jokesbeenover

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Royally let myself down today.

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To add context to my last post…….my moms been in the hospital for the last like week and a half and it’s genuinely scaring me. It’s scary to the point that I randomly broke down in tears at the bar after work n I had to isolate myself from everyone else. Idrk how severe my moms health prob is but I know for a fact I’m not ready to lose her. I need help.

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My room mates an addict who’s been clean for just under 18 years now. My guts telling me to talk to her about my latest problem n how to handle it but my brain after knowing her for years is telling me she’s just gonna make me feel like shit about it. Lowkey at the same time I feel like maybe that’s what I need… All I know is that the way I been dealing with my shit the last 2 weeks isn’t healthy n it’s time to stop n do something about it.

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Tbh I’m not proud of who I am

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Life is potentially about to go my way for once but I’m programmed to expect the worst so it’s confusing as shit

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‘Forever Terrified’

-largely and sincerely written on my bathroom wall

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Not gonna lie I’m a tab bit worried about what the near future brings solely because a handful of opportunities just fell in my lap n it almost seems too good to be true. The withdrawn person in me wants to shrug it all off n expect it to fall through while the hopeful person in me wants to take it all in n do absolutely everything within my ability to see it all through n make every part of these things happen

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Like there’s a reasonably good chance I’m just becoming a part of a roster by what’s being said and brought up in conversation but also what’s being said and brought up in other conversations is on the opposite end of that spectrum. It’s like some freak shit here n there but genuine and kind and caring even more so

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Currently experiencing the most confusing interaction with a woman I’ve ever been through…def not complaining about it the level of confusion is just immense

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Drunk and depressed are 2 D’s I never like to squeeze

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I been too big a fan of the silence I force upon myself lately

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Something I mentally can’t accomplish

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The debilitating feeling of mediocrity and inferiority 😀

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The older I get the more I care about how everyone and everything around me feels. A blessing and a curse. Shikamaru was indeed correct

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Take pride in your own existence and put effort into being a decent person in this fucked up world

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