jonsansa

[jonsansa]

[jonsansa]

Some soft and very messy sketches 🌙

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eating disorders are so messed up. it’s crazy how you feel euphoric when you discover a new bone that's now visible. when my collar bones starting standing out, I was ecstatic. when my mom pointed it out and was surprised and sad about it, I was over the moon. and now that they're less noticeable I'm devastated...

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@grendelsmilf said: ooooh can you expand on that? like yes obviously but also please talk more about linh’s role in the narrative I love her character and what she represents

i love linh so much 😭 linh is different from the other girls because she is an adult, and as an adult, she has a little more knowledge, a little more agency, a little more power than the girls. at least that’s how her story starts. the show uses linh to first draw and then blur a line between teenage girls, who are so often trapped in situations they can’t control, where things happen to them and they are forced to react, and women, who can also be steamrolled and manipulated (see martha and fatin’s moms) and can be treated unfairly (perhaps gretchen’s loss of tenure? it’s not clear yet) and have to make do in the same misogynistic world as their daughters, but also have the power to make choices that girls don’t. 

and linh is making use of her power! she’s in grad school, she’s loud and opinionated, she knows who she is. she’s also very young, and although she knows too well the kinds of violent things men do to women, she doesn’t have quite the same cynicism and the same ability to protect herself when it comes to abusive/manipulative women. she is old enough to make choices for herself when she chooses to work with gretchen, but she doesn’t have the wisdom to understand that gretchen’s work is just more of what she hates: the powerless being manipulated by the powerful. and she is one of those powerless girls whether she knows it or not. there’s a racial element to it too; it feels consequential that she’s a young asian woman whose controlling white boss is asking her to put herself in a dangerous situation, to be a pawn for her. it’s tragic irony that linh set out to do something that would stop men from hurting women and, in the process, the selfishness and power hunger of another (white) woman was what got her killed.

i think linh represents a transitional stage that can be really hard for passionate young women–the stage when you know enough about the world to be angry about how women are treated in it, and you see the patriarchal frameworks that keep women marginalized, but you still can’t anticipate every warning sign that tells you you’re walking into another trap. when you’re angry and traumatized, it’s easy to be seduced by the logic that you can use violence to stop violence without seeing what you’re really doing. and by the time she did see it, and her role in it, it was too late. so all she could do was say sorry.

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fatin’s mom, rana, and martha’s mom, bernice, work so hard to help their daughters overcome the system that is stacked against them. recognizing that racism, islamophobia and misogyny dominate the world fatin is growing up in, rana wants fatin to do well in school, to cultivate a talent that no one can deny, to stay away from the partying culture that could put her or her reputation in danger, and to grow up wealthy and cared for with access to anything she could ever want. but fatin is a teenager, so she only sees the strictness and none of her mother’s fears. on the flip side, her father is the “good cop” in the family by choice; he has none of the cultural burden to be a present or watchful parent. desiring freedom, fatin clashes with rana and builds camaraderie with her father instead. when she discovers that her mother, who she always took for granted was kind of indestructable, has been lied to and humiliated (in part by fatin’s own hand), she realizes for the first time that her mom is human and can be hurt. 

she realizes, too, that her father’s superficial niceness and permissiveness were for his benefit and not hers, and that while her mother invested time and care in protecting her children, her father only wanted the easy parts of parenting–getting his kids to like him. he wanted her to treat him not as a trusted guardian but a friend. it was always rana who put her children first–even though she had to sacrifice that friendly relationship with her daughter to do it.

martha’s mom, bernice, similarly wants her daughter to grow up safe and protected in a world where native women are at great risk of violence. she is horrified and guilt-stricken when she realizes that martha was abused by a trusted community figure and has been suffering in silence. bernice tells toni that although there were signs of what had happened, she did not want to believe the truth because she loved martha so much, and seeing her pain would have conflicted with her highly complimentary image of martha as a happy, safe kid: 

“dr. ted said the bedwetting was related to her injury, but come to think of it i never understood why it only started after she was getting better. dr. ted… i can’t believe we let that sick fuck into her life. she just always sees everything so positive, you know? everyone’s good and nice and full of sunshine. and here i was telling myself that’s ‘cause we raised her good. ‘cause we protected her. but all this time it was just a fantasy world she created because her reality was too painful.” 

in both rana and bernice’s cases, the urge to protect their daughters is a double-edged sword. rana is vigilant about making sure fatin is on a prosperous path, and her resulting strictness pushes fatin away. bernice wanted martha to be safe so badly that she willed a false image into being, accidentally sending martha the message that she had to deny her pain so no one would notice it. and the damage has been done. both fatin and martha keep their distance from their mothers. neither one was able to tell her mother the truth in a candid conversation. in both cases, the girls cannot be protected from harm–the harm comes to them from within the community, and despite their mothers’ best efforts, there is no way a mother can stop it. 

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SHANNON BERRY as DOT CAMPBELL in The Wilds (2020 - )

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The Wilds season 1, episode 10

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The Unsinkable Eight + Smile 

THE WILDS (2020- ) 

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op did NOT mess around

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i’ve decided I can’t go on dating apps because people are too intimidating with their degrees and jobs and the way they know themselves, like damn

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sometimes I get crazy and think I should go on one of those dating apps but lmao who am I kidding, I have nothing to offer someone.

there’s nothing interesting or unique I could put on a profile. I’m not in school, I’ve barely taken a few classes. I don’t even really have interests anymore because I don’t really enjoy stuff much anymore, can’t focus enough to find something interesting, or don’t have the energy.

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If you have a sibling, be nice to each other. Love each other. Don’t be abusive fucks like mine who make me feel small every chance they get

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at work today, the opharmacist and I were talking about “school ptsd” and how we both still have nightmares about it

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who do all straight couples do the same pose

you know which one I’m talking about

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was speaking to a friend about toxic male characters not getting any consequences for their actions and it reminded me of how much I DESPISE that rapist damon salvatore

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