s a line, and you’ve crossed it.” – Jack

“Since when do you care about any line other than the bottom line? Sorkinesque repartee.” - Liz

The quote above notwithstanding, “Nothing Left to Lose” is one of the show’s weaker episodes. The Jenna / writers prank war had been done before, the Tracy story falls flat, and even Dr. Spaceman’s usual greatness isn’t as great as in the past.

(131) “Verna” – Written by Ron Weiner (S4, E12)

Favourite Quote:

“You didn’t believe in me, but I believed in myself, just like the last scene of all movies.” - Liz

The Verna character never really worked for me. That, combined with the stunning lack of any presence from Tracy, makes “Verna” one of the less entertaining episodes in the series run.

(130) “Secret Santa” – Written by Tina Fey (S4, E8)

Favourite Quote:

“A picture of President Obama…for the Muslims.” – Kenneth

“Gonna let that one slide.” - Tracy

The Christmas episodes of 30 Rock generally were 30 Rock’s weakest for me. “Secret Santa” has some enjoyable Jenna freakouts about Danny’s singing abilities and a nice Liz/Jack moment towards the end, but overall, there’s not enough happening in this episode besides kicking off the Nancy storyline.

(129) “The Shower Principle” – Written by Tom Ceraulo (S6, E15)

Favourite Quote:

“Nice try, Hazel. But you made the same mistake Mickey Rourke made on that catamaran. You didn’t kill me when you had the chance.” - Jenna

Considering the heights of creativity the show hit in season 6 (“Leap Day”, “Kidnapped by Danger”, “The Tuxedo Begins”), it’s interesting they did an episode seemingly borne out of running out of original ideas. Because of that, “The Shower Principle” doesn’t offer anything memorable, except for the great “5nowdog5” joke.

(128) “Today You Are a Man” – Written by Ron Weiner (S6, E5)

Favourite Quote:

“You can tell us; we’re in SAG.” - Jenna

An important episode in the arc of the show’s later seasons, with Kenneth’s decision to leave the page program & the introduction of Kristen Schaal’s Hazel, but “Today You Are a Man” doesn’t offer much else to put it among the show’s best.

(127) “Queen of Jordan 2: Mystery of the Phantom Pooper” – “Written” by Luke Del Tredici & Tracey Wigfield (S6, E20)

Favourite Quote:

“I wouldn’t know, I really don’t watch TV…I’m more of a masturbator.” - Tracy

Using Angie’s reality show as a storytelling device really worked well in its first installment, but the follow up in Season 6 isn’t as strong in comparison. Only a couple of the jokes land well, and the major plot points dropped in the episode take away from any interest in the reality show concept this time.

(126) “The Source Awards” – Written by Robert Carlock & Daisy Gardner (S1, E16)

Favourite Quote:

“Donaghy Estates tastes like the urine of Satan after a hefty portion of asparagus.” - Jack

The idea of playing up Liz’s liberal guilt surrounding race is an interesting one, but her storyline in “The Source Awards” doesn’t work, mainly because Wayne Brady’s character isn’t funny at all. Obviously the point of the character was to be painfully boring to Liz, but the show would do a better job later of making characters ridiculously funny even if they weren’t interesting in the context of the characters around them.

(125) “Dance like Nobody’s Watching” – Written by Tina Fey & Tracey Wigfield (S6, E1)

Favourite Quote:

“I haven’t seen such a unanimously negative response since the Frasier spin-off, Hey Roz.” - Jack

Jenna’s incredible insults during “America’s Kidz Got Singing” help to carry the Season 6 premiere, but not much else stands out in “Dance like Nobody’s Watching” except for mysteriously kicking off Liz’s final relationship in the series.

(124) “Khonani” – Written by Vali Chandrasekaran (S4, E18)

Favourite Quote:

“Hi Subhas! I have an extra headshot I was going to throw out, unless you want it for something.” – Jenna

“No! You are not book!” – Subhas

“Why? What am I doing wrong?” – Jenna

“Wanting to be book is not book.” - Jack

Despite the terrific parody of the Leno/Conan kerfuffle, “Khonani” doesn’t have a whole lot else of note. The Liz story of being left out of the staff’s fun times had been done before, and there isn’t enough to the Tracy/Kenneth story to carry the episode.

(123) “The Baby Show” – Written by Jack Burditt (S1, E9)

Favourite Quote:

“This is untoward! This is not toward!” - Tracy

An episode more crucial to the arc of the show than an episode that works as a stand-alone, “The Baby Show” gets bogged down in plot points and never really gets off the ground. 30 Rock would eventually merge big plot episodes and frantic joke pace much better, but the show’s 9th episode doesn’t quite get there.

(122) “Christmas Special” – Written by Kay Cannon & Tina Fey (S3, E6)

Favourite Quote:

“Numbers, unlike children, don’t lie.” - Colleen

Like other 30 Rock holiday episodes, “Christmas Special” adds some good Jack/Colleen dynamics, but overall, there just aren’t enough good jokes to sustain it.

(121) “The Fighting Irish” – Written by Jack Burditt (S1, E17)

Favourite Quote:

“I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers, but their curse is that they’ll never get to prove it.” - Tracy

The first appearance of Reverend Gary notwithstanding, “The Fighting Irish” isn’t the show’s best, especially when all the characters in Jack’s family essentially get replaced by Colleen a few episodes later. Colleen would become a character much stronger than any of the fighting family members introduced here, and because of that, “The Fighting Irish” takes a hit in retrospect.

(120) “Brooklyn Without Limits” – Written by Ron Weiner (S5, E7)

Favourite Quote:

“No, Liz Lemon, it’s like the thing I said in another movie I made. ‘Compromises are for lesser souls. Die, werewolf zombie.’” - Tracy

30 Rock’s political stories often worked well, but “Brooklyn Without Limits” isn’t one of them for me. John Slattery’s character comes off as more annoying than funny, and the Die, Werewolf Zombie line is the only one that elicits a true belly laugh.

(119) “Corporate Crush” – Written by John Riggi (S1, E19)

Favourite Quote:

“Floyd is me 20 years ago; I’m Don Geiss 30 years ago; 20 years from now, Floyd will be me, I’m gonna be Don Geiss and Don Geiss will be dead.” – Jack

“Who thinks like that?” – Liz

“Men do.” – Jack

It’s enjoyable to see such a seemingly powerful character like Jack show vulnerability and weakness, but “Corporate Crush” acts more as a springboard to the final 2 episodes of the first season than a strong standalone episode. Plus, Jenna’s noticeable absence for the 2nd straight episode (“Fireworks”) magnifies the flaws of 30 Rock’s opening season.

(118) “Meet the Woggels!” – Written by Ron Weiner (S6, E17)

Favourite Quote:

“That song, like everything, is about me.” - Jenna

Jenna’s plans to “Yoko” the Woggels is memorable, but most of the rest of “Meet the Woggels!” sputters along, putting an emphasis on character development at the expense of the jokes.

(117) “Up All Night” – Written by Tina Fey (S1, E13)

Favourite Quote:

“Oh, dammit, Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef ‘n’ Cheddar!” - Bianca

The big problem with Season 1 (and most 1st seasons of sitcoms) is the necessity to develop characters and establish secondary relationships to the point where the jokes take a backseat to the exposition. And while the Jack-Bianca story isn’t incredible, the Marry-Boff-Kill run is entertaining, and the start of the Floyd story arc is crucial to pushing the show through the rest of the season.

(116) “The Fabian Strategy” – Written by Tina Fey (S5, E1)

Favourite Quote:

“Middle aged woman saying ‘dude stuff’. Is that on my sadness scavenger hunt? Why yes it is.” - Jack

Jenna’s producer storyline is a wonderful look at her narcissistic self, but not much else in “The Fabian Strategy” stands out, particularly for a season premiere.

(115) “I Heart Connecticut” – Written by Vali Chandrasekaran & Jon Haller (S5, E19)

Favourite Quote:

“Hello, Phil. I never heard back about my audition for Everybody Loves Raymond. I wondered if you made a decision.” – Jenna

“Yeah, 15 years ago. We went with Doris Roberts.” – Phil Rosenthal

A decent bridge to the show’s 100th episode, “I Heart Connecticut” has its moments, but doesn’t really hit its stride until the end when Liz discovers Tracy’s real location. Unfortunately, the Pete arm wrestling fantasy doesn’t really work, and the Jenna / Jack movie shoot doesn’t have enough to carry the episode the rest of the way.

