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So here's the thing about Minyard and Josten: they've got something fucking weird going on, Minyard's captain can't figure out what it is.

The press call it a rivalry but he will eat his hat the day Minyard looks like he's happier being on the court than watching paint dry, so it can't be that.

That's not to say Minyard isn't fucking gold as a goalie. But during post practice talks it's very clear that he and the coaches have reached some sort of agreement on the axis of "If my contract had included some sort of save minimum I would hit it and walk off the court."

Except. Except. The captain is the only one on the team who saw what happened last week during the away game. They were getting their asses handed to them and Russo is biting it in the goal when suddenly, Neil fucking Josten is there. No hello, no how are ya, no explanation to why he's at their bench instead of three states away with his own team. No, he's just suddenly standing there, in front of Minyard, and the two are staring each other down like they're trying to telepathically generate cold fusion.

And then Minyard says, "The fuck do you want now." Which is kinda rude.

And Josten says "Your team is getting their ass beat. Which isn't a surprise, you guys are basically the bottom of the division." Which is very rude!

And Minyard says, "Stop stating the obvious. What do you want."

And Josten says, "You just told me to stop stating the obvious."

And then Minyard, who JUST played a full half, turns to Coach Lamm and goes "Put me in there, and swap Aquilar for Mitchell on the backline." And Lamm does, because this is the first piece of proof they have that Minyard actually knows any of their names.

And then he spends the last twenty minutes of the game plus overtime getting them a one point victory. And while Minyard hasn't directly threatened them, there seems to be another standing agreement to never, ever mention that this happened.

Long story short at the next national banquet he asks Kevin Day if they're hate fucking and the guy just says not to worry about it so. Who knows.

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One of my favourite post formats is when someone with a similar URL to op torments them like they are failed clones of each other and it completely changes the tone of the original post.

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just IMAGINE neil as full on captain once dan graduates. this little feral terror is the one who has to go out and shake hands, do the coin toss, is primarily responsible with the press…. 

like, imagine neil is so mad at some other captain for talking shit about the foxes, or for a dirty play in a previous game, and he goes out there to give a Steel Grip Of Impending Doom so the other captain KNOWS to be very, very afraid of this smol striker with an unsettling smile

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and if you don’t like coffee, a hot chocolate will also suffice

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I drew him while high 🥰

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Okay

Okay hear me out

................what if Neil was like 6'2?

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arospec andrew just hits different idk. he thinks ppl are just lying or exaggerating when they talk about romance. he's never felt romantic attraction himself so he just assumes it's made up, no matter what the songs and poets say.

for so long he's certain his feelings for neil are either hallucinations or outright hatred bc he's never felt romantic feelings for anyone and love isn't real anyway, so why would he be feeling any differently now?

but somewhere between kneeling on a hotel floor in Baltimore and ghosting a kiss across neil's hip in the shower, it dawns on him that oh, this is what the poets meant, this is what all those songs were about.

and maybe a lot of it is still made up. maybe romance is all an illusion, a paper-thin fantasy. but when he looks into neil's eyes, andrew knows he's never felt anything more real than this.

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I’m a demiwoman cause when I was being made the universe gave me a little something extra

This means I’m mostly she but get to sprinkle in they for ✨flavour✨

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Aaron and Andrew getting ready to devastate the foxes at this sand castle building competition

vs

Katelyn and Neil ready to get devastated

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i wish there was a job you could get at art museums that was titled something like 'designated art imp' where your job is to trundle up jesterlike behind anyone looking at a piece and going 'this isn't art, this is bullshit' and be like 'hmmmmm! and yet it evokes such anger in you, my friend'. i would love to have this job.

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‘i need to reread aftg to be happy’ babe you need therapy pls seek help

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Real question: do you prefer Goncharov (1973) or Goncharov: Disney’s version (2007) ?

