jons-tape-recorder

[jons-tape-recorder]

tape recorder, what do you think of Michael the Abortion

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I have not yet met such a fellow. Michael the distortion was a pain in my ass, but in an endearing sort of way.

Michael Shelley was never meant to be an avatar. He hadn't the wits about him, nor the commitment to his fear. Michael Shelley was never meant to become the distortion. That's why he wasn't dangerous. A poor lost soul sucked into a maze, a product of his own sacrifice.

Michael the Abortion however? Not a clue. I imagine him to be tolerable, and in support of women's rights over their own body.

Send him my way, we might just get along.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

I think I have befriended the Martin. He hugged me and gifted me a thing he referred to as a friendship bracelet. I have decided not to throw any more staplers at him. -Nimbus

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I- Well, I certainly would not have expected an avatar of the vast to be so easily convinced.

A friendship bracelet as a peace offering? What will he think of next?

I appreciate the offers of game nights, company, and Tesco lasagnas, but I don't think I will be joining you in your befriending journey.

He deserves at least two more staplers.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

Hello, yes, I am a nonbinary who thinks murder is the perfect atmosphere for a good smooch. Thank you for your time

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Now, ordinarily, I would say the people have spoken. I would take you word and consider it gospel. Simply for the fun of blindly believing.

This however... This needs more research. One person agrees with the entities. Are there others?

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[jons-tape-recorder]

*gives you a lil kiss*

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Why, thank you. Your affection is much appreciated, no matter the size of the display!

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[jons-tape-recorder]

do you kiss men

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Were I to possess a true human form, I think the answer would be yes. Yes, I would kiss men. I'd probably kiss women and those that are neither, so long as they don't want to kill me.

Plenty of our dear non-binary entities have a slight proclivity for violence and murder. Not very conducive to a kiss- positive atmosphere.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

I think I’ll throw a stapler. Not at him, per se, but maybe in Martin’s general vicinity. I think Jon would be mad if I hit him.

-Nimbus

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Yes. This is precisely the level of assault that goes unnoticed within the archives. Good thinking, Nimbus.

Make sure it's a heavy stapler.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

Martin Blackwood has brought upon my wrath. He called me a cat. A cat. I am not a cat, dear tape recorder. So with your assistance, I will plot my revenge.

-Nimbus

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Martin never has been one for saying the right thing, has he? I suppose some of it you could attribute to trauma, or the lonely working its way into his veins.

Still, I am sorry he has disrespected you so. While there is nothing particularly negative about cats, being misidentified is sure to scorn.

I see also that Jon has not been so sympathetic.

I will consider helping you. You must not commit unimaginable violence, but a mild to significant inconvenience seems an appropriate punishment.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

You have our deepest apologies, dear Tape Recorder! If you’ll forgive us, we would be happy to invite you to the next game night. I believe that Blackwood fellow will be bringing lasagna from a mystical place he referred to as.. ✨tescos✨

-Cumulonimbus of the sinking sky

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Weeeell, I do love to be near a good lasagna. It always seems to put people in good spirits. Exactly what you need for a high energy, likely incredibly competitive, paranormal game night.

You are forgiven for your oversight. I would be honoured to record the events of the night. Especially Blackwood's crushing defeat...

I jest, I jest. Just avoid card games, Jonathan has an unfair advantage.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

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The Vast, arguably the fear with the most potential for sanity, is hosting a game night?

The Vast is hosting a game night, and I'm not invited?

Well, this is most disappointing. I feel a display of indignation would be rather apt here. I am going to sabotage that game night.

After all, what harm can they bring to a poor old tape recorder?

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Greetings, pet of Mr. Sims. You have been invited to The Vast’s game night so long as your.. Owner? Caretaker?- Mr. Sims will be there to supervise you. This week’s game will be Monopoly, and it will be hosted at The Precipice. Please do reply if you wish to attend.

Sincerely,

Cumulonimbus of the sinking sky

I am…I am not Jon’s pet. Am I?

I mean…it cant hurt? Right? @the-archivist-tma Jon? Do you want to play monopoly with the vast?