(114) “Season 4” – Written by Tina Fey (S4, E1)

Favourite Quote:

“Do you know the song ‘Are You Ready for some Football’?” – Jack

“Do I? That’s what my phone plays whenever Ray Lewis calls me.” - Jenna

Another great Steve Buscemi appearance aside, “Season 4” takes a while to get going, and suffers in comparison to other 30 Rock season openers.

(113) “The Moms” – Written by Kay Cannon & Robert Carlock (S4, E20)

Favourite Quote:

“I repeatedly lost my virginity to him, while Waldo the town perv watched from the bushes.” – Margaret

“Wait, what?” – Flashback Margaret

“Nothing, younger me.” – Margaret

Peaking with 2 delightfully weird Mad Men references (the Bitch Hunter created by Matthew Weiner joke is fantastic), “The Moms” tries to fit in too many stories and the jokes suffer as a result.

(112) “Klaus and Greta” – Written by Robert Carlock (S4, E9)

Favourite Quote:

“Over the break, I forgot what floor I worked on.” – Tracy

“Six, Tracy.” – Liz

“Six. I knew it was a character from Blossom, but I couldn’t find the Joey Russo button.” - Tracy

The James Franco story is great, and Tracy’s eventual decision to add a woman to his entourage is funny, but episode 2 in the Jack / Nancy story takes a while to get going and ultimately brings the episode down a peg.

(111) “Cutbacks” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S3, E17)

Favourite Quote:

“His claim suggests that you tried to barter sex in exchange for professional consideration. In the human resource world, we refer to that as being a filthy prostitute.” – Jeffery Weinerslav

More useful as a springboard to the following episode’s Liz story (“Jackie Jormp-Jomp”), “Cutbacks” meanders along in its plot points and doesn’t really allow itself to the joke telling machine most 30 Rock episodes end up being.

(110) “Respawn” – Written by Hannibal Buress & Ron Weiner (S5, E22)

Favourite Quote:

“There are 4 things I want to do this summer, but they’re roommates, so it’s tricky.” – Dr. Spaceman

Since the show’s 100th episode had come up just 2 episodes prior, Season 5’s finale, “Respawn”, feels like nothing more than a regular 30 Rock, without the big stories or special moments other season finales brought to the table.

(109) “Standards and Practices” – Written by Vali Chandrasekaran (S6, E11)

Favourite Quote:

“I finally understand the ending of The Sixth Sense – those names are the people who worked on the movie.” - Tracy

The Jack and Kaylie battles are always must-see, and Liz’s Kenneth Toilethole act is entertaining, but “Standards and Practices” doesn’t really ramp up the pace and quality until the last few minutes.

(108) “Argus” – Written by Josh Siegal, Dylan Morgan & Paula Pell (S4, E19)

Favourite Quote:

“A word for advice – if the will says you have to spend the night in a haunted house, you better hope that everybody else there is black guys and sluts.” - Liz

“Argus” has some terrific moments – Grizz and Liz’s dynamic, Feyonce the fiancé, the first appearance of the wonderful Will Forte as Paul L’Astname. It’s too bad the main plot with Jack and the title peacock drags the rest of the episode down to a crawl.

(107) “Cougars” – Written by John Riggi (S2, E7)

Favourite Quote:

“What were you doing there? Was it like that time they found my grandpa at the bus station?” - Cerie

One of many storylines that act as a parable for a real-life event, “Cougars” comes off more heavy-handed than clever in the Little League story. Thankfully, the Liz relationship with a much younger man works well, especially with the twist at the end.

(106) “Everything Sunny All the Time Always” – Written by Kay Cannon & Matt Hubbard (S5, E21)

Favourite Quote:

“Kim-Jong Il sometimes shoots in a close-up too much. Comedy lives in the wide shot. And also, this is gonna be rough, his acting notes are often vague.” - Tracy

The surprising Condi Rice cameo aside, the vastness in stories between Avery’s kidnapping, Liz’s plastic bag war as a metaphor for mortality & Tracy being left out of an inside joke is too wide to make “Everything Sunny All the Time Always” an unforgettable episode.

(105) “Aunt Phatso vs Jack Donaghy” – Written by Luke Del Tredici (S7, E6)

Favourite Quote:

“Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!” - Liz

There weren’t a lot of Tracy / Jack adversarial stories in the run of the show, and with that, “Aunt Phatso vs Jack Donaghy” doesn’t feel genuine, especially since the so-called battle gets ruined by the ending of the movie. Thankfully, the episode’s other main story centering on Liz’s first test at balancing a family and TGS helps move the series forward towards its conclusion.

(104) “Blind Date” – Written by John Riggi (S1, E3)

Favourite Quote:

“What made you think I was gay?” – Liz

“Your shoes.” – Jack

“Well, I’m straight.” - Liz

“Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.” - Jack

30 Rock’s third episode finally starts to take the show out of the TGS world and begins to establish the Liz/Jack dynamic which would define the series. But like the first 2 episodes, the pacing is slow and the balance between the plot and the jokes is tilted in the former’s direction.

(103) “Black Light Attack!” – Written by Steve Hely (S4, E10)

Favourite Quote:

“You’re a beautiful woman, but you can’t play prom queens and murdered runaways forever.” – Liz

“But those were my majors at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks.” – Jenna

Similar in story to season 1’s “Corporate Crush”, “Black Light Attack!” is saved by some truly great Jenna paranoia about her age & some well-deserved camera time for Sue Laroche-Van der Hout.

(102) “Retreat to Move Forward” – Written by Tami Sagher (S3, E9)

Favourite Quote:

“Now Dogg the Bounty Hunter is the 2nd grossest guy I’ve been with.” - Jenna

The growth of the Liz/Jack relationship is usually enough for me in any 30 Rock episode, but “Retreat to Move Forward” doesn’t really offer much else from the rest of the cast to carry it. On the bright side, we get the first appearance of the delightfully egotistical “Actor Announcement” from Jenna.

(101) “Episode 210” – Written by Robert Carlock & Donald Glover (S2, E10)

Favourite Quote:

“I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the devil’s temperature.” - Kenneth

What happens when you build up a whole episode for one cameo? The Gladys Knight ending notwithstanding, the strengths of “Episode 210” suffer by comparison with the rest of the brilliant Season 2.

(100) “The Return of Avery Jessup” – Written by Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan (S6, E21)

Favourite Quote:

“Hey girl. Are you crying because there are no roles for actresses in their 40s? Nor should there be.” - Tracy

The “Criss Points” jokes aside, “The Return of Avery Jessup” serves as nothing more than a setup for the Season 6 finale, and doesn’t offer enough great moments to be truly memorable.

(99) “Cleveland” – Written by Jack Burditt & Robert Carlock (S1, E20)

Favourite Quote:

“I’m going to have so much money - my grandkids are going to play lacrosse. Lacrosse, Liz Lemon.” - Tracy

The biggest difference to me between the first season of 30 Rock & subsequent years is the opening season’s clutching to plot points and proper scene construction. The balance worked well in the show’s debut, but the drawback of hindsight is the earlier episodes simply aren’t as funny as the ones that followed. “Cleveland” moves well, and has its share of great lines, but the show would weave strange plots in its episodes much better later.

(98) “Jack Meets Dennis” – Written by Jack Burditt (S1, E6)

Favourite Quote:

“Okay, very funny, you bought a pager from Dennis, will you take it off now please?” – Liz

“Oh, I can’t; I’m expecting a call from 1983.” - Jack

An episode that ends up being more important than funny, 30 Rock’s most fulfilling relationship takes its first step: the Jack and Liz mentor-protege dynamic which would come to define the show. Plus, we get the first appearance of the fantastic Brian Stack as Jorgensen.

(97) “Ludachristmas” – Written by Tami Sagher (S2, E9)

Favourite Quote:

“No chit-chat between songs this year. People don’t watch Letterman for Paul Shaffer.” - Jenna

30 Rock never felt like a show about families (biological families anyway), but the series 1st Christmas episode allows Jack and Liz to compare the differences, and ultimately the similarities between their respective parents. “Ludachristmas” ends up being the only way a show like this could handle the important meaning of the holiday season while still telling jokes.

