jimmyerratic

[jimmyerratic]

And just like that, I'm back to square one. Figures.

[jimmyerratic]

This song always gives me chills. I love this version of the song. 

[jimmyerratic]

[jimmyerratic]

[jimmyerratic]

Being your self and what it means to me. . . . For now.

I remember having a thought that people who had lots of money or were popular were fake, or not doing the things that make them happy but what others told them to do. You know like the Disney princess jasmine who was rich but didn't have freedom. I banded with others under the flag of punk rock and adopted the FTW mentality. But who was I to pass judgment? Now I think a bit differently, My new thought is, WHO CARES!!!! Let those people do what they want because we don’t know who they are and therefore we cannot call them fake. 

For me I know what I want for now but not what I want in the future. I never wanted to be a rich person, then I worked a job for over 10 years and realized man being rich would be nice. I had bosses scream at me and realized what would being my own boss be like. I used to hate expensive cloths till I wore my first pare of 100$ jeans, and I also never wanted to eat at a 5 star restaurant till I had 5 star food. I still think some people are fake but I bet some people think I am fake as well. I have so many hobbies it could only look like a poser party to people on the outside. I do care what people think, but I can dismiss the misinformed who pass judgment with out perspective like I used to do. 

We all have likes and dislikes but it seems that people don't like to step out of there comfort zone and use name calling and judgment to mask the fear of trying something new or seeing a new perspective. This only leads to others wearing the same mask for the same reason to band together and call it an ideology and preaching it as gospel to others. I know because I did the same thing. People who still do this are not bad for doing it just need some positivity.  Stepping out of my comfort zone is never easy but that's kinda the point. It took me leaving behind my friends ( not for good) and setting off on my own path to learn who the heck I want to be. I know a rough idea of what i want and I am working everyday to get it. I still do what I can to exercise new things when i can just to get some good fun and a new perspective. I am also always trying to read and gain knowledge of things I didn't know before. 

I always want to keep growing and I never want to settle for one path because all life comes to an end but I don't want mine to end with regret. 

[jimmyerratic]

Random thoughts while I work

This isn’t my first time on tumblr. I have tried to keep up on it but the type of work I used to do did not allow for me to use it very much and it fell off of my list of priorities. 

I love photography but man am I bad at it. I think I really want to try again. There are so many beautiful photos on tumblr and other social media and I am envious of those photo’s. I live in L.A. and I hate the lack of nature in my immediate area but I think I can make it work. I do have an okay camera so maybe ill pull that out this week. 

My religious background is Christian (forced on my in my early years), by the time I was in high school I was not sure what I was. I knew there was something but I the only thing that I knew for a fact is that Christianity was not it. Life got away from me and I had built a life with my girlfriend and we eventually got married in 2012 and we made two of the most amazing children ever to walk the earth. During one of my trips out of state for work I was feeling a draw to something and started practicing witchcraft. As I studied the magicks from the old world I stumbled onto paganism and the magick of the Norse. Things just clicked from there. I dove in with both feet and started studying the runes and reading the saga’s. I found my self drawn to Tyr and Odin and Thor, even sympathizing with Loki. This is where it gets crazy, I have only ever know my mothers side of my family, English ancestors, and my fathers parents and aunts and uncles. The problem is my fathers biological dad was not in the picture so i knew nothing of his linage. Well last year I was visiting my aunt in the pacific north west and we starting talking about ancestry.com and she told me that she had already looked back as far as the 1400′s (this is my fathers side if it wasn't clear) and I was shocked to find that my fathers side comes from Sweden. So this means I have roots leading back to the Nordic region. Super cool if you ask me. 

[jimmyerratic]

[jimmyerratic]

Something has changed.

   For most of my life I have worked in the construction field or at least had a physically demanding roll. Because of this I have developed a strong body but it was rotting inside because of my poor eating habits which consisted of fast food and 2 sometimes 3 times the amount normal people eat. I would just burn off the fat faster then I could consume it. 

    During Covid I was working in DTLA and saw what Covid was doing to the industry and the city. I was constantly worried about getting the virus and bringing it home to my family. I NEEDED A CHANGE. I made the decision to follow my passion and go back to school. My wife got me a job working for her company. (this was a work from home job thank the gods) I was and still am so happy with my new arrangement. The problem is that I never had worked out because of my physical job and my eating habits came with me to my new job. This lead to rapid weight gain and poor health. I’m not to sure what weight I was before, but as of last month i weighed in excess of 263lbs. I was shocked and never guessed that I would be so big. I needed to change but nothing worked. My procrastination and poor health lead to laziness and depression. I was slipping fast. I meditated and focused on healing myself, I spoke with the gods, and tried working out everyday. I saw no change until this week. The amount of food I would eat slowly started becoming less and less, my workout was changed to house and yard work and I started getting self esteem again. I stopped thinking about it as much until my wife commented on my weight loss. the day before yesterday I checked my weight and I was at 244. 19lbs worth of weight loss. I didn't even notice the change but it motivated me to push harder. I now am deliberately eating less and better foods. today I checked and I had lost another pound in just those 2 days.  I plan on getting down to my target weight of 215. So wish me luck. I want to say that I believe with all my heart it was the gods pushing me to do better that made me start to lose weight, like I had said I was losing it with out noticing and my cravings started to dip without thinking about it. With my willpower renewed and the will of the gods I am able to do anything. 

   The last thing I want to say is that i also have still been going to school ever semester. I was getting burned out working 50 hr.'s a week and going to school on top of that so I took one intersession off, but I just registered for two classes for fall.  This is something that i thought that i would be dreading but I in fact am excited to be learning again. I hope to be done and working in the field that I want in about a year. I hope to have more updates soon but I am feeling very optimistic about my future. The strength of my spirit is what I will lean on, and the gods is where I will put my faith. 

[jimmyerratic]

I got treated to a before-bed light show tonight, courtesy of My Favorite Ginger Bastard Thor

[jimmyerratic]

[jimmyerratic]

An Erratic Mind.

My mind is a mysterious place. I am calm and angry at the same time, I am confident and filled with self doubt, I am full of love and hate everyone, and I love learning new things but hate when people explain things to me. It is so hard to live like that. I tend to put up barriers and don’t let people in to see the real me because i am not even sure who I am. I do how ever know a few things that are true no matter what. I love my kid’s more then anything in existence. My love for my wife is deeper then any ocean. And I love myself for never giving up no matter how loud my brain gets. And I know magic and energy is real, I have experienced the power and seen its effects.  These truths will never change and are a anchor in my life. 

[jimmyerratic]

One of the most influential parts of my life was finding this group. They helped me with more then can be said.

N O R U P O   by   H E I L U N G