jeadvisors-blog

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why I want to continue to confront my comfort

February, 2019

I previously wrote about ‘some things I practiced in 2018 and want to get better at in the new year’… As the year rolls on, people are trying to keep their resolutions to change an aspect of their life, their weight, their job, their relationship, their financial situation etc.

Studies find that most resolutions will be dropped within weeks because change is difficult and setting unrealistic expectations is nothing more than wishful thinking, especially as we get back to our comfortable routines. In my opinion, these comfort zones, where many of us may feel safe and in control, are the place where our ambition and aspirations go to die, and if you really want to grow, you have to confront your comfort at work and at home.

Small experimentation will help you retrain your intuition

No matter your age or social construct, you possess certain innate skills and have acquired more through experience. Once taught, the human body and mind will remember how to react. Every comfort zone was once an uncomfortable one. It takes more exposure to unfamiliar situations to build skills or retrain to avoid bad impulses. Everyone can benefit from practice, practice, practice, because it forges muscle memory with every repetition.

What worked for me has not always worked for others around me, so it is important to explore what holds you back and to choose a tailored strategy. Taking on too much is not helpful, so start small. Breathing, meditating, visualizing outcomes, music, working with a coach, remembering what you overcame in the past, watching others do it first, leaning on or learning from a friend, are few ways to help you develop additional coping techniques.

Experimentation at home, on vacation or in the office, can be useful. Why not list everyday activities that can stretch you without the drama of a fortuitous situation. Doing something daring, getting a new hobby, talking to an intimidating person, sharing a vulnerability, trying a new cuisine, writing a blog, hanging out with someone interesting to observe, mimic and learn... are useful mini experiments that retrain your intuition so you can become more comfortable with discomfort.

Respecting your fear will enable a more positive outcome

There’s plenty literature about the psychology of the comfort zone and the science of breaking out of it. It comes down to fear of the unknown. In our heads, we paint a version of reality, not actual reality, where we struggle to predict an outcome, so we imagine the worst and lull ourselves into inaction convincing ourselves that it’s not worth the risk. Conquering that fear is vital. Cliché maybe, but the fear in our heads is not real.

I am still learning to respect my fear. This has helped me focus more and proactively calibrate for my inexperience. In my opinion, submitting to fear can often lead to an out-of-character behavior, anxiety, crying, anger and more, all of which will begin to feel very real and extremely uncomfortable, and will sometimes lead to unintended consequences.

It is our reaction to these unfamiliar or difficult circumstances that defines whether or not we fail, learn, succeed or grow. Learning how to own and steadily control our reactions every time, will help us build a comprehensive mental reference library, become more conscious and tweak our impulses to enable a more positive outcome.

Challenging yourself will make your life more interesting

We all have met and been fascinated by interesting people with larger-than-life charisma and intriguing storytelling. These people seem to have their own, sometime contrarian perspective, they have aggressively followed their passion, they have ditched many distractions and appear to have fully embraced who they are and what makes them special.

The most fascinating individuals I have met and look up to, have navigated their own path, they stay open to new ideas, demonstrate their commitment, spend time with other curious and passionate people, and seem to be living an interesting and fulfilling life. They have become humble, don’t try to impress and don’t let anything or anyone hold them back.

Everyone should seek out these enriching experiences because being comfortable does not necessarily equal being fulfilled. I have always encouraged my teams at work and friends in social settings, to find real motivation and to develop and discover their true passion. I believe that taking initiative, self-learning and practicing hard, coupled with a little creativity while following your passion is one exquisite formula.

This article is intended for me as much as for you. Jolting it down and sharing it were steps to committing myself so I can continue to confront my comfort, challenge myself and you, to build and embrace healthy habits to grow personally and professionally. I think that without a challenge you get no progress, and too much makes people quit. Finding the right balance is magical, so please make sure to take some time to celebrate the successes.

Readers are welcome to share their insights in the comments section. Thank you in advance.

Best wishes to everyone.

[jeadvisors-blog]

some things I practiced in 2018 I want to get better at next year

December, ‎2018

One conversation, few weeks ago, with an energy tech startup executive about change management turned into an impromptu mentoring session where we both reflected on what was learned in the past year, and how the lessons could be used to adjust personal development and help pen down goals for personal growth in the new year.