(96) “The Beginning of the End” – Written by Jack Burditt (S7, E1)

Favourite Quote:

“This explains everything. How long has this been going on? 7 years? 8?” – Liz

“6 weeks.” - Jack

Jack’s attempts to tank the network are awesome (God Cop, Homonym, Gary Sinise’s band on Leno), but most of “The Beginning of the End” merely acts as a setup for the rest of the final season.

(95) “Greenzo” – Written by Jon Pollack (S2, E5)

Favourite Quote:

“I just wish my Mom were still alive, so I could rub it in her fat face.” - Greenzo

The first of 30 Rock’s forced environmental storylines as directed by NBC, “Greenzo” works terrifically as a one-off character, and the Al Gore cameo is nice and all, but the rest of the episode meanders along and ultimately doesn’t reach of the heights of the rest of Season 2.

(94) “The One with the Cast of ‘Night Court’” – Written by Jack Burditt (S3, E3)

Favourite Quote:

“My boy Ken has written a masterpiece, and trust me, I use that word a lot.” - Tracy

The “Night Court” quasi-reunion is enjoyable, but the “crazy girl” trope falls flat for me. In the majority of instances where a one-off guest star showed up, the character worked, but Claire just feels like a dated cliché of how an emotionally unstable woman would behave, without being particularly funny.

(93) “What Will Happen to the Gang Next Year?” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S6, E22)

Favourite Quote:

“They’re fine with it? What Bill O’Reilly erotic novel are you living in?” - Liz

The Jack / Avery split-up story builds nicely in the Season 6 finale, and Margaret Cho’s Kim-Jong Il is terrific, especially with the meta ending, but “What Will Happen to the Gang Next Year?” wraps up 30 Rock’s penultimate season without the usual A-plus jokes the show is known for.

(92) “Stone Mountain” – Written by John Riggi (S4, E3)

Favourite Quote:

“I’m not going to be pushed aside and forgotten, like that time at my sister’s funeral.” - Jenna

Episodes where Jack and Liz leave the 30 Rock world often turn out well, but “Stone Mountain” leans too much on their opposing world views and not enough on the jokes to sustain the episode. Thankfully, Tracy’s quest to avoid being the 3rd celebrity of the day to die carries the humour enough to make the episode enjoyable.

(91) “Black Tie” – Written by Kay Cannon & Tina Fey (S1, E12)

Favourite Quote:

“You know I’ve always reminded myself of Grace Kelly.” - Jenna

The first episode to truly take the characters out of the TGS world, “Black Tie” gives us the earliest signs of the creative storytelling to come in later seasons. Unfortunately, the jokes don’t hold up after repeated viewings, and the story of Jack and Bianca comes off as more expository than interesting.

(90) “Unwindulax” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S7, E4)

Favourite Quote:

“What’s cracking, my homeys? Jazz gets down with the Romneys.” - Jazz

The stories in “Unwindulax” are quite creative and interesting, but there aren’t enough top-notch jokes (Marsh-mallows aside) to put it in the upper echelon of 30 Rock episodes.

(89) “Into the Crevasse” – Written by Robert Carlock (S4, E2)

Favourite Quote:

“You probably don’t know this because you’ve never played a moonologist, but werewolves only come out at night.” – Jenna

“Yes, I remember that from the Thriller video.” – Liz

“Too soon.” - Tracy

Getting battles between Jack & Devon and between Liz & Tracy is enough to carry “Into the Crevasse”, but like most of Season 4, there isn’t enough else going on in the episode to carry it to legendary status.

(88) “Jackie Jormp-Jomp” – Written by Kay Cannon & Tracey Wigfield (S3, E18)

Favourite Quote:

“Friendship and trust in the entourage is the most important thing. Like that HBO show…John Adams.” - Tracy

Featuring a couple of the show’s better plot points, “Jackie Jormp-Jomp” certainly delivers a unique story, but there aren’t enough of the show’s signature jokes to carry it along.

(87) “Idiots are People Two!” – Written by Robert Carlock (S6, E2)

Favourite Quote:

“Am I in your head Lemon?” – Jack

“Yes, but don’t be so proud - I also have a lot of imaginary arguments with the couples on House Hunters. Why can’t people look past paint colour?” – Liz

A nice twist on the Jack / Liz dynamic, “Idiots are People Two!” sets up a great Part 2 of the episode, but with so much exposition in this episode, it pales in comparison to “Idiots are People Three!” to follow.

(86) “St. Valentine’s Day” – Written by Jack Burditt & Tina Fey (S3, E11)

Favourite Quote:

“Boy, I hope that guy’s not planning to kill her and eat her.” – Jack

“Jack, you’re such a romantic.” - Elisa

Much like the previous episode in the series (“Generalissimo”), Jon Hamm’s Dr. Drew is still a straightforward character without the over-the-top stupidity that would come later. But Liz and Drew’s first date is memorable, and helps carry an otherwise average episode.

(85) “Goodbye, My Friend” – Written by Ron Weiner (S3, E13)

Favourite Quote:

“Fine, Lithgow, I’ll do the right thing. God!” – Liz

“I guess someone’s been watching The World According to Garp.” – John Lithgow

When a show’s been on the air for a few seasons, and the dynamic between the main characters has already been established, it’s fun to see other characters create an honest connection. “Goodbye, My Friend” takes an unlikely Jack-Frank story to the next level with a fantastic John Lithgow cameo at the end to bring it all together, but the rest of the episode doesn’t stand out when compared to the rest of the incredible 3rd season.

(84) “The Head and the Hair” – Written by Tina Fey & John Riggi (S1, E11)

Favourite Quote:

“Guys like that do not like Star Trek.” – Jenna

“Wars!” - Liz

A great episode for any other sitcom, but considering the high standards 30 Rock set for itself, “The Head and the Hair” is merely a very good half-hour of comedy. It’s full of great jokes, engaging stories, but nothing particularly memorable. Although the Moonvest joke cracks me up every time.

(83) “Hard Ball” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S1, E15)

Favourite Quote:

“Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn’t mean I don’t love America. (wink)” - Liz

Just like “The Head and the Hair”, “Hard Ball” delivers a perfectly fine half hour of comedy, but with the added benefit of developing the Liz-Jack dynamic further. But like the majority of Season 1 episodes, “Hard Ball” was great on first viewing, but lacks in retrospect when compared to the brilliance of later seasons.

(82) “Stride of Pride” – Written by Tina Fey (S7, E3)

Favourite Quote:

“There are no bad ideas, Lemon, only great ideas that go horribly wrong.” – Jack

There are some fantastic moments in “Stride of Pride” like Ryan Lochte’s Sex Idiot jokes, but not enough of them to put it among the best of the final season.

(81) “Let’s Stay Together” – Written by Jack Burditt (S5, E3)

Favourite Quote:

“I’m going to have to re-invent you. Break you down completely and build you up from scratch. Just like Mickey Rourke did to me sexually.” - Jenna

30 Rock’s 5th season really started to ramp up the meta storylines. “Let’s Stay Together” tackles the network’s diversity conversation quite well, with a great ending that ruins poor Dotcom’s vision.

(80) “Pilot” - Written by Tina Fey (S1, E1)

Favourite Quote:

“You know how pissed off I was when US Weekly said that I was on crack? That’s racist. I’m not on crack – I’m straight up mentally ill.” - Tracy

In a lot of ways, 30 Rock’s debut episode is indicative of most comedy pilots. They aren’t generally great episodes, where the plot set-up is forced to overshadow the jokes. But thankfully, this is 30 Rock, and the jokes are so good that they cover up the episode’s inadequacies. The character development really starts strong, establishing Jack and Tracy’s behaviours right away and the show sets itself up as one of TV’s funniest shows right from episode 1.

(79) “The Collection�� – Written by Matt Hubbard (S2, E3)

Favourite Quote:

“Give up, like you gave up on your relationship with David Blaine?” – Kenneth

“He’s the one who drove the wedge – with his magic.” - Jenna

One of my favourite things 30 Rock did was cast well-known dramatic actors in strange comedic roles. “The Collection” debuts Steve Buscemi’s fantastic private investigator character, Len Wosniak, and even though Len would become more cartoonish later in the series, his first appearance is still hilarious and helps carry an otherwise straightforward episode.

