jjday10

[jjday10]

I have green hair and my sister got married last weekend

[jjday10]

What happens in my head is

2+4= 6 and augh the second one is more than one digit and I need a pencil because I have to write this down or I’ll forget it, you know what, no, nobody actually needs me to do math so okay nope

I love "how do you do math?" questions. Here's how my brain does it:

How about you guys?

[jjday10]

Sick to fucking death of dudes who pretend to be my friend but really all they want to do is have sex with me. I know like three actual men who I have a true friendship with and maybe two of them definitely would never.

The second I stop giving in to the ridiculousness their talking to me just dries up. God it’s not even like I’m hot or something. How do actual hot people handle having friends?!

[jjday10]

Oh also, my younger sister is getting married. So I’m having all kinds of BIG FEELZ. Mostly excitement cause he’s great but also I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE *flings myself onto a nearby couch*

[jjday10]

Oh dang y’all, it’s been a minute.

Since I last posted I have:

-gotten and (mostly) recovered from COVID all while staying home pretty much the whole time (thanks, Dad! And yes, he is also ok, he recovered better than I have)

-started a new job

-gotten into UofL for grad school

-not gotten into Tulane for grad school

-probably a bunch more but those are the high and low lights, I think?

[jjday10]

Today I started a weekly grief writing class.

It was very interesting - I’m working on something cool. But also I only have a week from tomorrow to finish my Tulane application. Eeeeeek.

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Okay, so I get that you couldn’t tell from my writing here, but I have a degree in Journalism. I once took a class called “precision language.”

It was basically grammar/punctuation boot camp. It made me even more obnoxious than I always have been. A point of reference on how obnoxious I am: I got in trouble in the 6th grade for correcting my teacher’s grammar in class. I DON’T KNOW WHY I WAS IN TROUBLE. I was correct. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I also got in trouble for reading a book in math class, which I fully understand.

I was in the car with my dad, my sister, and my sister’s boyfriend the other day. I honestly can’t remember now what my dad said, but a correction involuntary flew out of my mouth and everyone had a joke about my obsession with misused words and phrases.

My dad then said, “Actually, she’s pretty good at not reminding everyone all the time about how much smarter she is than them.”

And I know, because it was my dad, that he meant it as a compliment. But immediately I was like “NAH Y’ALL I AM NOT SMARTUR THAN ANYEEEEWON, AYE JUST KNO THEENGS ABOWT THIS WON THING.”

I definitely don’t mean to try to act like I’m better than anyone because I know how acutely that is not true. However, I do know that I’ve been fighting my whole life to prove to everyone (but really to myself) how smart I am. I think it’s because I’ve always felt a little behind because of the ADHD.

Now I’m worried that I seem like a blowhard that’s trying to make everyone know how smart I am. I have a friend like that and he drives people insane with it. Or maybe it’s just me. BECAUSE I AM EXACTLY LIKE THAT.

This is what happens in my brain when I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep and then suddenly it’s a normal human hour to wake up but I’m still trying to sleep. Help.

[jjday10]

Okay, so I’ve always really liked The Foo Fighters but lately I’ve become hyper fixated on one line from “Times Like These.” That song has been playing a lot, you know, with the whole deeply divided country in the middle of a pandemic. It’s times like these... anyway the line that I can’t stop thinking about is: “I... I’m a new day rising, I’m a brand new sky to hang the stars upon at night.”

I just like the imagery of that. That’s kind of what I’m trying to be. A new Day rising. Yeah, forgive me for being corny enough to capitalize my last name in that.

I’ve been really working hard on myself and I want to consider myself a brand new sky to hang the stars upon.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[jjday10]

I’ve finished 5 books this week. To be fair, one of them was a children’s book (like a middle grades book I was reading for a book club), and one I had already started. But I think I could maybe finish one more before tomorrow night - would be 6 books in 7 days which is probably my adult record. I’m certain I did something like that in childhood when I could get free pizza for it.

The List:

Hidden Figures - Margot Lee Shetterly

The House With A Clock In Its Walls - John Bellairs

Himself - Jess Kidd

Hysteria - Jessica Gross

A Woman Is No Man - Etaf Rum

On the TBR list for the next couple weeks:

Memorial - Bryan Washington

Leave The World Behind - Rumaan Alam

Caste - Isabel Wilkerson

Becoming - Michelle Obama

and many, many more...

I have a LOT of books on the TBR shelf... like A LOT.

