jamrannosaurusrex

[jamrannosaurusrex]

I still think of you

In the silence of my solitude, you are always the first name on my tongue

No matter what I do, your ghost still haunts me. Your face lingers in the background of my nightmares.

The worst part is I miss you.

I miss the life we had.

It was the worst time of my life but it was ours, it was mine.

Im living on borrowed time, i can feel the walls closing in and im powerless to stop any of it.

Yet all i can think about is that stupid smile and the last kissed we shared.

Fuck you lunar i wish I could've shown you these stars

[jamrannosaurusrex]

Talking about the new year 2024 was probably the worst year of my life by far

Its infuriating to watch everyone special to me dive deeper and deeper into the abyss while I struggle to keep what's left of my soul together

I'm just so tired and I only have passion for the impossible

So I'm gonna attempt the impossible reach for the stars and be grateful for every second we share

[jamrannosaurusrex]

My alcoholic brother is coming down and my other brother just got dumped so my liver is about to get obliterated this new year

[jamrannosaurusrex]

I hope you wake up tomorrow from a nightmare

I hope you wake up tomorrow and remember the wars I fought for you

I hope I wake up tomorrow and can't remember your name

[jamrannosaurusrex]

My cries for help fall on silent ears and my idoliztion is being used as a weapon instead of fostering the respect i once craved

Even my closest family members can't seem to peirce through the glamour of their own perception to see the real me

When I try to help, they choose not to listen. I am alone.

No matter what I do or what I go through It will never be enough, and that's a hard pill to swallow.

[jamrannosaurusrex]

I'm not tired anymore

I'm finally awake

Everything they put me through was bullshit. Their selfish actions, their manipulation, their dogma. All bullshit

All of you stand on the back of one giant

ME

Without me you would've all fallen apart

All of you

Lunar and all their shitty friends, my siblings, my parents, everyone who I've given up myself for.

I'm the head of the table now

I'm the clan leader now

When you are all gone from the flood, it is I who will remain because none of you could hope to survive as long as me.

I'm the smartest person I know

I'm the most competent person I know

When push comes to shove, I'm the most fearless person on earth.

And what do you all do?

YOU ACT LIKE IM A TOOL AND THATS OVER

Fuck you, fuck your stupid roommate, fuck your replacement, fuck my biological mother, fuck those slimey rodents who've denied my birthright for this long.

Whether you like it or not, you won't just respect me. You'll grovel

[jamrannosaurusrex]

It's not getting better

I'm still crying over you, moonchild

I wanted to do a lighthearted trend on tiktok for the end of the year but when I look back all the pictures I took since 2021 where of you

It's been nearly 6 months, and I feel the heartache like it happened yesterday

I'm so tired of being sick

I'm trying so hard to be better

I just want this to stop

[jamrannosaurusrex]

I feel no remorse for my actions

Fuck you and all you stood for

[jamrannosaurusrex]

Bad things keep happening to the man who raised me. And when I say that, I don't mean my biological father.

Bad things keep happening, and I keep my mouth shut like a good soldier. I bite my lip, but the taste of blood reminds me of you, moonchild.

I can't help but think of all the times you've done the same things to me. I can't help but feel his anger for him. Ever since I've known him I've loved him and for even longer I've carried the burden of his rage his anger.

I wish you could've met him moonchild, he would've loved you the same way I did.

He would've treated you like family just like all these women who step all over him

Just like how I let you step all over me

He's my father, he's my brother, he's the only person to show me true love exists and I'm so tired of seeing him hurt.

I know he felt the same when you hurt me.

No one gets it. Me and him are the same

And I give all my love to him because I can't love myself AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO ME

I hate you. Just as I devoted myself to loving you I will hate you.

I would've done anything for us not to end up like this moonchild. All I wanted was to not end up like them.

[jamrannosaurusrex]

To fight monsters is to become one. But I'm different. I was born a monster. Since the day I was cut out of that witch, they all knew. They all knew that I wasn't one of them. An other. Expect for me. I learned the hard way. Failure after failure after failure, pounding my head against that wall until I woke up. I'm not one of you, I'm different, I'm odd, I'm a monster.

The only way to defeat a monster is with love, something I've been denied my whole life. I've sacrificed so much trying to obtain that. Have you ever heard of a beast being chained on purpose? I was nothing but a dog to you, wasn't I? And as soon as the beast started to fade, you threw me to the side to find another to "entertain" you.

Well, I'm above that. I've realized that I'm above you. There's nothing wrong with being a monster. What's wrong is pretending you're something you're not. You're not a monster, moonchild, You're a coward. A sniveling, whimpering child hiding in the dark of your empty bedroom, clinging to that chess piece. Too scared to check under the bed.

Well, moonchild, IM the one under the bed. IM the one in your closet, IM the one that huants your dreams and sends that chill down your spine when you're alone in the dark. AND YOU WONT EVER FORGET THAT

Follow the buzzards

[jamrannosaurusrex]

I'm scared to leave the house

But not because of the recent tragedy

Because for whatever slim the chance I might see you

I don't know if I'd punch you or just fall to my knees and break down

I'd probably just end up running away like the coward i am.

I'm so sorry I failed

[jamrannosaurusrex]

I'm trying so hard to convince myself you were shackles. That being with you was a prison, and you were holding me back.

So far that seems the truth.

tough trying to be myself again. But slowly my confidence is coming back.

People like me

There are people who like me

I wish you were one of them

I wish you could see how well I'm finally doing

I wish I could help you

[jamrannosaurusrex]

I really only write on here when I'm at my lowest. When I need to confess about something.

I'm trying. I really am trying

I'm living with my brother now. That's supposed to feel good, right? Everyone around me seems to think I should be happy and excited, but the new responsibilities are haunting over me.

I've met some new people. I can't stop mindless swiping on these countless dating apps even though I know I can't replace you.

I'm sleeping in my old full-size bed. Or really just a bed in general. I hoped for so long that you'd be in this bed with me. I can't stop thinking about watching you sleep. Seeing your perfect outline next to me when I close my eyes.

I'm alone, and I fear that I always will now. My family acts like I'm being overdamatic. They just don't understand how much you mean to me.

I just want to talk to you. I want you to tell me you're great and don't need me. Because I think I'll always need you.

[jamrannosaurusrex]

You can plan the prettiest picnic, but you can't predict the weather.

I'd sit in the rain if it was with you

All this pain, I curse your name

Because I can't look at the night sky without thinking of you

[jamrannosaurusrex]

The birthday was good. My dad said he hasn't seem me smile that much. It's easy to forget about your soul mate dumping you when you're trying not to drown.

Bets told me "they're fine"

Are you fine?

I just miss you so much

[jamrannosaurusrex]

Its Milly's birthday today.

I'm trying to stay chipper, but my folks are giving her a squishmellow. I can't help but think about all those nights asleep with you. All those nights on the couch because I wanted you to get legitimate rest.

It's hard to be without you even in the best environment I could ask for. I wanted you to be family more than anything. I still do. But the reality of this situation is that I probably won't see you again. I miss you. I'm really trying to stay strong.

[jamrannosaurusrex]

It might be impossible to get over you.

I keep crying at work, hours silently sobbing. Silently in the most pain I've ever felt.

I'm such a pathetic mess. I haven't hated myself this much since I was 15.

I don't know how to be by myself anymore. I don't know how to be myself anymore.

Do you feel like you've won? Are you and that bitch partying? Are you letting all those boys with puppy dog eyes who you lead on a swing now? Jammy wants the best for you. But I don't. I want you to feel this. I want you to tell me you feel this and that we've made a mistake. That won't ever happen, but I hope every day you message me