(78) “The C Word” – Written by Tina Fey (S1, E14)

Favourite Quote:

“He called me the worst name ever…the one that rhymes with the name of your favourite Todd Rundgren album.” – Liz

“It rhymes with Hermit of Mink Hollow?” – Frank

With a story inspired from real life, “The C Word” rings true in its main story regarding the relationship between Liz and the writers. The line for managers between being a taskmaster and being a friend is a tough needle to thread, but this episode delivers an honest assessment of that dynamic, and still manages to find room for some well-crafted jokes.

(77) “Gentlemen’s Intermission” – Written by John Riggi (S5, E6)

Favourite Quote:

“Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?” - Jack

It was nice to see 30 Rock expose that the Liz/Jack relationship is just as important to Jack as it is to Liz. Too bad not much else works in the episode, but the New York Necks joke is killer.

(76) “TGS Hates Women” – Written by Ron Weiner (S5, E16)

Favourite Quote:

“I thought this box would be the perfect size for your head. P.S. I was electrocuted again while watching Se7en.” – Abby reading her ex’s note

Another of 30 Rock’s meta stories, “TGS Hates Women” puts an interesting twist ending on the Abby Flynn story to help carry the episode. But the real highlight comes from the debut of Kaylie Hooper, who, while not fully revealed until the end of the episode, shows flashes of what the character will become over the show’s last 2 years.

(75) “Hey, Baby, What’s Wrong” – Written by Kay Cannon (S6, E6 &7)

Favourite Quote:

“Paul’s been performing on a transvestite cruise for the last month. It’s called Caribbean Queens (No More Love on the Run). Billy Ocean is furious and very litigious, but he’s powerless as long as they stay in international waters.” - Jenna

An hour-long episode, “Hey, Baby, What’s Wrong” has its moments, such as IKEA being a metaphor for relationships. But there isn’t enough strong story or exceptional jokes to carry it through the whole hour, save for one perfect nugget of life advice from Liz: Realizations are the worst.

(74) “It’s Never Too Late For Now” – Written by Vali Chandrasekaran (S5, E15)

Favourite Quote:

“You had to sign your crime, didn’t you?” – Dotcom

“You’re the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.” - Grizz

For all the episodes where the staff of TGS mocks Liz, it’s nice to see them work together and pull off something so clever to help her out. “It’s Never Too Late For Now” works better as a story & character episode than as a purely funny one, but it’s still a standout show from season 5.

(73) “Don Geiss, America & Hope” – Written by Jack Burditt & Tracey Wigfield (S4, E15)

Favourite Quote:

“I’m actually jealous of you; you’ve got stability, a great marriage, devoted kids. You know what I have? A Sims family that keeps getting murdered.” - Liz

Wesley Snipes’ first fully fleshed out episode, “Don Geiss, America & Hope” presents a great Liz story trying to shake her “settling soul mate” with a great meta joke to go out on. Plus, the porn for women reveal at the end is a wonderful bit of 30 Rock creativity and humour.

(72) “The Ones” – Written by Jack Burditt (S3, E19)

Favourite Quote:

“My real name…is Dick Whitman!” - Kenneth

It did take a while for 30 Rock to truly develop Jenna’s dark side, and “The Ones” uses those tendencies really well, while quickly wrapping up the Elisa storyline. Maybe too quickly though, as the twist to write her out of the show seemingly comes out of nowhere.

(71) “Flu Shot” – Written by Jon Pollack (S3, E8)

Favourite Quote:

“Liz, I believe doctor-patient confidentiality is a two-way street. I’m cheating on my wife.” – Dr. Spaceman

Featuring some beautiful continuity between a one-off Michael Buble joke the episode before (“Senor Macho Solo”) & a fantastic musical montage performed by the man himself, “Flu Shot” is a wonderfully paced episode with a good story, but just doesn’t have the killer jokes when compared to the rest of Season 3.

(70) “Mamma Mia” – Written by Ron Weiner (S3, E21)

Favourite Quote:

“That’s easy for you to say.” – Jack

“No it wasn’t. I struggled through that sentence.” - Tracy

Featuring a brief appearance from Amy Schumer, “Mamma Mia” works well as a springboard to the Season 3 finale, but there aren’t enough top-notch one-liners to put it among the show’s elite episodes.

(69) “Jack the Writer” – Written by Robert Carlock (S1, E4)

Favourite Quote:

“Live every week like it’s Shark Week.” - Tracy

Another of the 1st season’s uneven episodes, especially when compared to the murderer’s row of seasons 2 and 3. But even in the early stages of the show, “Jack the Writer” delivers some all-time lines, particularly from Tracy, whose life lessons to Kenneth throughout end up setting the stage for Tracy to become one of TV’s most quotable characters.

(68) “Succession” – Written by Andrew Guest & John Riggi (S2, E13)

Favourite Quote:

“I’m like Mozart, you’re like that guy who was always jealous of Mozart.” – Tracy

“Salieri?” – Frank

“No, thank you, already ate.” - Tracy

The greatest skill of “Succession” – and most of peak 30 Rock - is its ability to weave plot & expository-heavy content into an episode, but still fill it with terrific jokes. “Succession” leans more towards the former, but is still a strong episode overall. Plus, we start to get seeds of the madness to come from Kathy Geiss.

(67) “There’s No I in America” – Written by Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan (S7, E5)

Favourite Quote:

“Let’s make like a black magazine and Jet.” – Peter Horn

Picking up on the story started in “Unwindulax”, “There’s No I in America” ramps up the political satire and delivers jokes to match. Jack’s attack ad on Liz & Liz’s performance as Young Jack are both worth the price of admission and help carry the show’s story through.

(66) “I Do Do” – Written by Tina Fey (S4, E22)

Favourite Quote:

“Fine, it’s your loss. There’s only one Wesley Snipes in this world.” – Wesley

“You know there isn’t.” - Liz

One of the show’s more cohesive season finales, “I Do Do” does well to call back some obscure references from the season and present a satisfying conclusion to season 4.

(65) “Murphy Brown Lied to Us” – Written by Robert Carlock & Vali Chandrasekaran (S6, E18)

Favourite Quote:

“Has anyone ever known a good person named Kevin?” – Liz

“Kevin Garnett helped me move once.” – Jack

“I’m good, thanks.” – Liz

“Kevin Costner cooked me dinner after a bad breakup. Kevin Sorbo introduced me to his podiatrist.” - Jack

A nice step forward in Liz’s quest for children, “Murphy Brown Lied to Us” is a middle-of-the-road offering from 30 Rock, but important enough story-wise to be one of season 6’s better episodes.

(64) “¡Que Sorpresa!” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S5, E13)

Favourite Quote:

“No guys, I’m not really pregnant. I was just pretending to help Jack.” – Liz

“Why would you pretend to help Jack? Help him for real – it takes the same amount of time.” – Tracy

Hank Hooper’s debut episode, “¡Que Sorpresa!” hits the ground running on the Kabletown CEO’s character, but doesn’t offer much else except for being a well-executed joke machine. For other shows, that’s more than enough, but 30 Rock raised the bar so much, this episode ends up being nothing more than a middle of the road experience.

(63) “Fireworks” – Written by Dave Finkel & Brett Baer (S1, E18)

Favourite Quote:

“I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college…” – Liz

The continuation of Liz’s questionable ethics in her pursuit of Floyd from “The Fighting Irish” thankfully get wrapped up neatly and give Liz a chance to redeem herself, but all this gets overshadowed by a terrific first appearance from Devon Banks. Will Arnett’s dynamic with Alec Baldwin works right away, and Banks creates a strong foil for Jack throughout the series.

(62) “Christmas Attack Zone” – Written by Tracey Wigfield (S5, E10)

Favourite Quote:

“I have been watching The Mentalist a lot lately because my TV’s on CBS and I lost my remote. I think I’ve become a body language expert. For instance, I can now tell that Jack wants to kill the person to his right. (shudders)” - Liz

30 Rock’s most enjoyable Christmas episode, “Christmas Attack Zone” finds a way to weave traditional Christmas storylines with terrific jokes such as “The Menta-Liz”, 2 Black Swans & the call back to “Kidney Now” (“He got me a kidney…from Elvis Costello!).

