jerfyjester

[jerfyjester]

You’re telling me a ginger bred this man?

[jerfyjester]

Cat haters will say some shit like “cats are hateful bastards” and then show you a video of them purposefully ignoring a boundary set by said cat

Unrelated but have you ever felt the touch of a woman?

How’s that paid “guide” on how to be an alpha male going?

[jerfyjester]

I need a really good massage or something only there is no table and there is no masseuse and I am violently and repeatedly stoned to death

[jerfyjester]

Happy pride everyone, make sure to peg em extra hard.

[jerfyjester]

People talk shit about me but they never realise that I have an ace up my sleeve.

It’s a flea. There’s a flea up my arm. There’s always one flea on me at any given time.

I could transfer it. I could give it to you. I could give you fleas. I could turn you into a host to tiny insects that curse you with itch.

Or I could just like punch you or whatever but I prefer unleashing the plague. GO MY MINIONS !!!

[jerfyjester]

Food content creators will say shit like “I’m so nervous, watch this” and then just chew

That’s crazy, dude. That’s literally like the second thing you learn how to do in life.

A few more months of this, and you might just start walking.

[jerfyjester]

How Youtube crime documentaries talk about literally every victim before they describe how brutally dismembered they were:

She was a student in her school. The teachers said she “did work good”. She was so averagely pretty and she was loved by her family that loved her I guess. Her family said “we were shocked when she died because she used to be alive, and we loved her” she was such a person.

She brightened up everyone’s day by being smile and good and nice. Her family will miss her because she was their family and she was murdered. Which is bad because she was smile and everyone’s day.

When she was older, she went to work and lived in a house she rented and lived in, paid for with the job she worked at to live. After work she would go home and the next day she would go back to work. She was a nice person.

She had a boyfriend that she kissed because she was his girlfriend. He said “I was in a relationship with her” a very special bond. She went on dates with him because he was her boyfriend and she was nice and lived in a house and went to work and had a family and was alive.

Then she wasn’t aliv

People was so shocked “I saw I think” she was heartbroke How did this happen ? Knife.

She will always be remembered as the girl who lived in a house and worked and had a family.

[jerfyjester]

Found this old capture on my xbox from the long dark

The game where you basically just survive in the snowy post apocalyptic wilderness lets you keep a journal.

Pretty much sums that up

[jerfyjester]

“Are you good in bed” no i’m evil at every location

[jerfyjester]

Honestly guys talk a lot of shit for being capable of lactating. Like bro you’re within purple nurple distance. Watch out! My hands are flying to your tits. Catch!!

Only under extreme circumstances you say? No problem! I’ve constructed a 4 x 4 km2 labyrinth! With rising salt, sugar and honey!! If you don’t suffocate first, the insects will burrow through your every hole! Good luck!

[jerfyjester]

Scrolling through my posts and remembering that the only time I use tumblr is when I’m feeling particularly befuddled and absolutely bamboozled, outrageously aghast and perhaps even nage.

[jerfyjester]

No feeling I’m able to have can ever even come close to the utter sense of dread that needing to shit gives me.

It needs a name. Like all those feelings of pain that are more psychological than they are physical.

E.g. anxiety or heartbreak or watching the ending of a show that you love with all your heart and having to come to terms with the fact that you can rewatch it all you want and you can scavenge the internet for fan made content but it’s over, the story is finished and you’re reminded that all things must also do the same.

You will die someday.

You will die.

And there is no god. No afterlife. You are not that significant.

There is nothing waiting for you.

Matter has to be arranged in a certain way to form a consciousness, and that all degrades with every breath you take.

And you’re scared.

You don’t want to die, and you don’t want to live forever, so you’ll have to find meaning.

But you’ve already wasted so much time.

My colon cries out not in agony but in warning and pure fear.

I AM going to shit. And it’s not going to wait.

Ow ouch ouchie oh ow ow ( written while shitting )

YEOOOWCHH !!! HWOAAHHHH !!!!! IT WONT COME OUTTT !!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA !!!!

OH MY GOD SOMEONE GET THE PLUNGER !!!!! PLUNGE MY ASSHOLE !!!!! OH MY GODDDD !!!!!

OHHHH THIS IS YOUR ASSHOLE IN PRISON AAAAAAAAAAA !!!! OHHH MY GOD NOHB WAAFAAAAASSS SSSDSAAAAAAAAA OHEWWWWWWWWWC!!!!!!!!!!

I’m giving up I’ll come back later and try again

[jerfyjester]

I’d like the “how to remove a potato from your left hand” guy to teach me how to remove a shit from my bottom ass.

[jerfyjester]

This is official art from an official ref sheet

Pants have been shat, pissed and creamed

What is going ON

That’s not ‘fuck you alastor’ that’s ‘I’m gonna fuck you alastor’

Don’t talk to me, man. I’m a freak, man. I got lotion on my dick man I’m a freak man.

[jerfyjester]

We need to invent softer words for genitals cause I read fan fiction a lot and if it has smut in it I’m not gonna stop reading

But it’s like lalalalalala caressing lalalalalalala lovingly lalalalalalalal COCK lalalalalalala kissing lalalalalalalalal touching lalalalalalal FUCK HER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY alalalalalalalalal

[jerfyjester]

I am so

So hungry

[jerfyjester]

I love you for who you are and despise you for who you could be

Humans are always one level of desperate away from becoming monsters

No one is inherently good

If you need the threat of eternal damnation to stop you from doing horrific things then you are not a good person.

Morality doesn’t come from a god, it’s a normal human concept. I don’t need to fear any sort of divine consequences in order to not ruin a child.

Why do we praise ourselves for refraining from committing unspeakable acts on each other?

I’ve met a lot of people who self proclaim themselves as ‘kind’ and yet don’t show it in their actions. You preach peace and also ridicule me when I behave the way I’m comfortable with.

And in conclusion you can’t blame me for having a negative look on the rest of the world because everyone is a push away from snapping.

I poked fun at your hair, yes. I also told you how much I miss hanging out with you. I came to you late at night because I felt nervous and wanted company. I used to hang out in your room and admire all your cool stuff. I looked up to you. I still do.

Do you think I’m a bad person? Because I made a joke that was slightly at your expense? Does it make you feel better when you talk about me behind my back because I thought you were safe enough to laugh with? That I thought you would turn around and tell me my glasses are stupid and I act offended but the smile on my face gives me away. Instead you treat me like a newly domesticated animal that still has the habits of it’s parents in the wild.

Every minute of my life has been spent trying to be a good person and I’m sick of people still finding ways to put me down

Don’t you ever fucking tell me what I am. I’ll tell you what I am. I’m a fucking human like you, and it’s worse because I’m still maturing, but you’ve been grown for years. You’re an adult. You’re a fucking adult. Don’t you dare think you’re insulted because I want to play around with you. Grow the fuck up. Grow the absolute fuck up. Who cares? Who fucking cares? Grow a set of balls and realise that you are not fragile. You can fucking handle the above surface level shit that I say with a smile.

It’s 8:25am and I haven’t slept since uhhhhhhh yesterday I’m really hungry

This is staying up on tumblr though for anyone who finds it and feels a little bad for me or feels a little hatred for me