[jjday10]

Every week of my life since 2017, tbh

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One dog has her head on my foot and lord help me, I have no idea what this other one is doing 🤣

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Oh I definitely think we got some worse shit than the Rock Hall. This is fucking OHIO, y’all, I think it’s probably the Hell Is Real sign or big butter Jesus, it’s so much worse since the first one burned down after being struck by lightning...

The Worst Attraction in Every State

[jjday10]

I love this! Hamilton County, Ohio (where I live) also elected a lesbian sheriff and I’m here for it!!

Celebrating these wins for increasing the diversity of representation in government! 🎉

Sarah McBride became the US’s first openly trans state senator and the country’s highest ranking openly trans legislator, as well as Delaware’s first out LGBTQ+ person elected to the state’s legislature.

Mondaire Jones and Ritchie Torres, both in New York, became the firstly openly gay Black men elected to Congress.

Cori Bush became the first Black woman elected to Congress in Missouri’s history. She is a community organizer and activist who became involved with politics after Ferguson.

Iman Jodeh, the daughter of Palestinian immigrants, became Colorado’s first Muslim lawmaker.

Shevrin Jones became the first out LGBTQ+ person to be elected to Florida’s state senate.

Michele Rayner-Goolsby became the first openly queer Black woman elected to the Florida House of Representatives.

Jabari Brisport became New York’s first openly queer state senator of color.

Kim Jackson became Georgia’s first openly LGBTQ+ state senator, and Torrey Harris became the first out LGBTQ+ member of Tennessee’s state legislature.

Taylor Small became the first openly trans member of the Vermont State Legislature.

Stephanie Byers became the first openly trans lawmaker ever elected in Kansas and the first trans person of Native American heritage ever elected to any state legislature. She’s a member of the Chikasaw Nation.

Here’s to progress being made at any level, and here’s to hoping that those elected tonight are only the first of many. ❤️

[jjday10]

I’m honestly still a little fucked up about this dream, and I know nobody wants to hear about my dreams.

But it was so strange and so vivid! So, I’m going to tell you anyway.

I was at a large banquet- everyone was dressed up and there were a lot of flowers.

I was seated at a table with friends. I don’t recall who I was with - but the song Ironic by Alanis Morrissette came on and I got up and ran out of the room, having a panic attack like I almost always do when I hear that song. (It was playing during a horrible car accident I was in when I was 16, I was thrown from the vehicle going 75mph on the highway...)

I had fought my way through a room full of people with trays- and I was kneeling outside the door with my head in my hands, trying to catch my breath. I had been here for a few beats when who I initially thought was a friend of mine from high school came outside, and had his hands on my head, trying to calm me down. When I finally turned to look at him, it was my friend Mike, who died in January.

But I didn’t know it was him until I turned around - and instead of being shocked to see him, it was just normal. he said “I’m really sorry to do this to you, but your phone wouldn’t stop going off.”

I said, “Did you answer it?”

He said, “We did.”

I said, “And what was it?”

He choked out, “Dead.”

I said, “Who?!”

He replied, “I think you better talk to them.”

And he reached out his hand to me to pull me up off the ground, and lead me inside - but that’s when I woke up. He wanted whoever had called on my phone while I was having the panic attack to tell me. I got the feeling that he didn’t want to, or couldn’t tell me.

I’m shook. Why couldn’t he tell me who it was? Why didn’t he bring the phone with him outside instead of bringing me back inside the gala?

Mike was always the king of making a dramatic gesture, like the time he sprinted down the street to find those books for Alyson & me. He just ran out the front door yelling “FOLLOW ME, NOW!” But we were the only two FOH employees in the restaurant- I couldn’t follow him, we had guests! 🤣

It was just so strange. I heard his voice and everything. Woof. Okay, I had to get that out.

[jjday10]

I just had the creepiest dream.

Does telling people make it come true or vice versa?

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Oop!

[jjday10]

Because I’m fun -

I really know how to celebrate.

I’ve spent all day thinking about all the things (mostly people) that I’ve lost.

I think I once said somewhere that I thought I would try to be the winner at losing. And boy, would I like to trade in that curse that I placed upon myself. I would now like to be the winner at winning, please.

Or maybe I would just like to be completely neutral. Lol no, I definitely wouldn’t like that at all.

Remember on Gilmore Girls there was this whole episode about Luke’s Dark Day? I feel like the whole first week of November is my dark days and now that week is over and maybe I can be light again.