(61) “Future Husband” – Written by Tracey Wigfield & Jon Haller (S4, E14)

Favourite Quote:

“I’m sorry; you’re calling me as a source? How are you going to explain your unnamed executive to your producer?” – Jack

“I’ll tell him it’s a guy I’m having sex with – it’s a 24 hour news cycle here, Jack, we really don’t have time to do it right anymore.” - Avery

One of the stronger Kenneth episodes, “Future Husband” uses him well as an intermediary between the other characters to advance the story, not only in this episode, but forward in the rest of the season. And while we’d get some terrific Kabletown references in future episodes, the importance of the first appearance of the NBC sale puts “Future Husband” in the essential category, if not necessarily among the funniest.

(60) “Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter” – Written by Kay Cannon & Tina Fey (S4, E17)

Favourite Quote:

“Tomorrow is the wine and cheese tasting, or as I call it, singles fart suppression.” - Liz

Jack’s love triangle story bogs down some terrific stories from Liz’s romantic life, Tracy’s complaints about the show’s racism & Toofer’s issues with his hiring. All of this, though, gets overshadowed towards the end with the first of several cutaways to the always entertaining Bitch Hunter.

(59) “Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning” – Written by Robert Carlock (S5, E12)

Favourite Quote:

“When the birds first started attacking us, we all thought it was pretty funny and made Hitchcock jokes. But we’re not laughing now, because our laughter excites the birds sexually.” – Robert De Niro

Another chapter in the Liz / Tracy battles, “Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning” delivers an all-timer fight in the “Uptown Girl” sing-off & parlays that with a truly original Jack story preparing telethons for natural disasters. But my favourite moment: the inside-joke cutaway of John Lutz’s real-life wife Sue Galloway when Lutz says “it’s so hard to choose when everyone loves me so much”. This wink – along with using 2 of the show’s writers as stand-ins for Liz and Tracy in the “Queen of Jordan” cutaway – just adds to 30 Rock’s fantastic meta catalogue.

(58) “The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S6, E4)

Favourite Quote:

“You just bought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s bones, and he’s not even dead.” - Dotcom

The Liz and Jenna search for a new best friend is a strong story, but “The Ballad of Kenneth Parcell” shines because of 2 great jokes - the 1995 Quebec Nordiques cutaway & the Not Kenneth machine spitting out fake NBC shows and episodes. I’d also buy a whole album of Steve Earle singing songs about the show’s characters.

(57) “College” – Written by Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan (S5, E8)

Favourite Quote:

“Lemon, that’s the smartest thing you’ve ever said.” – Jack

“Really? What about 3 years ago when I said there should be more TV shows about cake.” - Liz

Featuring some terrific college movie trope jokes, “College” hammers home Liz’s true place in the workplace, and gives us 2 amazing Tracy jokes; the Ogbert run and the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Tracy/Jenna handheld mirror cutaway.

(56) “Hiatus” – Written by Tina Fey (S1, E21)

Favourite Quote:

“Ladies! (gasps) What, this? No, no, I was at a costume party earlier this evening, and the hostess’ dog attacked me so I had to stab it.” – Dr. Spaceman

Season 1’s finale manages to tell a couple of important stories while simultaneously bringing some wonderful one-liners to the screen – a trait that would serve the show well in the upcoming 2nd season. Plus, the on-screen introduction of Colleen Donaghy adds another terrific layer to Jack’s character.

(55) “Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky” – Written by John Riggi (S6, E10)

Favourite Quote:

“I don’t know anything. I get all my news from the radio in Grand Theft Auto.” - Frank

The parody of the cop procedural genre is easily the standout part of the episode. Lutz stacking scripts while being interviewed & Alexis’ lines about being haunted by her husband’s murder show the terrific attention to detail the show is capable of, but the other 2 storylines don’t add much to the show’s legacy.

(54) “Do-Over” – Written by Tina Fey (S3, E1)

Favourite Quote:

“We might not be the best people…” – Jack

“But we’re not the worst.” – Liz

“Graduate students are the worst.” – Jack & Liz

Wonderfully paced and scripted, “Do-Over” works very well as Season 3’s premiere. The growth of the Liz/Jack relationship particularly shines, allowing the show’s lead characters to further establish their special dynamic, and even, however briefly, deal with their romantic possibilities.

(53) “The Natural Order” – Written by John Riggi & Tina Fey (S3, E20)

Favourite Quote:

“Everyone’s got something to hide. For instance, I’m wearing a child’s Halloween costume under this.” – Len

The Liz / Tracy battles ended up being some of the most entertaining scenes of the show, and “The Natural Order” finally shines a spotlight on their relationship and status in their world. In addition, we also get an ending worthy of the exclaim “Twist!”

(52) “Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001” – Written by Kay Cannon (S4, E7)

Favourite Quote:

“You seem nervous. I can give you something for that. Ah, you know what? I’m not supposed to have sex with my patients.” – Dr. Spaceman

A good use of the role reversal idea, “Dealbreakers Talk Show #0001” gives us one of Tina Fey’s best performances on the show & the start of Tracy’s wonderfully delirious EGOT story.

(51) “Jack-Tor” – Written by Robert Carlock (S1, E5)

Favourite Quote:

“Don’t be cute, Lemon, you’re too old for that.” - Jack

A big episode for the show, as 30 Rock takes its first of many shots at GE and NBC with the product integration storyline. 30 Rock’s meta jokes were always a big part of the show, and “Jack-Tor” started the series down this path with some great shots at a network that ended up being a big target for the writers throughout the 7 seasons.

(50) “Sandwich Day” – Written by Robert Carlock & Jack Burditt (S2, E14)

Favourite Quote:

“Peter Venkman, that’s from Ghostbusters. You used Ghostbusters for evil!” - Liz

One of my favourite things about 30 Rock is the detailed creation of an event that never gets mentioned again. “Sandwich Day” is such a great idea for an office plot, and the show was always creative enough not to go back to the well in subsequent episodes. The storytelling in this episode turns out so well, and culminates with the perfect Liz Lemon moment that rings true every time.

(49) “Florida” – Written by Tom Ceraulo & Matt Hubbard (S7, E10)

Favourite Quote:

“Lemon, listen to what you’re saying – Colleen Donaghy was gay? She stopped watching the Bruins because Derek Sanderson’s moustache made him look ‘like he takes his sandwich with a pickle’.” - Jack

Considering the calibre of episodes that surround “Florida”, it’s hard to place it among the best from the show’s final season. But even with that, “Florida” is still a great episode, with the importance of Liz’s quest for children and Jack’s step forward in his career playing alongside some terrific Hazel jokes from her deposition.

(48) “Senor Macho Solo” – Written by Ron Weiner (S3, E7)

Favourite Quote:

“They do that a lot in movies; An Affair to Remember, Sleepless in Seattle, and that remake of An Affair to Remember that I was in, A Blaffair to Rememblack.” - Tracy

Merging Liz’s baby desires with her chaotic romantic life is a brilliant idea, and “Senor Macho Solo” delivers one of the show’s best stories, and loads it up with enough great jokes to sustain the plot throughout.

(47) “Audition Day” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S4, E4)

Favourite Quote:

“He’s evil, Tracy!” – Jenna

“He’s evil Tracy! Oh. He’s evil ‘comma’ Tracy.” - Tracy

Starting off with a terrific breaking-the-fourth-wall look into the camera, “Audition Day” ratchets up the pace after a slow start to the 4th season. We also get treated to a long overdue Dotcom storyline & some great Tracy and Jenna banter.

(46) “Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S4, E21)

Favourite Quote:

“It turns out the person I was waving to was not my old football coach.” – Drew

“Of course not, you were in Zimbabwe.” – Liz

“It looked just like a black version of him.” - Drew

“Emanuelle Goes to Dinosaur Land” pumps up the stupid on Jon Hamm’s Drew to give us one of Season 4’s best scenes (“That was my last ungashed painting” is an all-timer). We also get some great Wesley lines and the amazing Tracy jokes to wrap up the episode.