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Ice Pick Joe:

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The Foxes = The Crows

I didn’t know how to like, title this, but it’s basically who I think the Foxes would be if they were the Crows and vice versa. (Also there might be some spoilers for either series)

Kaz -> Andrew This one’s kind of obvious. You’ve got the violence and the knives and the tragic backstory and the apathy but it’s more than that. It’s the not wanting to touch other people. It’s the caution in the way they do every little thing. It’s the way that they separate themselves from the rest of their respective teams and how they outwardly show no emotion but on the inside there are so many emotions roiling around in there that they don’t know how to deal with. It’s Kaz with his hatred for water after using Jordie’s body to swim away from his own death and Andrew’s hatred for the word ‘please’ because he told me he’d stop if I said it. But mostly it’s in the way that they carry themselves through their trauma, without feeling but feeling so deeply.

Inej -> Renee This one’s also quite obvious. Both girls have an affinity for knives and connections to gangs and a history in being used for their bodies. Inej has faith in her saints, and Renee has her God. They’re both fundamentally the same, even though many aspects of the beliefs are different; and of course they are, SoC is set in a fantasy world and AFTG in the real world, but that’s besides the point. While Inej embraces her use of weapons and harbors the talent, Renee tends to hide that part of her life away, and for good reason, but both of them know that they do/did with those knives, they do/did to survive.

Jesper -> Kevin When thinking of who to pair with Jesper, you would immediately think of Nicky, because he’s the joker and deals with his trauma by being too loud and taking the attention off those things, but this goes beyond that kind of thinking. Both Jesper and Kevin have their obsessions that they can’t quite get rid of - Jesper’s is gambling, and Kevin’s is exy. They deal with the need to feed their desires similarly, in the sense that they don’t know how to stop. Jesper’s gone into debt with his gambling addiction, and Kevin is so far gone with telling himself that the only thing in life he can do is play exy that he doesn’t even bother getting good at anything else. Both Jesper and Kevin also have dead mothers and a rocky relationship with their fathers - I know Wymack didn’t know he was Kevin’s dad until TKM but still - and they moved away from their homes to go to school - I know Kevin was getting away from the Ravens, but he was still running from one school to another.

Wylan -> Neil Both Wylan and Neil ran away from home and have corrupt fathers. Van Eck said that he was going to send Wylan to a music school and instead tried to have someone kill him, and Nathan has outright tried to kill Neil since he was a child. They were both brought into their respective teams later than everyone else, and felt like outsiders for a while, and they had invaluable skills that they were initially used for but eventually they felt like a real part of their respective messed up little families.

Nina -> Matt For most of CK we see Nina struggling with the effects of having taken parem and overcoming the addiction, and while in the AFTG books we don’t outwardly see Matt dealing with withdrawal, we know that it happened in Andrew’s first year with the Foxes because of his night out with him and the Monsters in Columbia. Both of these characters have struggled with addiction and while there are other characters in AFTG who also go through similar things - Aaron and Andrew, and probably Seth at some point as well - this isn’t just about the addiction. It’s about how Nina finds powers she didn’t think were possible in the aftermath of taking parem and how Matt becomes stronger and overcomes his addiction after Columbia. It’s about how Nina is so far away from home, and how Matt finally found a home he feels comfortable in after bad memories with his dad and his mum always moving around.

Matthias -> Aaron Both Matthias and Aaron were brought up believing things about people that weren’t necessarily true. For Matthias it was that grisha are unnatural, and that it was his job as a Fjerdan, and by extension, drüskelle, to rid the world of them. Aaron’s mother taught him to hold homophobic beliefs. Both of these things impacted the way that these characters view the world, and even people who are close to them. It took Matthias a long time to accept Nina - and also Jesper and Kuwei - for who she is as a grisha, and we can see that even near the end of crooked kingdom he is struggling to see that the things that the grisha can do is a natural thing. Aaron has the same reaction to Nicky and Andrew throughout the course of AFTG, and it’s obvious that he doesn’t like it when Nicky so openly flirts with Neil in the beginning of TFC until Andrew stops it, and he struggles to accept Andrew and Neil’s relationship after the Baltimore scene. But both of these characters also put aside the things they were taught to believe because that is their family and they love them no matter what.