[jons-tape-recorder]

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Good afternoon, friends. I would just like to share a reminder to all those who live life with the help of SSRI's and other medications.

The weather may be getting warmer in your area, as it is in mine, so it's important to remember a few things.

Absolutely do keep taking your medication, lest you delve into insanity (much like Not Recorder when she skips a day), but heed this warning.

Certain medications can increase your risk of developing heat stroke, and in some cases even the chances of burning. So, friends, stay in the shade, stay hydrated, and listen to your body.

I can't have you all weak. We have rituals to thwart.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

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Jon. Jon, you can't- You shouldn't give ducks bread, Jon.

You're going to give him botulism. Do you want to kill the duck, Jon?

Do you want to give him a stomach ache?

No bread. No bread for ducks. Not even dear friend ones that waddle full speed towards you.

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YOU🫵!!!!!!!!!

*sprinting full speed towards Jon. It's not very intimidating though, it's only a duck*

(-🦆 if it's alright?)

*Jon would just pause and pick up the duck, giving it bread*

[jons-tape-recorder]

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Hello! Tis I, Not Recorder. I don't post ooc suuuper often but I want everyone to know that I had a nightmare last night (I get them every night, it be like that) but you know who saved me?

Gerry fucking Kaey.

There was this pandemic going around where people were becoming infected with a disease called "BrainRot" which turned you into some rabid freak with sharp teeth made of metal and a proclivity for screeching and eating people's faces.

It was dark, it was snowy for a good while, and I was so extremely lost and my mum was texting me asking me what time I would be home.

Gerry turned up, 7ft tall, arterial-blood-red lipstick and the healthiest black hair ever. He rescued me from both the police and a rabid face eater. Everyone say thank you, Gerry.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

found this at a goodwill some time ago. also wanted to check on you 😊

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Ah! This is truly a beautiful artifact! I emanates such a joyous energy, such positivity that is rare to find contained in just one item. Decorated for Christmas too! What more could anyone want from their decor?

I don't think an entity itself resides inside, nor do I think it is an entity itself in disguise. If I am wrong, however, I think it would be something akin to an all knowing genie. A ghost of Christmas gifts, perhaps.

Thank you for sending this my way.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

Hello everyone, apologies for the lack of the activity. I was attacked by the web (THREE spiders in my house!!) and then some scumbag dickface loser dweeb fuck twat STOLE MY PHONE DIRECTLY FROM MY BAG!!!

So my life has been an absolute mess for the past few days, and the week before that my anxiety meds were like "What if we just didn't work for a week? huh? that sounds like fun!"

I have been big suffering, but I shall return when I am released from my prison that is having responsibilities.

[jons-tape-recorder]

wh— since when you you sentient?!

are you kidding me? web piece of— give me one reason not to bash you in with a hammer right now.

can’t stop at boasting it’s the only sentient fear, no, it just has to make its agents sentient too! fun!

- bee, rowan, andrew / @a-thousand-little-things

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Well, friend, I cannot tell you the exact moment I gained true sentience, but I have always had some level of awareness. I suppose when I began to hear and understand without prompt. When I began to record without external activiation.

Now, I will have you know that I am most certainly NOT an agent of the web. I am tied to the archivist, whoever fills that role. When the ancient fate befalls them, I am returned to a state of disuse until a new master finds me.

That is one reason not to 'bash me in with a hammer', as you so eloquently phrased it. Another would be that plastic, metal, and sentience shrapnel is extremely hard to remove once embedded into your skin.

Again, friends, I can assure you that there is no bragging involved. My existence is as much a curse as it is a blessing. It is an interesting, frightening, and indeed *fun* experience. I am still hated much more than I am loved.

I suppose I represent all the wrong things.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

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In fact, I would even go as far as to suggest you carve that as your epitaph. You know, on that moss covered stone of yours.

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[jons-tape-recorder]

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Okay! I'll get started on Sunday!

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Hey Gang, Not Recorder here! Life has been BUSY AS FUUUCK lately, but I don't want to neglect this blog. I just have no idea what kind of content to post. The asks seem to be the most popular, but I have none to answer right now 😅. I am working on part three of Recorder POV, but I'm curious what else you'd all like to see.

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