(45) “Governor Dunston” – Written by Robert Carlock (S7, E2)

Favourite Quote:

“It’s like I’m Don Draper and you’re Megan. Okay, you’re Don Draper. No, you’re Glen and I’m Sally.” - Liz

More than just a storyline inspired by Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin impression, “Governor Dunston” has multiple wonderful moments. Cooter’s Old Spanish (later referenced on Mad Men); Liz’s apparent hatred of pears; Bryan Cranston as Ron (“Kenneth, I’m just trying to replace your Dad”); it all works incredibly well and puts “Governor Dunston” among the best episodes in the show’s final season.

(44) “Idiots are People Three!” – Written by Robert Carlock (S6, E3)

Favourite Quote:

“I didn’t want him to lecture me about how you don’t have a job and your name is spelled wrong and you went to Wesleyan.” – Liz

“Wesleyan is the Harvard of Central Connecticut.” – Criss

“Yale is the Harvard of Central Connecticut.” – Liz

“Had that locked and loaded, didn’t you?” - Criss

Once the story was set up in “Idiots are People Two!”, “Idiots are People Three!” raises the bar in both story and humour. Kelsey Grammer’s return to 30 Rock is even more ridiculous and creative than his first appearance (“Reaganing”) & any episode featuring Devon Banks is worth the price of admission.

(43) “Sun Tea” – Written by Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan (S4, E6)

Favourite Quote:

“I feel angry, like Warren Moon must have felt back in 1995.” – Dotcom

“As I have told you many times during our relationship, no one gets that reference.” - Liz

Once a show has had a few seasons under its belt, and the characters are well established, it can try something like “Sun Tea”, where Liz tries the Jack, Jenna and Tracy approaches to solving her real estate problem. And while the story is a little New York-centric, “Sun Tea” explores enough of the character’s traits while weaving in some beautiful jokes to make a terrific episode.

(42) “Reunion” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S3, E5)

Favourite Quote:

“Rich 50 is middle class 38.” - Jack

Never taking the easy storyline, “Reunion” takes a standard sitcom idea and flips it on its head. That would be enough to carry most shows, but “Reunion” adds a great Liz/Jack character story to it, making it one of the best development episodes for the show’s 2 main characters.

(41) “Cooter” – Written by Tina Fey (S2, E15)

Favourite Quote:

“You had a three-way with Roseanne and Tom Arnold.” – Liz

“That was two years ago!” - Jenna

“Cooter” terrifically uses political satire (and even predictive political satire – “We have a chance to make this country great again.”) while presenting an important emotional Liz storyline. But the strength of the Season 2 finale comes towards the end with Jack’s silent reactions to Liz’s voicemails. 30 Rock ended up being one of the funniest shows on television, but the heart it displayed here elevated it to another level.

(40) “The Bubble” – Written by Tina Fey (S3, E15)

Favourite Quote:

“Sorry it took me so long to answer – I was just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds.” - Tracy

More than just the episode that made reference to Bill Cosby’s legal issues years before they became wide public knowledge, “The Bubble” moves Dr. Drew’s character into a funnier direction, while giving us a great scene with Tracy Jr. calling out Jack.

(39) “The Problem Solvers” – Written by Ron Weiner (S4, E5)

Favourite Quote:

“What’s up? Nothing, just meeting with this Dealbreakers lady…I don’t know, regular 6, drunk 7.” – Scotty Shofar

It’s so wonderful to see Liz and Jack go toe-to-toe in Jack’s world alongside another Tracy and Jenna adventure. The dynamics between these characters jumps off the screen, and combined with some incredible jokes - the Wade Boggs Carpet World run, for one - “The Problem Solvers” ends up being one of the 4th season’s top episodes.

(38) “When It Rains, It Pours” – Written by Robert Carlock (S5, E2)

Favourite Quote:

“Now, full disclosure, most of my experience is putting babies in women.” – Dr. Spaceman

“Oh, I’m going to kill that man!” – Angie

“You just described my morning.” – Dr. Spaceman

It’s fun to think that the 30 Rock and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt universes exist together, what with Mikey the construction worker from UKS showing up at the beginning of “When It Rains, It Pours”. Besides that, the Paul Giamatti role is fantastic, the Tracy / Cash Cab scenes are wonderful, and the Matt Moulson reference is delightfully obscure.

(37) “Anna Howard Shaw Day” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S4, E13)

Favourite Quote:

“Grizz, Dotcom, thank you for pretending to be bouncers.” – Jack

“Maybe someday we’ll live in a world where you’ll ask us to pretend to be scientists.” - Dotcom

The first appearance of Elizabeth Banks’ Avery Jessup, “Anna Howard Shaw Day” has a couple of gems that carry the episode. The Bon Jovi ‘Artist in Residence’ run, “Jane Sadwoman”, & the dream sequences featuring Liz’s ex-boyfriends all work really well to put together a terrific episode.

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(36) “Larry King” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S3, E12)

Favourite Quote:

“If you’re just joining us, we’re with Tracy Jordan, who is giving guitar icon Peter Frampton enigmatic clues about a secret treasure. Stay with us.” – Larry King

“Larry King” is one of the show’s best examples of the genius behind the Tracy Jordan character. Filled with one wonderful joke after another, his appearance on Larry King’s show is a terrific plot to weave through Liz and Jack’s story and really moves the episode along nicely.

(35) “My Whole Life is Thunder” – Written by Jack Burditt & Colleen McGuinness (S7, E8)

Favourite Quote:

“Listen, Jenna, I didn’t mean to steal your thunder…” – Liz

“My whole life is thunder!” - Jenna

It’s a tough balancing act for a comedy to end a character’s life while still presenting an episode that’s funny, but “My Whole Life is Thunder” achieves this in spades. Colleen’s death is given the gravitas and tone it deserves, while the rest of the episode presents some lovely Liz / Jenna battles and ends with our 2nd straight character wedding. A triumph all around.

(34) “100” – Written by Jack Burditt & Robert Carlock & Tina Fey (S5, E20)

Favourite Quote:

“You’re back!” – Jenna

“Yeah, and this is my front. Thanks for setting me up for another classic quote.” - Tracy

30 Rock’s 100th episode was the perfect way for the show to celebrate such a milestone. Frantically paced and loaded with inside jokes and meta references (“sorry, recurring hobos!”), “100” not only tells a great character story, but uses 2 great cameos from Michael Keaton and Tom Hanks to produce a memorable, yet still important episode.

(33) “Floyd” – Written by Paula Pell (S4, E16)

Favourite Quote:

“Okay, universe, send me a white football player. No kickers or linemen.” - Jenna

One of 30 Rock’s greatest strengths as a comedy – particularly in the later seasons - was combining a straight forward sitcom story like Liz dealing with her ex getting married while telling 2 bizarre off-the-wall plots like Twig and Plums & Tracy and Jenna Elm Streeting their problems. Bonus points for the Ottawa Senators psych up song.

(32) “SeinfeldVision” – Written by Tina Fey (S2, E1)

Favourite Quote:

“Oh no, did a Korean person die?” - Tracy

Season 2’s debut demonstrated a real shift forward for 30 Rock. Instead of trying to shoehorn in jokes into a densely plotted episode, “SeinfeldVision” managed to deal with Liz’s breakup with Floyd while also delivering a magnificent storyline featuring the first of many, many A-list cameos in the form of Jerry Seinfeld.

(31) “The Break-Up” – Written by Dave Finkel & Brett Baer (S1, E8)

Favourite Quote:

“That guy wanted to buy you a drink.” – Jenna

“Really? I already have a drink; do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?” – Liz

If someone asks for an example of a “typical” 30 Rock episode, I’d recommend “The Break-Up”. Lacking the zany plot points of latter seasons, but funnier and better paced than the show’s early episodes, “The Break-Up” marches along like a well-oiled joke machine and satisfies on both the first and 100th viewing. Plus, the 2nd appearance of Dennis Duffy starts to give us the first glimpses of the maniac he’d later become, particularly with the Dateline punch line that wraps up the episode.

(30) “Somebody to Love” – Written by Kay Cannon & Tina Fey (S2, E6)

Favourite Quote:

“Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon, have some self-respect. Don’t you know you can fly?” - Tracy

Between Tracy’s brilliant pigeon line, the Sheinhardt t-shirts & the terrific Lifetime movie run, “Somebody to Love” is filled with great lines as well as kicking off the Jack-CC storyline to develop over the next few episodes.