Many think that year-end reviews in the workplace are depleting. In my opinion, focusing on changing behaviors throughout the year can be a better strategy to achieve tangible results. Here are some of the things I practiced in 2018 and I’d love to read in the comments what others have learned that has helped them change their approach or behavior.

Being a good listener and changing your lingo will take you further

It takes a lot of practice to become a good listener that others want to talk to. Being a good listener does not come easy for some of us. Many a time, when others are speaking, our minds are quickly connecting the dots and racing with multiple ideas we think are helpful, and it takes a lot of effort to not interrupt or talk over them. When we are impatient, we miss out on a real opportunity to learn something new, learn why they are talking to us, what they are looking for and what it is that they need.

Maintaining eye contact, reducing distractions, listening attentively and letting them primarily do the talking are all good habits. I have practiced choosing the right words and limiting the jargon to respond and get people to really open up and engage in deliberate conversations. They and you will feel genuinely heard, valued and appreciated.

As I look back at the year, many conversations went well and I know where I could have done better, a lot better potentially. Practice, practice, practice should enable me to continue to build lasting relationships based on trust and mutual respect.

Surrounding yourself with good company will make you better

Everyone has a story comprised of ups and downs, pride and some regret, and several lessons along the way. People we keep in our lives will probably influence our choices.

If you want to achieve a certain goal, it is very useful to surround yourself with people that share those goals or have already achieved them. If you want to be happy, I think it is important to surround yourself with individuals that make you laugh and that genuinely care about your wellbeing. If you want to be an entrepreneur, why not network with established professionals that share the same desire or have already accomplished what you want to do.

In the past year, I have learned so much more about the energy tech and upstream space from innovators, entrepreneurs, investment professionals, other executives, recruiters and many individuals that share my goals and want to leave a thumbprint in their fields.

Listening to their stories and learning from their experience has and will continue to help me grow further and achieve more in the new year.

Engaging young professionals will enhance your perspective

The concept of time is a difficult one. It moves in one direction, we get older at home and in the office, and hopefully wiser if we are continuously learning. I enjoy being a mentor and believe in the concept of helping one person at a time. Reverse learning has always been a great side benefit because of those involved; these professionals have often been and are very driven, creative and ambitious individuals with true grit.

As time goes by, some are now noticeably younger than me. They want to discuss novel and non-traditional career choices, the evolving workplace where rigid hierarchy is disappearing quickly, where employees want to be visibly more empowered, where social responsibility is essential, where culture and diversity matter greatly, where technology becomes obsolete as soon as it is introduced and where automated workflows and cognitive machine learning environments are both fascinating and scary.

Relying on mentors with years of experience has been good for me. As I reflect back at the past year, several conversations with younger professionals have improved my perspective and I have used some of the findings to better connect and engage at home, as a parent, with my two young adult kids.

Taking time to stop and smell the roses will improve your wellbeing

Often times, we find ourselves determined to find satisfaction on a hamster wheel and may miss out on opportunities to appreciate the meaningful things and people in our lives. Numerous quotes will ring true but the challenge lies in the implementation. We have all, at one point, mentioned that we are too busy to meet someone we liked or looked up to.

Building deeper relationships by laughing together or making others feel special can pay dividends. I believe that giving is better than receiving and being present when needed is very important. Making time for family and friends, conducting one-on-ones, using positive affirmations and language, reading a good book, taking a stroll outdoors, learning how to meditate, practicing gratitude and being thankful are not difficult tasks. These actions require an honest commitment and can significantly impact your own wellbeing.

As I reflect on the year, I spent time with loved ones, not enough, I was there for some people, I practiced gratitude and took time to enjoy the little things, but as a student of learning, I cannot give myself a high mark. I believe I can do much better.

Reflecting back on some of the things one has learned in 2018 should help sketch better resolutions that one can sustain in the new year using a think, plan, execute and improve approach. Some readers may have additional insight and may want to share in the comments section. I thank you in advance.

Best wishes to everyone and Happy New Year 2019.