jessymessy

[jessymessy]

The path eels like ice when I start walking without you

I slip, and the fall hits like the fear of losing you

I crawl with no gloves, punching the slate every time I see a shadow underneath me move

My love for you paints the rink with my knuckles

I fall on my back and look up at the stars once again, asking if you are really gone.

I'll let the snowflakes make me a veil to marry death

I'll wait here til the seasons change and I am reunited with water

I know this rink is meant for me to skate and dance under the moonlight

I know this I trust that this is the way but my heart wants to freeze in time with you instead.

[jessymessy]

I used to cry to you and share that it's hard for me when people leave without saying goodbye. Where has everyone so beautiful that you introduced me to go? What happened? Why are they no longer on this journey with me? I can still remember everything they have taught me. I can see that you remember too as it is all in our writing. I remember staying up late in a different country, working on ways to best represent you and your work. My airbnb roommate would tell me "Im crazy" but I understood what you had entrusted me with. The next day I took the disappointment you expressed in my presentation like it was air to my lungs. But it all changed when my roomie spoke up and shared how hard I have been working on it. The harsh criticism changed and turns out it all wasn't that bad. I remember exploring the new country but I couldn't stop thinking about how you switched up after realizing how hard I was working. Swinging ideas in my mind: are you trying to make me better?, did you know that I would do anything for you?, did you know that anything that came from your mouth, good or bad, wrong or right, did not matter because I believed you believed in me? Did what my roomie say make me soft? was life trying to show me what I do and don't deserve? From here I started seeing the real you. So much has happened. I have stood up to you but nothing has really changed except I stopped wearing my old mask. If it weren't for others who stood up for me first I would have continued to be hard on myself and who knows what version of me would be jerking my skin. But I truly believe the best me came from it all. Yes, it hurts to go from royal to disposable. I may still be hurt, sad, angry but I would rather fall into my skin than the silk sleeve you love to dangle around me. I am no longer the baby you rolled and shopcarted around in this new, shiny world. I am not trying to be or take anything you have, let alone sign my name on the words of my sisters. As much as I want to leave I have realized that to represent doesn't mean to represent in only the best spaces. We must be resilient everywhere and anywhere, seen or unseen, with no goodbyes at all and with the longest goodbyes til we graduate.

[jessymessy]

pulling strings

REQUESTS / BLOG EVENT

From @lunaemoth - request 2/2 - Palette#3 - Padme - Music stirs the soul

[jessymessy]

Dawn  -   William H. Hays , n/d.

American,b. 1956 -

Color linocut print on paper, 9 x 12 in. 23.5 x 31 cm. Ed. 95

[jessymessy]

Photography by Xuebing Du

Instagram: xuebing.du

[jessymessy]

[jessymessy]

Happy Pride!

It's been a rough year and a strong reminder of why pride is so important. Keep yourself, your friends, and your family safe!

[jessymessy]

Cordoba, Spain

[jessymessy]

[jessymessy]

[jessymessy]

Had to share this @WeHeartIt

[jessymessy]

NexT level

[jessymessy]

LILAC BREASTED ROLLER.  Such striking beauty and an absolutely unforgettable bird that one can see pretty frequently in parts of East Africa.

[jessymessy]

[jessymessy]

[jessymessy]

[jessymessy]