(29) “Generalissimo” – Written by Robert Carlock (S3, E10)

Favourite Quote:

“I don’t think you should come to my cousin’s police academy graduation or my other cousin’s parole party. Boy, I hope those two don’t eventually have a showdown that pits family against justice.” - Elisa

When you have an actor with the range of Alec Baldwin, you have to find a way to use it. “Generalissimo” does this incredibly well by having Baldwin play the aforementioned title character, a story that’s as ridiculous as it is hilarious. Plus, we’re introduced to Jon Hamm’s Dr. Drew for the 1st time, but unfortunately the later character trait of him being ignorantly stupid doesn’t show up yet, hurting it a bit when compared to his later appearances.

(28) “St. Patrick’s Day” – Written by Colleen McGuinness (S6, E12)

Favourite Quote:

“Dude, you missed the end of the les movie. Their daughter, she goes off to college and Mark Ruffalo, he’s just going to do this own thing with the restaurant.” - Dennis

I didn’t think it was possible for Dennis Duffy to be Liz’s voice of reason, but “St. Patrick’s Day” gives him the task of pushing Liz towards character growth we’d yet to see in her. That – combined with some terrifically crafted jokes – put this episode among the best of the show’s later years.

(27) “Queen of Jordan” – “Written” by Tracey Wigfield (S5, E17)

Favourite Quote:

“We all agree it’s gone too far. Kenneth, Richard Esposito, your 2 psychics…” – Pete

“Wait you’re seeing another psychic? I mean, I knew that…” - Psychic

Yet another example of 30 Rock’s unmatched storytelling creativity, “Queen of Jordan” brilliantly advances Season 5’s storyline in the guise of Angie’s reality show.

(26) “Grandmentor” – Written by Sam Means (S6, E13)

Favourite Quote:

“And do not write another sketch about Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. No one knows who Krang is; it would be a waste of time to talk about Krang on television. No more Krang.” – Liz

“Liz…” – Hazel

“Krang!” - Liz

In past seasons, 30 Rock episodes that bridged to bigger plots ahead found the jokes to be lacking when compared to other episodes. In “Grandmentor”, the set up to the Avery TV movie plays out well, while the other stories are paced very well and full of great jokes.

(25) “Live Show” – Written by Robert Carlock & Tina Fey (S5, E4)

Favourite Quote:

“Thanks to an idea that started as a pitch for a horror movie and grew into a charitable organization…” - Drew

As impressive a production 30 Rock has ever done, the show’s first live performance would have still worked as a regular episode, and worked well. But the live aspect allowed the show to have some fun cameos and jokes that only a live episode could pull off.

(24) “Winter Madness” – Written by Vali Chandrasekaran & Tom Ceraulo (S4, E11)

Favourite Quote:

“Excuse me, John Hancock was a patriot.” – John Hancock

“Then patriots are overrated.” – Tracy

“Hey! What did you say about the Patriots?” – Bostonian

“I said they suck!” - Tracy

“Winter Madness” is filled with so many enjoyable nuggets, it’s hard to appreciate it all on the first viewing. Bruins Beat, Grizz and Dotcom’s fight, Vondruke, the buzzword-heavy presentation, “B.S. Saints bandwagon”, “I went to school in Boston, well not in Boston, but nearby, no not Tufts”, Tracy’s American history lessons – it all works so well.

(23) “Subway Hero” – Written by Jack Burditt & Robert Carlock (S2, E12)

Favourite Quote:

“I can only imagine the classic song I’m going to write after this.” - Dennis

It only took a couple of appearance to turn Dennis Duffy into one of 30 Rock’s greatest creations. But the real strength of “Subway Hero” is the Tracy/Jack storyline about the Republican party, especially with the foreshadowing joke about building a 200 foot wall on the Mexican border.

(22) “Game Over” – Written by Robert Carlock & Sam Means (S7, E9)

Favourite Quote:

“Kaylie Hooper. To what do I owe the pleasure?” – Jack

“Jack. Pleasure is the name of a pony I hate.” - Kaylie

One of the show’s most intricate stories, “Game Over” builds a wonderful final battle between Jack and Kaylie, culminating in one of the series best reveals in Jack’s takedown. Add to that Tracy’s own battles with Octavia Spencer and Liz’s final step towards getting children, and “Game Over” becomes one of the final season’s best episodes.

(21) “Jack Gets in the Game” – Written by Robert Carlock (S2, E2)

Favourite Quote:

“She called my vanity license plate inscrutable. ICU81MI? Hilarious!” - Tracy

The fantastic return of Devon Banks & “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah”? “Jack Gets in the Game” is a great mix of plot advancement and clever jokes which sets the standard for what a sitcom should strive for.

(20) “The Rural Juror” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S1, E10)

Favourite Quote:

“You must know Arsenio?” – Jack

“Hall or Billingham?” – Tracy

“You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?” – Jack

“No.” - Tracy

It took 10 episodes for the Liz/Jenna dynamic to be truly established, but once it does in “The Rural Juror”, it adds an important character layer which had been lacking in the prior episodes. Plus, this episode turns into the funniest of the show to date, bringing so many good one-liners to the table that it’s difficult to catch each one on the first viewing.

(19) “Secrets and Lies” – Written by Ron Weiner (S2, E8)

Favourite Quote:

“We are lovers.” – Jack

“Oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between the words ‘Meat’ & ‘Pizza’” - Liz

Considering how crucial the Liz/Tracy/Jenna dynamic ends up being for the series, it’s surprising in retrospect that it took 30 Rock 29 episodes to put this story together. And what a great episode it ends up being: chock full of terrific lines & a great C-story surrounding Frank and Toofer which really helps to expand the show’s universe. Plus, “I murdered my wife” is as great a final line as any show has ever done.

(18) “Reaganing” – Written by Matt Hubbard (S5, E5)

Favourite Quote:

“Okay, fine, maybe I’m a little old fashioned. I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond.” - Liz

The creativity 30 Rock delivered on such a consistent basis overwhelms me. The stories in “Reaganing” are unbelievably brilliant, it’s hard to imagine another show put together one of these stories, let alone all 3. Sheer brilliance from top to bottom.

(17) “Live from Studio 6H” – Written by Jack Burditt & Tina Fey (S6, E19)

Favourite Quote:

“Look, honey, you have a dynamite shape, but you’re going to have to shut up and let a man tell us what’s happening here. Now, is your father or a policeman nearby?” – Chet (Brian Williams)

30 Rock’s first live episode mostly worked as a regular episode, but in “Live from Studio 6H”, the show perfectly mixes its signature brilliant scripted jokes with the pace and style of SNL to create something truly memorable.

(16) “Kidney Now!” – Written by Jack Burditt & Robert Carlock (S3, E22)

Favourite Quote:

“It’s true! There was no baby. I was chicken! I was chicken!” – Tracy

“A guy crying about a chicken and a baby? I thought this was a comedy show.” - Milton

The ambition alone to pull off an episode like “Kidney Now!” deserves praise, but to actually pull off an A-list musical tribute at the end of such a terrific episode elevates the Season 3 finale above most of the show’s other episodes. We’re also treated to an epic M*A*S*H joke as shown above and an all-timer Dr. Spacemen line: “Now, Jack, in layman’s terms…what do you think that means?”

(15) “Believe in the Stars” – Written by Robert Carlock (S3, E2)

Favourite Quote:

“I watched Boston Legal 9 times before I realized it wasn’t a new Star Trek.” - Tracy

How is it possible to do a sitcom episode where race, gender and morality issues intersect? 30 Rock found a way with “Believe in the Stars”, a triumph of creativity and storytelling rarely seen on a television comedy.

(14) “Mrs. Donaghy” – Written by Jack Burditt (S5, E11)

Favourite Quote:

“Well, it’s no surprise we’re sitting here. You two have always thrown off that ‘Will-They-Or-Won’t-They’ vibe and it’s been a real hoot to watch your courtship.” – Jeffrey Weinerslav

30 Rock had too many strengths to list, but one of my favourites was the show’s way to take a seemingly traditional sitcom trope (like an accidental marriage) and turn it on its head. “Mrs. Donaghy” is one of the funniest episodes in the show’s run, featuring the debut of the wonderful D’Fwan, the creation of “Queen of Jordan” & an unbelievably bizarre Marc Trestman reference.