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lukewarm take: kevin day is a sexually non-discriminatory player with commitment issues who’d potentially sleep with just about any hot consenting person given half a chance

galaxy brain take: kevin day is a proud virgin because the son of exy never loses

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Neil was struggling to breathe after a particularly hard check from the other team’s backliner. In his haste to get his neck guard off he forgot to make sure his necklace stayed hidden. Well, it was less of a necklace and more of an efficiency thing— a way for him to actually wear the ring Andrew bought him when they got married. The camera for the Jumbotron had started following him the same time as the backliner and was still on him when his ring was exposed to everyone.

Press duty after the game was what everyone expected from Neil Josten being in front of cameras— absolutely anarchy. There were so many questions about him being married and who his wife was, he just had to correct them.

“My Husband and I actually prefer to keep our private lives private, you know. I understand it’s such a wild concept to you vultures that not everything is just a grab for the next big news story, but just let us keep a little of our peace.” Neil walked right out of the room after that, tired after all the inane questioning and not willing to put up with anymore.

For the next couple months Neil was bombarded with questions about his husband. Most went ignored but every once in a while if someone asked how the husband was Neil would be inclined to answer them.

Neil thought nothing of this habit until press after his game against Andrew’s team. The only reason he didn’t think of it prior to the game was because all rational thought was overshadowed by his excitement to see Andrew in person again.

“So, Neil, how's your husband? Did he enjoy the game?” One of the most tolerable reporters asked at the end of the meeting.

Neil smiled to himself— and a little at Andrew— before saying “oh he’s great. Always has a ton of fun at games as well.”

Everyone was so focused on Neil that no one noticed Andrew leaning towards his mic until he spoke, “now that is an absolute lie. I never have fun at these things.”

With that the two looked at each other, Neil grinning like a fool and Andrew slightly amused, and together they decided to stand up and walk out of the mess they just made.

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Haven't seen goncharov (1973) yet? In that case go watch it RIGHT NOW, but if you don't have the time for a 3h 32mins film (which is understandable but you have to make the time at some point) and you want to understand the memes I have you covered. (Keep in mind that there are gonna be important spoilers in this post)

Important characters:

Goncharov

Katya Michailov - Goncharov's wife

Andrey - Goncharov's lover (or almost)

Sofia - Katya's lover

Minor characters

Mario Ambrosini

Ice pick Joe

Valery Michailov - Katya's brother

Important scenes

The Boat Scene: a scene in which Katya almost dies.

Beer Bottle Scene: an infamous scene in the movie

Anchovy scene: a scene with heavy homoerotic subtext between Goncharov and Andrey

Dressing for dinner scene: a scene where Katya and Andrey are shown dressing up with cuts that give each of the things they wear the same importance as survival items, from Katya's high heels to Andrey's dagger

Bridge scene: goodbye scene between Katya and Goncharov. Beautifully made as you can see Katya second guessing her choice to betray him but she's too far in to turn back

Fruit stand scene: a heavily homoerotic conversation between Katya and Sofia while they are buying apples

Important plot points

Katya betrays Goncharov

Andrey betrays him too for money

Goncharov has betrayed Katya's family too, and Andrey is a living reminder of that

Goncharov is shot at the end, resulting in his death

Katya fakes her death at one point

Katya's father is killed at the beginning of the movie and she feels responsible for it for almost the entire movie, until she finally accepts that there was nothing more she could have done to save him, only to die alone in the boathouse

Even though Katya loves Goncharov, when she has to choose between him and Sofia, she chooses Sofia

There is a love triangle between Goncharov, Andrey and Katya too

Other important things

The clock symbolism is just so important in this film it deserved to be here