jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

Write it shitty, write it scared, write it without a clue but don't you be so spineless and have an AI write fanfic for you.

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

it’s been ten years

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

Do you wanna play mermaids? Yay. Okay so my tail is light blue and I have ice powers. And I live in the Arctic sea and watch British sailors die horrible deaths while trying to find the Northwest Passage.

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

Any day now

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

everyone's always like ohhh the bottoms sexual fantasies are always so fucking compilated and convoluted they always wanna be like some kind of European wild hamster digging through the undergrowth and you have to be the relentless bird of prey that is hovering over their den and ready to strike with deadly talons, and maybe the bed is a sand dune thats allows for the predator to take maximum advantage of the terrain. What about the top's fantasies huh when does the top have something to say about all this. Sometimes I wanna be President Nixon in the last days of the administration and someone else is Erlichmann showing ass to comfort me. sometimes the top wants to get weirdly specific with it too okay

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

Rowling has this new application form that you can fill out if you're a person going to court over one of the following reasons

(Plain text: We fund legal representation for women and organisations who:

Have lost their livelihoods or are facing tribunals because of their expressed beliefs

Are being forced to comply with unreasonable inclusion policies regarding single sex spaces and services, or female-only clubs and events

Are challenging legislation which takes away the freedoms or protections women are entitled to

Don't have adequate means to bring actions to court or to defend themselves)

And I just think it would be a little bit funny if the answers became unusable because of too many fake cases.

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

i’m losing my mind

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

It’s interesting how diseases rip through schools at incredible speeds despite being in an arguably modern, clean(ish) environment. I wonder if it has something to do with the whole “you need a doctor’s note to excuse your absence of even one day” combined with the average price of going to a doctor, the lack of education on things like “you’re still contagious even after the fever goes away”, and the overwhelming message of “if you don’t struggle through it, you’re a failure!”

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

and with your help it can rack up 700k notes on tumblr in 2024

no tumblr this doesnt need tags im releasing it into the wild as god intended

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

whenever i see a post about someone wondering how an  asexual and a sexual can be in a healthy relationship there’s always someone being applauded for saying well asexuals can have sex too or just because someone’s asexual doesn’t mean they won’t have sex but i have never, not once, EVER seen someone say well hey, some sexuals don’t have sex. you can have a full relationship without sex. just throwing it out there

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

I don't care if this is real or not, i want this to be known as "having a rowling"

[jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists]

if you don’t know the difference between a hare and a rabbit you’ve never gazed into the cold wild eyes of a hare and known that if it could speak it would speak backwards