(13) “Mazel Tov, Dummies!” – Written by Tracey Wigfield (S7, E7)

Favourite Quote:

“I have been sure for a long time that this was never going to happen and I was fine with it, ergo, it couldn’t matter.” – Liz

“Ergo! Affleck’s finally going to get that Oscar.” - Dennis

Liz Lemon’s wedding episode is damn near perfect. Being pushed to action by Dennis again, Criss finally getting Jack’s card of approval, the Princess Leia outfit – “Mazel Tov, Dummies” is a wonderful way for the show’s lead to finally, after nearly 7 years, have something good happen to her.

(12) “Double-Edged Sword” – Written by Kay Cannon & Tom Ceraulo (S5, E14)

Favourite Quote:

“Having seen Crimson Tide on Showtime last weekend, I believe the only course of action available to us is passenger mutiny. I am Denzel!” - Liz

Wonderfully paced, performed and written, “Double-Edged Sword” would be one of the all-time greats in 30 Rock lore even if it wasn’t chock full of fantastic Canadian references. But Jack and Avery’s trip to Canada raises the episode so much, and the wink to Lorne Michaels (both in a character’s name and the killer joke at the end) puts it among the show’s elite.

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(11) “Hogcock! / Last Lunch” – Written by Jack Burditt & Robert Carlock / Tina Fey & Tracey Wigfield (S7, E12 & 13)

Favourite Quote:

“That’s our show. Not a lot of people watched it, but the joke’s on you, because we got paid anyway.” - Tracy

Series finales for comedies can be a mixed bag. For 30 Rock’s 2 part finale, the show finds the perfect balance between wrapping up stories, pushing characters forward & telling great jokes. Between the Conan green screen cameo (who made his return to NBC’s airwaves with the appearance); Jenna’s Mickey Rourke confession; Grizz and Herz (“I’m going to be a real fish out of water!”) & one more Rural Juror reference, “Hogcock!” & “Last Lunch” is brilliantly funny, while Liz’s final moments with Tracy and Jack are emotionally satisfying.

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(10) “Gavin Volure” – Written by John Riggi (S3, E4)

Favourite Quote:

“Toronto is just like New York, but without all the stuff.” – Gavin Volure

“Gavin Volure” – both the episode and the character – is a wonderful example of how a one-off character can shine in both story and humour. The episode’s plot twists and terrific one-liners (“Or am I?”, “I spent it…on disguises”, “I miscounted the men!”) make “Gavin Volure” a perfect 30 Rock episode for anyone who isn’t fully invested in the arc of the series, and a terrific episode in a season full of them.

(9) “Tracy Does Conan” – Written by Tina Fey (S1, E7)

Favourite Quote:

“No! Past Pete is here to kill Future Pete!” - Tracy

30 Rock’s best episode of the 1st season pushes the pace to a frantic rate and loads up the jokes to match. In a show that ended up being known for squeezing in numerous brilliant one-liners into 22 minutes of television, “Tracy Does Conan” takes the first step towards that ambitious goal, and in effect, becomes a 2nd pilot. Also, we’re introduced to the wonder of Dr. Spaceman, The Rural Juror & the phenomenal “What else is on my mind grapes?”

(8) “Rosemary’s Baby” – Written by Jack Burditt (S2, E4)

Favourite Quote:

“Who’d ever known there were so many words; it was like a Mos Def CD.” – Tracy re: National Anthem

A wonderful example of the brilliance 30 Rock was capable of. “Rosemary’s Baby” showcases deep character development with Liz and Tracy, an off-the-wall story featuring a bizarre page-off, and an all-timer advice nugget from Jack – “Never go with a hippie to a second location.” Plus, Alec Baldwin’s performance in the therapy scene is one of the best moments of the series.

(7) “The Tuxedo Begins” – Written by Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan (S6, E8)

Favourite Quote:

“You smell like when the Stone Mountain tire fire joined up with the corpse fire and then swept through the downtown manure district. It was our fault for letting those high schoolers dance at their prom.” - Kenneth

“The Tuxedo Begins” is one of 30 Rock’s most impressive storylines, pushing Jack and Liz to the edges of their beliefs to create the most unlikely of Batman parodies. One of the show’s greatest triumphs of creativity, topped off with Len Wozniak’s greatest cutaway joke:

(6) “Kidnapped by Danger” – Written by Tina Fey (S6, E14)

Favourite Quote:

“Actor timeout. Just wanted everyone to know that I’ll be method acting, staying in character at all times. It’s a technique that was invented by Constantin Stanislavski, when he was 4 years old and wanted to act like a pirate.” – Lance Drake Mandrell

“Kidnapped by Danger” is the most meta of all the 30 Rock meta episodes, not just by casting William Baldwin as the actor playing Jack, but using Jack’s office as the set for Jack’s office and literally removing the 4th wall. Add in Weird Al, and “Kidnapped by Danger” is an idea that’s off the charts, kemosabe.

(5) “Plan B” – Written by Josh Siegal & Dylan Morgan (S5, E18)

Favourite Quote:

“I’m Aaron Sorkin. West Wing, Few Good Men, Social Network.” – Aaron Sorkin

“Studio 60?” – Liz

“Shut up.” – Aaron Sorkin

As a borderline obsessed fan of the collected works of Aaron Sorkin, his unbelievable cameo in “Plan B” alone makes this episode an all-timer. But even without it, “Plan B” is chock full of wonderful references: “Are Rizzoli and Isles friends in real life?”; Gay Sportscenter; Sue’s police psychic job (“in the TV show, you bang me in a tulip field under credits”); the “fellas that like fellas network”; bird internet; chihuahua outfits; the return of the great Devon Banks. One of 30 Rock’s all-time funniest episodes.

(4) “Apollo, Apollo” – Written by Robert Carlock (S3, E16)

Favourite Quote:

“We were both pretty torn up about Hurricane Katrina.” – Jenna

“What those people were doing to the Superdome.” - Dennis

There is so much excellence in “Apollo, Apollo” it’s nearly impossible to talk about it all in a single paragraph. Tracy’s arguments for going into space (“I was prepared for the possibility for this meeting!”), Bijou, lizzing, Muppets, and yet another memorable appearance from the one and only Dennis Duffy are just some of the examples of brilliance on display.

(3) “MILF Island” – Written by Tina Fey & Matt Hubbard (S2, E11)

Favourite Quote:

“Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncle’s after he would drink from the air conditioner.” - Kenneth

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In many ways the perfect 30 Rock episode, the writing in “MILF Island” is incredibly layered and clever, while still being laugh-out-loud funny. The reality show cutaways, the out-of-nowhere ‘Cathy’ reference, the Deborah pronunciation – all of it works so well, and “MILF Island” sets the standard for what a sitcom episode should be.

(2) “Leap Day” – Written by Luke Del Tredici (S6, E9)

Favourite Quote:

“Looks like this time the male will be in the Czech. That kind of wit is a thing she will never give you.” – Liz

You could do an entire episode where you just make jokes about made up traditions that happen on Leap Day and it would be great. You could do an entire episode where you just have cutaways to a fake Jim Carrey movie and it would be great. Do them both, and combine them with a great Liz and Jenna story & lyrics to the song the band plays in the Cantina in Star Wars, and you have the 2nd greatest 30 Rock episode ever. Real Life is for March.

(1) “A Goon’s Deed in a Weary World” – Written by Lang Fisher & Nina Pedrad (S7, E11)

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Favourite Quote:

“Impossible? Would any of your female heroes say that? Would Amelia Earhart or Dian Fossey or Joan of Arc? Boy, women who try to do things sure get killed a lot.” - Jack

So, how does one settle on the #1 30 Rock episode? Every episode is hilarious, with ingenious creativity and fantastic performances and “A Goon’s Deed in a Weary World” is no exception. The green screen gag, Dumb Gay Batman, Tramp World and the terrific Edward from Bro Body Douche are all fantastic and would alone place the episode among the show’s elite. But through 7 seasons, something strange happened: it turned out I cared about the characters all along, and so much more than I could have imagined. When the episode ends, and the TGS staff have sacrificed their own careers to allow Liz to meet her adopted children, 30 Rock moved from one of the funniest shows of all-time to one of the best. As the series penultimate episode, “A Goon’s Deed in a Weary World” becomes the show’s ultimate episode and 30 Rock’s greatest triumph.

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